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Amethyst_Moon

Self-Spankers - What Was Your First Self-Spanking Like?

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As an active self-spanker myself, I still clearly remember my first ever self-spanking...what I used, what was going through my mind, how I felt physically and emotionally. And I have often wondered what it was like for others the first time the decided to spank themselves. If you feel comfortable sharing any aspects of your experience, please share. I will obviously share mine below:

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I was 18, and I was "on my own" for the first time. This proclivity towards spanking had been a part of me for as long as I could remember. While I grew up in the age where the internet was getting bigger, it was one of the few things my parents were really strict about. As a result,I never even searched spanking on the internet until then...I didn't want to risk them finding out. 

Once I looked it up, I realized I wasn't alone. But to be honest, I still hated this part of myself. I always did. I didn't want to be a spanko. But I couldn't help but to look at sites like this and spankingtube once I knew they existed, because they showed the reality of a deep personal part of myself that, until then, I thought could only live in my mind. These sites are where I learned self-spanking existed. I don't even know if it would have occurred to me to spank myself if I hadn't found out others did that. 

My fantasy and interest had always exclusively been with being spanked. I hoped that the reality of being spanked would destroy the fantasy. I basically wanted to spank the spanko out of me. I took a thick wood cutting board and a metal spatula and just started doing it. It hurt so much more than I had ever imagined...but still, I loved it. I loved the feeling, the rush, the butterflies of anticipation, the sound, even the pain. The more I spanked, the more I loved it. I kept going harder, and honestly way more severe than I should have for a first session. I kept making it harsher, hoping to eventually hate it. My cheeks were both solid bruises before I finally gave up. I ended that session and knew that this was a part of me, and I had to accept that. But I also felt so amazing having this deep, innate part of me fulfilled for the first time ever. The reality outdid the fantasy in every way for me. That first session confirmed that this truly is a part of me, and I have enjoyed self-spanking ever since. I also now fully accept the spanko in me and even love it.

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I was 11 when I first self-spanked. I had been a spanko my entire life but didn't really understand it. At that time it was a full obsession. it was mostly what I thought about. I was also being sexually abused. For me, self-spanking was my coping mechanism. It was my form or cutting or self-sabotage. The first thing I ever used was a thin paddle I had bought on a school field trip. I was so desperate for a release of the internal pain. I laid into myself really hard till I was exhausted and couldn't do anymore. From then on I used whatever I could get my hands on that I thought would hurt the most to rid the emotional pain. I was self-spanking nearly every day. I would plot out when I could hide away and bare myself to spank. I hid implements in my room where ever I could.

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On 9/17/2020 at 11:48 AM, Becka said:

I was 11 when I first self-spanked. I had been a spanko my entire life but didn't really understand it. At that time it was a full obsession. it was mostly what I thought about. I was also being sexually abused. For me, self-spanking was my coping mechanism. It was my form or cutting or self-sabotage. The first thing I ever used was a thin paddle I had bought on a school field trip. I was so desperate for a release of the internal pain. I laid into myself really hard till I was exhausted and couldn't do anymore. From then on I used whatever I could get my hands on that I thought would hurt the most to rid the emotional pain. I was self-spanking nearly every day. I would plot out when I could hide away and bare myself to spank. I hid implements in my room where ever I could.

I'm so sorry that your entrance into spanking was rooted in so much pain. I hope that now it has taken on a more positive place in your life.

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My first one would have been round about 12 or 13. I used a wooden clothes brush on myself and landed up breaking it ! I did it partly out of curiosity and partly out of guilt ( there were a number of incidents I felt guilty about during my childhood that I wasn't spanked for ). I can't remember what excuse I gave my parents about the broken brush but I got away with it. I wish I hadn't !

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I must have been about 7 or 8 when I first tried this. It wasn't very successful,  I had had a couple of spankings from the Headmistress, and they weren't as bad as I had feared, in fact my abiding recollection was that she had soft hands. However. what prompted the self-spanking experiment was a game I played with a childhood friend, we were playing down by the river bank, and I can't remember how it came about but we ended up whipping each other with stalks of wild rhubarb. I actually enjoyed it, the heat in my buttocks which persisted the next day. I guess I was turned on by it. Anyway to cut this long story short, in an attempt to recreate that feeling, I tried spanking myself with the long wooden handle of a sink plunger. It didn't work too well, too thick and that big rubber bell at the end made it cumbersome. I soon progressed to using the backs of hairbrushes, and a really nice long handled clothes brush that used to reside in the Hallstand drawer. They were far more effective in reproducing warm red buttocks.

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