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shygurl

Internal Motivation

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I got spanked yesterday....nothing unusual there. It happens often. During the spanking, he reminded me that we have been together and working on things for almost 9 years. The same things!! Over and over again. Meaning I have made little to no change in many areas.

I don't have any outlandish rules. They are all geared toward my health in one way or another. He hasn't just made up rules to control me, they all follow my Doctor's guidelines. In bed by midnight, take meds twice a day, no caffeine after 3 pm, exercise daily, etc. Easy, right? One would think so. Having a bedtime is pure hell for me. Although my Doctors and C disagree I feel like I do just fine on 3 hours of sleep. I also have a severe problem with taking my meds. I hate taking pills. I constantly forget them.

I send him a weekly report that we go over every Sunday. Seems the best I can do is about 50/50. Today he told me how frustrated he is getting. I heard it in his words, his voice and his demeanor. He's sick of it and I can't blame him. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all day. Although I had a great day with him yesterday, I cried myself to sleep last night.

He said he has tried to teach me internal motivation. So, what is my problem? I'm not trying to get spanked. There is nothing enjoyable there. His spankings are no joke. I just can't seem to stay on track or in a normal pattern. I start the week with good intentions and then it all goes to hell. How do I get more internally motivated?

I know what I need to do...I know and understand my rules...I'm frustrated that I don't stick to it and do it. I guess I am wondering.....

Spankers, what would you do in this situation?

Spankees, do any of you have this problem? Have any advice?

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21 hours ago, shygurl said:

 I know what I need to do...I know and understand my rules...I'm frustrated that I don't stick to it and do it. I guess I am wondering.....

I completely understand. 

I actually make my own rules. I can break it into manageable pieces. Sometimes I even dictate the consequences. Most of the time, I have to carry them out myself as well. (For what it's worth though, I still have to work with someone to hold me accountable to them.)

Still, I have no follow through. I don't understand why, I know all the pieces, but I can't put them together for some reason. 

 

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This sounds like clinical depression. And those can take time, with doctors, and therapy, to help manage. Family and friends, and partners to understand. To be by your side. Most of the time I am not spanked (unless I fully neglect myself) during grief and depression. I am eased back into motivation. And have a different guide of how to do things until I shift back to normal. 

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I'm definitely not depressed. I've dealt with the blues, frustration and sadness over things in life, but I've never had problems with depression. Honestly the more I've thought about it...it seems like more laziness and not caring and that's not right. I can't expect him to care if I don't. This post makes me sound like I am playing games with him, but I'm not. I'm sincere. I want to fix this issue.

So far, I've done well this week. I am trying to stay on top of every little thing. 

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I have this exact problem, and it is so incredibly frustrating.  I honestly can’t do the simplest things with any consistency unless I have someone prodding me and threatening to beat my butt. 
 

Sometimes things like that can be a symptom of an executive function disorder, such as ADD.  I’m actually being evaluated for that next week. I have relatives who have it and do better with medication, but they had trouble in school as kids.  It turns out that school was the only thing in life that was ever easy for me.  It’s everything else I’m hopeless at.

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19 hours ago, shygurl said:

I want to fix this issue.

I don’t know your particular situation or background, but I believe I can confidently say that you have some sort of an unconscious issue that is preventing you from either being motivated or more likely is interfering and is blocking you from taking your meds and other things.

There is not even any  debate among neuroscientists anymore about whether or not this sort of issue is conscious.  It’s driven by issues out of your awareness and out of your conscious control.
You’re own history shows that nine years of spanking isn’t helping.  I’m sure spanking is doing other things for you but the fact it hasn’t helped this in nine years means that you might want to consider something else.  Since I don’t know you, I don’t know what that something else would be.  Some  people are helped by psychotherapy and change works techniques that address the unconscious

I know I haven’t really given you any concrete advice except to look somewhere else for the solution. There are many qualified counselors who might help.  You don’t even need to tell them about spanking. In my opinion, this isn’t about spanking.

Hope this was helpful

 

 

 

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Thanks everyone. Some very interesting ideas to read and think about.

I had a very good week last week. I tried hard and did much better. C was happy with my report and results.

This week was a mess. I had several things happen and everything went to hell. I did OK on many things, but back slid and didn't do my weekly report.

We were together all day today. It was a great day. I finally got a few hours of sleep with him this morning. We went out, took a long drive, stopped several places to take pictures of wildflowers, etc. Everything was so relaxing.

When we got back to my house, he spanked the hell out of me. Paddles, cane, strap, etc. He didn't buy my excuse about having a lousy week and not being able to do the weekly report. I also committed a serious sin...something I quit a year and a half ago. I was stressed and let a friend talk me into doing something I shouldn't have. He told me I am no longer allowed to have anything to do with this person because it has happened multiple times.

Usually after a spanking, he holds me, we cuddle and talk. This time he just left without saying good bye. I sent him a text wondering why and he told me he was too disgusted. I don't want anyone saying anything negative about this...no one knows the exact situation. I understand why he did it, but it absolutely broke my heart. I didn't cry from the spanking, but I sobbed when he left. It hurt so much more than the spanking did. The sad thing is...this sets the tone for the beginning of my week. Not a good way to start.

This internal motivation is becoming a major fight within myself. I get so excited when I do well and he compliments me. When I see I didn't do well, I get very discouraged and frustrated. Sometimes I just want to give up. Somehow I am going to win this fight.

C....if you read this....I want you to know that I love you and I am so sorry for disappointing you and letting myself down once again. I know I screwed up, I know the spanking was my fault and self inflicted as you said. Thank you for taking the time to correct me and caring. I do wish I had gotten a hug....that hurts more than the spanking did...but I understand.

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@shygurl, when I read JonTx's post, he was saying what I was already thinking. Spanking is helping you in some areas of your life or you wouldn't be so devoted to it. But it doesn't seem to be helping you with this, and the reason is likely a block of some kind on the subconscious level. We all have these blocks. Instead of punishment for failure, have you tried positive reinforcement-- praise and little rewards for doing the right thing?

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9 hours ago, Chawsee said:

@shygurl, when I read JonTx's post, he was saying what I was already thinking. Spanking is helping you in some areas of your life or you wouldn't be so devoted to it. But it doesn't seem to be helping you with this, and the reason is likely a block of some kind on the subconscious level.

 @shygurl have you ever reconsidered to try meditation as a way to improve?

In my past i have read books about meditation written by a man with many decades of practice(the books are all in german language).

Here are some pointers about meditation and subconsciousness that i learned from his books(It may be weird for you what you will read):

1) Never use word NO in meditation when you wish to impact subconsciousness.

2) Create a meditation sentance that is formed in such a way that it apply the rule "IT IS SO".

example:

Wrong sentance: I wish to live in peace.

Correct sentance: I live in peace.

3) According to information from one of the books  subconsciousness is working like a system that  attempt to build what is missing but you declared as true.

Example:

Let's say that you missing inner peace and you suffer because of it. You can apply a sentance as above given "I live in peace". You know that for now this sentance is false because you don't have peace but subconsciousness will build peace to make that sentance true.

I am using that kind of meditation in my life but i build sentance's in german language.

Example of one of those meditations:

German version:

Ich lebe in gesundheit.

English translation:

I live in health.

What must be done is to focus on sentance when you speak it in your head or out loud and repeat it for 5 to 15 minutes.

If there are thoughts or fellings that are not wished for then calmly regain focus on sentance.

If you wish give it a try and good luck to you @shygurl.

 

 

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Hu Shygurl, I hope it's ok for me to reply on this thread; I realise it's no longer super current (though not exactly old) and I am quite new, and don't know you etc. 

Firstly, my heart goes to you for having been left alone after that spanking. You have asked for no negative things to be said of it, so I'll refrain. But you are struggling with these things; it does not sound like you're just simply acting our for attention, trying to get in trouble, trying to disappoint, etc. You're legitimately struggling with something hard and motivation can be very difficult. 

When it comes to the things you're struggling with... For myself, if I am really struggling to do something (despite there being consequences if I don't), there's often some underlying reason that makes me struggle or procrastinate. With the sleep thing, it sounds as though you don't fully believe having [x amount of] sleep is necessary, so it's difficult for you to feel truly on board with that rule, perhaps. 

Medication can sometimes have emotions attached to it. I used to be on medication for some mental health issues, and that came with a lot of baggage for me. I wished I didn't need it, felt I shouldn't need it. Those thoughts were irrational. There's no reason I shouldn't use prescribed medication to help me; but it made me feel bad, so 'forgetting' to take it was somehow sometimes easier than remembering. 

As for doing something you shouldn't; I think it can be easy (all too easy) to get caught up in the moment sometimes and have one's more logical thought processes fail. 

I think you should forgive yourself for the things you've struggled with or when you've done things you wished you didn't. I hope you can find a way to make these things easier, and I wish I could give you a hug. 

For me, I often find charting my progress for things helps. I like to make charts and graphs so I can 'see' how well I'm doing. I almost make it seem like a game in that sense. 

Another thing I sometimes do is use what is called 'the 2 day rule'. It works like this: when there's something I'm supposed to do every day, the 2 day rules means I can forgive myself for missing a single day, but I can never miss two days in a row. So if I don't do the thing / meet my goal one day, then I have to make sure I manage it the next. I think this helps stop me from 'spiralling' (eg. the thought process where I'm like 'oh well I'm failing now anyway so I'll give up') and helps me get back on track more easily when I slip. 

Anyway, I hope these things might be helpful for you though I realise different things work different for different people, and I don't know your full situation/context. 

- Emma x :)

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If you can't/won't do something you say you want to, no matter what, there may be a good reason why that something really doesn't work for you. Your internal wisdom might be telling you it's not right.

You say you feel fine on three hours' sleep. Have you ever put that to the test, over time? Tried just letting yourself stay up until you feel ready to sleep? If so, do you notice a difference, over time?

Some people really don't need that much sleep. If you're one of those people, then no matter what your doctor might say about needing more, they're not addressing you. And if you're not one of those people, then you might feel fine on three hours' sleep per night for a day or two, but then it will start catching up with you.  The only way to know if you are or aren't is to test that theory.

As for taking pills, what is it about taking pills that doesn't work for you? Side effects? Difficulty swallowing them? Taste aversion? Something else? Trying to force yourself to take them won't work if you're not addressing whatever it is about taking them that doesn't work.

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The original post resonated with me: but has left me rather pleased that caning is working for me.

I too have to report weekly on pre-agreed matters of health or behaviour. At some stages I have fallen foul in one or more criteria, and have been subject to correction.

The canings achieve three things: they act as a penalty for my failings

they act as a reminder of future and more severe punishment if I fail again

they give a sense of peace and release that the issue is done-with (unless it recurs).

This post simply makes me grateful that, for me, the discomfort of a sore bottom is a sound investment! I'm not suggesting that I've never had a second caning (or even third) for the same offence, but can recognise how my rate of recidivism is substantially slowed.

I had two canings in three months in 2017 for forgetting medication. The second REALLY hurt.

But I have NEVER forgotten my drugs since.

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I would change "internal motivation" to relative values. What is this worth compared to that. If your house caught fire you would act on your values. You would, act with a single-minded purpose to save to save the ones you love, if time permitted you'd likely grab the things that have sentimental value. So at great personal risk, and because we usually love others more than ourselves, family would come first. Your doctor, and C may see your lack of sleep and failure to take your  medication as directed to be a future, preventable house fire, health wise. So C and the doc see the value and, You knot so much. A person will do what they value doing, even if it is in conflict with the values of others.

 

A basic rule: Any time a decision is made with feeling it becomes the rule of attitude and action from that moment on, or until such time it be discovered and reevaluated. Possibly the reason that self-improvement decisions made on New Year's Eve, and based solely on some ideal usually don't hold up.

 

When I read your post I looked for decisions that were possibly made with feeling, and found a few. "I hate to take pills", and "I feel I do just fine on three hours sleep" C and the doc disagree with that so You have a conflict between what is, and what ought to be. Spanking has been unsuccessful. If it were me I'd attempt to discover and help you reevaluate any decisions that were made with feeling that act as roadblocks to the desired change. There are professionals that can give your subconscious mind a good rummage and discover what's in there.

 

Good luck

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