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My Life-Rhyme

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Through twenty-six, had suitors woo,
One of the not so good got through.
A bit o’ spanking here and there,
Lots o’ scares with AIDS everywhere.
Somehow survived for what it’s worth,
Maybe not much? say I half in mirth.
But I feel blest to still be on this earth.
Blest that I the plague outlast,
Blest that haters didn’t end me,
Blest I didn’t end myself,
And kept in hearty health.
Kicked the bottle, put down the bong,
And with fellow man learnt to get along.
I may pick up the bong when I go gray,
And have no job to occupy my day,
But booze and I are quits, I say.

Spent like an easy dollar my day in the Sun,
But banked good times along with bad,
And despite my winding ways,
Did harm to none in all my days.
I doubt Judgment and Reckoning pass upon us,
No more than the wallowing hippopotamus.
We’re primitive animals pretty much or seem like such.
Judgment would be for a Being that knows a thing or two
Not knowing squat’s our lot, sad but true.

The Prophets of Old judged their fellow apes lame
And presumed Great God’d do the same,
All ‘cause they wanted to spank tails!
Why not do indulge, tattle-tales?
Then come back to Scripture-writing minus the ‘tude,
Having Ejaculated that spunky anger, Argh!-Ahurr!
After reading naughty spanking literature.

Let’s just say for kicks--
Just talking out my ass--
Eternal Judgment come to pass
On my unworthy ass.
Never thunk I’da flunk,
I’m at least your average Joe,
Saints are overrated, ya know.
I’d get marked B-minus,
Lectured against overemphasizing the penis,
Scolded for lack of common sense,
Spanked for ambivalence t’ward others,
Not giving to charity, whatevers,
Or some other fault, things that I shoulda
Done but didn’t, dimly by me understooda.
B-minus ain’t good enough for scholarship,
But who gives a ship?
Can’t get in with Cherubim by the Throne,
But who gives a bone?

My modest grades earn me a hovel in Heaven’s ghetto, where I hustle passing angelic gents. At least up in Heaven I know that I won’t be dealing with all the “F” students, those losers. At least I live in a decent region of the ethereal plane, better than the nine hells from what I’ve heard. May be a hovel, but it’s home for me.


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I wish I could reply to this in rhyme, but I am not as talented as you are, my friend.  I would just caution that it can be just as prideful and perhaps foolish to glorify your humble and modest endeavors as it would be to boast about vast wealth or all the beautiful women you may have slept with and all the successful children you sired with them.   And don't be so sure that you have saved yourself from the F students and losers, because it appears to me we all end up in the same place when all is said and done.  (And anyway, aren't they God's children too?)  ;)


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Thank you for the reply.

I do believe in God, however not in an afterlife. I don't think I'm quite important enough to preserve in any way. It seems to me that God's plan is evident, we can observe it here.  Heaven would, of course, be the more desirable outcome. I was raised not to believe in Hell, and since I don't believe in an afterlife, don't believe in Hell either. But you know, we'd better not get into theology too much, it will be off-topic.

I don't mind if you want to rhyme-reply and disagree or take a different point of view, but I reckon you'd have to insert the word "spank" in there sooner or later. 😄


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