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Question for all you Straight Guys


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To give some background, I am a female who has been having some super fun spankings with another female friend.  As a woman on this site, you get bombarded with messages from guys.  All of them want to spank you.  Can I get an amen ladies?

It annoys the heck out of me when guys on this site tell me that it isn't sexual to them, and they just enjoy providing misbehaving girls with the discipline they need.  Oh, and by the way, they always insist that the discipline be bare bottomed.  Only because the discipline is more effective that way of course.  It totally has nothing to do with the fact that they want to be looking at a girls naked ass while they administer the spanking.  Like obviously everyone on this site gets turned on by spankings in some way or another.  Just admit it guys.  These same guys say that they would never spank another guy...  So obviously it is a sexual thing for them.  

So my main question is, given the obvious gender imbalance on this site and the spanking kink in general.  Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?  I know it can initially be a little weird, but there are so many possibilities in this kink.  Surely there are ways for you straight guys to have a little fun with each other without crossing any lines you don't want to cross.  Us straight girls seem to have a lot of fun with each other...

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Melissa'sbottom,

I can't say how much I love this post.  As a straight guy who has been spanked by a guy before, I couldn't agree more.  Obviously I would prefer to be being spanked or giving spanking to females, but as you mention there is a huge gender gap between guys and girls on sites like this.

There a so many fun role plays that two straight guys could play out without it being weird.  Message me if you are a straight guy interested in this sort of thing.

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While it my not be fair, I do assume that the majority of men who only spank women are into it for some sort of sexual gratification. For that reason, I would assume that many women interested in being spanked get frustrated and leave for the reasons Melissa'sbottom lists as putting women off.

I currently only get spanked by women, but some male spankers seem to pressure males who want to be spanked: demanding a meeting without establishing a relationship.

While I understand why you might see being bare bottomed as sexual, it's also one way a spanker can tell if you're nearing your limit. That said, while my default in learning to be a spanker would be bare bottom, I would respect the wishes of any spankee or else they or I would decide not to meet. So for a clothed spanking, I'd need another way, but hey, that's why safewords exist.

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WOW so much to address here! At least one person put my thoughts into writing. Spanking is a sexual turn on for all of us in one way or another!I've said that for years.

First I must say I really prefer FEMALES for spanking or being spanked! Yes it is sexual and yes it excites me! Over the years I have spanked and been spanked by both males and females. Finding female spanking partners is very hard to arrange. That leaves me with other males who have the NEED. MY ONE AND ONLY REQUIREMENT IS THEY BE OVER 21. For males or females.

 When meeting someone male or female we come to an understanding before the meet that they will spank ME as hard and long as I have just spanked them.It has resulted in some very dark red butts and happy spankee's

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As a spanker, i always make myself “available” to those who have a need/want. I never pressure or sell myself to anyone..ever. When and if I ever get backed into a corner with the question “what do I get out of spanking?” I say... “Simple..the same thing you do, gratification.”  Because in this Sadomasochistic activity we call adult spanking, that’s what it’s REALLY all about..

               “GRATIFICATION”

Class dismissed!😊

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It is definitely a turn on for me. In fact, it's wired heavily into my sexuality. I'm able to control it though and would never pressure a female spankee into anything because of it, including insisting she be spanked bare bottom. If that's what she wanted, then that's fine. If not, that's also fine. 

I don't think I would get anything out of spankings with other guys. Aside from it being a turn on I also find something very emotional about it and I develop an emotional bond with the spankee. With another guy it would just be empty for me.

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For 1 thing the majority of Male/male spanking is gay/homosexual, not all but the majority so alot of straight guys are not into spanking males. I personally do not spank males.

Secondly, there are many advantages to spanking bare bottom that having nothing to do with anything sexual, safety comes to mind first (being able to see the condition of the bottom). In addition to that spanking on the bare feels much more natural to me. It feels more caring, more personal to spank that way without barriers in the way of discipline. In addition to that most female spankees not only expect to be spanked bare bottom, but want it that way exclusively. It's a bit ridiculous to think this is a male thing, lol when females by a large majority in my experience not only expect to be spanked bare, but wouldn't have in any other way (given a choice of course). 

Many don't want a choice in my experience, I mean the Spanker decides whether the spanking is given bare or over clothes or a combination of both.   It's a spanking, not a church social, most female spankees don't want to decide on matters like that.    In my experience female spankees DONT want to be in charge or control of such decisions.

 

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9 hours ago, Melissa'sBottom said:

Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys? 

Not sure where you get the data to be able to say what you did about few Mm spankings. Thru the years I have spanked many f and m. As one who has no sexual interest with guys experience the spanking given were for the most part stress release ones. Some were spanked bare butt, others nude. My focus was to help them with the need they had for a spanking that would help them. Spanking men is not, for me an erotic experience. For sure it is for many. Making  clear to M spankees that I have no desire for a spanking to get sexual generally means I never hear from those guys again. 

Men generally want pain with a spanking.  In my experience they never shared a need for an emotional release. They needed spanking for either discipline (actions they were ashamed about) or stress release. 

Women, at least those I have spanked thru the years, often needed a spanking for emotional issues. A lot of women often have a list of emotional issues that men never verbalize. 

Its also true that some men, who are abusers, will seek out women who do have a need for a decent and respectful spanking. I have heard many horror stories from women abused but cannot recall one man telling me a spanking he received turned into rape. 

 Davyd 

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10 hours ago, Melissa'sBottom said:

Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?

I did spank other men for a brief period but I stopped doing it for two reasons. Apologies in advance for the visceral nature of this reply.

I stopped spanking other men because 1) guys never wash their ass and it isn't the spankee's hand and implements being soiled, nor is it the spankee cleaning up the mess afterwards, and; 2) no matter how much male spankees say this isn't a sex thing, the reality is I always had my leg humped and I always had to wash their nasty jizz out of my pants. And that's why I don't spank other men anymore.

And for the guys reading this who are thinking of contacting me and saying "I'm not like those other guys;" forget it. Even if that's true, I have no reason to believe you given my past experiences. 

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You make a lot of general statements that are not always correct.  With that aside I will address one point.

Most guys wont engage with other guys for the same reason you don't.  They are there for them and care nothing about you want or need.  They have an ideal or fantasy and you are an object to help them pursue it.

I generally wont let a guy spank me because I dont trust them.  I find it easier to build trust with women.  I would spank a guy under the right circumstances but he wont be humping my leg as we do it!

For me spanking can be non-sexual.  I have chatted with women on here and not at all interested in sex.  For me it is about context.  If the ee needs it to be nonsexual I need to either be of the same mind or not engage.  For me recieving is non sexual and very psychological or emotional. 

The key is to distinguish motives of the person.  Trust your gut.  When in doubt just walk away. Women tend to build trust quicker with each other than men and trust is key.  So it may appear in your comparison it must be sexual becuase men wont spank men (and many times it is) but it is also men dont build that kind of trust with each other like women generally can.

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DaChief, are you sure they just weren't poor wipers? Except when I was getting a spanking right after work at a day shift job, I always made sure my butt was clean for my spankings. While I know it won't affect you, even in spankings where I'm bare penised I never hump my spanker's leg. Yes, I've let some jizz before, but my penis is never directly against her leg. Also, towels can alleviate that. Honestly, I could have taken a couple minutes to wash my ass in the sink if I was getting spanked after that one job.

Generally, yes, I am aroused by spanking. I think about when I masturbate. Sometimes I cum when I'm just thinking about spanking, without going for a wank.

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16 hours ago, Melissa'sBottom said:

 

"It annoys the heck out of me when guys on this site tell me that it isn't sexual to them, and they just enjoy providing misbehaving girls with the discipline they need."

I cannot speak for everyone. For some, while in my belief the minority it can defiantly be nonsexual. Take an adrenaline lover for example. When they do extreme activities it gives them a rush. That rush does not translate sexually. Same could be said for some sadists. While watching the pain of another will bring satisfaction. That satisfaction is not always sexual in nature.   

 

"Oh, and by the way, they always insist that the discipline be bare bottomed.  Only because the discipline is more effective that way of course.  It totally has nothing to do with the fact that they want to be looking at a girls naked ass while they administer the spanking."

While I do not doubt for a second that there are many out there that would manipulate and/or take advantage of the situation to gain some sort of sexual satisfaction. Hence why people should build trust with potential partners before engaging in activities. But spanking on the bare is far more effective than over clothes. The pain is substantially greater on bare skin. If spanking on the bare makes you uncomfortable there are alternatives. Such as spanking over tights, panties, or just thin clothing in general. Some panties like thongs already have the bottom completely bare without anything extra visible.

 

"Like obviously everyone on this site gets turned on by spankings in some way or another.  Just admit it guys."

Due to the nature of the internet in general, this may not be the best strategy for guys looking for female partners. Being too forward about any sexual gratifications will most likey end in your would be partner getting uncomfortable. Most woman as you stated at the beginning get bombed with messages. Many of them either sexual or from people with sexual intentions who are looking to prey on the ignorant. Woman will likely avoid you in order to not risk you being a pervert if you are overly upfront with this. That is not to say you should hide or lie about it. But rather build some type of relationship first. Then choose the right time and place to discuss it.

 

"Why don't more guys do spankings with other guys?" " Us straight girls seem to have a lot of fun with each other..."

Guys are much different than girls. Ive seen straight girls when watching TV laying all over each other. I've also seen 100% straight girls touching and making comments about other female friends' bodies. None of that would happen with straight males, ever.  

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It's pretty simple for me. I view spanking as an intimate activity that I can share with another person and I don't care to share intimate activities with guys.  I don't think that is uncommon.  I know women who kiss on each other when they get drunk. I don't know any guys who do that.

Note that I said intimate, not sexual. Sure, spankings are "sexy" in nature but for me they are not sexual in nature unless I am in a relationship with someone. When I am spanking for discipline, for example, sex is the farthest thing from my mind - I have a job to do and part of that job is delivering the best experience possible for my partner because she is the one taking all the chances. In those cases, it feels more like I am "working" that it feels sexual. And if I don't do a good job, I probably won't be invited back.

I posted a journal entry on Fetlife a while back called "Spanking Means Never Having to Say You Are Sorry." It explains my thoughts on the separation between spanking and sex. Here it is, if anyone is interested in reading it.

So you meet someone and there is an attraction. One thing leads to another and you find yourself having sex. But then what?

Did that just change everything?
How are you supposed to act now?
Are there new expectations?
How many times a week are you supposed to call?
Do you even know that person well enough for that to have happened?
Has an emotional attachment been created that you don’t share? Afterward, are you sorry that it happened?"

That’s what I love about spanking. It’s a great way to share intimacy with someone without creating an awkward situation. The “rules” are agreed to in advance. There are no misunderstandings. Feelings don’t get hurt. It’s fun, it’s naughty. The spectrum can range anywhere from a red ass to subspace. My Financial Advisor would call it “low risk, high upside.”

Can spanking be a stepping-stone to a relationship? Sure, one of many pebbles. And for spankos, it can be an important one.
But, to me, the only expectation afterward is “let’s do this again.” Or not.

Spanking means never having to say you are sorry.

 

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A lot of really good responses already!

It can definitely be non-sexual for a male to spank a female, even bare bottomed.  I have been spanking women for 50 years now and it's non-sexual for me and I make it clear to whoever I might be spanking that it must remain that way. It's a very satisfying experience emotionally but that doesn't relate to sex. I may be in a minority of males who can successfully spank and keep it non-sexual, but it can be done. 

I agree that it's a very intimate activity, and that I don't do intimate things with other males. 

Straight women are amazingly confident about interacting physically with other women, including touching, hugging, kissing, and cuddling.  As others have pointed out, you won't find straight males who do those things. For that reason, most straight men would not be open to spanking another male. 

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All the answers have something.  
 

gratification, excitement, intimacy - none has to be sexual.   
 

I have no interest in sec outside of my marriage.  Not a bit.  My wife’s not a spanko but knows I am.  You can take it or leave it. She’s ok with what I do.  Doesn’t want detail. 
 

Guys?   Simply not into it.  Different dynamic. 
 

Sometimes wires get crossed of there’s last minute ghosting or one gets catfished. I’ve had that happen.  The only reason I mention it is because it’s happened to me. Let’s be kind and honest with each other. If you find you get a ton of guys responding just say no. If they persist block them.  
 

The overwhelming response you get is just from the demographics of the board.  It happens. There’s a large majority in here are guys and most want to spank women. I don’t think you can change that unless the board population becomes more balanced. 

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Absolutely "Amen" to this. As someone who uses the chatroom a lot I get message after message. That's fine, but no need to lie about your intentions.

I mean I get messages I expect coz of my age and how I look, so don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

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4 hours ago, MaryJo1996 said:

Absolutely "Amen" to this. As someone who uses the chatroom a lot I get message after message. That's fine, but no need to lie about your intentions.

I mean I get messages I expect coz of my age and how I look, so don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

So you get lots of messages from male members in chat rooms that are sexual.  And it may be sexual for them. But, how many male members here do not send you those messages? The few times I have been in the chatroom, there have only been a handful of people there. Let's not make assumptions for male members at large when you are only talking about a small percentage of total membership. 

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It is a wide world out there and people have many reasons why they spank or wish to get spanked.  A good number of people have a sexual component.  It is a common complaint on spanking site by women that men are often predatory toward EE women regardless of what they say their interests are.  I have experienced once in a while with women, but it's 90% or more a male thing. 

It comes down to respect.  I always read profiles and try to tune into what someone is telling me about what their needs and wants are.  Many people won't do that. 

As far as the idea of M/M spankings, that works for some, but not others.  It doesn't work for me at all.  Frankly, many people (me included) find female/female interactions sexy or hot but very much the opposite or male/Male. 

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1 hour ago, Spanknutt said:

So you get lots of messages from male members in chat rooms that are sexual.  And it may be sexual for them. But, how many male members here do not send you those messages? The few times I have been in the chatroom, there have only been a handful of people there. Let's not make assumptions for male members at large when you are only talking about a small percentage of total membership. 

Yeah, didn't make an assumption on all male members of the site. The fact you read it that way says a lot about you though. 👍

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1 hour ago, MaryJo1996 said:

Yeah, didn't make an assumption on all male members of the site. The fact you read it that way says a lot about you though. 👍

"No need to lie about your intentions, don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

Sorry, just working off of your comments which could easily be interpreted as .

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13 minutes ago, Spanknutt said:

"No need to lie about your intentions, don't tell me it's not a sexual thing when it clearly is.

Sorry, just working off of your comments which could easily be interpreted as .

Absolutely nothing there suggests i was aiming it at EVERY member of the site. 

Again, the fact you have read it that way says a lot about you. 👍

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24 minutes ago, MaryJo1996 said:

Absolutely nothing there suggests i was aiming it at EVERY member of the site. 

Again, the fact you have read it that way says a lot about you. 👍

You know nothing about me, so please don't pretend to. 

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2 minutes ago, Spanknutt said:

You know nothing about me, so please don't pretend to. 

I know that you are insecure about women having an opinion on the behaviour of men, and take any comment as a personal affront even when it clearly has nothing to do with you.

I mean, that's obvious.

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So, this question is now about three days old or so.  We haven't heard back from the original poster.

The answers appear for the most part thoughtful.  I don't have much to add though I still may.  But I have two questions for the original poster:

1.  Was your question answered?

2   Have you gained any perspective?

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