Jump to content
Spanking Needs Forums

Can vanillas be converted?


Recommended Posts

Since I joined this site about two weeks ago, I have received suggestions on what to do as a spanko in a vanilla relationship.

This begs the question:

Can vanillas be converted to this lifestyle (even partially)? Some have said that it's unlikely. Others have said that they, themselves, have converted wives and girlfriends over. 

What are your thoughts on this matter?

  • Like 1
Link to post

This is certainly not a "Yes" or "No" question. Some vanillas are more open to experimenting with different activities than others. It purely depends on what kind of individual one person is, how open they are, and to what extent are they willing to go in order to satisfy their partner's needs. It's never a 100% guarantee that you may or may not be able to convert someone. Even if you do, what are the chances that they won't wake up one day and figure" Well, I am done with that"? It's different for people with innate spanking needs and it is a whole other world for someone who is introduced to it later on and only engage in it to satisfy their partner's needs. 

  • Like 3
Link to post

In my case I knew I was a spanko when I was five years old! I didn't understand the feeling until I was much older.  Over the years I have spanked and been spanked by both males and females.I prefer females but its so hard to arrange. THEY WERE ALL SPANKOS before we met. I did introduce spanking to one girl friend. I created a monster she could not get enough!

My wife is the definition of vanilla I have tried to convert her for over twenty years, with no luck. I understand why she will not accept a spanking. but why she has a problem spanking ME I don't understand! She has spanked me a few times never hard or long enough. The comments and stink face when I ask are just not worth the bother anymore. I just don't ask. Its why I come here!

  • Like 2
Link to post

I don't think true vanillas can be converted, just like I don't think true spankos can be converted. I agree with boy_otk that some might be more open to experimenting. Some might even enjoy it to a degree, but if they aren't a spanko, they still won't have that same deep connection with it as we do. If someone is vanilla, they can't change that any more than we can change that we're spankos. 

Not to say I don't think those relationships can work. I think they can. It is just going to take understanding and compromise on both sides to find a way where both can be fulfilled while maintaining acceptance and respect for the others' identity. I don't think either should feel forced or coerced into taking on a role or identity that isn't who they are, but both should be willing to figure out ways that the other can have their needs met in some way. But I think with these things, we are who we are. A vanilla might be willing to engage, and might even like it. But it will always be just a recreational activity. It will never be a part of who they are. I don't think a true hardwired vanilla or spanko can be converted.

  • Like 4
Link to post

I don't think you can "convert" someone to a hard-wired fetish.  But you can (depending on the person) get them to understand and accept your needs.  They may or may not be able to participate in them.  

  • Like 3
Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

In terms of "converted" I agree with what's been said already. 

However, I do think its possible for a vanilla to be able to meet your needs and I have seen a small number of success stories of this.

From a discipline perspective, I'd say its much more likely to happen if you're a spankee, whilst you may not be able to convince someone to take a punishment spanking, getting a partner to spank you is much more possible with a LOT of time and effort (depending on the person). 

I did once manage to get a vanilla girlfriend to let me spank her, but this was purely recreational. She asked me to punish her once, but I didn't feel comfortable doing so at the time.

  • Like 2
Link to post

I agree .. you cannot convert a vanilla into a spanko .. just like you can not convert a spanko into a vanilla.

Either can support the other if they want to, wish to ... but you are not converting, just accommodating.

Link to post

More often than not I do not think it's possible for a vanilla to truly understand the desire/need/kink/whatever.  Some are capable of providing a satisfying experience some are not.  Most male spankees I have chatted with have not had very much luck converting their spouses.  A few have. I think female EEs have a slightly better chance of success but still I think the true success stories are few and far between.

  • Like 2
  • Sad 1
Link to post
  • 4 weeks later...

Tastes and preferences can change over time, be encouraged or even molded.  I agree that there are vanillas that are truly VANILLA.  But I think there is a little bit of spanko lurking in the majority of folks, and under the right circumstances, whatever that level of interest is can be developed and nurtured.  We are creatures both of nature and of our nurture.  Popeye may have said "I yam what I yam" but that's not incompatible with saying "I yam not what I was".

  • Like 1
Link to post
  • 2 months later...

The possibility does exist. I've had some of the most vanilla females on the planet paddling me soundly with a Jokari paddle, so it can be done. Of course, that also  depends on how open the vanilla is. 

Link to post

Reading Aunt Kay’s DWC got me interested in the DD aspect of spanking. I think of it as a spanking fetish that has benefits of merging with my life goals. Almost every story is of a vanilla wife who has been converted. I’m sure some stories are to be taken with a pinch of salt but many sound like vanilla converts. I suppose the difference is that the disciplinary wives club answers the question “what’s in it for me?”

Link to post
On 9/14/2020 at 5:51 AM, VanillaProblems said:

Since I joined this site about two weeks ago, I have received suggestions on what to do as a spanko in a vanilla relationship.

This begs the question:

Can vanillas be converted to this lifestyle (even partially)? Some have said that it's unlikely. Others have said that they, themselves, have converted wives and girlfriends over. 

What are your thoughts on this matter?

I would recommend that you define “convert”.

My wife doesn’t get a sexual thrill out of spanking and it isn’t something that is as important for her or any level as it is for me.
 

However she knows it is crucial for me, and she spanks me. She definitely gives out super hard and intense ones, in multiple sessions that involves scolding, anticipation between sessions, various implements applied in various positions and on various parts of the butt to make it as painful as possible. She is an excellent spanker and is one of the very many reasons I love her so much and her agreeing to do this has I think really helped our marriage... which wasn’t at all bad before but it definitely is even better now than it previously was in our affection for one another.

Has she been “converted”? I have no idea. Probably not, though.

She has said that she is as fine giving me spankings as she is not giving them... and that is totally fine by me. It’s something she does because it’s extremely special to me and perhaps even part of my sexuality. I may be one of these people that Jillian Keenan describes as having a spanking orientation. I can’t release during vanilla sex without fantasizing spanking. 
 

My goal isn’t to convert her. I am really grateful that she is willing to do this for me, and does it for me. Whether she converted or not lol I don’t know. She is no less an amazing person and an amazing spanker though :)

  • Like 1
Link to post

The idea of asking someone who loves us to try something is okay...but in my mind "converting" someone really bothers me.  So many of us spent huge parts of our lives trying to "convert" ourselves to vanilla people. Or others (spouse, significant other) tried. It sucked. It was agony. Why would we put someone we love through that?

  • Like 3
Link to post

Many years ago I asked my vanilla boyfriend to spank me - or implied it, really. He was happy to do it. I don't think he continued on with spanking after we broke up. Same with boyfriend #2. I have talked to him in recent months and he loved spanking me. But, he never tried it with anyone else. I do not think either man is really a spanko - even though both enjoyed it. 

I tried dating other vanillas between then (high school) and getting married, but it just didn't work. I think that if someone is willing to try it and enjoys it, then that is awesome! I don't think the issue should be forced and I don't really believe in conversion. I tend to believe that spankos are born this way, that our desires are innate - and that vanillas can enjoy spanking, but that they will likely never enjoy it to the same level. And if a vanilla is converted, maybe s/he wasn't really a vanilla to begin with.

I stopped dating vanillas completely in 2002 or 2003 - because I knew it would never work out. I need and want spanking in my life; it is central to who I am and is the focal point of my sexuality. 

Link to post
34 minutes ago, rubyredd said:

Many years ago I asked my vanilla boyfriend to spank me - or implied it, really. He was happy to do it. I don't think he continued on with spanking after we broke up. Same with boyfriend #2. I have talked to him in recent months and he loved spanking me. But, he never tried it with anyone else. I do not think either man is really a spanko - even though both enjoyed it. 

I tried dating other vanillas between then (high school) and getting married, but it just didn't work. I think that if someone is willing to try it and enjoys it, then that is awesome! I don't think the issue should be forced and I don't really believe in conversion. I tend to believe that spankos are born this way, that our desires are innate - and that vanillas can enjoy spanking, but that they will likely never enjoy it to the same level. And if a vanilla is converted, maybe s/he wasn't really a vanilla to begin with.

I stopped dating vanillas completely in 2002 or 2003 - because I knew it would never work out. I need and want spanking in my life; it is central to who I am and is the focal point of my sexuality. 

You've said it all, rubyredd.  You can live with vanillas but not 'convert" them.  If a woman has the need to be spanked --as you do-- it has to be done by someone who believes in your need and can discipline with that need in mind.

  • Like 1
Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...