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Amethyst_Moon

Using Accusations of Being Fake as Manipulation

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On this and another site I am on, the topic of fake accounts has come up recently. We all know that this being the internet, fake profiles pop up. And on sites focused on spanking, that definitely happens. We've all seen it, tried to watch out for it, and tried to be aware and safe. But it made me want to bring up another issue somewhat related...people who will accuse someone of being fake as a method of manipulation.

It's happened to me a couple of times. Someone messages me, introductions turn into a friendly chat. Whether or not it's come up, I am very upfront early on about if considering meeting is even a possibility on my end. I make it clear because I've been lead on before as a spankee, and it sucks to think something will happen and then be let down. Suddenly, they ask for a photo of me...something explicit, and sometimes of my face. I let them know that my policy is no identifying photos unless I am in the stage of actually considering meeting someone, and absolutely never any explicit photos. They try to persuade me, I still say no. So then they start accusing me of being fake. If I were real, I would send them a photo of my butt, breasts, etc. I would send a photo of my face even though we live across the country and will never meet, and even though the age of technology means that depending on their abilities, they could find profiles and information by that photo and knowing what I look like. It's not a big deal to send identifying and explicit photos to someoneyou don't know and will never meet. So I must be fake since I refuse to send them. They twist the situation of overstepping boundaries, make themselves the victim of a "fake profile" because I didn't give them what they wanted. And after seeing some people even post how they just assume most female 20-something spankees online are really older men with a fake profile, it can be easy as someone in that demographic to want to go out of your way to prove that you're real, and who you say you are...even if it crosses your own boundaries.

Fake accounts are wrong, and they victimize real people even if the interactions stay online. They impact and hurt people. But one thing I can say from experience is to not let people use that reality to manipulate you, to make you feel like you need to prove yourself to them in ways you are not comfortable with. I never sent those photos. But I shared more content of myself than I really felt comfortable with sharing to prove that I wasn't fake. 

I've just seen a few posts about fakes here and elsewhere, and wanted to bring up this side of things. If a real member joins these sites and feels pressured to prove they're real...they don't owe anything to anyone, besides simply being honest, kind, and not leading people on. You don't owe anyone photos or identifying information, and never let the accusation of being "fake" scare you into crossing your own boundaries. 

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Oh that whole subject reminds me of my wife's account when we wanted to have myself and her discreet accounts here at this site. And long time ago we used to when we first joined and then we went back overseas and we were just not acting for so so long when we came back we had not the same isps we do not have the same email addresses and we just had to start over realize I recall and my wife is affirming this right now it was a fake or a I guess II e address we were trying to make a fake one of course it was very real

So as it goes to fake or I guess double accounts at this site I think this site  must have a good handle on fakes or to many. In actuality she's reminding me now there was actually three accounts because her sister was sting here with us here for the summer and she had just gone through a divorce unfortunately and she was quite intrigued with the whole dynamic and power shift and she wanted to have her own account. And I guess the novelty kind of wore off by the end of the summer if she didn't really care anymore she was reading it a little bit here she still checks in and reads it every once in awhile and as we know she doesn't have to have an account just for that. 

Which raises an interesting point that my wife brings up, as we have a kind of what you call it a mother-in-law kitchenette apartment downstairs in the building that over the years we have been known to rent a few times when the extra funds were needed more than the Privacy at the time other than that we don't lioke to rent it. although this next year we just may have to do that again for a little while and it's all on the same network and Wireless in wired and if by chance someone down there was a spanko and they wanted to login at this site I guess they would not be able to either so we would have to just decide on one shared account or hmmm i I don't even know how we would do that it's not happening now anyway, so I'm not going to worry about it.

However now that my wife and I are sitting here  thinking about this, we remember when we both made our accounts at the same time then we went overseas and came back and tried to log in and for the life of me I could not remember either the user ID exactly or the password for some reason anyway I think this is pertaining to us when we signed up this site it might have been another site but my wife is confirming here that I'm right in my thinking and so I had to actually just build a new account because I just couldn't remember how to get in and the email that we were using had changed and had no access to it any longer so we created new accounts and then when mine was the first account and it was okay she went to create her account and then it got deleted do to duplicate accounts error, and so we just figured that only one of us can  have an account here. Which I guess is okay my wife is not super keen on chatting in chat rooms like I might be for sure she's pretty private about the subject though she will discuss it with her sister no problem LOL red face here or her best friend hairdresser lady Joann. But other than that I don't think she is really into adding a whole bunch ,  she just kind of wanted to chime in behind me\ have the ability to log in and just read but as it turns out she can read anyway without having an account she just can't say anything. However I do kind of like the idea of her being able to chime in especially in private chats with folks when they questioned our DD relationship being that she is HOH which is of course a lot more rare in the DD relationship pool. However I don't think it's as rare as most people assumed it to be I will admit we all know it's rare but again I don't think it's quite as rare as most make it out to be and their struggles to find such a relationship tends to be.

again I admit it's rare but if the right circumstances and personalities and the timing and very careful nudging and introductions are in place a woman will love her husband and want to help develop better behavioral skills and better personal skills and better personal management skills and if that means warming up the rear and there's a negative reinforcement to help him achieve these new needed skill sets then I think most wise women would be okay with that I think where we cross the lines is where it turns into intimate contact in exchange and that's a different animal altogether. Where is for us intimate exchange or a Prelude to such has never ever been the case I cannot think of one time in 20 plus years that has ever been part of the intimate process it's very much business very much behavioral correction or Consequences, maintenance etc and that's it. it's very very cut-and-dry as far as business goes. As a matter of fact if anybody knew are special word of communication is if she says we need to have a business meeting when we get home or we're going to have to have an early business meeting aren't we anything about business meeting that means there's a business meeting about to take place . Youch!@ anyway I wasn't trying to hijack your thread I just thought it kind of spell within that same parameter of not necessarily same household different members accounts sometimes or in our case was mistakenly called a duplicate or guess some could term it a fake but in this case it wasn't. What kind of wish there was a way to do that somehow without buying another account or maybe using the phone I suppose but that is hard to do for her,. That would definitely be a discouraging Factor if she had to do it all on her phone. It also appears to me this site unlike many other sites that seem to be a lot more populated this site seems to be a bit more personal and kind of like a small town everybody kind of gets too quickly know one another if that makes sense it's just not like some of the other forms where there's just  so many people maybe those are the people that have all the fake accounts laughing out loud. But here it seems a little more homey and a little more warm for the most part however lower numbers also means lower instances of female HOH type members which I kind of obviously wish there were  more of that relationships cross section here but there's a few submissive males here as well.

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Over the years I have discovered ONE question that is about 75 % accurate in discovering men pretending to be women. It only works for people in the USA but is quite good. If you want to know what it is EMAIL me

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Great post!  Some spankees or new people may feel the “need” to send explicit pics to someone, just because they say they are a “spanker”.   I hate seeing people be manipulated.   Or they could be afraid of losing that person to chat with etc...if they don’t send a pic.  Anyone asking for such photos are doing so for their own gain.  Again, great post and reminded, to watch how much you share until mutual trust is built, which takes time. 

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14 hours ago, Amethyst_Moon said:

I've just seen a few posts about fakes here and elsewhere, and wanted to bring up this side of things. If a real member joins these sites and feels pressured to prove they're real...they don't owe anything to anyone, besides simply being honest, kind, and not leading people on. You don't owe anyone photos or identifying information, and never let the accusation of being "fake" scare you into crossing your own boundaries. 

As a general rule of safety, Always Think with your Head, Not your Hiney.

I don't ever share a photo, and I'm a guy, until the very last minute upon a serious public meet. And that's Only for purpose of Ident. If they're insisting, by the way don't ever consent & comply to their need for a photo of any kind. A photo proves Nothing. 

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On 8/21/2020 at 2:46 PM, MrBottoms said:

As a general rule of safety, Always Think with your Head, Not your Hiney.

I don't ever share a photo, and I'm a guy, until the very last minute upon a serious public meet. And that's Only for purpose of Ident. If they're insisting, by the way don't ever consent & comply to their need for a photo of any kind. A photo proves Nothing. 

This is primarily for the spankees, female AND male, who I would consider the more vulnerable in the equation. The only thing I would offer is a textual description of appearance, none too specific or exacting, just enough to assist meeting in a public, well-lit, safe and secure place, such as a coffee shop with security cameras covering the table you are at.

That is what we did back in the day. Just because we now have better technology does not mean you have to use it.

The moment you share a photo with anyone, it can get out on the Net and the Net never forgets. Also, a photo proves zip as MrBottoms said, anyone can get a photo of anyone and be anyone, big deal.

It sucks that people can turn into such low-lifes trying to get sex with someone or just to be cruel to someone.

I'm tempted to suggest delaying meeting anyone, corresponding instead as long-term penpals before a meet, but the problem is attachment can occur, and then a meet in person can ruin the expectations built up... Don't know.

Maybe more important than "is someone into spanking?" is the question, "is this person nice and friendly and someone I want to spend time with?"  Food for thought!

 

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On 8/21/2020 at 12:36 AM, Amethyst_Moon said:

On this and another site I am on, the topic of fake accounts has come up recently. We all know that this being the internet, fake profiles pop up. And on sites focused on spanking, that definitely happens. We've all seen it, tried to watch out for it, and tried to be aware and safe. But it made me want to bring up another issue somewhat related...people who will accuse someone of being fake as a method of manipulation.

It's happened to me a couple of times. Someone messages me, introductions turn into a friendly chat. Whether or not it's come up, I am very upfront early on about if considering meeting is even a possibility on my end. I make it clear because I've been lead on before as a spankee, and it sucks to think something will happen and then be let down. Suddenly, they ask for a photo of me...something explicit, and sometimes of my face. I let them know that my policy is no identifying photos unless I am in the stage of actually considering meeting someone, and absolutely never any explicit photos. They try to persuade me, I still say no. So then they start accusing me of being fake. If I were real, I would send them a photo of my butt, breasts, etc. I would send a photo of my face even though we live across the country and will never meet, and even though the age of technology means that depending on their abilities, they could find profiles and information by that photo and knowing what I look like. It's not a big deal to send identifying and explicit photos to someoneyou don't know and will never meet. So I must be fake since I refuse to send them. They twist the situation of overstepping boundaries, make themselves the victim of a "fake profile" because I didn't give them what they wanted. And after seeing some people even post how they just assume most female 20-something spankees online are really older men with a fake profile, it can be easy as someone in that demographic to want to go out of your way to prove that you're real, and who you say you are...even if it crosses your own boundaries.

Fake accounts are wrong, and they victimize real people even if the interactions stay online. They impact and hurt people. But one thing I can say from experience is to not let people use that reality to manipulate you, to make you feel like you need to prove yourself to them in ways you are not comfortable with. I never sent those photos. But I shared more content of myself than I really felt comfortable with sharing to prove that I wasn't fake. 

I've just seen a few posts about fakes here and elsewhere, and wanted to bring up this side of things. If a real member joins these sites and feels pressured to prove they're real...they don't owe anything to anyone, besides simply being honest, kind, and not leading people on. You don't owe anyone photos or identifying information, and never let the accusation of being "fake" scare you into crossing your own boundaries. 

One more little thing on security. Let someone else, your BFF (best friend forever) know what you are doing, who you are meeting, even their contact info, to include phone number and email account. The email must be a provider that keeps logs and can be subpoenaed such as gmail.

If you lack such a BFF, then at least leave a note on your table or somewhere easily discovered with this information along with "Meeting --- at --- on time, date."

I met many people over the Internet, I don't even know how many, and my filtering mechanisms must have been good because I never had any very bad experience. First of all if someone is sharing much identifiable information then they are more likely to be O.K.

I did not actually take the above precautions every time, instead I imagined that police were in the movies and some detective would dedicate his life working overtime to finding my killer/abuser. Now I know a bit better than that. The reality is closer to that not many people care/want to get involved.

Most important is meeting in a public place with lots of other people around. I didn't even follow that advice all the time but I guess I was lucky.

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On 8/31/2020 at 3:43 AM, St.George said:

This is primarily for the spankees, female AND male, who I would consider the more vulnerable in the equation. The only thing I would offer is a textual description of appearance, none too specific or exacting, just enough to assist meeting in a public, well-lit, safe and secure place, such as a coffee shop with security cameras covering the table you are at.

The moment you share a photo with anyone, it can get out on the Net and the Net never forgets. Also, a photo proves zip as MrBottoms said, anyone can get a photo of anyone and be anyone, big deal.

 

i fully agree with the comments quoted above. i would not send a photo over the internet or in any digital medium (except to family members, who already have plenty of photos!). The person receiving it could use it for any means, or distribute it. This could include true or untrue embarrassing information, extortion, blackmail, unwanted and undesirable attention, or all of the above. We may even think we know someone, and it can turn out differently (just ask divorced persons!)

On the other hand, no doubt thousands of photos have been exchanged with no adverse repercussions. Most people may well be trustworthy, and a photo can help the persons feel better acquainted. And, some people have a gift for reading others and their intentions. Still, be careful if the person feels creepy at all, or insistent on a photo. Another consideration might be what could happen if your photo gets used improperly--would that have adverse results professionally, publicly, or personally? i've received a number of photos, and much appreciated them. i would never distribute or publish those photos in any way, ever, nor would i ever use a photo for any purpose other than just to see what someone looks like and appreciate the person.

i've met in-person several persons that i first met on the internet. Descriptions have been sufficient for us in each instance. On one occasion, a photo was required, and probably from a legitimate source. That meeting never took place. Safe places are also important.

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On 9/21/2020 at 1:21 PM, ammon said:

i fully agree with the comments quoted above. i would not send a photo over the internet or in any digital medium (except to family members, who already have plenty of photos!). The person receiving it could use it for any means, or distribute it. This could include true or untrue embarrassing information, extortion, blackmail, unwanted and undesirable attention, or all of the above. We may even think we know someone, and it can turn out differently (just ask divorced persons!)

On the other hand, no doubt thousands of photos have been exchanged with no adverse repercussions. Most people may well be trustworthy, and a photo can help the persons feel better acquainted. And, some people have a gift for reading others and their intentions. Still, be careful if the person feels creepy at all, or insistent on a photo. Another consideration might be what could happen if your photo gets used improperly--would that have adverse results professionally, publicly, or personally? i've received a number of photos, and much appreciated them. i would never distribute or publish those photos in any way, ever, nor would i ever use a photo for any purpose other than just to see what someone looks like and appreciate the person.

i've met in-person several persons that i first met on the internet. Descriptions have been sufficient for us in each instance. On one occasion, a photo was required, and probably from a legitimate source. That meeting never took place. Safe places are also important.

Agreed. It's all about common sense. If someone seems pushy or judgemental before they even meet, no point meeting. 

I was reading reviews today of various matchmaker sites, including for the over-50 crowd (*cough*), like silversingles.com, ourtime, others of a similar nature. I am sure these sites proliferate because over-50s have $ to burn and a high divorce rate to boot, so plenty of lonely rich gray-hairs.

I read a remark for a 62 year-old lady complaining about men that write too much. "You're a grown-ass man. If you like a woman, ask her out!"

My thought was, maybe they didn't feel all fired up to ask her out. Maybe she needs to learn about writing in order to motivate them to have any interest. After 50, more is dependent upon personality. Just my 0.02.

I'm a grown-ass man, but you know, if I don't feel like asking someone out, I don't, and if I do, I do. Ain't no thang. Also, there is no law that says a woman cannot ask a man out. What, if she going to offend Mrs. Grundy?

Anyway, I think this relate tangentially to the topic. Maybe? About internet dating in general. For older folk.

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On 8/31/2020 at 5:43 AM, St.George said:

Maybe more important than "is someone into spanking?" is the question, "is this person nice and friendly and someone I want to spend time with?"  Food for thought!

 

This is such an important thought!! I've only ever been in one relationship where spanking was a part of it (the one I am still in currently) and even though it was just a few months into the actual romantic connection that spanking was introduced, we were friends and enjoyed each other as PEOPLE for over a year before we ever became a couple. I had no idea until the moment my first spanking came up that he was even into spanking, and I was really only a few years into truly learning, for myself, what spanking meant to me. I didn't go into this relationship with "is he into spanking?" even in my head. I just knew that he was an amazing person and that I wanted to spend time with him, whether his hand ever met my bottom or not! 🥰 

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