Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I don't know if I can do this. As I said somewhere else, I'm very, very new to spanking. 
And for the first time ever, I roll played with someone. 
Which was both more exciting then I would have ever imagined, to finally share in a secret I've had for many years. 
But also conflicting for myself. 
I just wanted them to feel good, I wanted to do it how they would enjoy it. I wanted to make them feel cared about and safe. 
I couldn't enjoy it without knowing that it was important to them, without knowing what they wanted in that moment, there was no enjoyment for me. 
 
Which I don't think is normal? Roll playing is fine, I could do that, I can play the strict disciplinering or whatever really. 
 
But that's not what spankees want or need is it? 
Or am I wrong? 
I feel like I might have to always take charge, tell them what is going to happen and then do it (once agreed upon and spoken apon, of course) 
 
Which I don't know, if I can do. My job as a man is to chivalrous, to protect, to offer kindness. And especially to keep safe. 
 
And I stand by those principles no matter what. 
 
So how do I do this? 
 
How do I put the desire, with the principles, I choose to adhere too. 
 
My imagination isn't the same, because the woman isn't real. 
 
But if she was, if I was to do this, what will she get out of it? 
And not in the sense of displine, I can roll play but I cannot displine. 
 
It has to be for something else. She has to get something else out of it. 
 
If it's the excitement or pleasure or feeling cared for and safe, I don't know. 
 
What do you feel from being spanked that is not displine? 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Share this post


Link to post

Some people do want discipline in role play, and really want the spanker to take charge. If that's not what works for you, then you shouldn't participate in that kind of role play, and make it clear to any potential partners up front that you won't.

 There's a great topic here about different types of spanko and different kinds of spanking experiences. It sounds like you're all about the spanking fetish experience, not the punishment fetish experience. Which I also am, but I've never done any role play. I'm almost as new to it, irl, as you are.

The only spankings I've ever had, as an adult, were part of sexual play in an otherwise vanilla relationship. They were full on spankings, not just a few swats during sex, but they almost always led to sex and they were always erotic. We weren't playing any roles, just ourselves.

If I were doing role play, the real goal for me, I think, would be excitement and pleasure, even if it didn't involve sex. I would want the spanker to take just enough charge to carry out the spanking, but not not overpower me in any other way. I think I'd find it exciting to have them tell me what they were going to do, and to have them step up the spanking if I did something we'd agreed would make them step it up. But it wouldn't really be disciplinary. Maybe pretend discipline, but that's different.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

And to add, I don't really feel a need for protection as part of my fetish, but some people do. It sounds like the most compatible partner for you would want to feel protected and cared for, and would get that out of spanking.

To my mind, if I had a male spanker who fulfilled my fantasies, I wouldn't think he was being unkind. I would say I wouldn't think he was being unchivalrous either, but chivalry isn't such a draw for me. I want men to be nice to me, of course, especially in a romantic context, but I don't feel a need for adhering to traditional roles. It sounds like you have a more traditional mindset than I do, and it sounds like that shapes your kink.

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

@Bramblewinethank you for lovely response. It's nice to understand that there is that side to it as well. I was starting to think I was the only one, who came from that angle.

Glad to see I'm not alone, from the other side of the equation. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

@Harrow I'm glad you found it useful!

Some of the things you're saying remind me a little of some of the things said in this video and its sequel. In particular, what her partner says he likes and doesn't like in spanking (he mentions it being caring), although both of them are apparently discipline oriented and not really into the erotic version. If you haven't watched Jillian Keenan's You Tube channel yet, all those videos are very educational. In particular, the ones where she brings in other spankos give a lot of perspective.

Share this post


Link to post

@Bramblewinethank you, I will watch them.

Can I ask you as you say you are in it for the fetish experience, exactly what part gives you pleasure and in what way? 

Feel free not to answer if it's to personal 🙂

Share this post


Link to post

I'm not sure if I'd call it a fetish, actually. Some people use those words interchangeably. Someone, somewhere, I forget where, defined it as a fetish if it takes the place of sex and a kink if it goes along with sex. By that definition, it would be a kink for me. But, I just used those words interchangeably myself, so there you have it. 

What gives me pleasure is the spanking itself. It turns me on, big time. With my ex, I usually orgasmed from it, and then the activity that followed was extra sexy when I was doing it with a sore, spanked bottom.

The thought of it also turns me on, in fantasy. The big part of my fantasies is the fantasy of actually being spanked, not so much what leads to it.

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I would say it's a kink for me to then. Because it's definitely doesn't replace sex. Which I can completely enjoy without it. But at the same time it can make sex so much more. 

I think a big part for me will be turning on the woman with a spanking 

Share this post


Link to post
7 minutes ago, Harrow said:

 

I think a big part for me will be turning on the woman with a spanking 

And that's kind and chivalrous, isn't it? Doing something for your partner that brings her pleasure. Enjoying giving that to her.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

For me, spanking is not and never has been about discipline. Nonsexually, it relieves stress, and I do simply enjoy it. Sexually, when done in that context, it is a fetish and completely defines my sexuality. 

But putting aside those additional purposes, I am a born, hard-wired spanko. It is an innate part of me, something I need and crave simply because it is a part of who I am, no other reasons necessary for it. What I get out of being spanked is the fulfillment of a very real part of myself. It simply fulfills a personal need to be spanked, a part of me that longs to be fulfilled for its own sake. It might also relieve pent up stress or just be a fun activity. If done in a sexual context with a romantic partner, it might be satisfying in that way. But ultimately, what I always get out of it is a deep fulfillment of a part of myself that is simply there.

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post

Hello to all on this current topic.

I have to say that for me it is only discipline.  It has only ever been so and there has to be no deliberate sexual element. I have normal sexual feelings, needs and desires but they are not a part of discipline.

This is as it always has been with me. I have to have the absolution of a painful caning. For me, there can be no mixing of the two.

Share this post


Link to post
12 hours ago, BenjaminBoy said:

Hello to all on this current topic.

I have to say that for me it is only discipline.  It has only ever been so and there has to be no deliberate sexual element. I have normal sexual feelings, needs and desires but they are not a part of discipline.

This is as it always has been with me. I have to have the absolution of a painful caning. For me, there can be no mixing of the two.

I'm 100% in accord. 

Share this post


Link to post

I have to say I am similar to Amethyst. I like a spanking for the pleasure of the spanking. Nothing sexual about it, a spanking does not arouse me in any way. I enjoy a spanking, and I enjoy the stress relief. It is also just a part of me, from where I do not know. I came upon me later in life, and spent a lot of time thinking about why. I eventually figured out that the thinking about it didn't help in any way, but the spanking does. So the spanking brings pleasure, and relaxation, for it own sake not for any sexual reasons.  As part of sex, it would be fun but not erotic in and of itself. The pleasure of being spanked would help the overall mood and feeling however.

Share this post


Link to post

For me it is about letting someone else be in control. All my life I have had to be in control - of my thoughts, feelings, and actions. I like the feeling of giving control to someone who cares about me. I also really enjoy the pain. It's hard to explain why. I think a combination of having pain helps keep me focused. I have ADD so keeping focused is hard usually but sitting on a sore butt is a constant reminder.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...