no-nonsens approach to spanking

[Rand E]

On 4/9/2021 at 10:42 PM, Spankingmyhuby said:

The discussion on the safe word really should come down to the adults agreeing together. In your case I think the safe word is important you don't want to spank your wife so hard that it becomes intolerable for her. Does your wife spank you hard enough where a safe word is needed? In my case I feel a safe word is not needed because of my husband lower tolerance of pain and I want to spank him until I am satisfied he has been punished properly and not beforehand. I made the rule of not having a safe word and we have lived by that agreement.    

There were a few occasions where my wife was totally pissed and really really put the hurt on me, and I thought my head was going to explode. 

But, the strange thing about having the safe words is that they had, if anything, the opposite effect I would have expected.  Using them would be like admitting failure, the last resort, the least acceptable outcome.  My wife would have to beat me to a pulp to get me to say the safe words to back off or to stop. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I actually have quite a high tolerance for pain, but my wife can just take me to the limit and past it, because she knows that line as well as I do.  And I'm not stoic and quiet when that happens.  I say a lot (and loudly) when I'm getting the crap beaten out of me.  Everything from "that hurts" to "babe, you are totally fucking killing me" but, call it pride, or stubborn resolve, or whatever, I never have and I never will (I hope) officially tap out with the safe word.  Only she decides when it is over. 

I guess I'm more concerned about having the safe words for my wife when I am punishing her, for my own comfort and confidence, but I suspect she feels similarly as I do.  I'm more worried about going to far than she is.  Nevertheless, for those serious painful disciplinary sessions, our safe words have never been used, and I don't expect them ever to be used.  

Sometimes, my wife teases me and tells me that women have more pain tolerance than men.  I wonder if that's true.

 

 

[sassylittle]

5 hours ago, Rand E said:

You sound like you have a good experienced head on your shoulders.  An agreement about safe words is no substitute for being careful, cautious, and aware.  My main worry is the influence that comments on this site may have on newer folks that don' t have that experience and well developed instincts. 

My days of searching for spanking partners are way in the past, having been faithfully married 25+ years to my spanko wife.  So, I would not pretend to know how to approach the current spanko and BDSM scene now.  Techniques to safely navigate that environment with new partners, be they safe words or whatever, is one of those topics that you and other experienced folks here can definitely help advise.    

Your other comment about being immune to hand-spanking made me laugh reminding me of an incident where I bruised my hand spanking my wife and she just laughed and made fun of me.  Years of getting spanked definitely toughens up the derriere.  

Thank-you and you have a good head, on your shoulders, too. I always have and always will, advise new-comers to use safe-words. CNC isn't for beginners. When I was a new-comer, no-one told me about safe-words... I never even knew there was such a thing! I'm glad that new-comers, these days, have a lot of internet sources to help them navigate the spanking and BDSM scene. I, for one, am always happy to help some new to the scene and the first thing that I advise them on is safety. I made a lot of mistakes and reckless errors when I started so I hope that they can learn from my experiences so that they don't make the same mistakes. I'll also respect anyone's use of safe-words but also respect the experienced players, who choose not to use them.

I'm glad my comment made you laugh?

[Chawsee]

On 4/9/2021 at 11:00 PM, Rand E said:

Expressing my opinion on it, even vigorously advocating for the use of safe words, should not be taken as disrespectful of any contrary views.  There is no objective truth to be had on this subject in any case, just different opinions, tastes, and preferences, which, of course, we are all free (or should be free) to express.

.....But even if your ER intends to respect your limits, do you know that your ER can always know what your limits are under every circumstance without some guidance in the moment?  That's the only real purpose safe words have, as a clear and unambiguous means of communication when the need arises. 

I agree with the wisdom that Rand E expressed here. 

Some folks prefer to operate without a safe-word. That is their choice and it's perfectly fine. But so is the decision to use a safe-word without having to meet opposition about it. 

A conscientious top carefully monitors movements, vocalizations, muscle contractions, breathing patterns, etc. But some EEs are harder to read than others, and ERs are human and fallible. We can make mistakes, even when trying our hardest to do everything right.

I am concerned that SN members, reading these comments, will internalize some of the messages here, believing that their goal should be to "graduate" to operating without a safe-word. This could seriously endanger somebody. Safe-words are not "training wheels" for beginners. Safe-words are used by beginners, immediate, and experienced people in the spanking world who prefer an added measure of safety. 

[NYCOtk]

2 minutes ago, Chawsee said:

I agree with the wisdom that Rand E expressed here. 

Some folks prefer to operate without a safe-word. That is their choice and it's perfectly fine. But so is the decision to use a safe-word without having to meet opposition about it. 

A conscientious top carefully monitors movements, vocalizations, muscle contractions, breathing patterns, etc. But some EEs are harder to read than others, and ERs are human and fallible. We can make mistakes, even when trying our hardest to do everything right.

I am concerned that SN members, reading these comments, will internalize some of the messages here, believing that their goal should be to "graduate" to operating without a safe-word. This could seriously endanger somebody. Safe-words are not "training wheels" for beginners. Safe-words are used by beginners, immediate, and experienced people in the spanking world who prefer an added measure of safety. 

This is very well said: simple, benevolent, common sense wisdom. Coming from someone so well-respected on this board, it carries even more weight. 

[Redwombutt]

In the case of a no nonsense or real discipline spanking, my wife insists on making me masterbate beforehand and then proceeds to whallop my bare backside after I'm spent. She makes sure that I'm well and truely spanked and that I feel it for the next few days.  Sometimes, if given in the night, a follow up reminder is given in the morning.

[sassylittle]

15 hours ago, Chawsee said:

I agree with the wisdom that Rand E expressed here. 

Some folks prefer to operate without a safe-word. That is their choice and it's perfectly fine. But so is the decision to use a safe-word without having to meet opposition about it. 

A conscientious top carefully monitors movements, vocalizations, muscle contractions, breathing patterns, etc. But some EEs are harder to read than others, and ERs are human and fallible. We can make mistakes, even when trying our hardest to do everything right.

I am concerned that SN members, reading these comments, will internalize some of the messages here, believing that their goal should be to "graduate" to operating without a safe-word. This could seriously endanger somebody. Safe-words are not "training wheels" for beginners. Safe-words are used by beginners, immediate, and experienced people in the spanking world who prefer an added measure of safety. 

No-one here actually gave any opposition about other people's rights to use a safe-word... actually quite the opposite. @Rand E was trying to push safe-words on to some-one else and I just asked him, nicely, to respect other's choices like we were respecting his. It was no big deal.

Also, no-one said about safe-words being "training wheels" just for beginners... you just chose to take it that way, to fit your agenda. Yes, newbies should be encouraged to use safe-words until they feel safe and have experience. Even then, they don't have to forgo safe-words. 

This site is for all kind of spankos and we have just as much right to be here and share our opinions like you do. You are basically implying that some SN members are stupid... they are adults and should be able to read in between the lines. There is a balance of opinions, on this site, and they can read it all from different views and then make an informed decision for themselves. There is no right way to being a spanko and everyone should have a right to practice this as they want. Safe-words are for some and not for others and we should be respecting their rights, not trying to impose our views onto them. If you actually read the replies you would see that NO-ONE opposed others rights to have safe-words.

[SpudStateSpanky]

4 hours ago, sassylittle said:

No-one here actually gave any opposition about other people's rights to use a safe-word... actually quite the opposite. @Rand E was trying to push safe-words on to some-one else and I just asked him, nicely, to respect other's choices like we were respecting his. It was no big deal.

Also, no-one said about safe-words being "training wheels" just for beginners... you just chose to take it that way, to fit your agenda. Yes, newbies should be encouraged to use safe-words until they feel safe and have experience. Even then, they don't have to forgo safe-words. 

This site is for all kind of spankos and we have just as much right to be here and share our opinions like you do. You are basically implying that some SN members are stupid... they are adults and should be able to read in between the lines. There is a balance of opinions, on this site, and they can read it all from different views and then make an informed decision for themselves. There is no right way to being a spanko and everyone should have a right to practice this as they want. Safe-words are for some and not for others and we should be respecting their rights, not trying to impose our views onto them. If you actually read the replies you would see that NO-ONE opposed others rights to have safe-words.

There are a lot of comments that have been added here since I posted on this thread, and I just spent half of my lunch break reading everything new.  

In all honesty, I didn’t interpret what @Rand E said about safe words as “pushing” them at all, except in one small paragraph where he was advocating for them, and then he was just pointing out why he thinks they are a good idea.  And even if he did strongly advocate for them, so what??! 

As for @Chawsee, I don’t see anything offensive in what she said at all.  She was not attacking anybody, or suggesting anyone was stupid (as you’re suggesting), just sharing her viewpoints and a concern she had.  Again, so what??!  

You are the one who keeps getting in people’s faces when they have a different viewpoint from yours.  It sounds like you’re making a personal affront out of things when there’s no need to.  

[sassylittle]

5 minutes ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

There are a lot of comments that have been added here since I posted on this thread, and I just spent half of my lunch break reading everything new.  

In all honesty, I didn’t interpret what @Rand E said about safe words as “pushing” them at all, except in one small paragraph where he was advocating for them, and then he was just pointing out why he thinks they are a good idea.  And even if he did strongly advocate for them, so what??! 

As for @Chawsee, I don’t see anything offensive in what she said at all.  She was not attacking anybody, or suggesting anyone was stupid (as you’re suggesting), just sharing her viewpoints and a concern she had.  Again, so what??!  

You are the one who keeps getting in people’s faces when they have a different viewpoint from yours.  It sounds like you’re making a personal affront out of things when there’s no need to.  

He was pushing them and it was between us so I don't get why you need to stick your noses into it. There's nothing wrong with politely asking some-one to not push their views on others. @Rand E is a big boy and doesn't need some-one else advocating for him- we sorted it out respectfully between ourselves(I thought.)

It's blatantly clear that @chawsee comment was directed at me and if she had read my original comment she would have seen that I don't think that safe-words are just for beginners. You might both enjoy shit-stirring on this site but smart people can see your game. I'm not getting into a pissing match with either of you and this the last thing I'll say on the subject. You both might think that you are being subtle but people aren't as dumb as either of you think. The shit stirring needs to stop, some of us use this site for genuine reasons and it used to be a much nicer place to be.

[LateBloomer]

7 hours ago, sassylittle said:

No-one here actually gave any opposition about other people's rights to use a safe-word... actually quite the opposite. @Rand E was trying to push safe-words on to some-one else and I just asked him, nicely, to respect other's choices like we were respecting his. It was no big deal.

Also, no-one said about safe-words being "training wheels" just for beginners... you just chose to take it that way, to fit your agenda. Yes, newbies should be encouraged to use safe-words until they feel safe and have experience. Even then, they don't have to forgo safe-words. 

This site is for all kind of spankos and we have just as much right to be here and share our opinions like you do. You are basically implying that some SN members are stupid... they are adults and should be able to read in between the lines. There is a balance of opinions, on this site, and they can read it all from different views and then make an informed decision for themselves. There is no right way to being a spanko and everyone should have a right to practice this as they want. Safe-words are for some and not for others and we should be respecting their rights, not trying to impose our views onto them. If you actually read the replies you would see that NO-ONE opposed others rights to have safe-words.

I don't think @Chawsee was taking any one person to task, or putting words in anyone's mouth. In fact, I think she was adding to what @Rand E said.

I think she has a valid concern that beginners might think that Consensual non Consent is something that they must work towards. 

[Rand E]

Hey everybody.  I meant what I said.  Disagreement is not disrespect.  I don't think any of us have any problem with how the experienced folks handle their own spanko relationships.  We all got where we are, wherever that may be, through significant trial and error, and that means we have developed specific views on what works best.  At least, views on what works best for us.  I love comparing notes, talking shop, and hearing other views.  That's what we're here for, right?