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Fantasy vs Reality


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Just curious to learn a little about how you took your fantasy/curiosity in spanking to reality ... For those who started mainly with online only chatting/self spanking/etc ... what was the turning point for making the switch to reality and finally getting spanked (as an adult) or giving a spanking in real life?

How did you meet your first spanker/spankee (as an adult)? 

How has the fantasy of what you imagined spanking to be like (as an adult) differed from what you actually experienced when it became reality? 

If you could give any advice to your old self before you experienced your first real (adult) spanking what would it be?

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I finally looked for a real spanking when I was in my late twenties (from a newsgroup).  Even then, I rarely had the courage to find a spanker and kept mostly to fantasy.  I had to work on myself  to feel like I was okay.  Around 30 I finally started dating in the BDSM scene.  For me there was a big difference between fantasy and reality.

Even now in my forties I feel like I barely have that worked out.  What I want has changed. When I was younger I just wanted someone, anyone, to spank me!  Now I want to admire and trust my spanker.  I need connection to benefit fully from the possible headspace available to me.  That feeling of acceptance and belonging, as well as physical and emotional satisfaction, is way better than even my best guilty fantasy.

My advice for my past self would be to fully embrace what I am and to find my people ASAP.  Don’t run, but do walk towards other people like myself.  Yes, get spanked, but also build family. Trust that the fantasy is not out there, but that reality is more rewarding.

PS A final observation is that spankings hurt a lot more in reality then they ever do in fantasy.  :)

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I found myself at a point in life where things had fallen apart in my personal life. I had been interested and curious (very interested and very curious) for a long time before and I felt like I really didn't have anything left to lose. There was a friend who I knew was into it and was well connected with other people who were into it and I told her I wanted to try it. I didn't know if it was going to be anything like I expected or not but I wouldn't have been able to look myself in the mirror if I didn't try it. So I tried it, first as a bottom and then later as a top. I took to it in no time. 

It's been one of the best and most beneficial decisions I've ever made. 

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I think the biggest difference between fantasy and reality is it hurts more than you imagined it would. You need to be prepared for that. 

I met my first EE at a kinky social event. Ditto for most of the others through munches, etc. although I am pretty well networked these days and they tend to find me. I was actually pretty nervous giving my first few spankings, especially the ones that were disciplinary as opposed to just for fun because I didn't really know what I was doing.

If I could give my old self advice it would be "What are you waiting for? Life is short."

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For years I believed that I was a one-in-a million freak. It's thanks to the Internet - with sites like this one - that I now realise that there are lots of like-minded people out there and I've been able to make contact with many of them online and/or in person. So it was late in life that I was able to act out my fantasies by receiving and giving my first spankings to fellow consulting adults.   

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2 minutes ago, Hotspur said:

For years I believed that I was a one-in-a million freak. It's thanks to the Internet - with sites like this one - that I now realise that there are lots of like-minded people out there and I've been able to make contact with many of them online and/or in person. So it was late in life that I was able to act out my fantasies by receiving and giving my first spankings to fellow consulting adults.   

I went for several years knowing I wasn't alone but not really knowing how to get in contact and get social traction with others (or at least not having any success at it). The best way I can sum it up is it was like if...I liked grape soda (or at least it sounded good and I wanted to try it). Nobody else I knew liked it. Most people I knew didn't even know what it was and the ones who did know OF it didn't seem to know much ABOUT it, but still insisted it was a bad thing. 

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  • 1 year later...

the first time I spanked a female was when I was 20 and spanked my 19 year old girlfriend... I first witnessed a very exciting spanking of a girl several years older than me when I was 12, so from 12-20 I was fantasizing about spanking every pretty girl at school (!) but knew it would never happen   LOL     when I finally did get a chance, it was because my gf and I were laying in bed on a lazy Sat morning and suddenly she wanted to grab something on the bedside table on my side. .instead of asking me to hand it to her, she just propped up and reached across me to get it...  essentially put herself over my lap as I was sitting up in bed, and the only thing she had on was a short t-shirt which rode up from her waist leaving her laying over me, with her 2 wonderfully peachy cheeks just staring me in the face...  well about 4million years of evolution took over at that point, and whats a red-blooded horny guy going to do (!)...  I knew instantly I had no more than a second to act, so wrapped my left arm around her waist and rained down a series of quick sharp (but not too hard) spanks... she 'freaked', "omg.. what are you doing?"... but as much in shock and OMG laughter as she tried to escape, which just made me want to spank her more and harder...  which I did, but also only had it last couple seconds...   after I let go, we were both breathing heavily and it totally put us in the mood... later though she did tell me that those last spanks were WAY too hard for her, and had I not let her up, it could have gone south fast..  but in my fantasy world (and the spanking I witnessed) the girl was able to take a very good hard spanking... in reality (both with this girl and the next one I spanked), I found my eagerness took over and I was spanking too hard too soon...

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I'm still working on it. I had a very close EE friend who did a few exchanges but they weren't that good at it and now live too far away anyway. 

My last bf was very willing to try it out but....then we broke up so it didn't go much further than talk. I'm very happy being single, (except for this one thing!) and would only want to be spanked in the context of a relationship so I'm just biding my time I guess. 

That said, I also sometimes wonder if I just like the fantasy and switching to real life might kill the dream. 

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I was interested in pursuing spanking in my late teens and 20s after finding an ABDL site. During my 20s, I had made a blind date with someone I met there. To say I wasn't ready was an understatement. Of course, in my 20s, I didn't have all the information I had now. Had I gone through with spanking her, it could have been one of those spanking horror stories. In retrospect, I'm glad I never completed my goals, despite it probably making her think of me as just another liar.

In the 2000s, I started seriously considering adult spanking, and I don't remember exactly when I found this site. After reviewing the spanking personals several times, I decided to contact someone. We talked by email for around five years before I arranged a session to meet with her to get spanked. Because of what I'd learned, I knew I was taking a risk, which I felt was worth it. While there were some hiccups in actually getting to that first session, I do remember telling myself "this is going to hurt", "I may cry", things like that. And while It was a motivational spanking that was quite hard and fast, I did not cry. However; I do remember repositioning myself back on her lap when I began to slide off, and after instinctively putting a hand back, placing it back on the floor reminding myself of why I deserved the spanking I was getting.

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