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Asking for a Spanking


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How do you feel about asking for a spanking? I’m an adult who has needs, and I have a loving spouse who is willing to help fulfill my needs. But asking for this is so hard for me! I’m not expecting my honey to read my mind; I’m very opposed to that ridiculous expectation. But I am a spankee, while my love is not necessarily a spanker. I feel a little... dirty... asking for something like this. But I spent the past few days (or longer—whatever!) trying to convince myself this is not a need, only to come back to the reality that—for me—this is a need. She even asked me if I needed a spanking and I said no. Except now I’m thinking I DO need one.

So... what does my community think about asking for it? Is it girl-power at its greatest, or simply trying to top from the bottom? I’m very confused. 

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I always feel a bit embarrased to ask and I dont know if it will ever go away. Is it the word that you are having trouble with? Maybe try to set up a code word or some sort of visual symbol to identify that you need one without necessarily saying it.

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I have had ees ask me for one, and I felt it was better, than acting out to get one.  Best thing to do, would be to communicate this, beforehand.  Then it may seem a little less akward asking.  Some set up regular maintenance, weekly or bi weekly.   Hope you find a way to ask, I understand how it could feel akward.  

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If your craving is somewhat regular a scheduled spanking would be not a bad idea.  if your desires don't come steadily then it is a little trickier.   I know my wife was very aroused in the days before her period.  You might need one every one of those days. and less frequently at other times.  

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Oh dear.  Well you're not doing yourself any favors by -refusing- a spanking even when it's offered lol.  Talk about mixed messages!  🤷‍♂️  🤷‍♀️  Just ask her for one. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.  She can't read your mind.  The worst that can happen is she says No.   But I think she will do it SINCE SHE ALREADY offered once!  😉 I wish you the best.  

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Regularly scheduled maintenance spankings work really well in situations where both people involved are on the same page about it.  That way you know what to expect, and when to expect it. 

In this case, since your partner is aware of your want/need to be spanked, I see a real opportunity for an open and honest conversation about the best and most practical way to have that want and need fulfilled.  Maybe it's on-demand, maybe it's maintenance, maybe it's the points-logbook system where behavior is monitored and points recorded for failure to follow rules. All of those are ways that you could get a spanking without having to come out and ask directly for it. Or maybe you can just ask for it. 

This is of major significance:  There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for a spanking from a loving partner who is on board with giving you one.  If you needed something else, for example to be hugged or cuddled,  or if you wanted to be taken out to dinner at a special place then you wouldn't hesitate to ask for that.  So why not just ask for the spanking when you want one? 

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2 hours ago, Longtimespanking said:

This is of major significance:  There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for a spanking from a loving partner who is on board with giving you one.  If you needed something else, for example to be hugged or cuddled,  or if you wanted to be taken out to dinner at a special place then you wouldn't hesitate to ask for that.  So why not just ask for the spanking when you want one? 

Thank you so much for these words! My wife loves me so much, and she would of course never judge me for needing a hug or a kiss. Real talk: this is my issue—judging myself for my needs. Thank you for helping me see truth.

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2 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

Oh dear.  Well you're not doing yourself any favors by -refusing- a spanking even when it's offered lol.  

Right? Brats be bratty.
I was a good girl, though, and told her the truth. She’s the real deal—no judgement from my honey.  

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13 minutes ago, xntrick said:

We can't read your mind, so get to the point and tell us what you want/need.

👇🏼

6 hours ago, sillygirl said:

I’m not expecting my honey to read my mind; I’m very opposed to that ridiculous expectation.

👆🏼
Mind-reading expectations ARE ridiculous. I have not been trying to get her to do this through some sort of telepathic osmosis. I’ve been trying to get myself to not need it. That’s a very different—albeit still bratty—situation. Which she took care of tonight with a big-@$$ paddle. 

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Well, It's good to hear that you got your spanking.

Trying to convince yourself NOT to need it is counterproductive at best. If you want to be spanked and feel you need one, and she's willing, then just go for it......... :)

Brats, in my interactions with the women I spank, get extra punishment added for being bratty.  Of course there are two varieties of brat, the lovable brat who teases and taunts incessantly, who is likely to get a more fun spanking over that trait, and then there's the obstinate brat who is incorrigible and insubordinate by nature. She will get a much more severe punishment for that behavior than the lovable brat does. 

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14 hours ago, Jaded said:

I have had ees ask me for one, and I felt it was better, than acting out to get one.  Best thing to do, would be to communicate this, beforehand.  Then it may seem a little less akward asking.  Some set up regular maintenance, weekly or bi weekly.   Hope you find a way to ask, I understand how it could feel akward.  

Ms. asking is not as easy as you state for me...  Especially in Ohio...

 

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17 hours ago, sillygirl said:

So... what does my community think about asking for it? Is it girl-power at its greatest, or simply trying to top from the bottom? I’m very confused. 

As a submissive, I will say my opinion (which is shared by I don't even know how many others on both sides of the slash - far too many to count) is that asking for what you need is in no way "topping from the bottom."

A sub's/bottom's/spankee's job is to let their Dom/Top/spanker know of their need for a spanking so that the D/T/s can make the decision on whether or not a spanking will be given. Deciding for yourself is more TFTB than making a request for a spanking could ever be.

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7 hours ago, momma_s_boy said:

Ms. asking is not as easy as you state for me...  Especially in Ohio...

 

It’s not easy for everyone.  Think it’s easier with an established partner. Even then it can be hard.  I like my ees to be comfortable enough to ask me /talk to me about anything. 

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I Live with a Vanilla partner and I’m trying to find Someone who can fulfill my Discipline needs That’s why I’m here mainly... I’d be okay with asking my disciplinarian for a spanking especially bc I know they’re Beneficial for My well Being 

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1 hour ago, Jaded said:

It’s not easy for everyone.  Think it’s easier with an established partner. Even then it can be hard.  I like my ees to be comfortable enough to ask me /talk to me about anything. 

Discussing with someone is you have a relationship even more easier with an established partner.  But at my age an out of the dating scene for many years, I am not even able to approach a lady for a vanilla date, let alone for discipline...  Thank G-d for the anonymity of the internet...  

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had a very hard time.with this. It is part of the reason it took my hubbs and I  almost 8yrs to get go regularly spanking.  I finally worked up the nerve to talk about role.playing and "rules meaning be broken".  After we hashed out a few things he goes "ya know, you could just tell me that you want me to spank you, instead of trying to make it happen."  I still have a very hard time.  It is easier if in am really turned on, and easier still to text him.  Today I sebt him a text that said "I love you!  You are my favoritest!  I have been craving your....  Uhh....   Firm attentions all day.  👋😌😳😥".  It took me about 30 minutes and 100 revisions to send that, but it was totally worth it

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16 hours ago, Megthe said:

 Today I sebt him a text that said "I love you!  You are my favoritest!  I have been craving your....  Uhh....   Firm attentions all day.  👋😌😳😥".  It took me about 30 minutes and 100 revisions to send that, but it was totally worth it

My wife sent me this: 🖐🙇‍♀️🍑 as a warning. Text seems to work well for us, too. But I think it’s getting myself into the mind space that’s hard for me. Just plain admitting to myself that I need a spanking is hard. Because I don’t want to!

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Do you think some of what makes it hard is our ambivalence? We have to overcome our internal struggles. I don’t know about you, but when I’m going to be receiving a spanking I both crave and dread it.  So, we have to get past the fear that we will be able to take it and the internal ambivalence before we ever get to the other person’s anticipated reaction.

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For me I think part of this need comes from the head space associated with giving up control. If I ask for it, I lose that feeling and the satisfaction that a hard painful spanking provides. It’s definitely very confusing to me, but it is what it is...

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I have the same feeling about asking. It would be far better to have it imposed when I want to be spanked. And, I also begin to dread it the minute I know it’s going to happen.
 

There’s a quote in the original story of O that I will paraphrase:

While she was being whipped, O would’ve done anything to stop. 
 When it was over, she would’ve done anything to make it start again. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I definitely don’t feel comfortable asking! I also hate to be asked if I want or need one. Idk why I feel embarrassed by it. I know it’s way to much to expect, but I just want my ER to decide and do it. I’ve been asked if I wanted one and have said no even though I really did want/need it. ☹️

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