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I am hoping my next spouse will be interested in discipline. I know I'm a lot because I've been divorced and have 2 children. 

What is the best way to go about finding someone with the same desires? I feel like since I've been in a multiple year marriage at this point that I know what I want and I'm not willing to compromise again. I never should have the first time.

Also, its been since my early 20s since I've dated, any suggestions especially if its an online relationship? 

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Hello and welcome!

Honestly the best piece of advice I can give is to use the limited resources available.


Although SN is not a dating site, you may end up finding someone here. Fetlife is also another option albeit there's a lot more to sift through there.

If/when you do date again, don't hesitate to be open about it when the time is right. You never know if you may find yourself with someone who is willing to at least try the lifestyle out. There are plenty of postings scattered on the site as to when the best time is to broach the subject. 


Best of luck in your search and please join in the conversations and ask questions if you wish. We have a very welcoming community here!

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I think that firstly you need to really get to know any prospective soulmate to find out how much you have in common in the vanilla world.     That hurdle cleared then investigate if CP is already a shared interest or if your possible new spouse would like to be a willing participant in the world of kink.    I think it takes a lot more than CP to make a meaningful  long term relationship.    Just my opinion as they say. 

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For:  NewBeginnings

As others have said, it's difficult to answer in many ways.

The reality of life is that we are of course all apparently different. If one digs a little however, that is not so much the case with the vast majority. Indeed, the nuances of what people  require is often not that different, but how they want it all presented is often quite different. It appears that the internet has made things 'easier', but I personally do not believe that. What it seems to have done is expanded the amount of faux people to an almost infinitesimal  level.

It has been my own observation of relationships which work well, that the following is the key: One must find the person who reflects oneself as closely as possible.

In practical terms this means, similar origins, socio-economic group, IQ and educational achievements. Then as importantly; similar views on family, friends, money, socialising and if it is a feature in someone's life; religious belief .... After all that, only then be concerned about 'sex';  be it vanilla, spanking, BDSM, Fetish, Poly or who knows what else.

The first step then is really know who you are, precisely know what you want .... and then find your match. It is certainly not easy, internet or not. Good fortune plays a huge part it would seem, Plus recognising the opportunity as presented can be difficult with life's baggage attached. Better alone though, than miserable with someone.

On a more personal note: when my wife and I got together one of the first things she said to me re: spanking/BDSM was "I must be punished!"

To which I replied "You have no hope of that"

As I explained to her I wanted an equal life partner, not a weight to be carried. Being 'punished' is a removal of self responsibility, it is an excuse to fail further. Punishment says "You messed up,  now you have been punished, so it is all forgotten" ... No, absolutely not in my world .... Failure needs to be examined, understood and then rectified in future activities.

So she had to build her own self responsibility, know what to do next for herself ... Any spanking/BDSM in our relationship, which forms both a central tenet of our innate personalities plus our entire 'sex life' both then and now, is purely for entertainment purposes.  It is not 'play'. Not a game. It is entertainment of a serious nature.  For no other reason than entertainment.

However general life always come first; careers come first, business comes first..

If someone wants to be with you NewBeginnings, in a role which mostly or always holds you stagnant in your own existence, then that does not make you an equal partner in all ways  ... So I'd suggest you wonder why that is, way before digging a hole for yourself with them.


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Hard to tell - there are more important features in a spouse than if they are into spanking; but it is nice if they are. I have been married 20 years and its still great, the sex is great; but she is not into spanking. ;( - our marriage however is still great.

What I would advise is being friends first, find out about them - have patience - good things come to those who wait.

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