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Chawsee

What's Your Hard Limit?

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I have a few. My biggest two are broken skin and severe bruising. Ideally, I'd like to never see bruising at all, but it does happen. My goal as a disciplinarian is to achieve a deep red bottom that's notably sore for awhile, but free of damage to the gluteal muscles. I'm also not into domestic abuse: face slapping, hair pulling, yanking the spankee's ear, etc. I would never tolerate that being done to me, and I refuse to do it to someone else. 

Tell me about you. Do you have one hard-limit, or several? What are they?

 

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My hard limit is no safe word.  

Around vanilla people we know unless it has been preapproved by me.  (I have one friend I am pretty open with and I would consent to having him know, or having to be spanked in the other room while he was around.)

Broken skin or heavy bruising.

 

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8 minutes ago, Megthe said:

My hard limit is no safe word...

You're so right, Megthe. I got caught up in the technical aspect and should have mentioned the crucial safe-word. 

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Blood/broken skin. I once did it by accident and felt really bad about it.

Secondary would be mouth-soaping, enemas, degrading, and impact to the face, hands, or feet.

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This is really going to vary depending on the type of relationship. I am in a long term consensual non-consent relationship....so I have no hard limits. I am a submissive and what he says goes, but I also know that if I truly disagreed with something he would discuss it with me.

I have no problems with bruising, deep or otherwise. I have no safeword (although I don't advise this in most relationships). My skin breaks on occasion and I have no problem with that. A public display of a swat or reprimand is no problem. He knows my limits better than I do and he takes better care of me than I do myself.

My relationship is built on deep trust, love and respect. It's not your average mentor/mentee or spanker/spankee deal.

My hard limits might be different if I were in another type of relationship. I've changed a lot since my past. 30 years ago, I was in a relationship where getting slapped in the face was a daily norm. Now I'm smart enough not to put up with it. Mouth soaping would be an issue. Being confined to a small space would be an issue. I'm ok with embarrassment, but wouldn't put up with being degraded. Would also have a problem with verbal abuse and disrespect.

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My personal hard limit is blood. I will not break the skin.  I have no issues with leaving bruises provided the person I am spanking wants that.

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Agree with SpankerGeek.  No blood.  That's why my wife and I retired the cane for good.  Too easy to cause problems.  When we do disciplinary spanking with the wooden paddle, bruising just goes with the territory, but it is far less likely to cause bleeding than the cane.  

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4 hours ago, shygurl said:

My relationship is built on deep trust, love and respect. It's not your average mentor/mentee or spanker/spankee deal.

I know what you are talking about.  My wife and I have been spanking each other for 25+ years.  Not only do we have deep trust, love, and respect, we can read each other physically like a book.  We have safe words, but we hardly need them.  The only problem is that she can read me like a book when I'm lying, and that usually spells trouble.  ;)

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9 hours ago, Rand E said:

  The only problem is that she can read me like a book when I'm lying, and that usually spells trouble.  ;)

Silly boys... Just don't lie, no problem!  Unless you are looking for a double offence of course.😌

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I don't want blood involved, either.  I'd rather stop at a nice red.

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Having to call the ER by stupid "scene" names when I'm not with them, ERs who tell me what's going to happen without taking time to establish a relationship.

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I have a couple layers of limits.

One is physical. If I end up physically injuring somebody— then I have failed as a spanker. I don’t mean being left red. Or perhaps even blotched or bruised. Or welts. I mean— hurt. One knows it when one sees it. Broken skin, etc. I feel I have failed as a spanker as so much is psychological and about the relationship... that I have failed to connect at that level and am forcing it with sheer force.

The other is psychological. I don’t want to injure somebody mentally or emotionally. If instead of release and peace I’m getting terror and fear— then I feel I am way off. Of course people are scared of their punishment. Might feel butterflies in the belly. But again. One knows it when one sees it. If I am giving a person anxiety, terror, something that haunts and frightens them— no.

And the other is social. I don’t want to manipulate or force a person into discipline. If I am twisting somebody to receive a punishment through manipulation, then I have something missing in the disciplinary relationship. I am not trying to build hatred and resentment in a person. Also, I don’t want to be twisted and manipulated. Particularly outside of my hard limits. Or to habitually get out of a spanking.

That’s just me.

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13 hours ago, DanW said:

I don't want blood involved, either.  I'd rather stop at a nice red.

I concur! 

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6 hours ago, SwitchWithMe said:

I have a couple layers of limits.

One is physical. If I end up physically injuring somebody— then I have failed as a spanker. I don’t mean being left red. Or perhaps even blotched or bruised. Or welts. I mean— hurt. One knows it when one sees it. Broken skin, etc. I feel I have failed as a spanker as so much is psychological and about the relationship... that I have failed to connect at that level and am forcing it with sheer force.

The other is psychological. I don’t want to injure somebody mentally or emotionally. If instead of release and peace I’m getting terror and fear— then I feel I am way off. Of course people are scared of their punishment. Might feel butterflies in the belly. But again. One knows it when one sees it. If I am giving a person anxiety, terror, something that haunts and frightens them— no.

And the other is social. I don’t want to manipulate or force a person into discipline. If I am twisting somebody to receive a punishment through manipulation, then I have something missing in the disciplinary relationship. I am not trying to build hatred and resentment in a person. Also, I don’t want to be twisted and manipulated. Particularly outside of my hard limits. Or to habitually get out of a spanking.

That’s just me.

Perfectly stated! I agree with absolutely everything you said here.

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Because of the people I have interacted with, I have developed a pretty extensive list of hard limits.  Like @SwitchWithMe, they have different layers or dimensions:

Physical:  No blood, breaking of skin or marks that last more than a few hours and nothing that causes impairment of my mobility. 

Implements: No canes or large wooden paddles. No prison straps. 

Manifestations of distress:  If I begin to cry uncontrollably, dissociate, become labored in my breathing go limp, or convulse everything stops. 
 

Psychological: NO sadism or sadistic expressions, including any statements or actions that demonstrate joy or excitement about my suffering; No infliction of emotional distress, including anything likely to cause anxiety or life disruptions such as warnings or reminders of what is coming which are like I to cause dread or fear.

I don’t do this a lot anymore because a particular pro I saw until October 2018 ruined it for me and turned my life inside out .  However, I do see a new one a few times a year who is fine with all these limits so far, and she seems like a very decent and caring woman.  Hopefully, that will continue.

 

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14 minutes ago, gravano said:

Because of the people I have interacted with, I have developed a pretty extensive list of hard limits.  Like @SwitchWithMe, they have different layers or dimensions:

Physical:  No blood, breaking of skin or marks that last more than a few hours and nothing that causes impairment of my mobility. 

Implements: No canes or large wooden paddles. No prison straps. 

Manifestations of distress:  If I begin to cry uncontrollably, dissociate, become labored in my breathing go limp, or convulse everything stops. 
 

Psychological: NO sadism or sadistic expressions, including any statements or actions that demonstrate joy or excitement about my suffering; No infliction of emotional distress, including anything likely to cause anxiety or life disruptions such as warnings or reminders of what is coming which are like I to cause dread or fear.

I don’t do this a lot anymore because a particular pro I saw until October 2018 ruined it for me and turned my life inside out .  However, I do see a new one a few times a year who is fine with all these limits so far, and she seems like a very decent and caring woman.  Hopefully, that will continue.

 

Another excellent one! Agree wholeheartedly. 

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Stop is the safeword and it has never been used.  I am a romantic spanker so a bare bottom that is more than light red is too much for me.  I am not into verbal abuse either.

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I don't wish to humiliate or be humiliated. So, no verbal abuse, but I am okay with telling or being told that I'm going to be punished and it's going to hurt.

I agree with others that blood is certainly a hard limit for me. I'm also uncomfortable bruising others, but would probably do it if I were convinced that they really wanted it and were okay. But nothing causing lasting injuries.

It seems to me that the main criteria is to be respectful first and then understand what your partner wants. Spanking is about emotional intimacy for me. That doesn't mean love, but it does mean closeness and trust. it's a form of friendship that we understand, but others might not.

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Rule #1, I only do this with someone I trust.  Someone who cares for me and wants to help.  I'm cool with a last ditch safe-word, especially in the beginning of any disciplinary relationship, but ultimately I want to trust my spanker/disciplinarian and submit to their discretion.    Again, only if there is 100% trust.   

Rule #2 - Don't break rule #1.  

The expectation is never abuse.  So don't really have to worry about blood, etc. as that would be crossing the line and already understood to be across even a very strict domestic discipline spectrum.  But again, refer to #1.  If I wonder about the extreme then I probably violated rule #1 already.  It hurts bad enough without all the selfish sadist nonsense!  Ha. 

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Contempt. I'm all about the scolding. Strongly attracted to getting a scolding that is pointed, direct and even leaves me emotional, but this has to be within a frame of both love and respect. There's also limits on pain. It's hard to define but they're there. Judicial style punishments are of no interest same goes for spankings that are all about the delivery of pain instead of the assertion of her authority. And even harder to define is a limit on what kind of personality I'd accept, e.g. someone prone to loud expressions of anger is not someone I can go along with.

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I have a trusted mentor. 

Consequently, I'm subject to traditional discipline. No safe words,  just the upper end of moderate correction. 

I'm lucky: I've never been physically abused or corrected brutally,  so to date, the limit hasn't been approached. 

Breaking skin or severe bruising would probably scare me off, though.

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On 3/25/2020 at 8:17 PM, wide_eyed said:

Contempt. I'm all about the scolding. Strongly attracted to getting a scolding that is pointed, direct and even leaves me emotional, but this has to be within a frame of both love and respect. There's also limits on pain. It's hard to define but they're there. Judicial style punishments are of no interest same goes for spankings that are all about the delivery of pain instead of the assertion of her authority. And even harder to define is a limit on what kind of personality I'd accept, e.g. someone prone to loud expressions of anger is not someone I can go along with.

Very well said. I agree entirely. 

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I want my spanker to enjoy their role as much as I enjoy mine.  Since I am the one experiencing pain  I expect them to respect my limits and respond to my requests for increase or decrease in intensity, when it is time for a rest, and when to stop.  I am no longer desirable of punishment spankings, bruising and welts.

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1 Blood.

2 Severe bruising (Light bruising is acceptable because it is a potential risk that can sometimes happen despite best efforts to avoid it ).

3 Spanking take place only if i am/someone else well rested (I'm against getting/giving spanking if me/someone else have compromised sleep because the body does not function correctly).

4 Missing safe word.

5 Abusive language.

6 Breaking the set rules (When me and the other person and vice versa agreed to specific rules and during spanking they are being broken).

7 Scolding (For me it is a pure case of dead end that leads me to being in 100% switch of mode).

8 Mouth soaping.

9 Spanking for punishment and discipline (I'm not in to them both as a receiving party and giving party).

10 Compromised immune system (If me or someone else have that problem that been invoked by whatever factor/factors)(First make your immune system for real strong again).

11 If someone is having psychological sickness (schizophrenia etc... ).

12 If someone is having unresolved issues from past that might be a spark to pathological outburst (Example: A female that had bad relationship with males in past and is venting anger through abusive spanking hidden as hard spanking)(Psychological stability and self responsibility go a long way - it is a trust issue).

Those are 12 that i can start with. Please understand that i am new to adult spanking in my life and for time being i do only self spanking but going forward i would like to have genuine spanking friendship with a female that is to giving and receiving spankings.

 

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I have a few...

- There will always be a safeword 

- No breaking skin or bleeding 

- Absolutely nothing sexual involved. That also includes no full nudity or being only in undergarments (Of course my bottom can be bared for a spanking, but removing my top and/or bra is not necessary for a spanking).

- No humiliation, verbal degradation 

- No plugs, enemas, digging, or anything of the sort.

- No additional "punishments" (mouth-soaping, corner time, lines, etc.) Spanking isn't disciplinary for me, so other forms of discipline are not a part of this lifestyle for me. I am only interested in spanking alone. (Corner time might seem like a weird limit, but kind of falls under humiliation for me. I would feel I was on display and feel more submission in that position, which is not a feeling I desire).

- Power exchange outside of the physical spankings. (I am not a submissive, so I only bottom or "submit" while being physically spanked. A spanker does not have any authority over me beyond the power to spank me). Basically, power exchange is limited to the duration during physical spankings themselves. It is not a dynamic outside of that. I don't enjoy feeling dominated, and it brings a lot of negative feelings.

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