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Melissa'sBottom

Question for all you Straight Guys

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I wouldn't say that spankings are not sexual to me (though not only sexual: I also really cherish the traditional disciplinary dynamic).  They're highly arousing and I want to enjoy giving them, which is why I only spank women.  But there's a difference between arousal and what you do about the arousal.  My relationship to the spankee is usually platonic and I keep my clothes on (and the spankee's, too, except for her bare bottom).  Although I like to console the spankee and hold and touch her spanked behind, I respect her boundaries in the aftercare.  Do I feel let down?  Hardly, I'm electrified for a week from the memory of a good spanking and wouldn't trade that feeling for anything.

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On 12/11/2019 at 2:12 PM, Melissa'sBottom said:

So my main question is, given the obvious gender imbalance on this site and the spanking kink in general.  Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?  I know it can initially be a little weird, but there are so many possibilities in this kink.  Surely there are ways for you straight guys to have a little fun with each other without crossing any lines you don't want to cross.  Us straight girls seem to have a lot of fun with each other...

Are there many possibilities  in spanking : YES

The why don't more guys do spankings with other guys? :

1) for some it is so because they don't want to be connected to homosexuality or bisexuality.

2) They get to know stories about damaged guys that done disgusting actions when it comes to spanking and it bring no go zone pattern in them.

3) They loose all interest in spanking because they have disgust in face of a thought about being spanked by a guy but not if they would be spanked by a female.

That is not the complete list but it is true for many guys.

 

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Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?  I think some spankee men are like me might be afraid the male  spanker may be applying for sexual purposes and not because they are wanting to help the spankee.  I am sure that female spankees seeking a female spanker has the same fear.  

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Thank you for posting this - it is an incredibly fascinating thread and its forced me to think deeply and challenge my thoughts on this repeatedly.  I think I finally have some fully thought-out ideas on this.  By way of background I am a straight male and I am almost exclusively interested in spanking with women.  I have spanked a man before, but it felt kind of strange to me for reasons I can't really identify, and I am not sure I would allow a man to spank me.  

First, there are a lot of other things where people have gender preferences for what the other person is that are not necessarily sexual activities.  For instance, both men and women may have a preference for a certain gender of doctor, but no one would argue that going to the doctor is a sexual activity.  Is their gender preference driven by their sexuality?  Maybe - maybe not.  Some straight men won't see a female urologist, but some don't want to see a male urologist.  There is a similar phenomenon with regards to massage therapists - about 85% of all massage therapists are women.  I would bet a good portion if not a majority of the population has a gender preference for their massage therapist, but that's not a sexual activity.  I think its safe to say most men prefer a female massage therapist.

What do these all have in common?  They are situations where people are in various levels of undress and exposing private body parts to someone else in a position of trust.  Often  they are more comfortable doing so with someone of a particular gender, whether that be someone of the same gender they are attracted to or the opposite.  I think there is something to be said for an analogy with spanking.  The spankee is removing clothing in a vulnerable position and trusting the spanker, and there are many reasons why they might prefer a particular gender (or not).

This doesn't even address the potential emotional arguments that could be made as well.  From a point of view of a straight male, there is kind of a biological need to compete/ assert dominance with other men that just isn't there with a woman.  I won't generalize too much here, but I know that I would hesitate to show weakness or vulnerability in front of a man where I might not have that same hesitation in front of a woman.  I think back to my childhood and my relationship with my parents - there is almost no way I would have cried in front of my dad.  But that is not quite true with my mom.  I think that is driven by the societal vision of a tough "real" man, since I knew if I cried in front of my dad I would be told to tough it up and "take it like a man".  I am trying not to generalize too much, but I don't think women have the same fears and societal pressures about gender norms in this particular way, and that's why they are more comfortable being spanked by other women.

Anyway, spanking can be sexual and someone's reasons for preferring one gender over another may be driven by sexual considerations, but I think there are also a lot of other reasons why people might prefer one gender over the other.  

 

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Speaking for me, I would certainly bend over for a male-to-male spanking. I don’t know if I’d indulge in the insertion of a plug or other anal play that I’d be comfortable with in a female partner situation? I dont know...

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As a straight man to me it's mostly about spanking and very little about sex.  I've been spanked by a man and it's very humiliatingly but that's what I needed.  Yes, I unintentionally get aroused at first but that is lost quickly and just adds to the embarrassment.  To me it's kinda like a Dad spanking. It feels different from a man.  More intense and harder.  Ideally I would like to have a male and a female in my life to spank me.  Mom sometimes and Dad others.  

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So many great posts here. Thank you @Rand E, @DougK, @SwitchWithMe, and @DelawareValleySpanker for your comments. Each of you shared ideas that I found particularly insightful.

I, too, will chime in. Though I'm a switch, I don't advertise here as a spankee, so I don't deal with the same flood of messages that other female spankees get. However, I receive a heap of messages from men seeking a female spanker. (I've been told that female spankers are relatively rare, so this is why.) But the vast majority of men who contact me are friendly, polite, and respectful. So while I cannot begin to accommodate them all, or I find reasons that we are incompatible as spanking partners, I cannot complain about obnoxious behavior, because I really don't encounter that. Pushiness? Ah, that's nothing I can't deal with. ;) I also converse back and forth with a few guys who are not seeking a partner. We merely share ideas and insights-- which is a whole different dynamic-- but most helpful and appreciated. 

As for spanking or being spanked by another woman... NEVER. The idea is completely repulsive to me. However, I fully acknowledge that this is personal "wiring" and nothing more. I admire and look up to a few excellent female pro-disciplinarians who spank both men and women, and I also know men who have male spanking partners. Some people can completely separate spanking from their sexuality, but I have never been able to do this. For me, they are wired together. I have excellent self-control in this area and conduct myself professionally whenever I'm topping. In other words, the spankee would likely have no idea whatsoever of my attraction to his tush. But I am aware of it.

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I have a short answer to this question about why wouldn’t I  would not want  to be spanked by a man.

Because I have no desire to be spanked by men: it doesn’t appeal to me; however, being spanked by women and spanking women appeal to me a great deal.  
 

I don’t need to justify this to myself anymore than I need to justify any other preference.  It goes so deep that I believe justifications are like  attempts to describe the reason you might want an iPhone before you know what one is. Steve Jobs said, “people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.“ I think we’re in the same territory.

On the other hand, I would never judge those who want to be spanked by men. I also feel no need to justify to straight people why I want to be spanked and spank.
 

I wish I had a dollar for every $100 I spent on therapists trying to work this out until one finally told me to get over it, go on, and participate in spanking and stop judging myself.

 

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7 hours ago, JonTx said:

I have a short answer to this question about why wouldn’t I  would not want  to be spanked by a man.

Because I have no desire to be spanked by men: it doesn’t appeal to me; however, being spanked by women and spanking women appeal to me a great deal.  
 

I don’t need to justify this to myself anymore than I need to justify any other preference.  It goes so deep that I believe justifications are like  attempts to describe the reason you might want an iPhone before you know what one is. Steve Jobs said, “people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.“ I think we’re in the same territory.

On the other hand, I would never judge those who want to be spanked by men. I also feel no need to justify to straight people why I want to be spanked and spank.
 

I wish I had a dollar for every $100 I spent on therapists trying to work this out until one finally told me to get over it, go on, and participate in spanking and stop judging myself.

 

I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, but I have in the past.  I never mentioned my spanking fetish, although it had nothing to do with why I was seeing the therapist, so I didn't feel it was relevant.  But if I saw a therapist who came off like he or she thought my spanking fetish was a mental illness that needed to be "cured" I would promptly find another therapist.  I hope this site helps people reach the conclusion that they are not somehow broken or defective for engaging in this thing we do.  I don't think I ever lacked confidence about it, but being able to talk with others here helps reinforce that feeling.  Maybe better even than any therapist.

 

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18 hours ago, Rand E said:

I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, but I have in the past.  I never mentioned my spanking fetish, although it had nothing to do with why I was seeing the therapist, so I didn't feel it was relevant.  But if I saw a therapist who came off like he or she thought my spanking fetish was a mental illness that needed to be "cured" I would promptly find another therapist.  I hope this site helps people reach the conclusion that they are not somehow broken or defective for engaging in this thing we do.  I don't think I ever lacked confidence about it, but being able to talk with others here helps reinforce that feeling.  Maybe better even than any therapist.

 

I saw a article not very long ago saying how adult spanking was a mental illness and you could be legally hospitalized for it till the 50s I think I cant find the article again

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22 hours ago, Rand E said:

I hope this site helps people reach the conclusion that they are not somehow broken or defective for engaging in this thing we do.

I Thank you so much for this comment!  The entire reason I am here just to try and reassure others.  Of course, I like talking about spanking but I have a partner and feel very good about my desires.

If I can help one person avoid some of the Hell I’ve been through trying to defend myself internally and with a partner, I will feel like I’ve done something worthwhile.

Thank you!

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On 12/11/2019 at 8:12 AM, Melissa'sBottom said:

So my main question is, given the obvious gender imbalance on this site and the spanking kink in general.  Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?  I know it can initially be a little weird, but there are so many possibilities in this kink.  Surely there are ways for you straight guys to have a little fun with each other without crossing any lines you don't want to cross.  Us straight girls seem to have a lot of fun with each other...

 

Given the opportunity, I would spank guys for discipline -  that would not be sexual, just for a needed discipline. I would prefer to spank girls, and it would not necessarily be sexual ether. But that does not mean I would not enjoy it with both, but more with a female.

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I am a “straight guy” who has been spanked by men and who has spanked other men.  Their orientations have varied. Every guy I’ve spanked has been bare bottom.  (I don’t insist on that, no matter the gender).  I mostly bottom myself, so I suppose I am approaching things from my unique perspective.  I have a life long obsession with spanking and I very much can spank without being attracted to the bottom in a conventionally sex-oriented way.  Spanking others is a way for me to share something I’m passionate about, and it helps “scratch the itch”.  I don’t top men often, mostly because I don’t top women often and I prefer to keep it in balance.  I find it a very special privilege when I get to spank someone of female gender.

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Ironically, I just stopped by this site again because I wanted to be sure I had the URL right, to recommend it for a female who just made an account on a m/m site, because she couldn't find any non-creeps on other sites she'd tried.

I was active on here, years ago, but stopped largely because of attitudes similar to what this post is describing. Most people here were (and I'm guessing still are) looking for either m/f or f/m spanking, and a lot of them would absolutely insist that this gender combination was not in any way sexual -- but at the same time, when I said I was looking for m/m spanking, I was told to go look at gay sites, and that m/m couldn't possibly not be sexual. I heard, multiple times, that if it really wasn't sexual for me, then I'd have no problem with spanking females (but guys only wanting to be spanked by females and unwilling to be spanked by other guys clearly prefer females in a totally platonic way). The other issue I had was that the public chat room was almost always chaotic and excessively silly, but interacting with other members anywhere other than the public chat was, I was told, always inappropriate.

Anyway, addressing this post... I am mostly asexual, but was raised with very traditional values. My interest in spanking is primarily non-sexual, but I would be extremely uncomfortable spanking or being spanked by a woman. Not because the act itself is specifically sexual for me, or because I'm sexually attracted to women (because for the most part, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone), but because my upbringing, which assumed that I was straight, conditioned me to be uncomfortable with physical contact and/or any level of nudity with females.

So, if I can only be interested in m/m spanking, and this is not for sexual reasons (or, I guess it is, but not the obvious ones), then I think it's possible for other guys to only want m/f or f/m spankings, also not for the obvious reasons. I don't think this is the case for most guys, but it almost certainly is for some of them.

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I am a straight male spankee needing serious disciplinary spankings. Non sexual spankings. Originally I had always preferred a female spanker however there are not many around. So I tried males and now I think I prefer them for a simple reason. They are (generally) bigger and stronger and mean business when handing out an otk spanking. I have a big problem resisting - hopping around, kicking, covering my bottom with my hand, etc. And a good strong male can handle that stuff and give a very hurtful and memorable spanking. And that is very very important.

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Everyone is different and I guess, like many, you have learnt who can help you! I think women mean business as much as male spankers. You do not say how tall, or heavy you are.. That can make a significant difference especially with OTK spankings and petite ladies whoTop. Having lived in The Springs for years and spanked at various parties in Denver I am sure you have a selection of effective M spankers! 

Good luck as you get rid of the snow:) 

 

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Thanks Davyd.  .I'm 5'10 160 lbs. Not too big. It just helps if the guy is somewhat big and strong. I don't want to give you the impression that I fight like a banshee or anything. Just need someone that knows how to handle a brat that resists. Motivation is the key, really. Some spankers really get off subduing brats that resist their well earned discipline. 

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a good disciplinarian will spend time talking to the guilty one ahead of time so they know who is in charge! Easy to say "quit dancing around" but most of us add enough swats to get the message across!

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I am able to receive a spanking from a M, but not interested in topping one. Some Jr the best spankings I’ve gotten are from older Daddy-types!

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Im male and I chose a male disciplinarian over a female to take any sexual attention out of it. Plus better upper body strength to swat or hold in position

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This is a very interesting question. I think there is the obvious stigma when it comes to two men participating in spanking activities. If the two parties are able to get past that, then I think it opens a world of possibilities. I enjoy spanking in a sexual atmosphere (with my girlfriend) albeit these are more playful spankings, but I have also received spankings from pro dommes. I have never been spanked by a male top, but I'm sure the day will come. I think as long as the boundaries are defined (as they are with female pro dommes), then it is fine!

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I've never done a whole lot with other guys, and I've only been asked I think five times over the past eight years. Three of those times was at events and were requests for more "demo" like spankings ("show my s/o how to use this or that implement" or "give me a few good licks with that and let me see what it feels like.") which I obliged. The other two were requests for private encounters. I declined the first guy because I had reservations about his  character and stability (unfortunately they turned out to be well founded) and the other one  I passed on because it just didn't sound like something I wanted to do, plus the pandemic and my  status as an (allegedly) essential worker has put a major hurting on all of my social activities right now. 

Maybe if I did more spanking with another man in a party or event setting, I'd be more comfortable doing it in a more intimate setting, too. I don't know. Honestly, the fact that literally almost all of my requests come from women kind of makes it where I just don't think about the possibility of spanking men very often. This has gotten me thinking about it now, though. So...I don't know.  

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I will not deny that I get sexual satisfaction from spanking a woman; and the more beautiful the woman, the better I like it

I also get sexual satisfaction from RECEIVING a spanking from a woman. and she need not be the least bit attractive.

I have no desire to spank a man, but m curious about getting spanked by a man.

I suspect some men try to give "false reassurance" to a woman by claiming their interest is not sexual.  They are saying "Don't be afraid to get naked with me,:  you will not be raped".

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I'm straight and so far only been spanked by other guys. I stay away from guys that want sexual activities involved but i know and understand that both parties need something out of it. Im ok if he gets aroused or even looks or touches mildly to arouse himself. I feel the need of experiancing some humiliation and shame during a spanking and that certainly adds that element. i've always been spanked bare or naked. for that reason and i also need the pain so that helps. there can be a bonding if both are straight as its a very trusting relationship and sharing very intimate activities without sex. 

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I'm a straight guy, and would have no problem whatsoever spanking or being spanked by another guy.

For me, it's the act of spanking itself, and the understanding and desire to full that need for myself or someone else. I could care less about the gender.

Plus I really like butts, so who am I to discriminate? 🙂

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