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Why does the gender of the spanker matter to me


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Hello thanks for coming! I was curious to what others thoughts on why I wish to have a female spanker. For reference sake I will say I am bi, I also lean to therapy/discipline spankings. However, when thinking of being disciplined I would want the the spanker I want it to be a female. Curious if anyone has a idea or shares the same mindset and could shed some light!.Thanks, have a marvelous day!

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There are a number of reasons why an EE would want a specific gender. I know females who have had bad experiences at the hand of males who violated what was consented to. Some just relate better to a maternal or paternal figure. And for some, there is an element of sexuality involved. Different strokes...

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That's something you need to ask yourself. Every individual is different. I'm a male spankee, and I want to be spanked by female spankers only.  Why? Because I am more comfortable with women, I can be more open and vulnerable with women than men. 

There are also sexual preferences that some people take into account. I do too at some level. Being a straight male, I just prefer a woman to do the spanking. But then, I don't view spankings as a purely sexual thing. And yet, I have that preference.

Childhood experience (if any) might also influence your choice. At the end of the day , only you can answer the question of "why" you prefer one gender over the other.

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for me I think it would be easier to show my inner child to a female rather than a male, I think partly because it has been drummed into us not to show weakness especially to other males. 

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3 out of 4 abusers were female, the male was the 2 worst types of abuse though so to me I find men easier to trust and see through, but then still very wary of them...there are also things that will always be difficult. I think its completely down to personal preferences, past experiences, beliefs, values and ultimately what kind of spanking you are looking for. 

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I think a lot of this goes back to the formation of your spanking fetish and whom you feel can best replicate the experience you wish to explore and fantasize about.  Much of spanking to me has to do with a need for nurturing,  so I look to a female figure, because that is something I missed, and for some reason I feel being spanking by an understanding lady can help fulfill that desire. 

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On Saturday, August 29, 2020 at 11:30 PM, Skibum54 said:

I think a lot of this goes back to the formation of your spanking fetish and whom you feel can best replicate the experience you wish to explore and fantasize about.  Much of spanking to me has to do with a need for nurturing,  so I look to a female figure, because that is something I missed, and for some reason I feel being spanking by an understanding lady can help fulfill that desire. 

I am wary and reluctant to use the word 'fetish'. To me, it implies something sleazy and sexy when many people's punishment needs are just that - needs.

A strong need to be relieved of guilt etc with nothing to do with sex.

I understand and respect fully that for some people,  sex is an important element,  however for many it isn't and I feel a distinction must be made.

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On Saturday, August 29, 2020 at 2:50 PM, boy_otk said:

That's something you need to ask yourself. Every individual is different. I'm a male spankee, and I want to be spanked by female spankers only.  Why? Because I am more comfortable with women, I can be more open and vulnerable with women than men. 

There are also sexual preferences that some people take into account. I do too at some level. Being a straight male, I just prefer a woman to do the spanking. But then, I don't view spankings as a purely sexual thing. And yet, I have that preference.

Childhood experience (if any) might also influence your choice. At the end of the day , only you can answer the question of "why" you prefer one gender over the other.

I am also a high maintenance male spanked, however all my life experiences regarding receiving corporal punishment has been at the hands of both genders in equal measure. 

Starting with my grandmother and at school, a woman teacher. Then men teachers,  my scout leader and in the army cadets -all men.

In my case the gender of my punisher is not critical,  just the reason I need punishing and that it is real and HARD, given with care and authority. 

 

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I think @Spanknutt, @boy_otk, @ianl, and @Skibum54 each made valid points that are worthy of mention. Gender certainly matters to me. As a straight female, it's men, and men only. Even though the few spankings I administer to outside males are non-sexual, the exposure of their buttocks is most certainly a sexual body part and erogenous zone, and I have no interest in having this part of another woman over my lap. That said, professional disciplinarians generally spank either gender, as do many big-name ERs in the spanking world. Each individual has different and valid reasons for how they feel.

If you prefer a female spanker, that's completely understandable. Since your spanking life is separate from your sexuality, and you prefer therapy/discipline spankings, it makes sense that a female spanker might be your choice. Perhaps you feel more comfortable "letting go" with a woman?

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On 8/30/2020 at 10:08 PM, BenjaminBoy said:

I am wary and reluctant to use the word 'fetish'. To me, it implies something sleazy and sexy when many people's punishment needs are just that - needs.

A strong need to be relieved of guilt etc with nothing to do with sex.

I understand and respect fully that for some people,  sex is an important element,  however for many it isn't and I feel a distinction must be made.

Your opinion is your own and it's respected. Just realize that we all come to spanking from different angles, and our similarity in sharing "this thing we do" has the power to unite us, which it should be doing, rather than separating us. @Skibum54 used the term "fetish" as many of us do, a term that was popularized in large part by famous spanking author Jillian Keenan. For you, "fetish" may imply something sleazy, while to others, it signifies something beautiful and bonding. Ms. Keenan states that she prefers the term "spanking fetishist" to "spanko," as a more classy term (though she uses both).

On a separate note, I agree with you that spanking, for some people, is strictly about punishment. That is understandable and perfectly acceptable. For others, spanking has an undeniable sexual draw. This is also understandable and perfectly acceptable. The biological/mental need is equally strong for both types of people who participate in spanking. One is not more respectable or real than the other.

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