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Christian Domestic Discipline Article


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I found this article written on Cristian Domestic Discipline and I was curious as to everyone's thoughts on it.

There is a part that mentions verses discussing punishment of children, so I just skipped those couple of sentences. I do not want any debate of that part. only the parts about spanking/discipline between spouses.

 

https://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-domestic-discipline.html

 

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I wholeheartedly agree with what's being said in that article. First off, I am not a Christian.  But I cringe every time I come across DD associated with religion and godly belief. I mean, come on!!!!  As the last paragraph of the article beautifully summarized, two adults can engage in any activity as long as it is consensual. But using faith in religion as a justification is outright silly. No one "must" have to submit to anyone. It's their choice. A wife can submit to her husband if she wants. A husband can submit to his wife if he wants. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is whether the dynamic is consensual.  If yes, that's great. If not, that's abuse and need to be dealt with accordingly. 

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  • 5 weeks later...

Look.  My wife and I are Jewish.  There's little if anything in Judaic scripture to advise on spousal discipline.  But, hey, you can come to this from a variety of paths, religious and non-religious.  So, I wish everybody would just relax and take it easy.  We all got here from various directions, but here we are. 

As far as consent, let's all agree that married couples have many varied arrangements.  The KEY advice we need to be giving is:  If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, then take steps to break it off.  You have the right and the authority to do this.  Don't willingly be a victim.  It's up to you.  Find the strength to find your own way.  YOU get to decide.  Only YOU.

But if it is working for you, keep working at it.  Regardless of our varying backgrounds, we all have this thing we do in common.  Let us all discuss it and share our experiences and find common ground.  The vanilla folks out there don't have a clue what we are about.  So don't ever submit to their judgment and ridicule.  Make your own decision.  Find your own way.  

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  • 4 weeks later...

As a Christian I struggle to see how the CDD crowd can hang there hat on the bible for justification in the matter of wife spanking. 

The artical is obviously penned by a person who is not a spanking enthusiasts- the writer makes the point that if the couple is in agreement and it works, they are entitled to it. There is also a warning of the very real dangers of religious abuse and domestic violence 

There is adult spanking in the bible

 Proverbs 20:30 - Blows the hurt cleanse away evil as do stripes the inner depths of the soul.  

The church and the CDD crowd and most Christians pretty much  don’t know this verse - My feeling is that is should be the Arch Text for those Christians interested in spanking

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 12/2/2020 at 3:52 AM, BlueOL said:

As a Christian I struggle to see how the CDD crowd can hang there hat on the bible for justification in the matter of wife spanking. 

The artical is obviously penned by a person who is not a spanking enthusiasts- the writer makes the point that if the couple is in agreement and it works, they are entitled to it. There is also a warning of the very real dangers of religious abuse and domestic violence 

There is adult spanking in the bible

 Proverbs 20:30 - Blows the hurt cleanse away evil as do stripes the inner depths of the soul.  

The church and the CDD crowd and most Christians pretty much  don’t know this verse - My feeling is that is should be the Arch Text for those Christians interested in spanking

I have read quite a few articles attacking CDD, but they leave me pretty flat.  They all seem to start with the assumption that CDD (or just DD in general) is some sort of suspect activity that must be condemned unless it can somehow justify itself.  This turns the burden of persuasion on its head.  It seems as though the scriptural citations against it are lofty generalizations and unwarranted extrapolations.  For example, the linked article mentions that Christ never beat his disciples.  Yah.  As far as we know.  And anyways, so what?  That isn't even a remotely similar situation to spousal discipline.  What I have not found, or seen, are quotes of scripture like "thou shalt not discipline your wife" or anything even remotely that clear and explicit.  I suspect this is more about the Pastors, Priests and Rabbis reading into the scripture what they want it to say.  I long ago became impatient with having the "correct" interpretations of scripture pre-masticated and spoon fed to me.

 

 

 

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I don't think much of the practice, well I don't think much of justifying its imposition on the basis of scripture, otherwise with a few qualifications I'm an enthusiastic proponent, but setting that aside, I also don't think much of the article. The author seems to think in the penultimate paragraph that they have proven spousal spanking to be unscriptural. That's a pretty important claim for their argument and while the second paragraph tries to make this case it looked pretty feeble to me. Ephesians 5:22-24 is an extraordinarily strong endorsement of patriarchy and if one accepts that in its literal sense I can see why a husband would believe he has the right to chastise his wife. Whether scripture should be interpreted literally or which parts and with what provisions is a whole other can of worms.

But never mind all that, I came to share an anecdote. Many years ago when CDD was just becoming a thing there was a rather popular advertisement for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups that was still in the common memory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJLDF6qZUX0

So some link to a CDD website was posted on a forum for discussion to which some smartass made the following comment:

Quote

"Hey! You got your Fundamentalist Christianity in my BDSM!"

"Hey! You got your BDSM in my Fundamentalist Christianity!"

* Looks at each other.

(Together) "Hmmm."

 

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  • 7 months later...
On 10/3/2020 at 3:45 PM, HannahKae said:

I found this article written on Cristian Domestic Discipline and I was curious as to everyone's thoughts on it.

There is a part that mentions verses discussing punishment of children, so I just skipped those couple of sentences. I do not want any debate of that part. only the parts about spanking/discipline between spouses.

 

https://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-domestic-discipline.html

 

Interesting to see them dance around the fact they DO think wives should "submit to their husbands", and they DO think spanking is justified (when inflicted on non-consenting children), and both of those things are explicitly "biblical", but combining the two is somehow "weird, wrong and bad". 

Their argument against it is pretty weak, on that basis. In another article they explicitly compare the husband's authority in a marriage to a parent's authority over a child or a state's authority over citizens. So there's absolutely an implication of some kind of authority to "punish". And they already accepted the fact that "spanking" is a legitimate punishment. 

I don't believe in any kind of "inherent biblical gender roles" and I don't believe in spanking anyone who's truly non-consenting, so it's pretty easy for me to argue against the whole CDD idea on that basis. But if you do believe in both those things there isn't much of a good argument against it, really. 

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  • 1 month later...
On 12/2/2020 at 5:52 AM, BlueOL said:

As a Christian I struggle to see how the CDD crowd can hang there hat on the bible for justification in the matter of wife spanking. 

I really don't want to open this can of worms but I will crack the lid just enough to say this, then I'll snap it back shut. I grew up in a fundamentalist religious household and I'm a survivor of the private Christian (so-called) "education" system. With all due respect, I am a qualified man to tell you that a lot of people can and do hang their proverbial hats on the Bible to justify all kinds of outrageous (and sometimes illegal) things. No, I'm not going to get into specifics. 

 

Anyway, I echo what some others are saying. I advise people to subscribe to the concept of "You do you," and not to worry about peering into ancient texts to justify any kind of consensual spanking arrangement. A married couple came to me a few times a couple of years ago wanting help with that very issue. I finally had to tell them that while I understand where they're coming from, it's kind a "Not my circus, not my monkeys" situation. I told them I did have sympathy for them, and that with all due respect, I was glad that having to reconcile anything I do with some kind of religious beliefs or social expectations tied in with church culture wasn't my problem anymore. 

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My husband and I do our very best to follow the teachings of Jesus, but we do not have our intense dynamic "because" we are Christians. We live as we do because we just seem to be wired this way...and have found that we each benefit one another as a married couple in having our needs fulfilled. Rather, we are Christians who have chosen to live this lifestyle mutually agreed upon and mutually desired. We are far from perfect for sure...and very much works in process. But....I do not see my need to submit and his need to dominate as contradictory to our walk as Christians since we both grow together and love each other more deeply and passionately because of our chosen relationship dynamic. We do not expect others to live their unique dynamic related to spanking needs as justified by Christian beliefs or values, but for us, we feel our walk as followers of Jesus is strengthened and deeper because of this unique way in which we love each other and constantly support the values of Christ we have come to hold dear...submission to authority...servanthood....growth....sacrifice....love....guilt resolution....redemption...transformation...forgiveness....among many.  I am a far better Christian because of my willing submission to his discipline...and I think he is a far better Christian because of his loving strong discipline of me as his wife....because of our focus on Jesus...but we would still live this lifestyle I think if we were some other faith or even no faith...but in my opinion...it would not be as rich or full or intensevasvwe have been able to experience thus far in our life together. Jesus is in every aspect of our life...including this need I in no way understand, but have found to be met in my husband and our faith experience.

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I am Christian and also a submissive in our dynamic that involves DD, some d/s. But there is no scripture used to justify our quirks. We are wired this way and we are believers. One doesn't have to exclude the other, but one doesn't justify the other either. 

Our marriage is a partnership. We make decisions together, we talk things through and I feel like I am fully an essential part of this relationship. I am no doormat, I am entitled to my opinions and my husband fully encourages me to step out in the pursuit of my dreams. The fact that our relationship could be considered traditional or that I am submissive to our husband, I feel are separated from our beliefs. There are areas I guess that overlap, but for us our faith comes first, with or without a dynamic thrown into that. That we are wired that way and found each other, we see that as a blessing and a cherry on the cake.

and I could just copy/paste @nicoleS39's message, because that's 100 % how my husband and I view things as well

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife and I have a DD relationship. The only connection is we both grew up in catholic families in the late 60's 70's where spanking was widely used. In addition schools here in Canada used the strap then on the pal of your hand. My wife now likes to be spanked for accountability etc.

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Bible based Christian domestic discipline has been a highly controversial subject in the spanko community for years it is just A variant of Domestic Discipline and there is normally two types,

1.      A relationship wherein both parterres want a disciplinary dynamic with the values of a Christian lifestyle. This is the most common category.

2.      A disciplinary dynamic which (arguably) cites the Bible (as opposed to willingness or consent) as the fundamental motivation/justification for spanking practices in the home environment. This category is less common. I don't think these relationships have much of a personal connection, I'm open to feedback from those that are in this category, all I'm saying is in my experiences in visiting with them, talking with them, they don't seem to have any kind of relationship and the EE is always skittish and nervous or afraid in some way, I mean genuinely afraid of Men especially other ER's and it makes me question things.

Every single one of those relationships ended as well. Most relationships i have seen in category one work out quite well provided the EE is allowed to voice her opinions and not just be considered a door mat. In my experiences, based on my own observations, its strong potential to be an abusive relationship.  I was in a category 1 relationship for a very long time, having a weekly sit down so she had a chance to voice concerns, opinions etc was crucial. Essentially consider it dating/Normal marriage type things, there is just a discipline, and accountability factor within the relationship.

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