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Being a spanko is hard.


Tawser

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I've been into spanking for as long as I remember.  I remember seeing a bottle of German wine that depicted a spanking  when I was 4 or 5 years old and I remember searching it out every time I went to the liquor store with my parents.  I will admit that even at that age it got me aroused.  

Then there were the girls that I played doctor with.  I will always remember us getting caught and both girls getting a serious bare bottom spanking from their mother.  It wasn't too much longer until I was able to convince one of "my patients" to take a quick set of swats on the behind from me.

When I hit adolescence I was able to simply enjoy nude women (mostly in magazines) and I thought that my desire for spanking activity was a vestige of youth. Something that I grew out of. But then I found the book, Goodbye Janette in my mom's things and not only was it extremely spanking centric.  It was spanking erotic and I quickly realized that I wasn't the only one that felt this way about spanking.

High school years were a mixture of learning about sex, while masking my true desires.  I couldn't imagine ever asking a girl if I could spank her.  The fear of being outed far outweighed the potential benefit of them agreeing.

In college I was able to spank my long-time GF.  It was great.  Although what I didn't know was that this was a one-time "treat" and nothing something that she liked or felt comfortable with.

When I started dating my wife she let me spank her a few times and a few other times after she got the ring.  

However, after a couple of years she started responding negatively to my interest in spanking.  Saying that she felt it was sick.

She told me that all of my spanking videotapes needed to go and said if I went online to visit spanking sites it was over.

When we had kids everything was fine for a while.  I would never and have never spanked one of my children. But then one day my wife accused me of inappropriately touching my daughter.   I denied it.  My wife said that she believes that I did it because of all of teacher/student and parent spanking in spanking videos and that I must be some sort of a pedo.  My wife had me leave the house and questioned my daughter.  My daughter confirmed that I never touched her inappropriately and my wife said something like, "well if I had a bunch of those spanking videos" you'd suspect me too.

And that was the last time my wife and I had any sort of sexual intimacy.  It was 6 years ago.  

There are so many days that I wish that I was into big boobs or legs or even feet.  Something that didn't place me on the outskirts of sexual society.

And just so you know...I have an advanced degree, own a large home, a race car and take my family to Europe for two weeks every summer.  So its not like I am using the spanking part as an excuse for other shortcomings.

Thanks for reading 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Tawser said:

I've been into spanking for as long as I remember.  I remember seeing a bottle of German wine that depicted a spanking  when I was 4 or 5 years old and I remember searching it out every time I went to the liquor store with my parents.  I will admit that even at that age it got me aroused.  

Then there were the girls that I played doctor with.  I will always remember us getting caught and both girls getting a serious bare bottom spanking from their mother.  It wasn't too much longer until I was able to convince one of "my patients" to take a quick set of swats on the behind from me.

When I hit adolescence I was able to simply enjoy nude women (mostly in magazines) and I thought that my desire for spanking activity was a vestige of youth. Something that I grew out of. But then I found the book, Goodbye Janette in my mom's things and not only was it extremely spanking centric.  It was spanking erotic and I quickly realized that I wasn't the only one that felt this way about spanking.

High school years were a mixture of learning about sex, while masking my true desires.  I couldn't imagine ever asking a girl if I could spank her.  The fear of being outed far outweighed the potential benefit of them agreeing.

In college I was able to spank my long-time GF.  It was great.  Although what I didn't know was that this was a one-time "treat" and nothing something that she liked or felt comfortable with.

When I started dating my wife she let me spank her a few times and a few other times after she got the ring.  

However, after a couple of years she started responding negatively to my interest in spanking.  Saying that she felt it was sick.

She told me that all of my spanking videotapes needed to go and said if I went online to visit spanking sites it was over.

When we had kids everything was fine for a while.  I would never and have never spanked one of my children. But then one day my wife accused me of inappropriately touching my daughter.   I denied it.  My wife said that she believes that I did it because of all of teacher/student and parent spanking in spanking videos and that I must be some sort of a pedo.  My wife had me leave the house and questioned my daughter.  My daughter confirmed that I never touched her inappropriately and my wife said something like, "well if I had a bunch of those spanking videos" you'd suspect me too.

And that was the last time my wife and I had any sort of sexual intimacy.  It was 6 years ago.  

There are so many days that I wish that I was into big boobs or legs or even feet.  Something that didn't place me on the outskirts of sexual society.

And just so you know...I have an advanced degree, own a large home, a race car and take my family to Europe for two weeks every summer.  So its not like I am using the spanking part as an excuse for other shortcomings.

Thanks for reading 

 

 

 

I don't know if this will be any comfort to you, but know your not alone.  Many have similar stories about having to deal with a spanking fetish in their lives.  And your totally right. it's not easy.  I had my first marriage break up in part to it, foregone relationships that might have been because it always was lurking in the background.  Before the internet came along and I found out that many people share this I felt alone, and ashamed.  But at least now I understand that a great many very good folks share this, we come from all backgrounds and walks of life.  I know that won't make it easier, but trust me, your OK.  There are much worse things people could be in life.  I've meant some genuinely nice folks here and on other sites similar to this, and I've run across some real jerks, but in what part of life isn't that always the case.  I am in the closet  in my current marriage about my spanking desires, I don't want to deal with the aggravation that comes with trying to explain to a non spanko what it's like, I don't believe the majority can ever understand.  But at least being able to share with kindred spirits on sites like this lessens the hurt.  I have no doubt your a good person and your dealing with it the best you can.  Hang in there, your not alone. 

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Skibum said it so eloquently.

Most people don't understand us, so we're in a communal closet together, so to speak. Coming out of that closet is hard and it's risky. Sometimes we attempt to because we hope that someone close to us can understand and accept us. Sometimes they do, but more often, they don't. I wish you weren't going through this, but know that you're surrounded here by people who understand. Many of us have experienced the shame and the pain of a similar experience.

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I just posted basically this same question before I read this thread. So it seems I'm not the only one with this dilemma. 

The scenario that Tawser described is my worst nightmare. Like Tawser, I too wish my fetish was legs or feet. But it's not. My fetish is spanking. And I really fear I would instantly be labeled a pedophile. I'm sure anyone on here knows it has nothing to do with paedophilia. I'm not sure I could explain it adequately to someone who isn't into it. Nor am I even certain they would listen to my explanation. 

I'm really wondering if anyone has successfully navigated this gauntlet. 

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2 hours ago, LikeSpank said:

And I really fear I would instantly be labeled a pedophile

Spanking fetish amongst adults as pedifilia?

Can someone write me an answer why some people label spanking fetish between adults as pedophilia?

It does not make any sense to me.

 

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Searcher, it's the idea that spanking is something that's traditionally done to children. 

And then there's the whole teacher / student or daddy / daughter scenarios many of us enjoy thinking about. 

It's not a stretch to assume people will go there. 

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On 4/29/2020 at 6:41 PM, Skibum54 said:

I don't know if this will be any comfort to you, but know your not alone.  Many have similar stories about having to deal with a spanking fetish in their lives.  And your totally right. it's not easy.  I had my first marriage break up in part to it, foregone relationships that might have been because it always was lurking in the background.  Before the internet came along and I found out that many people share this I felt alone, and ashamed.  But at least now I understand that a great many very good folks share this, we come from all backgrounds and walks of life.  I know that won't make it easier, but trust me, your OK.  There are much worse things people could be in life.  I've meant some genuinely nice folks here and on other sites similar to this, and I've run across some real jerks, but in what part of life isn't that always the case.  I am in the closet  in my current marriage about my spanking desires, I don't want to deal with the aggravation that comes with trying to explain to a non spanko what it's like, I don't believe the majority can ever understand.  But at least being able to share with kindred spirits on sites like this lessens the hurt.  I have no doubt your a good person and your dealing with it the best you can.  Hang in there, your not alone. 

 

On 4/29/2020 at 9:00 PM, Chawsee said:

Skibum said it so eloquently.

Most people don't understand us, so we're in a communal closet together, so to speak. Coming out of that closet is hard and it's risky. Sometimes we attempt to because we hope that someone close to us can understand and accept us. Sometimes they do, but more often, they don't. I wish you weren't going through this, but know that you're surrounded here by people who understand. Many of us have experienced the shame and the pain of a similar experience.

Thank you both for the extremely supportive posts. 

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16 hours ago, LikeSpank said:

Searcher, it's the idea that spanking is something that's traditionally done to children. 

And then there's the whole teacher / student or daddy / daughter scenarios many of us enjoy thinking about. 

It's not a stretch to assume people will go there. 

This is exactly the issue.  Combined with the desire that some people have to "make connections" where is there are none.  Blame Dr. Phil and his ilk for blaming folks for not "seeing the signs"

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  • 2 weeks later...

Like all of us I enjoy spanking and being spanked. Ive been this way since I was five years old. How can we explain WHY  to our non spanko partner when we don't know why our selfs?

When I'm spanked I like to revert to 12 years old. Others I have spanked felt the same! I AM NOT NOW NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN REAL CHILDREN. I did spank my kids but as actual punishment. Always with my hand NEVER more that ten swats. It did NOT excite me.

Over the years I have spanked and been spanked by males and females. I do prefer females. These days I will spank anyone over 21 who has the NEED!

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1 hour ago, otkpantsdown 49 said:

When I'm spanked I like to revert to 12 years old. Others I have spanked felt the same! I AM NOT NOW NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN INTERESTED IN REAL CHILDREN. I did spank my kids but as actual punishment. Always with my hand NEVER more that ten swats. It did NOT excite me.

 

This is definitely the predicament. I think many spankos struggle with this problem. 

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I don’t think it’s an exaggeration for me to say that these experiences strike me as heartbreaking.
 

I think this forum and people like Jillian Keeman are changing things, albeit slowly.

 

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12 minutes ago, JonTx said:

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration for me to say that these experiences strike me as heartbreaking.
 

I think this forum and people like Jillian Keeman are changing things, albeit slowly.

 

True, Jillian Keenan is changing things somewhat but I've noticed she steers away from any childhood spanking and/or ageplay stuff. Those areas, I feel, are still plenty taboo. 

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(The following mostly only applies to folks who have intense, deep-seated needs related to spanking.  If you just like a few love pats in the bedroom now and then, no one is out to get you.  So don’t worry.)
 

I am relatively out about my fascination with spanking, but for a variety of reasons, the potential consequences of exposure are comparatively slight for me.  I am 100% a spankee rather than a spanker, and am therefore supposedly some kind of sick victim instead of some kind of sick predator.   I am also not somebody—particularly not a cis male somebody—-whose livelihood or personal happiness revolves around being perceived as worthy to be a caregiver to children.  
 

For reasons probably rooted in a tendency to view children and females of any age as the “property” of their adult male relatives, nearly all marginalized groups have been stereotyped as “thieves of virtue” to one extent or another.  As in, “Those [slurs] are gonna come and steal our womenfolk!”  “Steal” in this context could mean “carry off so that they are never seen again.”  It could also mean, “sexually defile in such a way that the taken property loses its value.”  I’m sure you’ve seen it in fiction with old-timey settings: “Alack!  Sweet Mary Jane has been ravished by a cad!  She shall never catch herself a husband now!”  
 

Some of the old-time villainous stock characters seem ridiculous to us now.  Nobody really thinks Italians or Irishmen or Catholics or the French or the Germans are going to swarm up out of the bars and gutters and abduct the town’s women.  But people used to believe it.  Ever see the WWI-era anti-German propaganda poster that slapped a German army helmet on King Kong and showed him carrying a fainting fair-haired maiden out to sea?  It says, “Destroy This Mad Brute!  Enlist!” on it.  If you don’t know it, Google that baby.  That’s “the Germans.”  Angela Merckel and Boris Becker, beasts that they are, coming to bring our ladies to ruin. 
 

It’s less funny when you consider groups who have been marginalized within living memory.  The Nazis feared the Jews “race mixing” with Aryan women and tainting their precious breeding stock.  In the Jim Crow South, Emmett Till was murdered because a white woman lied and said he whistled at her.  Until very recently, the major argument for firing homosexual teachers was the belief that they would sexually prey on children.  Now it’s transgender people in bathrooms, who are supposedly out to assault cisgender women and girls.  
 

Anybody different, anybody “not from around here,” who talks in a funny language, worships a suspect God, or loves and has sex in an unfamiliar way, can be swept up in the xenophobic paranoia that causes some people to fret about outsiders stealing away their community’s valuable “virtue.”

In reality, a random spanko is no more of a threat to a child than a random German, but you can’t get that sweaty preoccupation out of some folks’ minds.  
 

So if anybody around here is carrying around secret self-loathing, imagining that they’re somehow undiagnosed pedophiles, stop letting stranger-hating bigots live rent free in your head.  (Unless, of course, you you do literally feel urges to have sexual contact with minors, in which case, please get help for that.)

We may be no threat to children, but suspicious adults can certainly be a threat to us.  There have been a whole lot of innocent people who have been falsely accused, ostracized, arrested, imprisoned, and/or murdered because someone else thought they were “the type” to sexually prey on women and kids.  
 

So hiding a powerful attraction to spanking really sucks, in fact it can feel like a denial of your innermost soul, but for some of us it just does not pay to disclose.  You’re a little safer if the people around you think you’re pretty much “just like them,” whatever “like them” is in your area if the world.  It also helps if people consider you female.  I say “consider” because a trans woman (born with a penis) who is totally undetectable as transgender is safer than a trans man (born with a vagina) who is also totally undetectable as transgender.  It doesn’t matter who and what you really are—only what others believe you are. 
 

I don’t know that anyone has ever come up with a watertight theory about why female “deviants” are usually considered less sexually scary than male “deviants.”   However, I suspect it’s related to a complicated knot of assumptions based around the ideas of who can steal or destroy valuable sexual virtue, and who is merely liable to having their sexual virtue stolen.  Burglars can attack you—bags of gold can’t.  Or something.  
 

I know next to nothing about the lady who wrote that famous article about liking to be spanked—only that she’s a lady, and an ee.  If I had to make guesses about what her life is like, I’d guess that she looks, talks, worships (or doesn’t), and loves pretty similarly to most of the people who run the police station, successful businesses, and government offices where she lives.  She probably doesn’t currently work with kids or large amounts of money, so it doesn’t matter if the public considers her to be extremely trustworthy.  Most likely she was in a pretty stable patch in her life when she wrote the article—not getting a bitter divorce, not broke and frantically looking for a job, not trying to get back custody of her kids.  In short, not in immediate danger of losing more than she could bear to have taken away from her.  I’m probably wrong about at least some of that, I could be wrong about all of it—but I suspect I’m not.

And if you live in a situation broadly similar to that (for the most part I do), you seriously might want to consider being open with at least some people.  Because A) living a secret double life is awful, and B  ) you might convince a few more people to leave their pitchforks and torches at home when it comes to spankos.  It’s a way to help spankos who just cannot afford to tell the full truth about themselves right now.

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