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My apologies if this is in the wrong section of the forum. Please feel free to move it if that’s the case.

I hope to work up the courage to have this conversation with my partner. One of the first things she will probably ask will be why.

I don’t want to be spanked because I feel guilty or because of bad habits I have- I know I have them and am working on them but don’t believe in my case spanking would help me not would I see it as such.

its hard for me to explain. I want to be spanked- really hard and hopefully to the point of tears- because it’s something I have always wanted for so long. I do struggle with anxiety and depression, I’m not saying it’d help  because I don’t know. I just have always wanted to be spanked really hard to that point by someone who cares for me and loves me. Would probably make me feel very good.
When I give myself self spanking I like having to grit my teeth, the pain, the blows falling one after the other, the glow after. The thing lacking is someone who wouldn’t stop when the pain gets too much. 

And no my partner doesn’t know about this either.

It’s hard to explain and I feel like a weirdo as I write this. I have no idea if this would make any sense to someone who isn’t into it.
I don’t want to destroy our relationship. I wouldn’t ever step outside of it to go see someone else, both for loyalty and religious reasons. Showing my naked butt to anyone other than my partner isn’t ok, even if it’s not for a sexual purpose.  


What do people think?

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I don’t want to be in an FLR or anything like that. Neither of us are dominant or submissive to the other. I don’t want her to feel she has to keep track of my misdeeds and punish me or pretend she is my boss or something, and neither would she.


I just want to be spanked and made to cry- and then probably comforted lol. 

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We all ask this question, of ourselves and each other. I am sure the answer is different for everyone, but equally elusive. For me, the answer is: I don't know.

I've reached the point where I've tried to stop asking that question, of myself and others. No one has ever adequately explained this need and I think you're right that it'll be the first question she will ask - and the last you'll be able to answer! Maybe think about saying something like: "I don't know. I've thought about it for years and I just don't know why. But I need this, and I want it from you and you alone."

I think that all of us, at some point, probably need to stop looking backward at the "why" question and focus more on looking forward, on the question of how we meet or address the need. It's unsatisfying to not be able to answer "why" but there's some relief, for me at least, in recognizing that the answer may be unknowable, and giving myself permission to stop asking it.

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For me, spanking is sexual. The satisfaction I get from it is a sexual satisfaction.

I also get sexual satisfaction from vanilla sex, but spanking is the other side of my sexuality. I can do without one, the other, or both for periods of time, but in the long run, I need to experience both. Kind of like people who are bisexual might be satisfied with a hetero- or homosexual relationship but might also feel they need the other kind in their lives, at least some of the time. 

Like you, I am not submissive (and not dominant, either), I have no desire to be punished, it's not about guilt, but I do desire/need to be spanked.

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