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Profile Photos - Proposed Rule


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Being a spankee I have no problem showing the target of my spanking need in a small avatar.  One must go to my profile and open my cover photo or go the the gallery to observe a larger version.

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Some of your responses are from how you presented the thread:

On 1/29/2020 at 9:28 PM, tryingit said:

 And quality (rather than flippant) friendships can develop between participants.  Would I expect to go onto a high quality dating site and see people in forms of undress?  No, rather this aspect of someone may be saved for later if we meet enough times.  Or since this is an advice site, would I expect a reputable relationship advice site to have profiles showing people in forms of undress?

Maybe there should be a segregated section of the site where this kind of stuff is shown, rather than anywhere.

We are not a 'relationship advice site' --- we are a reputable spanking community. All forms of spanking (legally consenting adults) join this forum because they crave/ need/ want spanking in their life. 

Next reply from you:

On 1/30/2020 at 12:06 AM, Guest Guest said:

Couple issues with this.

Why should anyone think these photos are a possibility?  Is this a hookup site?  Hookup sites are where you expect to not be able to avoid seeing photos of undress.

There's no way to ignore the photos when they show at the threads; not just at the profile page.

Gaining any possibly available limited insight into the preferences of the poster by observing the particulars of the rear end they parade around isn’t something all forum users should be expected to value.

 

We are a non-judgmental spanking site that because adult spanking is taboo this is a safe haven and we are able to share our spanking experiences with people that understand. Comparing it to a "hook-up site" and trying to make passive aggressive statements didn't help but made people feel more judged. 

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On 1/30/2020 at 8:08 PM, tryingit said:

I agree this is more of an advice site.  So for that reason, I think some photos in certain places aren’t conducive to advice. 

Would I expect to go onto a relationship advice site and see someone in some form of undress, trying to suggest to me that I should trust them, because “look at what they are showing to the world.  They have gotten a chance to use this body as shown here with numerous people or with one person in a fulfilling way, so listen up.”  Or would it be necessary on such a site, for someone to show their undress so I can get a perspective as to their “interests?”

We are a spanking community safe haven for adults. We aren't a relationship advice site. We do have a relationship subform, but the main focus of the site is not relationship advice. Avatars are a expression of people and their interests. They aren't caring what people think of their avatars -- but just happy they can share it on a adult spanking site. No one is asking you to 'trust their advice' because of their expression on their avatar. 

On 2/1/2020 at 9:52 AM, Child of Light said:

I respect peoples choices, and their body, to do what they want with it or don't want to (whatever that might be). :)  I was quoting here: 

I was reminding you we aren't a dating site.  The mission of SN is to have a safe discussion platform for all consenting adult spanko's. It's an online platform for people not to judge each other. It's perfectly ok for members to want to share after they've been spanked. Calling people inappropriate, cheap and flippant is not productive and not supportive. My avatar is a print screen of an old movie, of an DD couple, with a women receiving a spanking --- how does my avatar distract from advice giving or receiving? 

I replied to you and asked you how my spanking avatar was affecting advice giving (trying to gain insight). 

On 2/1/2020 at 4:21 PM, tryingit said:

Never did I think or say this is a dating site.  However, comparisons to other things are frequently made to help make a point.  That’s what I did.  I made comparisons to 2 separate I other types of sites that differ, but have common denominators as well.

I never called anyone inappropriate, flippant, or cheap.  I hope the same lack of judgement (someone feels judged?) is reserved for me for posting this.

was proposing something I thought may be considered as respectful towards other forum members.  It turns out a number of replies were from people who think similarly; but presented possibly different ideas for implementation.

Why is one avatar perceived differently than another?  I don’t know.  It just is.  Why is total nakedness and privates different than a picture of a concrete floor when they are all just digital 1 and 0’s?  Who knows, really.

 

Instead of answering my question seriously and actually engaging into a conversation you shut it down with this last sentence instead of being serious :)

I proposed looking into making it so that members can turn off seeing avatars and seeing if that was possible -- which gained no response from you, and still wanting spanking photographs removed from avatars on a adult spanking site; that doesn't allow genitals in images. 

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There are things I personally do not like that are allowed here, however, too many and/or rules that are too stringent stifle the ability to be open and expressive. I think we all need to realize that allowing everyone to freely express themselves aside from a set of basic rules might result in something offending us.  That is just life and the sooner we all learn to accept that we don't have the right to go through life without being offended the better off we will all be.

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I do think it would be a nice feature if we could turn off photos of bare bottoms in avatars.  That way those who don't care can see them, and those who either would prefer not to, or don't find it work place safe, can view the site without that sort of avatar photos. 

This is most definitely an adult oriented site, so finding nudity in the photo gallery section should be expected by everyone using it, and is not any issue. 

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3 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

Wow, you unearthed a doozy there!  I don't think I've heard that term, said out loud or in print,  in 25 years.    Rand E you're quite the Relic Generator of Golden Oldies!

The expression Shoulder Surfing is definitely still in common use, at least within the computer security community if not the public at large, but there are other expressions, especially some that I picked up from my dad, that are getting to be or already are such anachronisms that younger folks have no idea what I'm talking about.  Although, instead of just dropping these old expressions, I think it's fun to use them and try to keep them alive.  I myself love hearing new idioms and slang expressions from people, and unlike olden times - when you and I were young punks - any word or expression can be looked up on the web at the push of a smartphone button.  It's amusing when I do use an expression that has fallen out of use, and the twenty-somethings I am with immediately punch it up on Google to see what I'm talking about.  

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On 2/1/2020 at 10:37 PM, JoKitten said:

It's one thing to argue for the means not to have avatars and the like displayed if you prefer but quite another to suggest a bottom cannot (or should not) be displayed on a site that is about spanking rather or not it's sexual or for some of us more disciplinary in nature because that is usually the seat that receives what we're about.

Is that your lovely bottom you are using for an avatar?  Sweet!  That's like the most persuasive argument I have seen posted here in favor of bare-bottom avatars.   

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One last observation after reading all the replies.  When I am comparing this site to other sites, I tend to compare it to other spanking and fetish sites.  Compared to all the screwy stuff on FetLife, this site is a model of propriety, which is why I see the naked avatar question as a minor quibble.  I like to think of this site as the "safe and sane" spanko site.  But, it's hard to imagine anybody curious about spanking who visits the various spanking sites arriving at this site and then exclaiming What? Naked buns?  What the hell is this world coming to?  The genuinely interested will hopefully join and chat.  Others looking for spanking porn will move on.  If adding a feature to control the display of avatars is simple and easy, I would say, fine go for it, but I don't think it deserves all that much attention or resources, especially since the folks running this site are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts.

 

 

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3 hours ago, Longtimespanking said:

This is most definitely an adult oriented site, so finding nudity in the photo gallery section should be expected by everyone using it, and is not any issue

I don't mind it being in the gallery, I just don't like having it on my activity feed. 

As far as avatars go, it doesn't bother me but I do turn them off in chat. 

I don't have anything against such pics, I just like to choose when I see them. 

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11 hours ago, Child of Light said:

Some of your responses are from how you presented the thread:

We are not a 'relationship advice site' --- we are a reputable spanking community. All forms of spanking (legally consenting adults) join this forum because they crave/ need/ want spanking in their life. 

Next reply from you:

We are a non-judgmental spanking site that because adult spanking is taboo this is a safe haven and we are able to share our spanking experiences with people that understand. Comparing it to a "hook-up site" and trying to make passive aggressive statements didn't help but made people feel more judged. 

(snippet)

We are a spanking community safe haven for adults. We aren't a relationship advice site. We do have a relationship subform, but the main focus of the site is not relationship advice. Avatars are a expression of people and their interests. They aren't caring what people think of their avatars -- but just happy they can share it on a adult spanking site. No one is asking you to 'trust their advice' because of their expression on their avatar. 

I replied to you and asked you how my spanking avatar was affecting advice giving (trying to gain insight). 

Instead of answering my question seriously and actually engaging into a conversation you shut it down with this last sentence instead of being serious :)

I proposed looking into making it so that members can turn off seeing avatars and seeing if that was possible -- which gained no response from you, and still wanting spanking photographs removed from avatars on a adult spanking site; that doesn't allow genitals in images. 

Geez poster, I never thought a few statements would be a big deal to you.  I liked the reply suggestions of possibly filtering it.  All this has been amazing.  As I’ve tried to explain, when comparing to something else to make a point, one has to look at the common denominator of the things compared, not the inevitable differences.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Going back to the secondary discussion on this thread (of photos in the feed), is there a way to at least get additions to a particular gallery to post only the most recent pic (like the forum threads)? Once clicked on, they could see all photos. It's just ridiculous to try and look at my news feed and have to scroll past pages and pages of pics just to access my unread forum content. 

(Also, I realize I can set up an activity stream. I've actually done that, but I tend to forget until I'm multiple pages into it.)

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  • 6 months later...
On 2/2/2020 at 4:45 PM, AfterGeometry said:

I am not sure how the OP navigates anywhere on the Internet or Life in general if this innocuous little conservative spanking site offends his sensibilities so much.   I am sitting here completely beside myself, dumbfounded, with my mouth hanging open, agog and aghast.  Maybe this site is just not for you, OP.   If there is a website out there about spanking that is tamer than Spanking Needs, I will eat my shorts. I don't think it's likely.   Maybe going back to the text based Usenet chat format like in the early pre-2000 internet era is what you're looking for OP.  

I realize this is an old thread Burn After Reading through most of the posts here on this subject I found myself thinking the same thing is after geometry, I mean really there is no Tamer more tasteful more adult site with taste and over all good hearted members  than this site. really they're sites that I don't even want my wife to even navigate to I would be ashamed of them ,  there are sites that I would never suggest a new spanko who is interested in exploring the subject of spank there are plenty of folks that spend a lifetime coming to a point where they finally are able to admit to themselves they have more than a passing interest in the subject and for some it is a hot coal that can't be touched and when they finally are able to reach out and touch the subject there are some sites that I think would scare the hell out of them and turn them away certainly back them back up into a corner or a closet if you will this site is not one of those at the very least the truth of the matter is is this subject will bring a red bottom all different sizes shapes and smiles, and frowns. This is spanko site with information and provides support of persons new to the subject in my opinion I'm sure it is other things to other people of their opinion.  but for me it is the beginning place of which I would send someone new to spanking and wouldn't hesitate for a second. after the new owner took possession I was legitimately concerned  it would change into another semi spanking semi porn site I'm so thankful it did not. we were quiet and observant for a good long while as in 1 plus years or so to make sure that it wasn't going to go there, and I did not suggest anybody come here for a good long while to make sure it was safe and going to stay safe, it is clear that Child of Light has taken up the intended purpose of this site to begin with and is carrying on appropriately since, thus I have sent many a folk to this site some have joined some have not but they have all been pleased with their experience, "spank this" is one I would never send anybody to they will have to find it themselves, or domestic-discipline .net is another site so lost now,  and you cant even reach the owner of the site any longer since its full admin has been turned over to the users. so this site is the last that is of taste and Integrity around the subject of spank.

So with that this is the only site that I can still recommend to new spanko folks,  and as far as a naked bottom on an avatar you can only fit so much on an avatar it's only so big and as you fit more and more on an avatar the smaller smaller things get, at some point it's so small that it's nothing so at best you can get a bottom on there, maybe two bottoms. 

 this is a spanking site, and I would expect when coming here that I might see some spanked bottoms with that said I think there is an expected degree of self discipline used when posting an avatar, generally we all would expect some taste and decorum that should be adhered to, and yes those are subjective terms but us normal people as spankos go we could all probably collectively fall in the same Arena together of what tasteful decorum Etc would be depicting a spanked bottom in an avatar, I don't think we're talking about something that is going to get five different opinions on the same Avatar out of five people I think we would expect to see probably the same five opinions of one Avatar out of five people maybe four and one different if it's a picture that is obviously flagrantly trying to say something else through the disguise of a spanked bottom. we can see that and that is something Child of Light would pick up on or one of us would pick up on and she would then be notified and it would be handled appropriately as per good judgment. But just an overall blanket rule of absolutely no bottoms on your avatar on a spanking site would almost seem ridiculous it would seem as ridiculous as it would then to have penis pictures on a spanking site that would be in contrast to what the site is about we would not expect to see boobs on your avatar on a spanking site or big penises on your avatar on a spanking site. I would expect to see red bare bottoms on a spanking site. And frankly the amount of other things more than a bottom I see just perusing an open web, please!!! makes me blush daily.

For instance look at my avatar one could argue got my avatar depicts genitalia, it would be a weak argument if among reasonable people  therefore making no argument,  if you're looking for it and that's all you want to see in a spanking photo one could expect to find your email subject if bent over they reasonably good chance that one might find a hint of genitalia. but you can find genitalia looking in any kind of bottom for a male if a male is fully intact but obviously my avatar is not focused in or trying to disguise through spank the genitalia this is obviously what it is, a spanked MAN over his wife's knee, or a female's knee and if a healthy male that is intact is bent over one would expect to see a little hint of genitalia that you can see with most any male mammal on our planet. It took many years to find and ultimately build my avatar as I wanted to be tasteful and not bring any kind of bad light on the subject of spank, as well no bad light on myself or my love 88. and I think I achieved that through this Avatar, I mean really it's cute and will usually bring a kind of tongue-in-cheek smile on most woman's face even the most conservative of women from church will see that Avatar and blush a little bit and then a hint of a  rather devious little smile on their face,  and abruptly on to a different subject. 

At any rate it would appear that the site has a good policy as all the avatars I've seen have been in good taste and nothing is offended me and while I'm not exactly easily offended I'm conservative and I don't like things thrusted apon me in places that one would not expect to find it and I have not encountered this at all here, everything's been well within the guidelines of what should be acceptable, It is the other sites that are so far over the line that I don't even know why they associate themselves with spank as opposed to just being porn sites

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On 2/21/2020 at 3:33 PM, gingerlee said:

Going back to the secondary discussion on this thread (of photos in the feed), is there a way to at least get additions to a particular gallery to post only the most recent pic (like the forum threads)? Once clicked on, they could see all photos. It's just ridiculous to try and look at my news feed and have to scroll past pages and pages of pics just to access my unread forum content. 

(Also, I realize I can set up an activity stream. I've actually done that, but I tend to forget until I'm multiple pages into it.)

I echo this scrolling through pages of pics etc.

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  • 2 months later...

Interesting discussion. I'm not sure I'd put so much emphasis on what kind of site this is supposed to be, it's really just a personal preference. A setting that displayed only initial letter avatars vs profile image avatars might be desirable for many. I admit I put my spanked bottom as my profile avatar when I first came here because it seemed to establish my bona fides for being here (there's an anachronistic term for you). Having read this, I just changed it to our spanking hairbrush, which carries the same message but shouldn't offend anyone.

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  • 1 month later...
On 1/29/2020 at 11:16 PM, DeepThinker said:

I think anyone coming to this site should recognize such pictures are a possibility.  For some of us who choose to never post pictures - or even for those who do - it gives us some insight in to the preferences of the poster.  We are all adults here.  If you do not like seeing such pictures, ignore the pictures... 

Hear, hear! I couldn't agree more.  

I am a veteran having served two tours in the Navy. I was wounded twice in the line of duty and I am proud to have helped preserve our democracy. One of the fundamental components of that democracy, perhaps THE most fundamental is the First Amendment.

Having spent time in countries where citizens do not have this right that we often take for granted, I can tell you that it is more than just a person's right to free expression. It is the cornerstone of a free and fair democracy, just as crucial as the right to vote, and just as important as the right to due process.

When you infringe on these rights, however justified you may feel, arguing for public decency and moral standards, you erode the very foundations that our amazing and imperfect union is built on. 

If something offends you, look away. We are all adults, I think we can survive a few scandalous (though luscious) bottoms. Protest these images if you will, that is your right, but consider this if you would. The freedom of speech that gives you that right of protest, also extends protection to those naked behinds. 

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It is a fact of life that I speak my mind ... So please, if it makes you feel queasy, then do excuse me.

 

For whatever any site owner may think their forum site is about, the reality is the site is what the people who post on it, make it. Yes, of course one can ban people, one can run them off like wolves at the flock in an effort to create a certain clientele and climate ..... But then you end up with the  major issue that all these forums have and what ultimately kills them off .... The 'Core posters'.

Whilst I've been on this site only a few days I already know the major posters, as their names appear with unerring regularity. This 'core poster' issue has an unfortunate effect on any site, as the core posters push any site in the direction that the literal handful of people they are, want.

This oft causes the effective exclusion of new members/posters and a complete lack of diversity in the posting stream. The management are then in effect held hostage by the 'regular core posters' figuring that without them there would be no posters and the site would then die ... However it is those very core posters which cause the site to die ... it is a nasty Catch 22 situation. Unfortunately by the time it exists, it is really too late to do much about it. The core posters put forward the self same views time and again. They all have accepted knowledge of their position in the pecking order and each others positions; so they re-run the same arguments, with the same language, time and again.

If someone new upsets the reverie this group have created,  then the newbie often gets attacked and made to feel unwelcome.  Now personally it does not bother me one iota but most people it does, hence these sites soon stagnate ... New people join but soon leave/stop posting.

People here upset by bare bottoms? Oh good grief, really?  Whilst the OP and some of the regulars may find it all to be deeply personal and that a bare bottom upsets their sensibilities, many people really do not find it all 'very personal'.  There are indeed many people who see coital sex/spanking/BDSM etc etc  as on a par with 'shaking hands' .... Because as fact, once one takes the religious mumbo jumbo and moralising out of the equation, that is what it is frankly.

Sex is not a taboo, spanking is not a religion. Indeed spanking/BDSM etc is for the very vast majority of people a sexual or at minimum a sexualised activity.

Ergo, if people wish to have an avatar/profile picture of a backside on a site which is supposed to be about adult consensual spanking, then why not?  People having an issue with that is nothing short of utterly bizarre in my personal opinion. It says as far as I can see a great deal about sexual repression and little else.

If the site owner wishes to repress their site out of existence, then of course that's entirely their choice. However if this site is almost entirely a non-sexual pseudo religious group of like minded moralisers;  then why even bother to accept new members who do not conform? That is a rhetorical question BTW .... Talk amongst yourselves 😊

 

 

 

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@HerrBlacktooth What you are failing to see is that you are making yourself a " core poster."  Your attitude is one of " the foremost expert in BDSM." Most of the people who post are known to other members; actually have met other members and have some humility! No-one knows you and your huge ego is rubbing people the wrong way. I have seen plenty of new members come and post and they are welcomed. 

So you have sold some sex toys and own one slave and have decades of experience. No-one is questioning that but you are not the only one who has a lot of experience. 

I and plenty of other members have no problem with bare bottom avatars but the ones who do, have a voice too. A community should represent everyone and they all have a right to their opinion and and are no less important to others. 

 "The core posters put forward the self same views time and again." Re-read your posts and they all have the same theme- " I'm the authority on all things BDSM."

One thing I have learnt in life is that he who shouts the loudest, is often the most insecure. Maybe change your attitude and curb your ego and you'll find that you get further with people. Just some friendly advice...

 

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It would be even more fun if @sassylittleand @HerrBlacktoothdidn't argue about something on every thread. Maybe just ignore each other moving forward. 

I think the spanking pic or bottom pic avatars are fine. I agree with HerrBlacktooth and others about that. I also agree that Core Posters can make or break a spanking forum. It was like that on Spanking Memories / SIN and Spanking Classics.

The other thing that can ruin a forum - too much discussion of childhood spanking (real or imagined). I would rather see this topic banned than to have avatars not contain red bottoms. 

I agree with SassyLittle, too... there is nothing more annoying than a Spanko Know-It-All. I have a couple of decades of spanking experience under my belt (well, under someone's belt). I like to play hard, but I also like spanking in many different forms. We all have our preferences and our experiences to share. No one person has the "right way" to do TTWD.

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@rubyredd I'm sorry if it offended or upset you. I had already decided not to "argue" as you like to call it, with him again. I have had people talk in PM about his attitude and thought that I'd try to discretely bring it up so he can avoid pissing anyone else off! I won't repeat things people have said because they are derogatory.

Like I said, I have no problem with bare bottom pics but doesn't mean that other's can't have an opposite opinion.

I am neither for or against people discussing their childhood spanking memories- we need to remember that might be the integral reason that they are now "spankos." I don't personally want to discuss this with strangers and it annoys me when people pm me and it's one of the first things that they ask. I draw the line at people discussing spanking their kids or other kids but that's against the rules anyway. Doesn't stop them but reporting them to admin hopefully curtails it somewhat.

Like you, I have decade's experience and play hard- we aren't the only ones. Each of us are one little person in a pond of millions and there will always be people with more or less experience than us. There is no right way.

As to the "core posters," I am one, you are and so is he. I try to only post if I have some helpful experience. I don't post in topics that I either know nothing or very little about. I'm never going to claim that I'm an expert because as soon as you do that, you stop learning. I'm always looking to learn more. 

 

 

 

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On 1/1/2021 at 7:19 PM, HerrBlacktooth said:

For whatever any site owner may think their forum site is about, the reality is the site is what the people who post on it, make it. Yes, of course one can ban people, one can run them off like wolves at the flock in an effort to create a certain clientele and climate ..... But then you end up with the  major issue that all these forums have and what ultimately kills them off .... The 'Core posters'.

We have a basic guideline list of "don't be an asshole" (in a nut-shell); and don't allow personal attacks of any sort. We have this very section for members to voice dislikes. However we will not allow body shaming of any sort. The board is 15 years old, and we are still growing, and thriving. The site never claims to be 'non-sexual' but FOR A LOT of us our needs are spanking, and we have a niche of discipline and not mixing sex with it. That is what the main focus of the site is. However we welcome all adult, consenting, Spanko's as there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way about this. 

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On 1/30/2020 at 1:26 AM, Child of Light said:

The thing is we aren't a dating site or a hookup site. We are simply a site that talks about consented adult spankings. We do not allow sex or focused images of genitals anyplace on the site. We are a reputable spanking community, that doesn't allow porn. Relationships that develop are of off site nature. We are first and foremost a communication and safe haven for spankos that are understanding their needs. It might be important for you that the person you get close with "saves themselves" for you later on (and you can add that to your profile) but please don't body shame people that have the confidents in this community that post vulnerable spanking photographs of themselves and act as if it should be a crime. If the person wants to "save themselves" (whatever that outdated term means); they will. 

Now adding in a feature of some sort that you can block certain types of avatars might be doable. 

I am not offended. This is a spanko site after all. "Know where your feet are standing." When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Spankoland...

Really it is no big deal, it is just the human body. My guess is, the individual posts a pic of his butt in hopes that someone might find it spankable and make contact. At fiftysomething, I have no such ambition, were I twentysomething the case might be different.

As for the site not having porn, well I guess that is accurate based on how extreme and hardcore modern porn is, but for my tastes some of the pictures I have found on this site have been useful. Let us say there is a small amount of tasteful erotica to be found. I don't know that that is a bad thing. I don't think someone really into porn would come here just for the pictures when there are so many other web sites with much more erotic content.

 

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18 hours ago, Child of Light said:

We have a basic guideline list of "don't be an asshole" (in a nut-shell); and don't allow personal attacks of any sort. We have this very section for members to voice dislikes. However we will not allow body shaming of any sort. The board is 15 years old, and we are still growing, and thriving. The site never claims to be 'non-sexual' but FOR A LOT of us our needs are spanking, and we have a niche of discipline and not mixing sex with it. That is what the main focus of the site is. However we welcome all adult, consenting, Spanko's as there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way about this. 

@FinallyFree How much did you pay @Child of Light for being allowed to break the "don't be an asshole" rule?😛 

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