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Reasoning behind having a spanking desire

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I have had this weird desire to be spanked for as far as I can remember but have never known why or how did it originate in first place. I tried a lot to remember anything but I couldn't figure out the reasoning behind it. Anyone else like that? What could possible be the reason behind it? Is it possibly a childhood memory that I don't remember that triggered it all? or is it like something you are born with? I even though about trying hypnotherapy? Has anyone thought about that or tried it before?

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This is a very common question, yet one I rarely see answered well. I find that a lot of people when asking the question don't really want an answer. What they want is validation. I would say many people are unwilling/unable to dig deep and figure out why. It takes a lot of self knowledge and the ability to be honest with ones self. As for the reason why. It will vary person to person. Everyone while possibly having similar experiences, each have unique experiences. There are some overall arching reason why it happens. But to figure out why it happened to you. That will take self reflection. 

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I think what is difficult with this question is it isn't always a simple answer. I think most of us with this interest have asked ourselves this question, and just in these forums you see so many answers to it. Some people, like me, will say they are hard-wired or born this way. Some of us, there is no clear reason we developed this interest. There is no personal memory or event that caused this to suddenly become a part of us. It was just always there. The moment we learned it existed, it triggered what was already there. I struggled for a long time over the fact that I was like this when there wasn't a "good reason". I couldn't accept it was just a part of who I have always been. This is such a natural and innate part of some of us, and who knows why. Genetics, cognitive wiring, personality, who knows. With time, I've learned to be ok with the fact that this is a natural part of me that has always existed, and I may never learn how this can be such a natural part of me or anyone else. 

It could absolutely be something in your past you do or don't remember. It could be things you experienced, saw, or heard about from others. And if it is, it may not even be anything that big or dramatic at all. It could also just be a natural part of who you are. I'm not saying in that case you have no control over it, but it may then be more deep-seated than you otherwise thought. A good starting point is maybe trying to remember what exposed you to the existence of spanking in the first place and going from there. 

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3 hours ago, Hydie said:

 I even though about trying hypnotherapy? Has anyone thought about that or tried it before?

I have had hypnotherapy, but not to explore my spanking kink. I just accept that as a piece of my sexuality. The hypnotherapy was for multiple painful, emotionally crippling issues. I blamed certain life events for those issues, and that wasn't untrue, but what I found to be at the heart of the matter, through exploring it in hypnotherapy, was that I'd never had a healthy sense of self. Building up a healthy sense of self then became the main objective. It succeeded well beyond what I would've ever thought possible. I've been much happier and healthier ever since.

It didn't take away my spanking desires, but those weren't problematic for me.

If you feel yours are problematic, then that's worth exploring. But I would say it's very, very important that your hypnotherapist be someone who believes a desire to be spanked can be healthy and normal, and that it's not a sign of anything fundamentally wrong with you. If it's troubling to you to have this desire, then you can explore why it's so troubling in hypnotherapy, and yes, ask where it comes from. For that to happen, though, the hypnotherapist has to be genuinely non-judgmental about it and open to every possibility. If they believe it's automatically abnormal and means you're damaged, then they won't be able to adequately address it with you.

I find it interesting that you're interested in both spanking and hypnotherapy. I suspect there's a lot of overlap between people who are interested in one and people who are interested in the other, because they're similar at the core. Both are processes that require one person to surrender to another, temporarily (although a good hypnotherapist will remind you that you're really in control of the experience) but that are actually happening for the benefit of the one who's doing the surrendering. In both cases, the process can get intense (my hypnotherapy certainly did!) but it can also be a lighter experience. In both cases, trust is crucial.

If the hypnotherapists I know are any indication, there's a good chance that whoever you go to will be a sexual minority themself. That field seems to draw lots of LGBTQ+ practitioners. But that wouldn't necessarily mean they're kink aware. So, vet.

For more of the "born that way" perspective, I recommend Jillian Keenan's videos: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5OYVDsDbr8nBW2uUpT2PTw





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My take on this is that i'm giving some level of posibility that by some people it is based on epigenetic setup that control invocations of DNA connected with some initial thought that helps growing of spanking fetish. In others i think it is based purely on initial thought connected to spanking in some way and then he or she feeds the thought and it is growing stronger and end up as a powerful driver for spanking. There are also some people that first get spanking (for example birthday spanking) and because of experience they start to make thoughts about spanking stronger and it grows to fetish. Remember that having thought about spanking even powerful thoughts is not the same as getting real spanking (for example hard stress relief spanking). For some if they would get spanked it would terminate that thought about spanking as appealing totally.

I'm judging my self as one of those that get to spanking fetish on base of pure thought given strenght connected with real experiance of spanking  (in my case so far only self spanking) that i found to be acceptable and even welcomed under correct conditions.


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I find that the problem with finding reasons for my kinks as that there are too many possibilities of what could have lead to them. While some of these possibilities are stronger than others, I cannot truthfully say that those are the catalysts.

For spanking, I do remember expressing a desire to go back from being grounded to getting spanked, because while spankings hurt they're over quicker. I never expressed this to my parents because of how spanking destroyed my relationship with my father.

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It's a complex equation, which is not the same for everyone.  Many of us feel that we were born this way, with a predisposition to want/need/enjoy activities related to spanking or being spanked. And that is a valid assumption. There is also very strong cultural influence, depending upon how a person was brought up, whether or not they were spanked themselves they might have been aware of others who were.  Conditioning also falls into this part of the equation, if one becomes accustomed to being spanked or to seeing other family members or friends spanked, they can be influenced in either direction and it could result in liking spanking activity or being averse to it.

Another important part of the complicated situation involves pain and pleasure sensations, and the emotional and psychological reactions to those things. It's a well known fact that there are wide variations in how many nerve endings any individual has in specific areas, and the exact location of those.  If person A has more of them in the area of the buttocks than person B does, then the reaction to being spanked will be different. What hurts so bad to one person hurts really good to someone else. Tests have been conducted using either electrical or mechanical (physical) stimulation of various areas, and prove that not everyone reacts/responds the same when given a similar level of stimulation. Some people have intense pleasure from the pain of being spanked. The cathartic effect of giving a spanking or receiving one is also well documented. 

There is also the sexual aspect for some of us, but not for everyone.  I can verify that it's entirely possible for one to be spanked, or to give a good spanking to another person, without either of them wanting or needing it to become sexual in any way. Yet for others, they get sexually aroused by being spanked or by giving a spanking.  Both are equally valid positions and are true whether a spanking is given over clothing, on the bare bottom, or completely naked. Whatever level of exposure, does not make it sexual, only adding to the embarrassment of being spanked. 

Personally, I know that I have always been this way.  I am one who was spanked while growing up, both at home and at school, all the way through high school, and also knew plenty of others who were so it was quite common from a cultural approach and since that was a very different time than now, it was accepted as a valid form of punishment. I do remember that as I got older, I missed being spanked because I had come to expect it and felt it had been a good motivator to behave and I recognized the cathartic effect it had every time I was punished for behavioral issues. I am also certain after doing a lot of research into the matter, that I am one whose nerve endings in that area are capable of providing nicely pleasurable sensations from being spanked, even though it has never been sexual for me. On an emotional and psychological level, it works well for me either to be spanked, or to spank others who are consenting to such activity. I also think that being active in spanking others or in being spanked consistently reinforces one's positive feelings and thoughts about spanking in general. I enjoy the level of emotional connection that I am able to have with those I spank, or who spank me. 

It may be a kink, for some it may be a fetish, but there's nothing wrong with consenting people participating in it. 

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This topic always captures my interest. I am in the camp of I don't  know why I like to be spanked, I have just learned to accept it. I was not spanked as a child, but know friends who were. I believe some of my parents kids, and cousins were also, as was my sister. I never heard or saw anything. Growing up I as afraid of a spanking, and never really got one. The desire or fascination came much later in life. Why, I have no idea. It grow from there to something I found I enjoyed, and found benefited me as stress relief and relaxation, and just plain enjoyment. I used to,  and sometimes still do, worry that enjoyment may be the main driver and relaxation the end result. In the end I'm not really sure which is which or if it matters. Some folks here have helped me put this into perspective. Bottom line, is I enjoy it and it helps me, even purely as self spanking. It hurts but it is a good hurt, and the feeling afterwards is great.

My 2 cents is, if you like it; do it in a safe, sane, and consensual manner, and it benefits you enjoy it and appreciate it. Many people do not have an outlet that they enjoy, is beneficial, and safe.

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There are a million answers to this question. All of them guesses at best and that’s fine.  

I don’t remember any triggering event.  It’s been with me as far back as memory goes.  

Even at a pretty young age I wondered about it.  There’s a part of me that thinks that maybe I witnessed the older sister of one of my friends getting a spanking.  I don’t know that. It’s just a theory though I do know their parents spanked.  

I’ve more or less given up trying to figure it out.  More concerned about being actively spanking. 

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Everyone living today had spanking touch their childhood in some way. Maybe you were spanked, maybe you witnessed it, or maybe you just heard of the concept in the abstract, but no one reaches late childhood, let alone adulthood, without knowing what spanking is. At the very least, Disney cartoons and illustrated copies of The Old Woman in the Shoe would've enlightened you.

For those of us on here, a desire for it arose, very early. But everyone who doesn't experience that desire went through the same triggering events. They just didn't get triggered in that way.

The real issue I see in the OP's post is that this desire for spanking seems to be mixed with deep toxic shame. The toxic shame is the real wound. Heal that, and the spanking desire would also be put to rest if it really is toxic in itself. If it's not toxic in itself, then the desire would transform into something you can gladly embrace and play with however you prefer. No shame, no wanting to get rid of it, it just is. But you can't go there when you're still stuck in toxic shame.


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On 6/26/2020 at 2:10 PM, Bramblewine said:

Everyone living today had spanking touch their childhood in some way. Maybe you were spanked, maybe you witnessed it, or maybe you just heard of the concept in the abstract, but no one reaches late childhood, let alone adulthood, without knowing what spanking is. At the very least, Disney cartoons and illustrated copies of The Old Woman in the Shoe would've enlightened you

Exactly. I've seen many discussions that miss this obvious reality. (e.g. such as  "do you think there will be less spankos in future since spanking the young will be increasingly banned").  It misses the point that there will still be merely hearing about it and I believe that is enough of a seed for a the fetish to take root if and only if (as you so correctly point out) it happened to be a triggering event.

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