Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
DDatl

Being a Spanko is Lonely

Recommended Posts

It crazy to me that people with a spanking/discipline fetish are so rare. Being a spanko often feels like a blessing but it also feels like curse. I want to be in happy meaningful relationship and for that to happen spanking and discipline have to be a part of it. I don’t even waste my time with vanilla girls anymore, I know that will lead to an unsatisfying relationship. Then if I want to talk to spanko girls they live all over the country. Meeting one that lives nearby seems to be almost impossible. I’ve been talking to non-local girls for a couple years now, it seems like the only way to find the relationship Im looking for. But even then, there aren’t many people who are interested in starting a long-distance relationship. So as a result, I’m feeling trapped. I’m really lonely and I feel like I’m being forced to stay this way. My friends and family don’t understand. They don’t know the details of why I’m single so they just think I’m incapable of dating. My friends tried to set me up with this really cute vanilla girl. I actually like her and I went out with her a few times but I know better than to go down that path. On one hand I want to give up but on the other hand I want a domestic discipline relationship more than anything.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I doing the right thing holding out and waiting to meet a spanko girl or am I just wasting years of my life?

Share this post


Link to post

I'm 65, and didn't have near the resources that you have now ,no internet ,only some magazines and newsletters ,some with personal ads.  All I can offer is use what's available to you, parties, ads, spanking site, what ever you need to do.  You might have to travel, but if it's what you really want it might take some work, but I think it's possible.  Good luck with your quest.

Share this post


Link to post

Go for what you want.  If you settle, you likely will be unhappy.

Share this post


Link to post

I agree, it sounds like spanking is very important to you so my advice is to be true to yourself and don't settle. 

Share this post


Link to post

I can't offer much advice, but mostly my understanding and support. It can definitely be lonely being wired this way. It makes dating more complicated than it already is, and it gets even more difficult with how diverse spanking is. People are in this for different reasons and often have very different preferences. So finding someone that is somewhat local, genuine and trustworthy, compatible personally, and is not only into this, but into this in a compatible way...it's difficult. Like as a spankee, I am not at all submissive and it isn't disciplinary for me. It's stress relief, and just an innate part of me that needs satisfied. I wouldn't be compatible with a disciplinary spanker, or in a domestic discipline dynamic. Whereas you need a spankee who is specifically into that. 

But while it's difficult, I do think it's worth it if it's that important for you. Yes, this adds an additional complication to relationships...but even vanilla dating can be complicated and even messy. Not to say that I don't believe it can work between spankos and vanillas. I absolutely think it can, if they truly love each other and can find a way to make it work. Everyone is different, and we all value and need different things in relationships. Spanking is certainly not the most important thing in a relationship or partner, other things matter more like personal compatibility, trust, and character. But the fact is spanking can still be incredibly important, and even essential for some of us to have a fulfilling relationship. Only you know if you can have a truly fulfilling relationship without it or not. If you know that it is a deeply important part of a relationship for you, then I think it is worth it to wait for a relationship that will give you what you need and desire. I understand what you're dealing with, and I know it isn't easy. I hope that you find that relationship that you're looking for.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
On 6/29/2020 at 6:19 PM, DDatl said:

actually like her and I went out with her a few times but I know better than to go down that path. On one hand I want to give up but on the other hand I want a domestic discipline relationship more than anything.

 

 

Does anyone have any advice? Am I doing the right thing holding out and waiting to meet a spanko girl or am I just wasting years of my life?

I don’t think anyone can answer that question except you. We can give you our opinions. Possibly our personal backgrounds and all experiences for many years could be useful. I have never had sex with anyone without telling them about my interest and need for spanking.   I firmly believe the earlier you tell someone the better, with almost no exceptions. If you wait, the other person can construct and fit you into a fantasy that they have that some call a life script. Once they have that formed, they are no longer responding to you as a person, but they’re projecting onto you what it is they want and what they want to play out. 
“People tell us who they are, but we don’t listen. Because they want us to be who they want us to be.” – Don Draper, madmen 

I want to disrupt their script as fast as I possibly can before they start trying to fit me into it. I want to do this anyway because I don’t fit much of anything. I’m a creative intellectual and don’t fit anywhere. I have great friends and have all my life. But they all understand that I’m not gonna fit in to anything they do and have an issue with crowds and groups in most cases. So I’m not going to be somebody’s dress-up playmate at a costume party for a sorority reunion. Not going to happen.  On the other hand, I can go to a party and draw a crowd talking about some intellectual bent on a current event that they find fascinating. But there’s a high price to pay for this in that I’m not fitting in. I won’t play by their rules. I can’t play by the rules. I have to be who I am. Spanking is the same way  

I think if you bring up spanking very early and very carefully, one of two things is going to happen. They are either going to decide that this won’t work for them or they’re going to become curious. If they are curious, you can drag out all of the journals, New York Times articles, etc. etc. proving that there are many of us. Then watch carefully what happens. Many people here have far more experience than I do in introducing people to spanking but it can be done. I’ve done it several times very successfully with a very favorable outcome for me and them, I might add   
 

OK, I didn’t mean to rattle off like that. It just happens. So what I’m trying to say is tell them early and tell them often and make it clear and do not settle. You are up for a lifetime of pain if you don’t tell someone and then try and get them to accept it. Later they will say, “but we used to have a great time and you didn’t need to be spanked then! What happened?”
 

There’s almost no recovery from this and it does happen. Just ask people.

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Move to NY 

Share this post


Link to post
On 6/30/2020 at 7:51 AM, KentuckyGuy said:

Go for what you want.  If you settle, you likely will be unhappy.

This! You may be happy for a while in a vanilla relationship but trust me when I say the need will come back with a vengeance. 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Whilst I a new here, I have 40+ constant years in spanking/BDSM. In that time I had various sub females and then met my wife 30+ years ago. She is a career professional and also my submissive. We are egalitarian and Gestalt.

As someone else has said here, when I started out there was no easy access via the internet, there was no internet. Though to be frank, I am wholly unconvinced how much good the internet has really done for spanking/BDSM/Fetish or indeed, vanilla people.

When I was 18 yr old  my first real sub was a girl a couple of years older. She was a lesbian ... No joke. However, as we lived in an über rural area her 'coming out' in those days was not a wise option and as I am Asexual; it worked perfectly well for a year or so until we both moved away.

It is not only people with non-vanilla interests who find it hard to get a partner,  it seems to be a part of this whole modern social/relationship malaise .... It appears that people are constantly told they cannot do anything or achieve things, they must not do this or say that  ... Seeing as social media assails most people's senses all day every day,  they do actually seem to believe it all.

The best advice I can give is decide precisely what you really want out of life and then do not compromise. Tell people upfront exactly who you are, what you are about and what you expect ... Then they can choose to stay or leave. It saves everyone a whole load of wasted time and false hopes.

It has been my entire personal experience, that the more intelligent and outwardly self confident the female presents, then the more likely that they will be a submissive of some type in a sexual manner.

All good fortune to you ..... Personally I have always found luck to be the residue of hard work. The harder one works at something, then the 'luckier' one seemingly becomes.

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...