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Melissa'sBottom

Question for all you Straight Guys

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Good morning MaryJo1966.

Just for what it's worth, and Spanknutt certainly doesn't need little old me assisting him, but I've known the gentleman for some time, and we have many mutual friends.  I can assure you that he has a solid reputation, and isn't in the least intimidated by any woman of confidence and substance.  I hope you aspire to substance yourself. 

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I cant speak for anyone else but for me giving a spanking could be sexual or non sexual because i would spank someone that i wasnt attracted to at all.. And i would certainly NOT accept a spanking from someone that i was attracted too.. However i wouldnt go for a male spanker just because of either my ego or competetive nature..i dont want a guy to have the right to see me exposed or disciplined (not sure why) but i do also know (just from role plays) that men are more likely to do things to prolong the spanking like rubbing and ass play.. And men do get more annoying about being "in control".. And also im not calling another dude daddy tf.. And that thing about not washing ass was hiliarious 😂😂

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As a straight male switch, I can say that it comes down to context for me.

There are certain things that trigger a “disciple” response for me. Largely elements that were present in childhood discipline. Language, certain implements, positions, ritual. A general “energy” or “vibe” of the spanking. If those are there, it is far from being sexual. It’s basically like getting it at home again. So in that way it’s far from sexual. I have no problem getting spanked by a male. Or a female. If it is a female I am intimate with—if you want to make this something fun or sexual, then stay well away from those triggers.

On the other hand, if I’m the spanker, if those same general triggers are there. Particularly the language, ritual and general “vibe”— then it’s a going to be far from sexual. If we move away from that vibe, that context, it becomes less about real punishment and more like funishment, role play, erotic spanking, and so on. That certainly can be sexual, and there I prefer to only spank women.

I think that balance is obvious when you spank a person in multiple contexts. Give a partner a good punishment belt whipping, direct and to the point, and neither of us are feeling overly sexual in the moment. After— sure. But playing with lots of talking, laughing, touching, and that can get sexual easily.

 

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2 hours ago, MaryJo1996 said:

I know that you are insecure about women having an opinion on the behaviour of men, and take any comment as a personal affront even when it clearly has nothing to do with you.

I mean, that's obvious.

I guess you win. The good news is there will probably be fewer messages in chat for you deal with now.

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11 hours ago, MaryJo1996 said:

so don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

This is not cookie-cutter. Certainly it is sexual for some but not for all. During my 13 yrs of online activity, all the way up to today, I have always clearly defined the option over clothing or bare-bottom discipline.  And guess what, it is the female who most every time has preferred On the Bare-Bottom.  

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56 minutes ago, MrBottoms said:

 have always clearly defined the option over clothing or bare-bottom discipline.  And guess what, it is the female who most every time has preferred On the Bare-Bottom.  

Its the option that makes the diffrence if they tell u they absolutely will not spank you any other way it kinda gives a creepy tone to the conversation

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On 12/11/2019 at 9:12 AM, Melissa'sBottom said:

Oh, and by the way, they always insist that the discipline be bare bottomed. 

Just a comment on discipline, not your overarching concern (pun intended) about male sexual drive.  One of the most effective kinds of discipline is on the panties first, and then on the bare.  And, as a footnote, yes, I do like looking a woman's naked behind.

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1 hour ago, Chastener said:

Just a comment on discipline, not your overarching concern (pun intended) about male sexual drive.  One of the most effective kinds of discipline is on the panties first, and then on the bare.  And, as a footnote, yes, I do like looking a woman's naked behind.

And here was me thinking that you were a virtuous man who didn' t like looking at women' s bottoms. You have disappointed me, Mister😝

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17 hours ago, MaryJo1996 said:

I mean I get messages I expect coz of my age and how I look, so don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

It's a sexual thing for the men who send you sexual messages. Not everyone is cut from the same cloth. I get where you're coming from with your comment, what you might have lost sight of though is that you're speaking to what is visible and on some level a legitimate nuisance in your life and that nuisance is the guys who come in here and sex bomb you on chat or with private messages or however else they might attempt to access you. 

In the nearly 30 years I've been active in this lifestyle the one constant has always remained the same; sites where "adult" discussions take place attract sleazy guys who are looking for a quick sex fix. They are always a clear and present presence on sites like this and they always will be. And even this site, with an emphasis on spanking, will attract them. They figure they can come in and charm you into meeting them. Then they give one or two swats and expect to get laid. That's not a spanko; that's a pick up artist, and yes, they cruise this site and every other like it. In the post 50 Shades of Grey era, they are becoming an even larger number on sites like this, as opposed to being the variable nuisance they were a decade or so ago. 

Their behavior doesn't reflect on men who identify as "spanko." 

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On 12/11/2019 at 11:17 PM, Zhal said:

DaChief, are you sure they just weren't poor wipers?

I can testify that were poor wipers. And liars. And just out for their own thing and they'd say or do anything to get it. 

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My impression from the various posts here, and from other sites, is that spanking activities for most of us here are engaged in largely as a sexual fetish.  And even when there are other purposes involved, they still have an underlying sexual nature to them, as when I spank my wife for discipline (or vice-versa).  The idea of spanking a guy or being spanked by a guy just creeps me out.  Spanking videos portraying a father giving a bare-bottom spanking to his daughter totally creep me out.  I won't spank outside the marriage because that would be tantamount to cheating just as surely as if I had sex with another woman.  Don't kid yourself or let anybody kid you.  This thing we do is by and large quite sexual in nature.  That's part of why it's so much fun.  :)

 

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4 hours ago, Spankbadgirl said:

And here was me thinking that you were a virtuous man who didn' t like looking at women' s bottoms. You have disappointed me, Mister😝

Now-now,  Don't get your Drop-Down's in a wad,  🤣    I never said or implied, not intentionally anyway, such a thing. I simply stated that a Ladies Bare Bottom 

wasn't necessarily sexual to everyone.  Ok, sensual on occasion maybe. But at the time, proper discipline is all that is on my mind to even think sexual.

[besides, where do you think I took my name from....😁 ]     So, to disappoint?   Nev-ah ! ! (at least I always try not to) 

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14 hours ago, Spankbadgirl said:

And here was me thinking that you were a virtuous man who didn' t like looking at women' s bottoms. You have disappointed me, Mister😝

My shame at liking to look at women's bottoms is unsurpassed.  From now on I shall cover my eyes and spank by feeling.  I hope that gets me back into your good graces.  At this point I am trying --unsuccessfully-- to remove my tongue from my cheek.

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7 minutes ago, Chastener said:

My shame at liking to look at women's bottoms is unsurpassed.  From now on I shall cover my eyes and spank by feeling.  I hope that gets me back into your good graces.  At this point I am trying --unsuccessfully-- to remove my tongue from my cheek.

You do know that I am only kidding! I would be more worried if you didn' t enjoy looking at a woman' s bottom. You are still in my good graces, Mister...

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2 minutes ago, Spankbadgirl said:

You do know that I am only kidding! I would be more worried if you didn' t enjoy looking at a woman' s bottom. You are still in my good graces, Mister...

Of course, sweetness.  I'm sorry that I didn't make my response clearer in its attempted humor.  [Big hug]

 

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Kiddo' s sense of humour is rather challenged, mister. Big hug to you too...

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On 12/11/2019 at 6:12 AM, Melissa'sBottom said:

So my main question is, given the obvious gender imbalance on this site and the spanking kink in general.  Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?  I know it can initially be a little weird, but there are so many possibilities in this kink.  Surely there are ways for you straight guys to have a little fun with each other without crossing any lines you don't want to cross.  Us straight girls seem to have a lot of fun with each other...

Just wondering, do you think the imbalance in male vs. female spankos on this site represents the ratio of male to female spankos in general?  I haven't really paid attention, but what is the ratio on this site?  Anybody have a sense of that?  Of course, it could be that, even if there are just as many spanko gals as spanko guys out there, perhaps more guys participate in spanking sites like this than gals do.  I also suspect that a lot more people of both sexes have an interest in spanking than we realize.  It's just not a widely accepted topic of polite conversation.    

 

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It seems to me there are a lot of female spankees who are getting put off by the flood of messages from male spankers.

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15 hours ago, Rand E said:

Just wondering, do you think the imbalance in male vs. female spankos on this site represents the ratio of male to female spankos in general?  I haven't really paid attention, but what is the ratio on this site?  Anybody have a sense of that?  Of course, it could be that, even if there are just as many spanko gals as spanko guys out there, perhaps more guys participate in spanking sites like this than gals do.  I also suspect that a lot more people of both sexes have an interest in spanking than we realize.  It's just not a widely accepted topic of polite conversation.    

 

I don't know about the breakdown of membership on this site, and how it relates to spankos overall. But I do think the perception comes in part from the different ways men and women tend to interact on these sites. While this certainly isn't true of everybody, my experience over the years has been that men tend to be much more aggressive (both online and offline) in pursuing others. If you run across somebody who responds widely to new posters or sends unsolicited messages to new members, regardless of how close a fit there is, you can almost guarantee that it's a man. Women tend to be much more selective about who they approach or just wait to be approached, perhaps after making one public post indicating they're looking. (The one exception is catfishing, but even in many of those cases it turns out to actually be a man pretending to be a woman.)

To be clear, I'm not saying that most men do such wide and generally unwelcome approaches. But of the small number of members who do make such scattershot approaches, the men vastly outnumber the women. The result, of course, can be downright intimidating to a new woman, and can make it seem like every man on the site is like that.

Incidentally, I don't think I'd break it down as a spankee/spanker thing. Male spankees can be every bit as aggressive as male spankers. I have no doubt that the few female spankers out there get overwhelmed by messages from male spankees. In fact, because of the numbers difficulties faced by male spankees, some are even more indiscriminant than male spankers, and will approach male spankers as well, even those who clearly state they only have interest in spanking women.

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4 hours ago, DougK said:

Incidentally, I don't think I'd break it down as a spankee/spanker thing. Male spankees can be every bit as aggressive as male spankers. I have no doubt that the few female spankers out there get overwhelmed by messages from male spankees. In fact, because of the numbers difficulties faced by male spankees, some are even more indiscriminant than male spankers, and will approach male spankers as well, even those who clearly state they only have interest in spanking women.

When I was dating (this was 25+ years ago mind you) it wasn't that difficult to find gals who were interested or at least curious about being spanked.  But when I brought up the topic of them spanking me, things got awkward, or they would look at me like I was from Mars.  So, your observation that male spankees probably have the most difficult time finding partners is consistent with my limited experience.

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Well, it's been a while now, and there have been no additional thoughts, such as they are, from the original poster.  I'm beginning to think she doesn't want to contribute much more to this thread.  To paraphrase the OP, "Can a get an Amen, folks?"  (I like to use that in court a lot).

I thought maybe I'd add one or two things, but many thoughtful posts have been added already, so I think I'll wait for the OP to weigh in some more.  Meantime, I'll leave the OP with this quote from last month's issue of The Journal of Scientific and Sociological Stuff: 

"People will do what they like.  You just do you, Boo."

Can I get an Amen?

 

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I have no preference when it comes to discipline.  I need a thorough spanker that knows what they are doing.  I generally do not like spankings, they hurt if done properly. I have been spanked by both men and women.

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On 12/11/2019 at 2:12 PM, Melissa'sBottom said:

To give some background, I am a female who has been having some super fun spankings with another female friend.  As a woman on this site, you get bombarded with messages from guys.  All of them want to spank you.  Can I get an amen ladies?

You aren't unique; I'm a straight male with a spanking kink and I get bombarded by men asking about spanking. Not just here, it happens anywhere online.

It's always going to happen due to supply and demand, so you have to cope with that.

Just block people you don't want to converse with, problem gone.

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I have no issue with a male spanker.  It was told to me that a woman should never spank a man, as it emasculates them.  I disagree, but certainly can see that side of it.  

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I am a straight-guy who wants (and is also aroused) by discipline from other straight men or gay men who pass as straight..(I have a low threshold.) Spanking a woman or being spanked by woman except lightly during sex doesn't do much for me most of the time. There are days my fantasies varies but so far my spankings have been confined to other men. (I do not enjoy kissing other men-except their feet maybe as a form of a basement and I would never want to have kind of sex with one.) So, I I'm entirely with you. I think people insist on the bare backside for saftey if it's a heavier spanking, but yes even if you crave or administer discipline, it probably has an eroric quality. However, statements with always and never are rarely true.

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