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Safewords, yes or no?


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I personally wont play with a bottom who dose not chose a safe word. a safe word is not about needing it as it is about havening it in case you need it. and there's no way to know ahead of time if that's the case. the best planed scene can go wrong and often for unforeseen reasons. even the best laid plans can unravel and for unforeseen reasons. the bottom always needs an out even if both of you make the effort to never have to use it. simply put shit happens. and mind you this comes from someone who not only tops, but occasionally bottoms...    

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NOOOOO, we CANNOT have you getting away with THAT!!! Your detailed confession is therefore MOST appreciated and will be duly noted!  But laughing aside, you're right, StrictGent. A safe-word is es

A few comments: 1. Effectively these are safewords. 2. As to "consensual non-consent" there isn't such a thing legally.  It can always be withdrawn.  I would not advise anyone to

AG is right, pretty much, in that (imo) a spanker should be able to read their partner's body language and adjust accordingly. But there will be instances where either spanker or spankee are inexperie

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8 hours ago, Phillip said:

a safe word is not about needing it as it is about havening it in case you need it. and there's no way to know ahead of time if that's the case. the best planed scene can go wrong and often for unforeseen reasons.

This right here is the important take away for this statement.

It doesn't matter how advanced you are or how comfortable you are. Having a safe word to let your partner know instantly that SOMETHING IS WRONG is the key.

That goes for top, and bottom.

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On 10/30/2020 at 10:47 PM, gravano said:

If that happens, the ER may be charged with manslaughter.  Some states do not allow consent as a defense to the type of “assault” people engage in here.  If consent is allowed, it is an affirmative defense, which means the defendant has to come forward with evidence of it.  Consent also has to be informed, and it could be argued that if you were not advised of the risk of death, the alleged consent was not informed. 

Where consent is allowed as an affirmative defense, you cannot it waive your right to withdraw it, which means that a “CNC” has no legal effect. If someone says “stop” or “I withdraw consent,” the ‘ER proceeds at her peril notwithstanding any such agreement to the contrary.  

Good to know!

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Like many others I am very uncertain.

I am fortunate in that I am caned, only for the purposes of correction and by a mentor I trust. Canings STING. They are supposed to.

I'd always advise someone to have a safe word.

But I have never had one, because it negates the passage of total control to my mentor. He also takes my house keys so I cannot leave until I've had the full benefit of the correction.

I think that I've been lucky. I very had three mentors over the years and none has been brutal.  VERY firm but not brutal.

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I now agree, that a safe word is a "safety net" however, if the spankee abuses this, and uses the safe-word, just because it "hurts to much" than I am not above removing the safe word, and adding more spanks because of that.

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9 hours ago, RedKnight said:

I now agree, that a safe word is a "safety net" however, if the spankee abuses this, and uses the safe-word, just because it "hurts to much" than I am not above removing the safe word, and adding more spanks because of that.

Unilaterally doing that and continuing to spank after the safe word is uttered would constitute assault and battery. Adding additional spanks would be clear evidence of malicious intent. 

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Listen. Everyone can play whatever game they want in their head and pretend that the situation changes because it is “real discipline.”  Legally, that means nothing. If someone communicates a request to stop and you don’t, you are guilty of assault.  In some states you are even guilty if they “consent” because it is not a recognized affirmative defense to this kind of assault.  
 

So, if you are so intoxicated by your power to inflict pain on someone, you proceed at your own peril once they ask you to stop. If you have beaten them to a point where they can no longer effectively communicate a safeword, then they have lost their ability to give consent just like when someone has sex with someone who is highly intoxicated.  You should assume that any prior consent is no longer effective or any adverse results will be on you legally.

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Yes, of course I agree with all that - if a safe word is spoken I would of course stop: at that point the communication would start, if it was stopped because of feeling sick, unsafe, or something like that, then of course the spanking would most likely be done.

If the spanking was stopped cause the spankee just needed a break, then yes, I would stop, and a break given; it might be in the form of corner-time or something, but the break will be given.

The spankee can stop the spanking as many times as she/he wants for the purpose of a break - with the pre-understanding, that with every break - there may be extra spankings, or punishments because of them.

I may even have a different safe-word for a break than and emergency stop. Like yellow for break, red for emergency! (no penalties for emergencies) - There would be communication about all this before the spanking.

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On 11/3/2020 at 3:38 PM, gravano said:

Unilaterally doing that and continuing to spank after the safe word is uttered would constitute assault and battery. Adding additional spanks would be clear evidence of malicious intent. 

 

On 11/3/2020 at 3:47 PM, gravano said:

Listen. Everyone can play whatever game they want in their head and pretend that the situation changes because it is “real discipline.”  Legally, that means nothing. If someone communicates a request to stop and you don’t, you are guilty of assault.  In some states you are even guilty if they “consent” because it is not a recognized affirmative defense to this kind of assault.  

So, if you are so intoxicated by your power to inflict pain on someone, you proceed at your own peril once they ask you to stop. If you have beaten them to a point where they can no longer effectively communicate a safeword, then they have lost their ability to give consent just like when someone has sex with someone who is highly intoxicated.  You should assume that any prior consent is no longer effective or any adverse results will be on you legally.

Yes, absolutely correct. Thank you, Gravano!

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I am a bottom / brat. Safewords are not something I have had or used in 20 years - unless specifically requested or required by a play partner (one guy in 20 years). I don't have a problem with them if it makes the ER or ee more comfortable, but I won't judge those of us who do not want them.

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4 hours ago, rubyredd said:

 but I won't judge those of us who do not want them.

I agree, it boils down to communication, trust, and respect. If your partner feels he/she needs it to be safe, that respect that choice. If they feel it is more real with-out, great, I also will not judge.

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