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Aroused during a discipline spanking?


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On 2/1/2020 at 9:24 PM, Chamed said:

It is very common for males and females to be aroused at the beginning of punishment.  But during a punishment that usually goes away fairly quickly as the punishment is administered.  This means punishment should be severe to overcome any enjoyment of it at the time of administration.

It would have to cross the line into torture for that to happen with me which I really wouldn't want. What my early experiences with it are complicated to say the least. 

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On 2/2/2020 at 1:13 AM, Rand E said:

I have had this issue dealing with the overlap between erotic and disciplinary spanking for a while.  Some of the reactions I got from others here made me wonder if this is a rare problem, like I must be a bit off not to be able to clearly tell the difference. 

I really like to talk to other spankos about this topic erotic-versus-disciplinary and pain-versus-pleasure because it both intrigues and perplexes me in my own relationship, and I want to know if others here run into these same issues.  Because, well, I don't want to feel like an oddball.  

If your desire to participate in physical discipline has a strong erotic component you could also just enjoy the overlap.

I guess it depends on what kind of offenses merit spanking in your house, clearly for some spanking is an inappropriate remedy, e.g. infidelity. But there's also lots of times where partners annoy each other, fail to fulfill small assigned chores, and the like that can be used as occasions for a spanking. It isn't like being disciplined with a spanking for being in a grumpy mood and short with a partner in the morning, or not completing the yard work assigned on Sunday afternoon, will bring these behaviors to a halt for all time. So what does it matter if there's an overlap? It's not like punishment is all that effective a means of modifying behavior to begin with. It can, and I wouldn't be surprised if spankings did eventually result in behavioral change but it sounds like a slow boat to get there. And for two spankos who enjoy this way of connecting with each other and working out their differences that could be OK.

I'd be inclined to spanking soundly and frequently over small stuff and minimizing but also enjoying any eroticism that creeps in there.

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On 3/4/2020 at 1:03 PM, SwitchWithMe said:

In my experience there is a difference between an autonomic nervous system response and arousal. Arousal certainly involves that an autonomic nervous system response— but not all autonomic nervous system response is sexual arousal.

Its really important to keep that in mind as both a spanker and a spankee, but especially a spanker, to not misconstrue what is going on.

For me the distinction is whether this supposed arousal leads one to want to have sexual contact. With a spanking partner or just oneself (masturbation). If it doesn’t and the thought of sexual contact creeps one out or seems out of place, then it’s probably not arousal per se. It’s an autonomic nervous system response leading to one getting erect or wet.

Some people deny this distinction. I know it exists as I have had women share that they would get wet from a medical examination while utterly being creeped out at the situation. I have had women friends express the contradiction of getting wet while being sexually assaulted and coerced. A situation that leads to conflicting feelings.

In my own case, I can get an erection in paradoxical situations at times. I can just relaxing. Spontaneously having a glass of wine or meditating.  I know in terms of spanking, I got an erection even as a little kid, before I was sexual at all. And i can still respond that way. But without any sexual drive or interest. And can come and go.

This is an important distinction and I can see it occurring with adults who have disciplinary relationships with a mentor, just like it might in a judicial punishment, or a child. I wonder though if anyone with a romantic partner gets so deeply into feelings of dread and remorse that they could show arousal and not be erotically inclined. It would take a real heavy mood.

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1 hour ago, wide_eyed said:

This is an important distinction and I can see it occurring with adults who have disciplinary relationships with a mentor, just like it might in a judicial punishment, or a child. I wonder though if anyone with a romantic partner gets so deeply into feelings of dread and remorse that they could show arousal and not be erotically inclined. It would take a real heavy mood.

I am not sure it takes a heavy mood. Not for me.

I think we are all put together differently when it comes to arousal.

I can get aroused by just relaxing, having a glass of wine. Sleeping. I can bring it on with certain thoughts or shut it down. I can do the same with certain visual images and memories.

But I can pretty easily dampen or kill arousal with certain cognitive states. If something concerns or worries me. If I have to think, analyze. That can come up in discipline as an EE or ER.

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19 hours ago, SwitchWithMe said:

I am not sure it takes a heavy mood. Not for me.

I think we are all put together differently when it comes to arousal.

I can get aroused by just relaxing, having a glass of wine. Sleeping. I can bring it on with certain thoughts or shut it down. I can do the same with certain visual images and memories.

But I can pretty easily dampen or kill arousal with certain cognitive states. If something concerns or worries me. If I have to think, analyze. That can come up in discipline as an EE or ER.

Totally agree. Depends on the individual and the situation.

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On 4/2/2020 at 2:30 PM, wide_eyed said:

If your desire to participate in physical discipline has a strong erotic component you could also just enjoy the overlap.

I guess it depends on what kind of offenses merit spanking in your house, clearly for some spanking is an inappropriate remedy, e.g. infidelity. But there's also lots of times where partners annoy each other, fail to fulfill small assigned chores, and the like that can be used as occasions for a spanking. It isn't like being disciplined with a spanking for being in a grumpy mood and short with a partner in the morning, or not completing the yard work assigned on Sunday afternoon, will bring these behaviors to a halt for all time. So what does it matter if there's an overlap? It's not like punishment is all that effective a means of modifying behavior to begin with. It can, and I wouldn't be surprised if spankings did eventually result in behavioral change but it sounds like a slow boat to get there. And for two spankos who enjoy this way of connecting with each other and working out their differences that could be OK.

I'd be inclined to spanking soundly and frequently over small stuff and minimizing but also enjoying any eroticism that creeps in there.

My wife and I don't actually spank for small stuff.  Well, we do, sort of, but it's what I would call funishment rather than actual discipline.  I have chatted with a number of DD folks, and they often have rather extensive lists of rules covering every little detail of their lives.  But that just would not be good for my wife and me.  We deliberately kept the rules at a serious level and agreed to some pretty harsh punishment for rule breaks.  Not doing chores, being grumpy or rude, forgetting things, none of that is on the list.  Our short list of infractions are based on the 4 D's in domestic discipline tailored to the bad behavior we were having trouble with.  Serious disrespect in front of friends, family, or in public.  Deception or dishonesty about serious (non-trivial) matters.  Disobedience in the form of breaking solemn promises or commitments.  Dangerous behavior.  That's it.

I don't know if our serious approach is what made the difference, but I can tell you that this process has made a big difference in our behavior.   I never lie to my wife now, and, as far as I know, vice-versa.  We behave like a couple of angels when we are with friends and family, even to the point that some of our friends have noticed and made curious comments.  And we don't make promises or commitments we don't intend to keep.  At first, it took some serious consequences to get our attention, but that settled down gradually, and lately we haven't had a rule break in like 4 months now.  So, I have to endorse this process at least as far as it worked for us.  

The thing I feel weird about is that the discipline we administer on one another, although I think it genuinely is punitive, has this exciting erotic undertone to it that is always there no matter how severe the punishment.  I'm here to tell you, if you are a true spanko, giving your spouse a well-deserved disciplinary spanking for misbehavior, or receiving one, is one of the most exciting and satisfying things we have ever done together as a couple.  

And what can I say?  We have friends, couples who have issues in their relationships just as much as my wife and me, who would probably each give their eye-teeth for the opportunity to straighten out their misbehaving spouses with a good painful spanking.  But I realize that not everybody is a spanko, and certainly domestic discipline is not for everybody.  In some ways, it's like playing with fire.

And you are right that the erotic element is probably not a real cause for concern.  I worried about it a bit, but I decided that it's just part of the process and part of our relationship.  The fact that it has had the beneficial effects that it has is what matters.  If it wasn't working, then I would be more inclined to worry.     

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On 2/1/2020 at 11:48 PM, FtWorthOTK55 said:

I have not spoken with her for years but a spankee once told me she was spanked OTK, bare bottom by her Dad growing up.  When she was 16, she had an organism while he was spanking her.  She was not she if he knew or not.  He never let on that he did, but that was the last time he spanked her.  

He knew. A guy can't hide it and a girl MAYBE can but I don't see how it goes unnoticed. Some girls it's gonna be as obvious almost like it WAS a guy. It's like part of it for some people-it makes you feel bad.

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