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Guilt informing need


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So, this is a variant of many posts before but bear with me (or "bare with me" if you prefer, though I will only be baring my soul, not my butt). 

Anyway, there are many reasons I've chosen this lifestyle, but one of the main ones is to try to deal with guilt in a "reasonable" and perhaps even "healthy" way. 

When I screw up, whether major or minor, I internalize it. It festers, I start feeling guilty. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I wait for something bad to happen to me because that's what I deserve. I spend my life waiting on the other shoe to drop. I don't feel right until something bad has happened (even if unrelated) to balance things out. 

For me, spanking is a way to move past these things. Yes, sometimes I struggle to let go, but even then, it helps. The consequence I was expecting has happened and I can move forward with a clean slate. 

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Exactly!  Although, I don't feel like I chose this lifestyle.  It is just part of my lifelong existence.  Getting spanked for something I did wrong absolves me of the guilt.

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18 hours ago, gingerlee said:

So, this is a variant of many posts before but bear with me (or "bare with me" if you prefer, though I will only be baring my soul, not my butt). 

Anyway, there are many reasons I've chosen this lifestyle, but one of the main ones is to try to deal with guilt in a "reasonable" and perhaps even "healthy" way. 

When I screw up, whether major or minor, I internalise it. It festers, I start feeling guilty. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I wait for something bad to happen to me because that's what I deserve. I spend my life waiting on the other shoe to drop. I don't feel right until something bad has happened (even if unrelated) to balance things out. 

For me, spanking is a way to move past these things. Yes, sometimes I struggle to let go, but even then, it helps. The consequence I was expecting has happened and I can move forward with a clean slate. 

I so, so empathise with all you say.  I am PTDC - 'Punitive Therapy Dependency Condition'.  I have an inbuilt, born with mindset that dictates that I have a high guilt level and an extreme anxiety level until I am soundly thrashed in a particular way.  I am also age regressive insomuch that I identify with my fourteen year old self.  This is positive and keeps me sane.

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11 hours ago, MottLee said:

Exactly!  Although, I don't feel like I chose this lifestyle.  It is just part of my lifelong existence.  Getting spanked for something I did wrong absolves me of the guilt.

I am exactly the same.  However my own particular needs manifest themselves - I am an 'ASB' (Adult Schoolboy), it is a mindset I was born with as well as all the other attendant feelings: guilt, shame, remorse etc, only relieved after a sound beating in the traditional English Schoolboy manner.

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Just now, BenjaminBoy said:

I am exactly the same.  However my own particular needs manifest themselves - I am an 'ASB' (Adult Schoolboy), it is a mindset I was born with as well as all the other attendant feelings: guilt, shame, remorse etc, only relieved after a sound beating in the traditional English Schoolboy manner.

 

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I spank for therapeutic reasons, anxiety reduction. What causes the anxiety, is probably a long list. There are things I fell guilty about, sometimes more then others, so maybe a spanking does reduce that but I don't think it absolves it. That has to be done, at least for me, by taking action to make it right - whatever that may be. A spanking is a short term solution, one of the better, best, ones out there for me. But it is not a cure for anxiety. Medication helps, and a good spanking help also. I takes my mind off of whatever is bothering me, which does help me move forward. It is a good coping mechanism, and the fact that I enjoy it, is icing on the cake.

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On 8/28/2020 at 1:30 AM, gingerlee said:

So, this is a variant of many posts before but bear with me (or "bare with me" if you prefer, though I will only be baring my soul, not my butt). 

Anyway, there are many reasons I've chosen this lifestyle, but one of the main ones is to try to deal with guilt in a "reasonable" and perhaps even "healthy" way. 

When I screw up, whether major or minor, I internalize it. It festers, I start feeling guilty. I wait for the other shoe to drop. I wait for something bad to happen to me because that's what I deserve. I spend my life waiting on the other shoe to drop. I don't feel right until something bad has happened (even if unrelated) to balance things out. 

For me, spanking is a way to move past these things. Yes, sometimes I struggle to let go, but even then, it helps. The consequence I was expecting has happened and I can move forward with a clean slate. 

I can completely understand this reasoning, I carried a bunch of guilt for long periods of time and it really can get you down and hold you back, I felt that by paying somehow to clear the slate really helped my mentality and lifted a burden from me . 

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On 8/28/2020 at 12:30 PM, gingerlee said:

......is to try to deal with guilt in a "reasonable" and perhaps even "healthy" way. 

When I screw up, whether major or minor, I internalize it. It festers, I start feeling guilty.

For me, spanking is a way to move past these things.

Well put!

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