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FetLife is intense....


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Hey so....several of you have mentioned finding playmates on Fetlife, so I signed up and I’m trying to figure out what to do. It’s hella porny and that’s not really what I’m looking for. Any specific groups or whatever that any of you would suggest on there? 

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I had similar frustrations with that site just from the standpoint of trying to separate the people who were into what I was into from all the others who are into other stuff. It's a catch-all for all kinds of stuff and it's hard to cut through the noise.  It wasn't till I went to TASSP a while back and friended some people I met there that I started to find some things by following them towards some other people/groups that were spanking specific 

What I would suggest is finding a few people that you know are just into spanking, follow them, and then follow the people they follow. I don't want to broadcast any screennames on here but if you want to message me over there (DelValSpanker) I can send you some of the groups and people I follow.

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9 minutes ago, EmmaR said:

Hey so....several of you have mentioned finding playmates on Fetlife, so I signed up and I’m trying to figure out what to do. It’s hella porny and that’s not really what I’m looking for. Any specific groups or whatever that any of you would suggest on there? 

 

7 minutes ago, HannahKae said:

For real, did the same thing and never go on there.. just really not a fan of pictures of dicks being thrown in my face ha

 

6 minutes ago, Longtimespanking said:

It's not for me either.  I've heard several people say they have had really bad experiences there.  

 

Thank you for your honest assessment of FetLife. I've heard so many recommendations for it, yet found negative reviews of it online. Hearing this same opinion from trusted members here on SN tells me all that I need to know. I'm totally not into raunchy, so you saved me a lot of disappointment. 

 

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I've logged into it and given up on Fetlife more than once.

The explicit nature of much of the content and my impression that many of the posts are seeking partners without  laying the groundwork and creating relationships really turns me off.

My interest in spanking and enemas are certainly not mainstream but Fetlife goes so far beyond what I want to read about that I just can't look at it   

I want to be clear that I'm not judging these people. It's just not for me.

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1 minute ago, JonTx said:

I've logged into it and given up on Fetlife more than once.

The explicit nature of much of the content and my impression that many of the posts are seeking partners without  laying the groundwork and creating relationships really turns me off.

My interest in spanking and enemas are certainly not mainstream but Fetlife goes so far beyond what I want to read about that I just can't look at it   

I want to be clear that I'm not judging these people. It's just not for me.

Exactly.  For those people whose personal values and lifestyle choices fit in well with what is presented on Fetlife, then it works for them. 

It's just not for everyone, particularly those of us who are seeking spanking partners who can remain strictly non sexual.  I've also been giving non sexual colonics and enemas for many decades and to people who are using them for health maintenance rather than sexual arousal, and don't want to go in any other direction. 

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Fetlife has basically become a porn site! Most messages I get are from men looking to get off or wanting a casual, sexual encounter. Seriously 99 % of the messages I get on there are from men that I would never want to encounter in real life. They are vulgar, think that women are just worthless sex objects- if they spoke to women like that, in real life,  most would kick them in the balls! The majority are just looking for casual sex and have no spanking or BDSM interests whatsoever. If you are man that just wants to get off or get a quick lay then I expect you might find it. If you are a female looking for anything else you are probably better off not bothering...

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I look at it as just another resource.  There is good and bad with all of these spanking related sites.  I see many of the same folks here as I do at other places that spanking is the focus.  Like anything, use what you can, and leave the rest. 

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There are numerous groups to check out:

Chicago Domestic Discipline

Corporal Punishment and Correction

Spanking and The Corporal Punishment of Females

Spank you very much

There might be even more but I haven't searched in a while.

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so yeah fetlife is kind of like Facebook for kinksters and if you join you will be exposed to all kinds of things that you would probably rather not know about, that's certainly been my experience.

there are quite a few spankos on the site, and many more who don't understand spankos and refer to spanking sessions as impact play.

it's worth flying your flag there - find LOCAL groups and attend MUNCHES and EVENTS - I have met spanking partners this way.

TLDR: join FetLife for the local Events calendar and try to filter out the rest

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Don't look for "playmates" on Fetlife. Look for local gatherings where you can meet people and see if you connect. If you are female, you have to be very specific and very direct on your profile about what you are looking for and what you are NOT looking for. I have a friend who moved from NC to FL a few years back and she told me after she listed her new location as Tampa she had 500 random messages. 

Example of what an effective profile might look like: "I am a spankee, and interested in finding local events where I can meet others who share my interest. Please read my profile completely before contacting me. If you are looking for a hook-up, don't bother - I will block you. If your profile contains a photo of your dick, don't bother - I will block you. If you have something meaningful you would like to discuss in a respectful manner, please let me know."

That's just an example and I don't know what you are looking for, but you do have to be that explicit if you want to . I met my EE on Fetlife (actually, she approached me). I have many friends in the local community I would never have met without Fetlife. It is a tool, nothing more, but a good one if you use it the right way.

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To expound upon your question, you used to be able to search Fetlife by keying in things like "Chicago Spanking" or Chicago Munch" into the search box and clicking on groups. This doesn't work anymore - you will get a list of groups that contain either of those words in any context and there will be hundreds or thousands of them.  I assume you are in a suburb? Try keying that into the search box and see what pops up.

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In my opinion it's like any other similar site except it is a means of finding people in your particular area.  That being said, you can survey that area, find people that are in theory interested in things that you are also interested in exploring.  At that point contact the person and if they do respond, and in a reasonable and intelligent way, continue that communication to see if a  possible connection exists.  SN is no different, except you are able to  find possible connections in a closer area, that is if  you are looking for a r/l situation.  One never knows where and how they will find a connection.

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I have poked around on FetLife but, as others observed here, it's a real mish-mash of fetishes, although there are groups on there related to or devoted to spanking (e.g. Spank you very much).  Whenever I interact with people on FetLife that sound like they would enjoy this site (SN), I refer them to here.  I realize that SN is a diverse group of spankos, but at least it has a spanking focus, whereas FetLife just covers way too much territory being about every kind of sexual fetish.  Plus SN is just more friendly and level-headed in just about every respect compared to FetLife.

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Neither a fan of Fetlife.  Doesnt take much looking to see it’s way different than what many of us may want.  People into extreme stuff.  And yes, I don’t like seeing people’s photos of undress on their front profile page, before they even have conversed with you.  Seems like way too many things to weed through and be disgusted by before finding the needle in the haystack, if one even exists.  This forum is unique, although it doesn’t have the express purpose of facilitating meetups.  If it did, it probably would become another Fetlife, unfortunately.

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Never tried fetlife due to what I heard.  Basically what’s been stated above.  Since spanking isn’t sexual for me, and I’m not into bdsm , I’m happy there’s a site like this, that is not porn/sexually oriented.  

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