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Desire to be spanked and self-harm?


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I have always wondered why do I feel like I crave this sense of wanting to be spanked recently this thought came to mind could it be a form of self-harm? I have been always dealing with anxiety depression lack of self-confidence and self-worth issues. There is always so much pain inside. Could this possibly be a way to bring this pain up to the surface? I never want to reach to a point to really harm myself though but always feel like I deserve it because I have self-hate issues as well. Has anyone ever thought of something similar? 

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I think most people who feel an intense desire or need to be spanked to the point of real pain have wondered this.  As far as I’m aware, nobody’s ever come up with a definitive answer.  People certainly have opinions—the internet’s crawling with those—but anyone who swears that they have “the answer” to whether spanking is self-harm is full of it.

The most you can hope for is to figure out whether spanking does more good or more harm for you.  You can get advice and insights from others, but you really have to make the decision yourself.  You may have to make it more than once.  Maybe it was bad for you while you were in  a past situation or phase of your life, but it might work out well for you now.  Or vice versa.

That said, please follow experienced spankos’ advice about things like safe calls and how to minimize risk if you decide to meet with someone.  Taking risks isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but do make sure you take well-informed, calculated risks.  I really can’t tell you whether spanking in itself counts as self harm, but incautiously meeting up with strangers who have expressed a desire to inflict pain on you does suggest some self-destructive tendencies, or at least extreme naïveté.

 

 

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Self harm is a maladaptive coping mechanism. It can be associated with OCD. There is a feeling of relief that comes from the pain. And it is addictive. Some of that sound familiar?

 

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I've definitely heard of this, and I think it is definitely an individual, personal thing as to whether they are linked or not. I think being spanked can be a form of/substitute for self-harm for people...but it can also have nothing to do with that and be totally disconnected. 

For me, I know that being spanked is 100% not self-harm for myself personally, because I self-harmed for several years (I quit about 5 years ago, all good now). So I know that, for me, my desire/need to be spanked and my former struggle with cutting come from completely different places. I have been interested in spanking my entire life. Self harm came into my life from my struggles with depression, anxiety, and self-hatred. In the couple of years that my self-harm and engagement in spanking overlapped, if I was in an emotional/mental state where I wanted to self harm, spanking was the farthest thing from my mind, and vice versa. I craved spanking when I was in a healthy emotional and mental state. Spanking became most prominent in my life once I was being properly treated for my depression and anxiety. 

Ultimately, it really just depends on what your need to be spanked is rooted in personally. If I didn't know how different they were for me from personal experience, I would have the same question for myself. Truly, only you can know if spanking is a form of/substitute for self harm for you or not. But you're not alone in having that question for yourself.

 

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If you search for Self Harm you will find a fair number of threads on this important subject with lots of good insights. Personally I have also asked this question. I have never done self harm in the sense of cutting or other potentially destructive or dangerous behaviors. I am certainly not an expert on the subject, but wondered nonetheless. For me it came down to motivation, mindset and the word "harm".  As Amethyst pointed out, I do not self spank, and sometimes quite hard, out of  a desire to hurt myself. The mindset is not I want pain it is I want to relax and spanking fills that need. yes there is pain involved, but that hurts goes away in a few minutes, hours, maybe a day or two. In the end it is if nothing happened. The net gain is relaxation, a sense of calm with now lasting effects ( as long as you play safely). I'm not sure that even a good sound spanking hurts more then a long run. Hope that help in some way.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I do feel that it can be a form of self harm and is a coping mechanism. I was sexually abused by three different men as a child. I began self spankings when I was 11 as a way to release the inner pain without leaving visible evidence. It made me feel clean for while. It did become an addiction for awhile till I was able to find a disciplinarian in real life who showed me that it was love I really craved and spanking used as true discipline is a display of love. 

I have known a few others from here as well who self spank as a self harm technique 

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  • 4 months later...

I have known two ladies that might be near this.  I think that just like those who self harm, the pain was so great it had to come out.  But I wonder if they were mentally healthy enough to not turn to cutting.

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You are not alone in this in fact I have a 23 year old meeting me here today for cutting herself. It's on her rule list as no self harm (top actually). She does get regular spankings here but those are the ones she knows there is no chance of talking me out of it and it will be a good sound spanking/paddling. Now the spanking along will not correct this, it's the conversation will have before and after that  plays a huge role in this. But you are not alone in this as many I've seen have done the same. But this does help and works very well, but the spanker has to really care about you and you must feel or know you've hurt him as well with each cut. 

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It absolutely has been a form of self harm for me, and the emotional harm and life disruption it caused has been huge. It has led me to the brink of suicide.  More than simply self harm, it is a manifestation of self-hatred and deep shame originating in childhood.  I basically consider it an evil and cruel activity yet have been inexorably drawn to it for decades.  

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18 hours ago, gravano said:

It absolutely has been a form of self harm for me, and the emotional harm and life disruption it caused has been huge. It has led me to the brink of suicide.  More than simply self harm, it is a manifestation of self-hatred and deep shame originating in childhood.  I basically consider it an evil and cruel activity yet have been inexorably drawn to it for decades.  

The way you worded this is exactly how I feel about it! Some people told me it will never go away that it is just easier to accept it than fight it. Problem is it's presence in my life is causing more emotional pain and harm than fighting it but it just doesn't go away no matter how much I try. It is like a life long agony that I am forced to live with my whole life and I am not sure how it will end. 

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2 hours ago, Hydie said:

The way you worded this is exactly how I feel about it! Some people told me it will never go away that it is just easier to accept it than fight it. Problem is it's presence in my life is causing more emotional pain and harm than fighting it but it just doesn't go away no matter how much I try. It is like a life long agony that I am forced to live with my whole life and I am not sure how it will end. 

I am about to reach the second anniversary of grueling therapy to deal with the origins and consequences of this. I have no idea what the end game will look like.

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