What do You Think of FetLife?

[Chawsee]

When the subject of FetLife comes up, I hear opinions ranging from "Everyone who's anyone in the spanking world is on FetLife" to descriptions of it being rank and trashy. I'm very careful about what I join, so I'm seeking your honest feedback. What kinds of things does FetLife offer? What do you think of it? Is it a reputable place to meet quality like-minded singles, or would you consider it more like a sleazy on-line bar? Thank you to those who are wiser than I am on this subject.

[TXSeeker]

I joined and found it difficult to find the "safer" side of the spanking world and a lot of stuff I didn't want to see.

My main intent was to join to find an ER potentially, but I've not been so successful with all the other stuff thrown at you.  

[Shameless]

I’ve had good experiences. Joined several groups and met interesting people at munches.
 

Having said that, there are predators on Fetlife looking to use and abuse the innocents. Always keep your bullshit detector in the “On” position ? while surfing that site. 

Just my two cents...

[Skibum54]

I think of Fetlife as just another resource.  You can limit your exposure to content you don't care for just by the kind of groups you might want to be a part of.  Pretty sure you can block folks who are rude or you don't want to share with.  I have meant some really good people there, and seen some fun photos and other relevant material.  It seems to me that there is a core of spanking enthusiasts that are on Fetlife, Spanking Tube, Spanking Needs, and other sites. Just another place to gather and meet kindred spirits. 

[luvs2spin78]

6 minutes ago, TXSeeker said:

I joined and found it difficult to find the "safer" side of the spanking world and a lot of stuff I didn't want to see.

My main intent was to join to find an ER potentially, but I've not been so successful with all the other stuff thrown at you.  

I pretty much agree with TXSeeker and your 'sleazy online bar' description,       but hey, one good experience of meeting someone there (preferable with no tats or piercings, which they all seem to have... not that there's anything wrong with that, just not my cup of tea), and I'm sure I'd be saying 'its a great site'

[Sparklebuns]

I wouldn’t use it as a means to meet someone. Personally I like to read others thoughts and ideas, like I do here. Some can be good content. Some is sleazy-bar. 

[shygurl]

I know many who have had decent experiences there. There are some legit groups to find munches, etc. You just have to find them.

Personally I consider it a sleazy meat market. I have an account there, but rarely pop on anymore. I need to delete it. 

The main thing i got from the site were men seeking sex or crazy strange fantasies and pictures of their genitals sent to my inbox. Fetlife is full of predators and creeps!!

[DaChief]

FetLife is like any other site which caters to this lifestyle in that there are pros and cons. 

The pros are that there's a good mix of spankos there. There are some very active discussion groups and lot of thoughtful posts. You can use the events page to find local munches and maybe even small scale parties. 

The cons are that you have limited control over what your friends and those you follow push into your feed. The site is well known and frequently used by both romance scammers and sleazy dudes who just want sex and will try anything to get it. Yes, predators are on that site, but simply stated they are on all of the sites. FetLife just has more of them. The interface also takes some getting used to, which in turn makes dealing with "problem personalities" difficult for new users.

On a neutral note, the "anyone who's anyone in the spanking world" comment probably relates to the spanking models, video producers, national party hosts and the "cool kids" from the party scene. That's part of it comes down to what your own cup of team may or may not be.

I've been on FetLife for 10 years now. It's a good resource, if used properly, but you will always have to weed through bullshit. It's all a matter of personal tolerances. and what you may or not be seeking from a website. 

[sassylittle]

Fetlife is not like this site but it has it' s uses. If you follow and friend people ,with the same interests you have, the pictures, clips and writings can be good. You can block jerks. People who like munches, parties and the such can find good resources. Some of the groups can be interesting. I haven' t met anyone serious on there thou- my inbox gets filled up by pervs, dicks and spam. If you are a female you need to have a pretty thick skin but as I say the block button works wonders:-) It' s a resource and pretty much just that...

[sassylittle]

Also I found that the ones that message me are just looking for casual sex under the guise of BDSM- fake Doms etc. Think they just see women as an easy lay on there. If you are a man you probably won' t have that issue!!!

[wide_eyed]

It's a site for socializing. As far as its purpose it's similar to a forum like this one, people getting together to discuss their common interest. Doubtless people have matched up with long term partners there, but it isn't set up like a dating website. You can't really sort and filter through profiles very effectively like you would want to if you were using it to find a prospective partner. I think it's mostly used successfully be people socializing some before going to various events. It's also a way for pros and semi-pros to connect with potential clients.

While I just compared it to a forum, it isn't one. A lot of the content is on user's profile pages and sometimes deep into it. There is some good quality stuff there and in the groups sections but you're going to have to spend some time looking. There's mostly a whole lot of noise. I wasn't too impressed with the search function, although I'm not sure what could be done to improve it. It's just hard to narrow down the search results when the same terms are used over and over again.

Since it has a much wider focus than here, you're going to run into some stuff that you don't like. Unless you don't visit other people's profile pages, that's pretty much a certainty.

I visit occasionally but I'm not active there, and I mostly find it's not worth the time and the effort.

[Wifey]

I have met a few good people who were legit and nice people. I also got messaged from someone who wanted me to write please talk to me in lipstick on a piece of paper, hold it in my mouth, kneel, and take a picture. So it all depends 

[tryingit]

I decided not to join.  Seems like there’s so much stuff on there, much of it being stuff I’d rather not be exposed to.  I’m not really into seeing people’s naked photos.  Sure if we meet, even in a non-sexual encounter, maybe such will occur.  But showing the world is cheap.  And many of us aren’t into every thing they parade around there.

 

It would be nice if they would have filter systems, where when people join, they can pick the tone of the content and groups they see.

It would also be nice if they wouldn’t demand your phone number.  They get hacked, you get outed and mocked/harassed.  That’s another reason I didn’t join.

[FtWorthOTK55]

I have been on Fetlife since 2009 or 2010.  There are 2 things I do not like about it.  One is it has several people on it with interests other than spanking.  Some who are not interested in spanking at all.  It is fine they are there but I would rather not have to go through their profiles when trying to find others who share my interests.  Another thing I do not like is there is no way to search through profiles that only meet the criteria I am looking to find.  There is no way to search for females who are into spanking and are Bottoms or Switches.

Here is what I like about Fetlife.  My main reason for being on any of these sites is to find matches in the area I live.  I do not only want to talk with Spankees, I want to give consensual spankings.  Any female in my area looking for a Spanker can take a look at my profile and tell I am real.  My profile has way over 200 pictures and 20 videos of me warming bottoms.  Then they can take a look at what play partners have commented on my pics, my wall and my posts and get a good idea that I am not only real but trusted and considered safe by others in the community.

Another reason I use Fetlife is I attend spanking parties.  Fetlife is where they are listed and others sign up as planning to attend.  I am FtWorthOTK55 on there also.  The link to my profile is https://fetlife.com/users/470236.

Cliff  

[iSpanker]

4 hours ago, Shameless said:

 

Having said that, there are predators on Fetlife looking to use and abuse the innocents.

This!!!!

There really are a lot on there, I know of a couple of local girls who have had scary experiences.  Also, the site is so big the owners know and don't care.  

[Spanknutt]

Fetlife is not what it once was - it was never intended to be a hook-up site. I was one of the first 40,000 users when it was kind of a kinky Facebook where people could find like-minded people, local gatherings, parties, etc.  I moderate several groups there including a couple of spanking groups, an implement-making group, and a crafting group and the discussions are much like they are here.. There are now 4 million users and every wannabe, predator, swinger, and college boy "master" has shown up because someone told them it was a good place to try to hook up.

My EE approached me there 5 years ago and I am still working with her. Of the 300+ friends I have there, I have met most in person at various gatherings, events, parties etc. over the past 12 years. Some of these people are now among my best friends and without Fetlife I never would have known they existed. I don't normally use Fet to try to meet people online, but it has happened. I have ended up spanking several people I bumped into on Fetlife, including someone who has been a spanking partner for over 10 years.

It's much easier to be male than female on Fetlife. Unsolicited messages and cock pics are very common there. Having said that, a lot of what you get on Fetlife has to do with what you say about yourself on your profile  - what you are looking for and what you are not looking for. You have to be specific and very direct about that. For those who don't read profiles, there is the block button. Pics can also be set to "friends only,"  either individually or in total. Fetlife is a huge site and it takes a little while to learn now to navigate it and use all of the features. There are over 10,000 different discussion groups on Fetlife. They include topics such as spanking, BDSM, cooking, mental illness, disabilities, politics, music, toy-making, and almost anything you can imagine. There are also personals ad groups and some wonderful groups as "Sluts, Cunts, and Whores," "Toilet Pigs," and "I Get Wet When I Watch You Get Off." Yep, a little bit of everything.

Most of the people I know who are very clear about their purpose on their profiles are able to control the unwanted, unsolicited messages. I would say Fetlife is what you make of it and if you want to put some time and effort in it can be a great tool. If not, chances are you may be disappointed.

[Spanknutt]

35 minutes ago, tryingit said:

It would also be nice if they wouldn’t demand your phone number.  They get hacked, you get outed and mocked/harassed.  That’s another reason I didn’t join.

They didn't ask for my phone number and I'm not aware of anyone who was asked for theirs. I'm not sure where you got that but it is incorrect. I know of almost no one who would be willing to give their phone number out on a kink site or any other site for that matter.

[DaChief]

1 hour ago, Spanknutt said:

They didn't ask for my phone number and I'm not aware of anyone who was asked for theirs. I'm not sure where you got that but it is incorrect. I know of almost no one who would be willing to give their phone number out on a kink site or any other site for that matter.

^^^
This.

If that happens, then you probably hit some type of a redirect scam and not the actual FetLife.

[DelawareValleySpanker]

It took me a long time to finally wade through all the other stuff on fetlife and find enough spankos to make it worth me going there.  Not that I have any issue with the other stuff, I’m just not into any of it other than spanking.  

The turning point for me was going to TASSP two years ago.  That site is essentially the communication hub for parties like that.  Both joining the TASSP page and going there led me to spankos in the site, and from there it was pretty easy to network to other spankos and find people I wanted to communicate with or at least follow.  So now that I have a pretty regular newsfeed of spankos, some of whom I’ve actually met, it’s a useful site.  
 

echoing cliff, I think it’s the most useful site out there if you’re looking for group events, at least as far as I know.  

[iSpanker]

4 hours ago, Spanknutt said:

They didn't ask for my phone number and I'm not aware of anyone who was asked for theirs. I'm not sure where you got that but it is incorrect. I know of almost no one who would be willing to give their phone number out on a kink site or any other site for that matter.

I think it is a relatively new thing they have implemented to stop multiple profiles.

[tryingit]

Yes they certainly asked for a phone number.  I suspect those saying they don’t ask are people who signed up a while ago.  They want your phone number to “verify” your account with a confirmation text (same thing Facebook uses as an excuse to get your number).  

They said only way not to have phone number required is to get an invite from a “supporting member.”  I guess that means someone paying them regularly.

[Spanknutt]

1 hour ago, tryingit said:

Yes they certainly asked for a phone number.  I suspect those saying they don’t ask are people who signed up a while ago.  They want your phone number to “verify” your account with a confirmation text (same thing Facebook uses as an excuse to get your number).  

They said only way not to have phone number required is to get an invite from a “supporting member.”  I guess that means someone paying them regularly.

Facebook doesn't have my number either.  That would mean people without cell phones can't set up an account?  Usually sites will give you a choice of verification by text or e-mail. Very strange.

[wanttospank]

I joined Fetlife a long time ago, and like many have said there seems to be a lot looking for sex and other than spanking. Lots of people wanting to cyber, that starts out being about spanking and ends up being just their way of turning it to something sexual, and the spanking interest is just their way to get you drawn in and they end up having no real interest in that at all. I have never actually met anyone from the site, although I have had several that made plans to meet and then bailed for a variety of reasons. All that said, we did find a spanking group in our area, and went to a lot of their munches and met some great people there.  So guess overall it is a neutral review from us.

[Spanknutt]

5 hours ago, iSpanker said:

I think it is a relatively new thing they have implemented to stop multiple profiles.

Could be, but I know of a lot of people who have set up multiple profile "sock puppet" accounts on Fetlife. 

[sassylittle]

1 hour ago, Spanknutt said:

Facebook doesn't have my number either.  That would mean people without cell phones can't set up an account?  Usually sites will give you a choice of verification by text or e-mail. Very strange.

They asked for my phone number when I joined- they send you a verification link via it. You can' t join without one now.