What do You Think of FetLife?

[DaChief]

So, getting back to FetLife... 

The main thing to keep in mind over there is that it's dubbed a "kinky social networking site." That means different things to different people.

For most reading this, it means be a place to find local events and possibly local partners. Just bear in mind others have alternate definitions.

The professional photographers and video companies see it as a place to hawk their product. In turn, the models who work for these guys see it as a place to mass add friends so that they can market their "FetLife following" to the photogs and such for work. 

The cliques do exist, and there is a cult of personality, much of which is built around "The Industry," which was very active there, but admittedly they've toned it down the past couple of years. However, they tend to remain very central to the spanking communities in particular.

What has seen an uptick in recent months is the influx of women, mostly under 40, who became unemployed or mostly unemployed due to the pandemic. They now hawk their Onlyfans pages on FetLife because someone somewhere on the interwebs said that FetLife is a porn site which can be used to build an Onlyfans subscriber base. So now that's going on over there.

What has never changed on FetLife is the fuckboys who call themselves "kinky," but are really just cruising for any chick with a pulse to give them a BJ. That's a constant on that site and probably always will be.

For some of us it has uses, for others it may not. It was better a few years back, today it's mediocre at best. That's coming from someone who's been on that site almost 11 years. To each their own. 

[sassylittle]

@DaChief"Just bear in mind others have alternate definitions."

Now, I have never been on Tinder but it strikes me as Tinder for kink and fuckboys!

There is too much political chat on there. Fine, if it's in a group but I hate the ones who write political posts- it's meant to be a kink site, not a politics site. The Only Fans stuff ruins it too. I hate all the vanilla stuff. Wouldn't have a problem if it was 100% BDSM and the other shit went.

It's good for people who like finding events etc and good for the fuckboys! Wish the fuckboys just went to Tinder and stopped lowering the tone of the site. There are just better options out there so can't see myself going back. I left the site for another reason but realised that the things I was doing, on there, I could do elsewhere. I have gone back and forth about just deleting my account for good there. And I certainly am not interested in a Fuckboy who will whore himself out to anyone with a pulse- no bigger turn off out there?

[DaChief]

1 hour ago, sassylittle said:

1 hour ago, sassylittle said:

@DaChief

There is too much political chat on there. Fine, if it's in a group but I hate the ones who write political posts- it's meant to be a kink site, not a politics site. The Only Fans stuff ruins it too. I hate all the vanilla stuff. Wouldn't have a problem if it was 100% BDSM and the other shit went.

 

 

I certainly cede your point that the political fervor on FetLife exploded, especially in the immediate aftermath of the 2016 election here in the US. If you haven't logged on in a while, then you might not have heard the the owners of FetLife announced last month a total ban on political speech on the website. How and if that plays out is pending. 

The Onlyfans stuff is bringing the site into a very "low rent" status, indeed. There a few (very few) Onlyfans models who I'm told are doing some seriously kinky stuff, which is relevant, and the ones who are doing kink are also very respectful of the rules of engagement on FetLife. But they are the minority. Most of the Onlyfans crowd are desperate women trying to make a buck by showing their boobs over a cheap webcam, and they don't care one iota about the rules of engagement because they need money right now!!! So, yeah, property values on FetLife just diminished. 

[sassylittle]

@DaChief Thanks for the update.?

I'm glad that they banned the political speech and hope that they enforce it. Even people who I thought wouldn't be spreading political posts, on a BDSM site, were loving them. Like, I said I haven't been on there for awhile so haven't kept up with the updates.

Surely there is a better place for them to sell their onlyfans stuff.

They'll have to increase the property values for me to go back?

[Zhal]

Talking about FetLife reminds me of being on Alt.com a long time ago. Alt had problems too, but I think at worst what I got was people giving answers to questions that showed they hadn't actually read the question.

[SpudStateSpanky]

On 4/19/2020 at 4:11 AM, MaryJo1996 said:

How very judgemental of you.

I don’t want to get into the middle of this, but I’m going to say something that might actually help you.  It’s a reminder to myself, as well.  I don’t know you, but I’ll guess you’re an A-OK person. I mean, you’re a spanko, so that there accounts for a lot, right?  ?    But I stumbled across your posts in another thread a while back, and you were being condescending to people there too, multiple times, in fact.  I wondered back then why moderators didn’t address this.  The snarky attacks weren’t adding anything helpful to the discussion, just making scenes that were, well, ugly.  I wouldn’t of remembered your name, except my grandma’s name was also MaryJo.  In that thread, and here again, you’re attacking someone over a discussion that’s not even about you.  That’s not a good habit to feed in life.  I’ll give you some slack, as you’re still pretty young, and you’re not alone, as I too say things that aren’t always the best, particularly in my work circle, and I’m a lot older than you.  So while I’m politely suggesting that you cool your jets and resist the temptation to start fights, I’m giving myself the same admonition.  ?  That’s all I’m going to say on the topic.

[SpudStateSpanky]

On 4/19/2020 at 4:11 AM, MaryJo1996 said:

How very judgemental of you.

I don’t want to get into the middle of this, but I’m going to say something that might actually help you.  It’s a reminder to myself, as well.  I don’t know you, but I’ll guess you’re an A-OK person. I mean, you’re a spanko, so that there accounts for a lot, right?  ?    But I stumbled across your posts in another thread a while back, and you were being condescending to people there too, multiple times, in fact.  I wondered back then why moderators didn’t address this.  The snarky attacks weren’t adding anything helpful to the discussion, just making scenes that were, well, ugly.  I wouldn’t of remembered your name, except my grandma’s name was also MaryJo.  In that thread, and here again, you’re attacking someone over a discussion that’s not even about you.  That’s not a good habit to feed in life.  I’ll give you some slack, as you’re still pretty young, and you’re not alone, as I too say things that aren’t always the best, particularly in my work circle, and I’m a lot older than you.  So while I’m politely suggesting that you cool your jets and resist the temptation to start fights, I’m giving myself the same admonition.  ?  That’s all I’m going to say on the topic.

[SpudStateSpanky]

8 hours ago, DaChief said:

If you haven't logged on in a while, then you might not have heard the the owners of FetLife announced last month a total ban on political speech on the website. How and if that plays out is pending. 

That’s great news.

[MaryJo1996]

6 minutes ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

I don’t want to get into the middle of this, but I’m going to say something that might actually help you.  It’s a reminder to myself, as well.  I don’t know you, but I’ll guess you’re an A-OK person. I mean, you’re a spanko, so that there accounts for a lot, right?  ?    But I stumbled across your posts in another thread a while back, and you were being condescending to people there too, multiple times, in fact.  I wondered back then why moderators didn’t address this.  The snarky attacks weren’t adding anything helpful to the discussion, just making scenes that were, well, ugly.  I wouldn’t of remembered your name, except my grandma’s name was also MaryJo.  In that thread, and here again, you’re attacking someone over a discussion that’s not even about you.  That’s not a good habit to feed in life.  I’ll give you some slack, as you’re still pretty young, and you’re not alone, as I too say things that aren’t always the best, particularly in my work circle, and I’m a lot older than you.  So while I’m politely suggesting that you cool your jets and resist the temptation to start fights, I’m giving myself the same admonition.  ?  That’s all I’m going to say on the topic.

Don't patronise me. I'm 24, not a child. And I don't see what the hell you think you're doing making comments about my life when you know next to NOTHING about me. ???

Funny thing, a young woman is forthright with her views and she is labelled as "snarky" and accused of "attacking" people. Please, re-evaluate yourself and question how you respond to each gender. I can all but guarantee you would not label a man who said the things I have in the same way. Actually, I'd be willing to bet every penny in my bank account that you wouldn't.

Oh, and my name's not "MaryJo". That's a username on a website

[DaChief]

2 hours ago, sassylittle said:

@DaChief Thanks for the update.?

I'm glad that they banned the political speech and hope that they enforce it. Even people who I thought wouldn't be spreading political posts, on a BDSM site, were loving them. Like, I said I haven't been on there for awhile so haven't kept up with the updates.

 

The ban hasn't gone into effect yet, and it's been met with backlash, but they're reviewing options on it. Frankly, I think they have to. The site is based out of Canada, which has strict anti-hate speech laws. America's political dysfunction is running up hard against those laws right now. 

[SpudStateSpanky]

I used to be active on Fet.  It’s how I met one of my previous regular disciplinarians back when I lived in another state.  As the prime hangout spot for kinksters, it served me well for a long time.  It’s true that you have to swim through a lot of stuff you may not be into to find the people you want to make connections with, but it was worth it to me back then.  Somewhere along the way I lost interest in Fet and moved on.  The sheer volume of tasteless photos got to be a bit much (I don’t want to see other guys’ junk), and getting messaged by homosexuals when my profile clearly stated I was interested in women only, irked me.  There seems to be a lack of boundaries there.  Then the political stuff...  Glad to hear they’re at least improving that.  My take on it is that Fet isn’t as appealing as it used to be.  Then again, maybe I’d just had enough of it.

[SpudStateSpanky]

8 minutes ago, MaryJo1996 said:

Don't patronise me. I'm 24, not a child. And I don't see what the hell you think you're doing making comments about my life when you know next to NOTHING about me. ???

Funny thing, a young woman is forthright with her views and she is labelled as "snarky" and accused of "attacking" people. Please, re-evaluate yourself and question how you respond to each gender. I can all but guarantee you would not label a man who said the things I have in the same way. Actually, I'd be willing to bet every penny in my bank account that you wouldn't.

Oh, and my name's not "MaryJo". That's a username on a website

I’m not making comments about your life.  I’m making comments about how you come across to others when you behave like that.  I think I was very clear in what I said.  

This isn’t a gender issue, as you’re trying to suggest.  Attacking everyone who disagrees with you isn’t “a young woman being forthright with her views”.  It’s a young woman trying to throw her weight around and keep the upper hand.  You are absolutely 100% right however  in your opinion that I don’t respond the same way to both genders.  If I had words like this with a man, I wouldn’t try to be polite!

I couldn’t care less what your real name is.  I was referencing your user name.  

If history repeats itself, you’ll have another comeback, because that’s your MO.  I’m not going to continue to hijack a useful SN thread over this rubbish.  However, if you still feel the need for the attention, I have the day off and am more than happy to continue this conversation via PM.

[sassylittle]

6 minutes ago, DaChief said:

The ban hasn't gone into effect yet, and it's been met with backlash, but they're reviewing options on it. Frankly, I think they have to. The site is based out of Canada, which has strict anti-hate speech laws. America's political dysfunction is running up hard against those laws right now. 

I don't see why there should be backlash. It's a BDSM site not a site to talk about politics and a lot of those posts were full of hatred. You want to talk about politics and spread hatred join a damn political site! I saw plenty of posts saying that if you don't agree with my views then block me... I was under the impression that it was a site for adults, not kids! I hope they take a hard stance on it because it's ruining it for the ones who are genuinely interested in BDSM.

@SpudStateSpankyInitially I left because it was damaging my mental health watching my ex Daddy going to another woman's page and copying everything she does. It was really hurting me that he was copying every fetish she added; loving every pic she uploaded; loving every single writing. He never did that with me so? I just felt so hurt, betrayed and he wouldn't stop doing it. It' s very hard to watch a man that you really liked and cared for idolising another woman. I couldn't stop looking so I had to get off there because it was hurting me too much. Since, I've been gone I haven't missed it and don't want to go back. Like you I don't like a lot of the content. The men that were messaging me didn't match anything that I was looking for and I got a lot of very sexual and pretty disgusting messages. I have a BDSMLR account so the stuff I was doing on there, I can do on that. The only reason I was more active on there in the first place was because of the ex Daddy and when I realised that the vanilla woman etc was more important to him, I needed to move on. I'm glad to be away from there and I don't blame you for not wanting to be on there either

[SpudStateSpanky]

13 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

@SpudStateSpankyInitially I left because it was damaging my mental health watching my ex Daddy going to another woman's page and copying everything she does. It was really hurting me that he was copying every fetish she added; loving every pic she uploaded; loving every single writing. He never did that with me so? I just felt so hurt, betrayed and he wouldn't stop doing it. It' s very hard to watch a man that you really liked and cared for idolising another woman. I couldn't stop looking so I had to get off there because it was hurting me too much. Since, I've been gone I haven't missed it and don't want to go back. Like you I don't like a lot of the content. The men that were messaging me didn't match anything that I was looking for and I got a lot of very sexual and pretty disgusting messages. I have a BDSMLR account so the stuff I was doing on there, I can do on that. The only reason I was more active on there in the first place was because of the ex Daddy and when I realised that the vanilla woman etc was more important to him, I needed to move on. I'm glad to be away from there and I don't blame you for not wanting to be on there either

@sassylittle that sucks.  Sounds like it was good that you left Fet.  You’re a sweetheart, and if your previous daddy couldn’t appreciate that and your fun personality, he wasn’t worthy of you.

[sassylittle]

1 minute ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

@sassylittle that sucks.  Sounds like it was good that you left Fet.  You’re a sweetheart, and if your previous daddy couldn’t appreciate that and your fun personality, he wasn’t worthy of you.

Thank-you. He lost a girl who really liked and cared for him and would have never have done anything that I knew was hurting him. Yeah, I got pretty pissed off but I think anyone would have. I regret some of the things I said because his actions made me lower my character and I don't like hurting some-one, with my words, even if they deserve it. He chose other things over me so I had to accept it and being off Fetlife is helping me move on.

[SpudStateSpanky]

1 minute ago, sassylittle said:

Thank-you. He lost a girl who really liked and cared for him and would have never have done anything that I knew was hurting him. Yeah, I got pretty pissed off but I think anyone would have. I regret some of the things I said because his actions made me lower my character and I don't like hurting some-one, with my words, even if they deserve it. He chose other things over me so I had to accept it and being off Fetlife is helping me move on.

Good girl.  And when you find that right daddy, you’ll find yourself wanting to raise, not lower, your character because he’ll treat you right.  ?

[sassylittle]

Just now, SpudStateSpanky said:

Good girl.  And when you find that right daddy, you’ll find yourself wanting to raise, not lower, your character because he’ll treat you right.  ?

I know I will raise my character. If he hadn't have kept hurting me, I wouldn't have lowered it in the first place. I don't think some people realise if you do things that are hurting some-one then they are only going to put up with so much before they get pissed. Like your actions have consequences and if you want a happy relationship, don't keep doing things that make the other person unhappy. It's not a hard concept to understand?

[MaryJo1996]

49 minutes ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

I’m not making comments about your life.  I’m making comments about how you come across to others when you behave like that.  I think I was very clear in what I said.  

This isn’t a gender issue, as you’re trying to suggest.  Attacking everyone who disagrees with you isn’t “a young woman being forthright with her views”.  It’s a young woman trying to throw her weight around and keep the upper hand.  You are absolutely 100% right however  in your opinion that I don’t respond the same way to both genders.  If I had words like this with a man, I wouldn’t try to be polite!

I couldn’t care less what your real name is.  I was referencing your user name.  

If history repeats itself, you’ll have another comeback, because that’s your MO.  I’m not going to continue to hijack a useful SN thread over this rubbish.  However, if you still feel the need for the attention, I have the day off and am more than happy to continue this conversation via PM.

Again, not attacked anyone, yet you say it again because I haven't rolled over to the piffle you said. There is quite clearly a gender issue going on here...please, look at yourself and how you react to women. It's not healthy.

[DaChief]

54 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

I saw plenty of posts saying that if you don't agree with my views then block me... I was under the impression that it was a site for adults, not kids! 

 

I literally just posted in one of the groups this morning and said "Sometimes I feel like the number of functioning adults on this site are fading to black..."

Yeah, the mindset there is...middle school. At best. 

[SpudStateSpanky]

26 minutes ago, sassylittle said:

I know I will raise my character. If he hadn't have kept hurting me, I wouldn't have lowered it in the first place. I don't think some people realise if you do things that are hurting some-one then they are only going to put up with so much before they get pissed. Like your actions have consequences and if you want a happy relationship, don't keep doing things that make the other person unhappy. It's not a hard concept to understand?

Yes, and if he was hurting you like that, you don’t want him anyway.  

[SpudStateSpanky]

1 hour ago, DaChief said:

The ban hasn't gone into effect yet, and it's been met with backlash, but they're reviewing options on it. Frankly, I think they have to. The site is based out of Canada, which has strict anti-hate speech laws. America's political dysfunction is running up hard against those laws right now. 

That’s interesting.  I don’t think I realized that Fet was based out of Canada.  Or did I know and it completely slipped my mind?  America’s political dysfunctions have been known to annoy or at least amuse much of the world.  We’re all too often the laughing stock.

[MissNikki]

I am with MaryJo ! There is a certain someone on this thread who for the last 24 hours has spent a lot of time stirring up controversy on the threads here...

[SpudStateSpanky]

31 minutes ago, MaryJo1996 said:

Again, not attacked anyone, yet you say it again because I haven't rolled over to the piffle you said. There is quite clearly a gender issue going on here...please, look at yourself and how you react to women. It's not healthy.

I offered my time generously (because believe me, there are many people here who I’d rather spend my time on!) to give you one-on-one attention in a PM discussion.  Why are you not accepting my offer?

[sassylittle]

19 minutes ago, SpudStateSpanky said:

Yes, and if he was hurting you like that, you don’t want him anyway.  

I'm not competing with another woman, ever. If keeping her happy was more important than keeping me happy, she's welcome to him. I'm worth more than that?

[sassylittle]

29 minutes ago, DaChief said:

I literally just posted in one of the groups this morning and said "Sometimes I feel like the number of functioning adults on this site are fading to black..."

Yeah, the mindset there is...middle school. At best. 

I was thinking kindergarten but you are clearly more generous than me? I want to hang out with adults, not kids.