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Safewords, yes or no?

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4 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

Yeah, I dunno about safewords.  It would seem like we should just be able to communicate normally and sort of read each other's vibes. If she has an issue with the spanking, she could just tell me.  That, or I would be able to sense that something is askew by reading her body language.  Normal communication would seem to be a more natural, fluid way of alerting me to some problem or issue.  Suddenly yelling out "Cucumber!" or "Yellow!" would actually be more disconcerting and jarring in the heat of the moment.    

I think in the middle of an intense spanking, especially if there is counting and questions to answer, it can be very hard to get out "please stop, I need to adjust my arm, my hand is going numb, we need to retie the ropes".  The one time I used yellow I was in "diaper position" on a table with my legs tied to a rope over the rafters.  He used a new paddle and When it hit I yelled ouch, and reflexively tried to bend my knees and roll away at the same time.  I pulled so hard I felt a twinge in my knee and managed to synch the ropes up super tight on my ankles.  I actually stretched the rope.  I was out of breath and knew i couldn't stay like that and another hit was going tonland and I would potentially really injure myself.  "Wow, OUCH!, Yellow!"  The next hit did not come.  He checked on me.  Made sure I was ok.  I didn't have time or breath to try and convince him I was serious in between swats.  

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AG is right, pretty much, in that (imo) a spanker should be able to read their partner's body language and adjust accordingly. But there will be instances where either spanker or spankee are inexperienced, overly vocal, underly (?!) vocal, or otherwise not in synch enough to make sure all' well all the time. In my 30 years of playing I've never deployed a safeword, as spanker or spankee, but just knowing one is in place is an emotional safety blanket.

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I feel that a safewords should be discussed in every spanking relationship. No spankee should be denied the option to use them should the need arise. Safety is paramount.

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The first thing I think about is punishment. You are deign spanked for your bad behavior. As a child they do not have “safe words “ you need to know your spanker and he need to know you and what you can handle so when you are over his knee he has total control over you. I don’t use safe work and I get the spanking I deserve. 

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I think maybe if people are really experienced with heavier implements ( eg paddles, straps, canes etc ) then maybe safe words can be put to one side but I think especially for newbies they really are a must. Unless it's the most basic of hand spankings really. It's all very well saying that a good spanker will be in tune with the 'ee - that doesn't take into account poor technique or a lack of safety awareness. I remember reading something Lady Pandora ( an English disciplinarian ) said once - "A cane or paddle if wielded incorrectly can kill ...) - I think in balance that whatever the reason for spanking there needs to be a way of stopping/slowing the session if need be. 

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A ton of clarifications are always discussed before I even arrange for a public meet. I don't object to a safe word in place. However, I don't encourage its use either. I make initial adjustments & allowances thru the first few mtgs until there is a level of trust established. Reasonable positions are coordinated, one young lady had vertigo so naturally there were adjustment exceptions made.

I am always In Tune & Focused with my Full, undivided attention to the Matter at Hand 😁, so I have never once had a safe word used in over 13 yrs online. 
Exception to the rule is, of course, for any medical consideration.

And it goes without saying that if & when a safe word is to be used, it is expected to be Justified

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6 hours ago, MrBottoms said:

A ton of clarifications are always discussed before I even arrange for a public meet. I don't object to a safe word in place. However, I don't encourage its use either. I make initial adjustments & allowances thru the first few mtgs until there is a level of trust established. Reasonable positions are coordinated, one young lady had vertigo so naturally there were adjustment exceptions made.

I am always In Tune & Focused with my Full, undivided attention to the Matter at Hand 😁, so I have never once had a safe word used in over 13 yrs online. 
Exception to the rule is, of course, for any medical consideration.

And it goes without saying that if & when a safe word is to be used, it is expected to be Justified

This is exactly how we handle safe words.  I even wrote it into our contract that if no safeword during a punishment it had better be for safety reasons.  If i were to  spank someone who didn't want a safe word, then I would consider any struggle to get away or words like "no" and "stop" to be a revocation of consent.  The only case might be in cnc or a TPE but I would still expect them.not to ask me to stop unless they meant it

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1 hour ago, Megthe said:

  If i were to  spank someone who didn't want a safe word, then I would consider any struggle to get away or words like "no" and "stop" to be a revocation of consent.  

Precisely. I have stopped early on many occasions b/c either physical or emotional limits, or both, had been reached. Not b/c I wanted to stop.  If it wasn't enough to get sufficient attention, then we simply go another round, but another time. 😁

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I have never used a safe word. I only play hard with people I trust so I have never felt a need for one. I like "CNC" and a safeword would render that arrangement meaningless.

It's upto every individual to decide if they want a safe word and there is no right or wrong answer...

 

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3 hours ago, sassylittle said:

 I like "CNC" 

WHAT Is CNC , sassylittle ??  AG has never heard of it.  

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19 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

WHAT Is CNC , sassylittle ??  AG has never heard of it.  

Consensual non consent. AG needs to read up a bit😛

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30 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

Consensual non consent. AG needs to read up a bit😛

OH YEAH!  I know what that means, I just wasn't used to the abbreviation.  😝

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I think safe words are good for people to feel safe; especially if something goes wrong. I would not say they are dumb in the slightest. However I would never personally use a safe word myself. Because of the fact that I will only be spanked by those I trust, they know my medical needs, they know how I react if I'm having an medical issue, and if I just say 'help' or 'something wrong' or 'please pause' -- the spanking will pause, they'll address if I'm ok and if something needs to be sorted to safety spank me. Sometimes that means taking a small break and having some water. 

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A few comments:

1.

4 hours ago, Child of Light said:

I think safe words are good for people to feel safe; especially if something goes wrong. I would not say they are dumb in the slightest. However I would never personally use a safe word myself. Because of the fact that I will only be spanked by those I trust, they know my medical needs, they know how I react if I'm having an medical issue, and if I just say 'help' or 'something wrong' or 'please pause' -- the spanking will pause, they'll address if I'm ok and if something needs to be sorted to safety spank me. Sometimes that means taking a small break and having some water. 

Effectively these are safewords.

2.

As to "consensual non-consent" there isn't such a thing legally.  It can always be withdrawn.  I would not advise anyone to test the limits of the criminal law on this.

3.

Leaving the previous point aside, I am having a great deal of trouble seeing the downside to the existence of such an arrrangement. If it is never used, fine.  Just like the airbag in my car.  There has never been one deployed in my decades of driving experience and I hope it will never happen, but It's hard to argue that it shouldn't be there.

                                                                                                                 -Ex.

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I myself have kind of always thought of the safe word associated with BDSM environments, You know like the stuff seen on line and such, The kinds of environments that i am to chicken to be found near such a place. But have always {and probably not wisely}  just associated safe words with environments where folks are not playing with trusted caring caring individuals.

But with a domestic discipline environment it seems to me that a safe word is almost like topping from the bottom, If thats the correct way of putting it, it's not totally submission anymore if I have a way to put a halt on the spanking.

Barbara-drafts a liknes of her and my wife and a very embassedyoung husband.jpg

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On 8/8/2020 at 3:37 PM, RedKnight said:

What are some good safe-words that people use? It would need to be easy to remember in the middle of possible intense pain.

My wife and I used to use the customary yellow and red as safe words.  But then we saw Family Guy safe word is banana episode.  So we changed yellow to banana.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h8WKITybac&feature=emb_logo  

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On 8/22/2020 at 11:39 AM, Child of Light said:

I think safe words are good for people to feel safe; especially if something goes wrong. I would not say they are dumb in the slightest. However I would never personally use a safe word myself. Because of the fact that I will only be spanked by those I trust, they know my medical needs, they know how I react if I'm having an medical issue, and if I just say 'help' or 'something wrong' or 'please pause' -- the spanking will pause, they'll address if I'm ok and if something needs to be sorted to safety spank me. Sometimes that means taking a small break and having some water. 

So, basically,  "help, something wrong  and please pause" are your safe words. 

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On 8/22/2020 at 3:50 PM, Explorify said:

A few comments:

1.

Effectively these are safewords.

2.

As to "consensual non-consent" there isn't such a thing legally.  It can always be withdrawn.  I would not advise anyone to test the limits of the criminal law on this.

3.

Leaving the previous point aside, I am having a great deal of trouble seeing the downside to the existence of such an arrrangement. If it is never used, fine.  Just like the airbag in my car.  There has never been one deployed in my decades of driving experience and I hope it will never happen, but It's hard to argue that it shouldn't be there.

                                                                                                                 -Ex.

Exactly! Ultimately EEs have final say with their bodies, period!  Also, safewords are just as much for ERs. I can't imagine anyone playing without them. 

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My wife and I have safe words, but I'm having trouble recalling ever having to resort to them.  Unless you are role-playing where you want to be able to say anything for the sake of the role and not really mean it - "Oh cruel master, stop, please, have mercy...." and so forth - then "stop" just means ..... "STOP".  Just thinking back, even with safe words, we usually wound up just saying "that's too tight" or "that's too hard" or whatever, and usually, by the tone of voice, you can tell whether it is serious or drama.  However, it's nice to have an unambiguous signal no matter what, so I don't see the drawback.  Whatever else safe words are good for, or not good for, they pretty much eliminate any doubt whether the activity is consensual.    

 

 

    

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On 8/16/2020 at 11:47 AM, momma_s_boy said:

there is a means to ensure that the spankee does not have a heart attack during the spanking.

No actually. There is not.

On 8/16/2020 at 11:47 AM, momma_s_boy said:

 A spankee buys a heart and lung monitor. The Spanker holds the wrist of hand the monitor is on and places him in a corner when the monitor reaches 125. When it goes down to below 90 He/She can continue  with the punishment.  

A heart attack can and does often occur with the heart rate in normal range (60-100) so monitoring the HR ( heart rate) will not prevent a heart attack. IF YOUR EE SAYS THEY'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK, LISTEN!

On 8/16/2020 at 11:47 AM, momma_s_boy said:

This way the Spanker does not listen loose the His/Her authority, still be compassionate about the one He/She leads, nor worry if the spankee is just trying to stop it because the spankee wants to safe word out because of pain.

Since the ee has the final power/authority with their body,, they can withdraw consent at any time for any reason they want.  

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