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EdmontonSpanker

Dating Idea

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Anyone else have any comments about trying to find another spanko through regular dating?

Many have said how the "spanking personals" in one's own region can come up empty for them.

And so that leads one back to considering the "vanilla" world of regular dating - knowing that it's a long shot (but not impossible) that you can find someone with some common interest.   

On website dating profiles, I've tried putting some references to a "fetish for consensual spanking play". eHarmony deleted my account.  Other sites just delete that sentence from the profile.  It's a pity.  With so much tolerance for other orientations (e.g. gay), spankos are still living in a world that won't allow mention of it.   So you can say so in your private messages, but  there seems to be a real downside in bringing any such topics up "too soon".  I can understand the female perspective which is the scenario of the empty hookup and one-track mind which they dislike intensely.  But it seems to be that the subject could be broached for the purposes of seeking compatibility, and then the regular scenario of dating and going for walks and taking it slow would be understood to be the next step and then only if there's a feeling of mutual desire for something ongoing would play start.  Well it sounds logical on paper.  In practice things are never quite so easy. 


P.S.  So in the initial stages you never mention anything....... But then how to broach the subject when you seem to be compatiable in other ways.

Romantic Idea: Here is a wine company that seems to be "one of us".
https://spankingbottomwine.com/our-story.html
Good way to do a little test to see if your date is spanko or not, just take her out and order this at the restaurant.
Either you will get giggles and gleaming eyes and smiles and ping ponging comments back and forth between you...
...or it'll go over like a lead balloon.   And then you'll know.

istock-533192339 copy.jpg

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I wonder if they offer winery tours.

Could be a good place to take a date if you're in the area, and see how your date reacts....

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Why not just ask people what their dealbreakers are on the first date?

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25 minutes ago, Zhal said:

Why not just ask people what their dealbreakers are on the first date?

Believe me that is what I would prefer to be a societal norm.  Life is short and years pass by quicker and quicker the longer you live.  One has wasted many years not even daring to speak about it (due to being utterly taboo) And now this damn COVID is going to last for some time.   It really does seem less than optimal.  

To answer your question though:  I believe most women recoil when a new man seems to have only one thing on his mind and may therefore be the kind that will only have a short "hookup" and then disappear.  Also, some are not just keen to talk about such things openly with someone new --- they may be shy to do so... or they may feel it sends the wrong "kind of signal" being so direct.  I certainly see the phrase "friends first" used a LOT in vanilla dating profiles. 

This does not mean that women do not appreciate subtle and indirect ways to broach the question of erotic attraction that still maintain "plausible deniability" which means if there is not a common mutual interest, then everyone still gets to save face and pretend like it wasn't about that at all.   E.g. a woman who asks you "excuse me sir can you tell me the time" may decide to say that she was, in fact, doing so because she wanted to know the time.    In general, this way of interacting is what they call flirting.    And dating for that matter is about that too.  It is not just about being instantly attracted (which is great if it happens) but also about building attraction.
 

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1 hour ago, Zhal said:

Why not just ask people what their dealbreakers are on the first date?

Honestly, if I were asked that, I would think of my vanilla dealbreakers. And it isn't a good first date question, especially if it's about sexual dealbreakers. A first date isn't when we're getting to anything sexual, or even necessarily thinking about it. Sure, the possibility exists that if it goes farther, we will end up doing that, but to me, having that conversation on the first date is too soon. Unless it's an outright spoken agreement not to go there on the first date. I need to spend some time getting to know each other first, and I'm not necessarily going to feel I've gotten to know him enough within x number of dates. How long it takes is fluid and nuanced.

That early in a relationship, I'm looking as much for friendship as I am for romance. That also means there can be an out if the romance part doesn't click: we can be platonic friends. Same thing if the guy were really completely vanilla. Now, if we were otherwise sexually compatible, it might be time to look at if/how we could make that work... the point is, I would be looking for a whole lot that isn't spanking, and I would think of that first. That said, my greatest compatibility would be with someone who fits that whole lot that isn't spanking I'm looking for and is into giving spankings too and is into giving them for more or less the same reasons that I'm into receiving them.

Not to mention, asking about deal breakers raises a negative. In the first few dates at least, the focus should be on the positive--why you want to date this person--not on why you wouldn't. If there are any real deal breakers, those tend to emerge in the getting to know each other process.

 

 

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A while back I decided to explore some "regular" sites to see what I could find as far as people with a spanking interest. I found a handful of people who listed the interest on OKCupid, but never got anywhere with anyone.

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On 7/30/2020 at 3:14 PM, DelawareValleySpanker said:

A while back I decided to explore some "regular" sites to see what I could find as far as people with a spanking interest. I found a handful of people who listed the interest on OKCupid, but never got anywhere with anyone.

 

Interesting!  You are right.  This is the first regular site I have seen as such.  I consider it a step forward for humanity. 

Below are screenshots of what how one can search.  Unfortunately as Del says, the number of results is paltry.   

"Spanking" and "Being spanked" is provided for in ability to search of the profile text.  But gives zero female results for the entire world. 

There are also  the "questions" section as shown that does show some results (but not in my area).  To get any result the person has to have answered the question and I don't see how a new profile can even get asked these sorts of questions let alone answer them.  It show you a bunch of regular questions like "do you like scary movies" to anwer.  But I think the kinky ones have been taken out.

 

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I think the odds are not good for finding a spanko through vanilla dating,  but you never know.  You probably can find someone kinky who might enjoy spanking, but that isn’t the same as finding a spanko IMO.  I did *once* meet a spanko through a vanilla event, and now we are friends.  Kinda blew my mind.

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On 8/2/2020 at 4:25 PM, EdmontonSpanker said:

 

Interesting!  You are right.  This is the first regular site I have seen as such.  I consider it a step forward for humanity. 

Below are screenshots of what how one can search.  Unfortunately as Del says, the number of results is paltry.   

"Spanking" and "Being spanked" is provided for in ability to search of the profile text.  But gives zero female results for the entire world. 

There are also  the "questions" section as shown that does show some results (but not in my area).  To get any result the person has to have answered the question and I don't see how a new profile can even get asked these sorts of questions let alone answer them.  It show you a bunch of regular questions like "do you like scary movies" to anwer.  But I think the kinky ones have been taken out.

 

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IIRC, I had to manipulate something in the app to search in a way that would make anything show up. It appears now in order to search like that you have to be a paid member, which I’m not, so I can’t say for sure now.  

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@EdmontonSpanker, thanks for posting your experience and mentioning that eHarmony deleted your account. I had good luck with eHarmony six years ago, in that I met three nice guys there. For varying reasons, we weren't suited to each other, but they were still quality men. I had been considering eHarmony again, but after reading your post, I will drop that idea. When I was younger, I just suppressed my spanking needs. At this point in my life, I either want a good man who's into spanking, or I'll stay single. 

@DelawareValleySpanker, thanks for mentioning OKCupid as a site that allows people to list an interest in spanking in their profile. How did you like the site otherwise?

Jillian Keenan mentions using vanilla dating sites and including spanking "code terms" in your profile:  OTK, DD, FLR, etc. Haven't tried this yet, but may give it a whirl at some point.

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