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Ethics of Seeking Spankings Outside of Marriage


paddlemepls

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This has been an on going occasional conversation in our relationship. My wife will give spankings, so there is no issue there. I have asked her if we could go to a professional so she could see me get a real discipline spanking without sex involved afterwards. She’s unsure if she could handle watching it, and I can’t bring myself to try it without her blessing. 

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5 hours ago, Busted4fun said:

This has been an on going occasional conversation in our relationship. My wife will give spankings, so there is no issue there. I have asked her if we could go to a professional so she could see me get a real discipline spanking without sex involved afterwards. She’s unsure if she could handle watching it, and I can’t bring myself to try it without her blessing. 

Is her issue not wanting to see.you in that kind of pain?  Hubbs and I expanded by taking some of the pressure off.  We went to a kink night t a club and I got a "birthday" spanking by one of the Doms there.  Until this, he was steadfast that no one else.was allowed to spank me.  But making it a playful thing helped.  Now we have gone to this persons house and they have spanked me together!  When we were there, that person was able to help give him information on various techniques etc.

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1 hour ago, Megthe said:

Is her issue not wanting to see.you in that kind of pain?  Hubbs and I expanded by taking some of the pressure off.  We went to a kink night t a club and I got a "birthday" spanking by one of the Doms there.  Until this, he was steadfast that no one else.was allowed to spank me.  But making it a playful thing helped.  Now we have gone to this persons house and they have spanked me together!  When we were there, that person was able to help give him information on various techniques etc.

When she’s giving the spankings, she’s afraid of leaving bruises or deep red marks. I was hoping a session with a seasoned Dom would teach her a thing or two. 

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9 hours ago, Busted4fun said:

When she’s giving the spankings, she’s afraid of leaving bruises or deep red marks. I was hoping a session with a seasoned Dom would teach her a thing or two. 

My hubbs was like this too... The first few times I got a bruise he was so apologetic... But I kept reassuring him and being excited by it.  Are tyese erotic or playful spankings? Have you tried egging her on at all midspank?  I know hubbs gives a much better spanking if he is well encouraged.  One, he knows I'm really wanting it if I'm egging him on, and two, he gets the "thats it, you need a spanking you naughty little brat!" Thought And genuinely wants to give me a solid spanking.  But it is a fine line to walk, you don't want to say   or do something that would actually make her upset.  On the other hand if it is a serious spanking, just keep talking I guess.?  I had to tell hubbs that that punishment was way too soft and actually just more frustrating than anything   

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2 hours ago, Megthe said:

My hubbs was like this too... The first few times I got a bruise he was so apologetic... But I kept reassuring him and being excited by it.  Are tyese erotic or playful spankings? Have you tried egging her on at all midspank?  I know hubbs gives a much better spanking if he is well encouraged.  One, he knows I'm really wanting it if I'm egging him on, and two, he gets the "thats it, you need a spanking you naughty little brat!" Thought And genuinely wants to give me a solid spanking.  But it is a fine line to walk, you don't want to say   or do something that would actually make her upset.  On the other hand if it is a serious spanking, just keep talking I guess.?  I had to tell hubbs that that punishment was way too soft and actually just more frustrating than anything   

If she stops spanking and it doesn’t seem like enough, I tell her to keep going. She often responds with “I think you’ve had enough, it’s getting red.” I really think she needs to meet a female ER that can help coach her. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I have spanked married women, some even from this site.  I have learned that the majority of self considered spankos find themselves in unhappy, unfulfilled relationships even when they have tried to address their desire with their partner.  If you have addresses your spanking needs with your husband and he still ignores you then you have the right to pursue your needs elsewhere 

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I am in a situation where my wife does not approve of spanking.  She has caught me looking at spanked naked bottoms and says I a deviance problem.  The more I try to get rid of the urge to be spanked until my bottom is cherry red, the stronger the urge to be spanked gets!!

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Due to my position as a commercial entity in the sex, BDSM and spanking scenes, I have seen most of what one can see. Further I have also been ask to be 'arbitrator' on quite a few occasions between various parties. Believe it or not, I am diplomatic when required

Whenever one person chooses to go outside of their primary relationship for whatever reason, that is a moral question. It has long been my observation that people all have their own understanding of what various morals supposedly mean ... The average person IMO appears more adept at self justification than regarding morals as having solid definitions. Particularly when said morals get in the way of what the individual wishes to do at that time.

For most people the whole of the BDSM and/or spanking scenes causes great emotional flux.  Personally what I do not understand and never have, is if one is a consummate fan of something, be it BDSM, parachuting or model trains, why would one marry or be with someone who did not respond positively to your needs?  Why do people do that? It does nothing but a cause everyone involved anguish where none needed to exist.

My BDSM interests are a fundamental part of my personality, they are innate. Being an Alpha at all times, in all walks of life is also innate.

Therefore 'back in the day' whenever I met a perspective new female partner I would explain to her, when we met for our 'first date', what I was about, how I earnt my living and of course my sexual preferences .... i.e "I avoid coital sex as much as possible and am only interested in BDSM as a sexual activity".

Did this this lead to many females walking (lol, or running) for the nearest exit? Yes of course ... Which was good IMO. They were of no use to me and I was of no use to them. Of course I females who stayed, but then some other issue would arise, either socially or in their BDSM interests not matching mine.

When I met my wife my normal routine was entered into, except she of course didn't run ... It transpired very quickly and by some extraordinary good fortune, that our requirements in all of life matched, not only our specific tastes in BDSM.

However I could have ended up with a female who was not what I needed .... but I refused to follow that path.

Someone on here as per usual for this discussion,  says if your partner does not 'play ball' on the spanking front then you 'have a right' to go outside of your marriage ... That is simply not true. Spanking is an intimate act, no matter what anyone likes to say or imagine for their own self justification. So, if you do anything which you cannot tell your partner about, then you are cheating and do not be shocked if WW3 arrives at the breakfast table .... Even in the most shattered and loveless partnerships, one person knows when a change has happened in the other.

My long experience means I say to anyone; if you go outside of your main partnership then it is really quite likely you will end up with nothing at all ... No spouse, no new spanking partner and nothing in the bank account  ... Just deep misery and a nasty bedsit. Maybe think hard before anyone starts to burn bridges.

 

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1 hour ago, HerrBlacktooth said:

 

Whenever one person chooses to go outside of their primary relationship for whatever reason, that is a moral question. It has long been my observation that people all have their own understanding of what various morals supposedly mean ... The average person IMO appears more adept at self justification than regarding morals as having solid definitions. Particularly when said morals get in the way of what the individual wishes to do at that time.

For most people the whole of the BDSM and/or spanking scenes causes great emotional flux.  Personally what I do not understand and never have, is if one is a consummate fan of something, be it BDSM, parachuting or model trains, why would one marry or be with someone who did not respond positively to your needs?  Why do people do that? It does nothing but a cause everyone involved anguish where none needed to exist.

...

Someone on here as per usual for this discussion,  says if your partner does not 'play ball' on the spanking front then you 'have a right' to go outside of your marriage ... That is simply not true. Spanking is an intimate act, no matter what anyone likes to say or imagine for their own self justification. So, if you do anything which you cannot tell your partner about, then you are cheating and do not be shocked if WW3 arrives at the breakfast table .... Even in the most shattered and loveless partnerships, one person knows when a change has happened in the other.

My long experience means I say to anyone; if you go outside of your main partnership then it is really quite likely you will end up with nothing at all ... No spouse, no new spanking partner and nothing in the bank account  ... Just deep misery and a nasty bedsit. Maybe think hard before anyone starts to burn bridges.

Here! Here!  Very well said! 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have had married women offer to spank me and I have turned them down. If we're calling a spade a spade, it's not right. The two women who made this offer to me both said the same thing. They both: Liked spanking but their husbands didn't. If they cleared it with their husbands first, then there would be no issues so long as the spanking didn't lead to anything further. Their husbands weren't jealous guys or anything like so I wouldn't have to worry about looking over my shoulder or anything like that. 

In each instance, I told them that if they were single, I'd probably already be over their knees but them being married was a total deal breaker, regardless of whether or not their husbands had an issue with it. One told me that she really wasn't happy in her marriage and this and that and I told her that while I was NOT rooting for her marriage to fail, should she find herself single again, then we'd revisit the whole thing. 

 

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  • 5 months later...

Here's a situation I had once with a spanking partner. She was married and she withheld it from me. She tried the defense "well you never asked". Umm....I didn't think a married woman would be looking for a guy to spank who wasn't her husband. Maybe it was naive of me to just assume she wasn't married. Maybe I should have asked. I definitely ask now and I don't just take their word for it if they say that they are single. I dig deeper and get some corroborating evidence. So, when I did discover that she was married, I ended it, and she actually asked why. 

She said "my husband is sacred to me. He's my world. I can't imagine life without him. But what we have is very special too. It's not a big deal. It's just a little something extra outside of my marriage. He wouldn't mind". So... couple questions. He "wouldn't mind" implies that he doesn't know. If he really "wouldn't mind" as she put it, why was there a need to keep it from him? Secondly, if her husband is "sacred" to her...umm....what was she doing looking for a guy to spank outside of the marriage and without his knowledge? 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

There is no wiggle room. No gray area. No fucking loopholes. Marriage is monogamy and that's that. Spanking is not is some sort of special category. It is intimate. Even if it's nothing more than one person smacking another person's butt with a paddle attached to a 10 foot pole. It's an intimate thing and should not be engaged in with someone other than your spouse if you are married. And no single person should engage in it with someone who is married. It's fucking cheating. 

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A question just like this was posted on another forum some years back. Interesting to note, a woman replied that her and her husband were happily married (I say were because this was some years back) and they shared their spanking experiences with others. She both spanked and was spanked by other men and he spanked and was spanked by other women. She said that it in no way was a reflection of their marriage.

They had a great and happy life, especially with regards to spanking. Interesting to note however, she did say, and I'm paraphrasing, of course "For us, it's amazing, exploring spanking with others outside of our marriage. It just works for us and nobody has ever gotten hurt because we keep no secrets in regards to who our partners are. However....that being said....I DO NOT recommend this for just anybody. Our set-up is unique to say the least, and it's NOT something that would just work out fine with zero issues for just any married couple. If you are married and you and your spouse have a great "spanking life" so to speak, then I would highly recommend sticking to that and NOT opening the door to others". 

I have always thought back to that whenever questions like this have come up. Her response was interesting to say the least. 

 

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  • 6 months later...
On 8/5/2021 at 8:26 AM, F/m_Spanking_only said:

A question just like this was posted on another forum some years back. Interesting to note, a woman replied that her and her husband were happily married (I say were because this was some years back) and they shared their spanking experiences with others. She both spanked and was spanked by other men and he spanked and was spanked by other women. She said that it in no way was a reflection of their marriage.

They had a great and happy life, especially with regards to spanking. Interesting to note however, she did say, and I'm paraphrasing, of course "For us, it's amazing, exploring spanking with others outside of our marriage. It just works for us and nobody has ever gotten hurt because we keep no secrets in regards to who our partners are. However....that being said....I DO NOT recommend this for just anybody. Our set-up is unique to say the least, and it's NOT something that would just work out fine with zero issues for just any married couple. If you are married and you and your spouse have a great "spanking life" so to speak, then I would highly recommend sticking to that and NOT opening the door to others". 

I have always thought back to that whenever questions like this have come up. Her response was interesting to say the least. 

This couple you speak of sounds fun! Last summer I met up with a couple like this and we enjoyed two separate spank-a-thons while they were traveling into, and then back out of, Montana. They had long been married, and had hosted a plethora of spanking parties over the years. They were both very comfortable playing with outside partners. It was an eye-opener, in a good way. This wouldn't work for everyone, by any means, but occasionally you find a couple who embraces and enjoys such an approach. 

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If one partner doesn’t know/disapproves/outright says no, then it’s cheating if you do it anyway. I look at this pretty black and white, my husband would never be comfortable with me going outside of our marriage for spanking needs and if I did it anyway, behind his back, that’s cheating even if I don’t sleep with that person. Cheating has a LOT of facets that don’t involve just having sex with another person. 
 

IMO, if your needs are SO great and so important to you and you have a partner who wants nothing to do with them, you should consider separation/divorce before you should be considering cheating. 

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On 2/27/2022 at 2:44 PM, Chawsee said:

This couple you speak of sounds fun! Last summer I met up with a couple like this and we enjoyed two separate spank-a-thons while they were traveling into, and then back out of, Montana. They had long been married, and had hosted a plethora of spanking parties over the years. They were both very comfortable playing with outside partners. It was an eye-opener, in a good way. This wouldn't work for everyone, by any means, but occasionally you find a couple who embraces and enjoys such an approach. 

I've found that it's definitely an exception rather than the rule kind of thing. Interestingly enough, that couple is no longer together. I saw where that same woman posted that they had divorced a few years back. She didn't elaborate or anything. And she still speaks fondly of their spanking adventures.

So, on the surface, it would appear that them divorcing didn't have anything to do with engaging in spanking with partners outside of the marriage. She said that it can be a slippery slope. All the dynamics have to fall just right. One guy on another site said once that he could never share spanking with anyone outside his marriage. However, should certain female celebrities happen to come calling, paddles in hand, it would be awfully tempting 😂 

He also said that as jealous as the thought of another man being over his wife's knee would make him, at times,.his bottom gets so sore that if a lonely single guy looking for a female spanker happened to pop up, he could probably put his jealousy on the back burner for a bit, just to give his bottom a break. He said "if my bottom is sore enough, and another guy wants/needs a spanking, I may say ahh...hell with the jealousy, here take my place over her knee while I go take a bath in aloe" 😂

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42 minutes ago, F/m_Spanking_only said:

I've found that it's definitely an exception rather than the rule kind of thing. Interestingly enough, that couple is no longer together. I saw where that same woman posted that they had divorced a few years back. She didn't elaborate or anything. And she still speaks fondly of their spanking adventures.

So, on the surface, it would appear that them divorcing didn't have anything to do with engaging in spanking with partners outside of the marriage. She said that it can be a slippery slope. All the dynamics have to fall just right. One guy on another site said once that he could never share spanking with anyone outside his marriage. However, should certain female celebrities happen to come calling, paddles in hand, it would be awfully tempting 😂 

He also said that as jealous as the thought of another man being over his wife's knee would make him, at times,.his bottom gets so sore that if a lonely single guy looking for a female spanker happened to pop up, he could probably put his jealousy on the back burner for a bit, just to give his bottom a break. He said "if my bottom is sore enough, and another guy wants/needs a spanking, I may say ahh...hell with the jealousy, here take my place over her knee while I go take a bath in aloe" 😂

I agree that this dynamic is more the exception than the rule. It's unfortunate that the couple you know divorced. I don't think it would be sustainable for most couples, and they would need to face the possibility of inappropriate attractions when playing with all these other partners. Thankfully, the couple I met up with has been together probably as long as I've been alive, and their marriage, from all appearances, is a jealousy-free zone. They're both so experienced and confident that they appear to be beyond such worries.

They're also bolder than any other spankos I know, talking freely about spanking while we had lunch in a restaurant, and completely unworried about anyone outside their motorhome hearing the crack of our paddles or the corresponding yelps going on inside. I was the one who was nervous about being outed in my local town. Chuckling, but true. That never happened, though, and meeting up with them, both times, was an honor.

Your last paragraph got a laugh out of me. :lol:

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  • 1 month later...

Ethically, it's probably not a good idea, however you need to figure out 1 how bad you really want it. 2 is it worth the risk. 3 what would she do about it?

I'm in the same situation, wife used to be in to it, now not so much. Now, I'm not going to anyone else yet for it because I can't find anyone yet however in my case 1 she's doing stuff I do not approve of in the least and I know it, she knows I know it so as long as there's no sex involved she thinks i do have someone based on comments made she'd turn her back on it,

2 she knows how bad I want/crave/need spanking in my life so considers that harmless compared to some things I could do.

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Sadly, this may be one of those issues in which we simply have to live within the bounds of life as it is and not as we wish it was.

I have been in this situation for a few decades and found that creating a virtual persona to mingle with other like-minded people offered the best solution. Best but not, I accept, ideal.

It's always interesting to hear how other people deal with such issues and it has been instructive to read the comments in this thread.

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  • 2 months later...

I had prepared a post with a similar, but slightly different viewpoint.

The responses to this thread bring out some pretty interesting perspectives.

I will add a slight twist to the debate. Here is the post I had prepared. Apologies for the large font size, but I can't figure out how to change it after pasting it here.

I am wondering what group members think of this debate I am having with myself. I am a straight male in my early 60's and I have been a Spanko  for as long as I can remember. My specific orientation is spankee. I recall being intrigued by spanking as early as 7 or 8 years old. Yup, I am a lifer 😀.

Aside from this terrific group, I have only divulged my preoccupation with spanking to two people in my life; my late wife (she did spank me and became pretty good at it) and my current partner. My partner tried it with me, but was never enthusiastic about it and that activity has died off over the last 5 years. We have tried to discuss it, but unfortunately the conversation doesn't get us anywhere.

Lately i have done some reading and research to the extent that there are resources available. I have also done a lot of soul searching. I've come to realize that 'Spankee' is my orientation, much like someone is 'Straight' or 'Gay' or any other orientations there are on that spectrum. Getting spanked isn't quite a sexual thing for me, but it is more alluring and important than conventional heterosexual sex.

My dilemma is this:

I would not cheat on my partner. In my mind getting spanked by another woman would be akin to cheating on her because I know it would hurt her.

My debate with myself is; if I were to be spanked by another man - and that idea interests me - would it be cheating? Being spanked by a man wouldn't be a sexual thing for me, but I think I would enjoy it. Years ago, when my late wife used to spank me, she spanked me quite hard (and strapped, caned etc. also). I really enjoyed that, but of course I was a younger man then and I could take it well. I think that, with a bit of practice, I could take it fairly hard again.

I do not believe discussing it with my partner would go well. Also, this is probably all theoretical anyway, because where would I find a guy around my age to spank me? Highly unlikely.

I would really like to hear what other Spankos think about this debate. There are probably aspects to it that I haven't thought of. Let's face it, I am over 60 years old and perhaps my spanking days are behind me

 (see what I did there😀)? At least  I can think about spanking and how it relates to me because like a lot of people following this forum, it is a big part of who I am.

Now I just have to figure out which topic to post this under.

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Quite the dilemma, Dutch. But first, just because you are 60 by no means do your spanking days need to be over! Reject that thought, immediately! I know and have seen people in their 70s and beyond enjoying spanking, both sides of it.

It seems like your current partner knows of your need, since she spanked you at one point. That's good. Do you feel like you could sit her down and explain how strong it is, and talk to her about finding a man to spank you since she's not into that? I imagine that would be a lot less threatening than asking her if a woman could. Or, I suppose, you could ask about a woman and then fall back to a guy?!

The other option is that you talk to her about hiring a professional disciplinarian. There are some wonderful ones out there who will give you what you need. I have found that with my own (vanilla) wife, whenever I'm worried about asking her about something like this, my fears are always worse than the reality. If she loves you, she will want what's best for you - even if she can't provide it. Maybe throw out an analogy or two: she'd be fine with you seeing someone for massage, right? This is just a vigorous massage... targeting your rear end!

Best of luck!

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36 minutes ago, Dutch said:

I had prepared a post with a similar, but slightly different viewpoint.

The responses to this thread bring out some pretty interesting perspectives.

I will add a slight twist to the debate. Here is the post I had prepared. Apologies for the large font size, but I can't figure out how to change it after pasting it here.

I am wondering what group members think of this debate I am having with myself. I am a straight male in my early 60's and I have been a Spanko  for as long as I can remember. My specific orientation is spankee. I recall being intrigued by spanking as early as 7 or 8 years old. Yup, I am a lifer 😀.

Aside from this terrific group, I have only divulged my preoccupation with spanking to two people in my life; my late wife (she did spank me and became pretty good at it) and my current partner. My partner tried it with me, but was never enthusiastic about it and that activity has died off over the last 5 years. We have tried to discuss it, but unfortunately the conversation doesn't get us anywhere.

Lately i have done some reading and research to the extent that there are resources available. I have also done a lot of soul searching. I've come to realize that 'Spankee' is my orientation, much like someone is 'Straight' or 'Gay' or any other orientations there are on that spectrum. Getting spanked isn't quite a sexual thing for me, but it is more alluring and important than conventional heterosexual sex.

My dilemma is this:

I would not cheat on my partner. In my mind getting spanked by another woman would be akin to cheating on her because I know it would hurt her.

My debate with myself is; if I were to be spanked by another man - and that idea interests me - would it be cheating? Being spanked by a man wouldn't be a sexual thing for me, but I think I would enjoy it. Years ago, when my late wife used to spank me, she spanked me quite hard (and strapped, caned etc. also). I really enjoyed that, but of course I was a younger man then and I could take it well. I think that, with a bit of practice, I could take it fairly hard again.

I do not believe discussing it with my partner would go well. Also, this is probably all theoretical anyway, because where would I find a guy around my age to spank me? Highly unlikely.

I would really like to hear what other Spankos think about this debate. There are probably aspects to it that I haven't thought of. Let's face it, I am over 60 years old and perhaps my spanking days are behind me

 (see what I did there😀)? At least  I can think about spanking and how it relates to me because like a lot of people following this forum, it is a big part of who I am.

Now I just have to figure out which topic to post this under.

Many of us face these same struggles, Mr. Dutch. You articulated well the concerns with spankings from persons outside of marital bonds. We would be interested in what you have learned in your reading and research regarding a spankee orientation. Something to think about and discuss: We are in the month of June, which many celebrate as "Pride" month. The "pride" community has garnered a lot of acceptance in the last decade, and many have made the case that it's the way they are and their orientation. Perusing the SpankingNeeds forums indicates that for many of us, spanking (and especially spankee!) is our orientation, as you mentioned. But what community accepts this orientation, especially as it applies to male spankees? I can't think of any. Although we have a large following here, we clearly represent a minuscule minority of society. I don't have any idea what percentage of people are in the "pride" community. But I bet that the "pride" community represents a much larger percentage of the population than the spankee community, likely many hundreds of times larger. We are on the very fringes of society, apparently, and as you alluded, dare not let anyone know we are spankees. Acceptance of this orientation in our communities and societies would be welcome, but instead society marginalizes us. Few males have the intestinal fortitude to openly declare their spankee-ness, with good reason. We should come up with ways for our communities and societies to accept and respect the spankee orientation.

Another challenge you mention is seeking spankings outside of marriage, from Women or men. For some, spanking is sexual and leads to sexual activity. But spanking can take place without sexual activity, with either gender. Consider the number of persons and professions who have seen or touched us when we are unclothed. Consider the doctors and nurses, assistants, massage therapists, medical and x-ray technicians. For men at least, consider how many times and in how many places we've  dressed and showered in public locker rooms or places. Some spankings may be intimate, but others may take place with minimal touch, perhaps using a paddle or strap on a spankee bent over furniture, while the Spanker remains fully clothed. To me, none of those examples is very sexual. Consider how much more a massage therapist or chiropractor touches you than a Spanker. Still, the challenge is that most of the outside community considers adult spanking as sexual. And a very relevant challenge is that spouses may consider it sexual. Yet, we have an intrinsic, inherent, potent, and urgent need for a spanking--probably a lot of spanking, paddling, and strapping. 

I don't have much to offer to settle the question. I think we need to consider the reaction of a spouse if She or he ever found out, and how we would manage that situation, or if we even could manage the situation. We need to consider if we can live without spanking, and how well we can live, with or without spanking. We may need to consider how we will maintain a spanking as a private matter, or what could bring it out into the open. Many spouses could accept a same gender paddling more easily than an opposite gender paddling, maybe as kind of a "guy thing." Lots of men hang out with "buddies" for sports and many other activities. Our sport or guy activity might just be getting a good paddling, and feeling much better for it than living in frustration. Always know, establish, and stay true to your boundaries, with whichever gender enjoys paddling you. 

This question always generates many dogmatic responses from inexperienced and closed-minded individuals, unwilling to fairly consider and evaluate the nature of an event or association for others. Some seem to express as much prejudice and closed-mindedess as others portray in extreme and radical politics and "pride" bashing, possibly resulting in assaults on others or even on democracy itself. Yet those same persons want total acceptance for their own beliefs and fetishes, which they consider normal. So, consider the ramifications of spanking for yourself and your relationship. Remember that lots of things that humans do can have sexual connotations (especially for men!). Consider the massage therapy and chiropractic adjustments we already mentioned, going to the gym and the pool, walking through the park or the mall, or working. We can and should have associations with other humans that don't lead to sexual relationships. Also remember that your spouse may never accept valid reasons for and methods of spanking. While a spanking aficionado may consider a spanking as a need or as part of friendship or acquaintance, a spouse make consider it crossing an emotional barrier, or even a physical barrier. Part of the equation could be whether a spankee can get the paddling he needs and remain discrete. While some declare that anything you hide from a spouse is cheating (and maybe it is), I'd sure like to meet the couple that truly doesn't hide one thing about themselves or their activities. Those who declare otherwise are almost certainly perjuring themselves, and likely lying to themselves as well.

One other idea you may wish to ponder is that only two persons in the universe know of your spanking needs. I hope Women will chime in about that. My impression is that Women talk with each other about almost everything. Several Women have paddled me. I'm aware that every one of them has told others, even knowing that the subject is extremely delicate for me and that I hoped for privacy. And guess what? Those other persons then mentioned it to still others. If your two wives had sisters, close friends, and even other associations, I bet many of them found out. And quite likely, many of the sisters and sisters-in-law and friends told their husbands. That information doesn't stay quiet, unfortunately, and quite embarrassingly for us. Anyway, please let us know when you get this all figured out!

 

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When I was in university, I read Dan Savage's column with a voyeuristic interest (As I was a late bloomer and had no reference for the subject matter). His take on cheating fascinated me, basically he argued that to maintain a relationship it was more important to be honest and forgiving than it was to be faithful, that monogamy for its own sake was detrimental to a relationship.  

Again, I had no experience at the time to compare that against, but it seemed like an ideal way for a relationship to work, with sincerity and mutual communication, everyone would benefit and be able to explore what they needed. My partner, for example, is bisexual but has never been intimate with someone of the same sex, so I told her she could have a "gay for the day" pass in the event she was compelled to cross that off her bucket list. I made the offer in full sincerity, but she's never taken me up on it.

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