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Rook

Do you talk about spanking like you talk about sex?

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When a stranger wants to talk to me about my sex life, I find it extremely trashy if nothing else. The act of sex is a very personal thing that is between the two people involved. I find spanking to be similar to this. While far less intimate, spanking is still a private event between the spanker and spanked. When talking to others about these "events" I purpose restrict or obscure information to protect identities. And only really talk about my personal experiences with others in pieces to provide knowledge or examples to others. I dont just message people and ask for people to recite there personal and rather intimate experiences with me. I dont think that's right. Other peoples personal experiences arnt others erotica, unless that is the wish of both parties.

Anybody feel the same?

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I find it to be a personal topic as well.  Unless others know about a couple that engages in spankings, and the people are comfortable sharing, that’s fine.  Guess I’m just a private person.   Just as I only like to spank/or mentor one person at a time.  There’s just not a need to go spanking as many butts as I can each week lol.  I prefer a relationship where trust is number 1, with one spanking partner.  I left this site yrs ago while I had a partner, as I felt no need to discuss our dynamic.  I came back when I no longer was in that relationship. 

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11 minutes ago, Jaded said:

Just as I only like to spank/or mentor one person at a time.  There’s just not a need to go spanking as many butts as I can each week lol. 

That is an interesting question for me. I feel like a could/would take on multiple. But I feel like if the bond to any went from friend to romantic that would end very quickly

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I would only share intimate detail of an act if it meant something to me and my discovery of who I was and leave out detail that would call out who I am with. There is no taboo against sex for example and most of the time doesn't need to be processed or understand... it's just something 'people do' -- unless you aren't 'straight' and than you go for guidance. Sex Ed doesn't teach safe practice for LGBTQIA+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Questioning, Intersex and Asexual), BDSM, or how the desires are OK. So a lot of us end up repressed. 

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Simply, I do not discuss spankings with others than the spankee, except in general terms.  For example, I might tell another member on this site that I had a spanking session and some details about procedure and a vague desription of the woman involved, as long as it didn't involve any woman on the site.  In that latter case, I would decline to provide any details at all.  Some of my spanking fiction does derive from real experience, but the layers of fiction are clear, and I doubt that any woman who provided inspiration could identify herself.

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I have a few people in my life that I have been open with about this. In the end, I found I only have 1 friend who truly doesn’t judge or think somethings wrong with me. She supports my needs and I can talk rather openly about spanking and bdsm, which is nice. I haven’t gone deeply detailed though about everything I’m into, and probably never would. I have though also recently starting speaking to someone who is an experienced spanker and I love talking to him about it. It feels open and I am learning I can discuss some of the things I’d love to talk about. Each day I find myself peeling back another layer of my “shame” wall with him. Some things are really difficult to say, even when I see others on here openly admit some of the same things. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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On 11/14/2019 at 2:32 PM, Rook said:

....While far less intimate, spanking is still a private event between the spanker and spanked....

 

I believe that in some ways, spanking is MORE intimate than sex. The spankee's body is every bit as exposed, and spanking requires an even deeper level of trust and vulnerability than does sex.

I agree with you about it being a private matter. Details are never shared about who I may be spanking. My personal boundaries absolutely prevent discussing this. I am, however, an open book about my philosophy and the techniques I employee. I prefer that others, particularly those who PM me, know this up front. 

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4 hours ago, Chawsee said:

I believe that in some ways, spanking is MORE intimate than sex. The spankee's body is every bit as exposed, and spanking requires an even deeper level of trust and vulnerability than does sex.

I agree with you about it being a private matter. Details are never shared about who I may be spanking. My personal boundaries absolutely prevent discussing this. I am, however, an open book about my philosophy and the techniques I employee. I prefer that others, particularly those who PM me, know this up front. 

Agree that for many of us with a particularly strong fetish, spanking is the more intimate act. It isn't just some preliminary to the main event. One of the big differences is how shame and other similar emotions play a much larger role in spanking.

Trading on these stories means exposing someone else for the sake of self aggrandizement. Calling it tacky is putting it gently. That said it does become both parties' story and I also think that it's fine to talk about in general terms where no one is identified, and if the partner was to come across the account they wouldn't feel mocked or scorned. After all if we didn't do that we wouldn't have much to talk about.

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On 3/29/2020 at 2:15 AM, Chawsee said:

I believe that in some ways, spanking is MORE intimate than sex. The spankee's body is every bit as exposed, and spanking requires an even deeper level of trust and vulnerability than does sex.

I agree with you about it being a private matter. Details are never shared about who I may be spanking. My personal boundaries absolutely prevent discussing this. I am, however, an open book about my philosophy and the techniques I employee. I prefer that others, particularly those who PM me, know this up front. 

I agree with you entirely.

Because sex is driven by pleasure, desire, in many ways I think it is less complicated. Yes, we have our quirks and preferences, but I have found them to be much less complex than those involved in spanking.

For one, the notion of consent is a bit more clear in sexual contact. A woman wants to have sex with me. Check. That is much clearer than somebody consenting to give up control... completely? partially? with a safe word to eject from the situation?... to be punished.

And it seems spanking is much more complex. Emotional layers of guilt, atonement, accountability. Power exchange, submission. Pain, arousal from pain, the extent to which that is sexual— or not. Hooks in childhood memories. Wishing to please, appease, the spanker.

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3 minutes ago, SwitchWithMe said:

I agree with you entirely.

Because sex is driven by pleasure, desire, in many ways I think it is less complicated. Yes, we have our quirks and preferences, but I have found them to be much less complex than those involved in spanking.

For one, the notion of consent is a bit more clear in sexual contact. A woman wants to have sex with me. Check. That is much clearer than somebody consenting to give up control... completely? partially? with a safe word to eject from the situation?... to be punished.

And it seems spanking is much more complex. Emotional layers of guilt, atonement, accountability. Power exchange, submission. Pain, arousal from pain, the extent to which that is sexual— or not. Hooks in childhood memories. Wishing to please, appease, the spanker.

Thanks, SwitchWithMe. You expounded upon this with such clarity. Concise! 

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On 3/29/2020 at 5:53 AM, wide_eyed said:

I believe that in some ways, spanking is MORE intimate than sex. The spankee's body is every bit as exposed, and spanking requires an even deeper level of trust and vulnerability than does sex.

Jillian Keenan thinks sex is spanking for her.  That's the reason she so vehemently opposed to spanking children: she considers it to be a sex act.

It is certainly more intimate for me  than sex because it requires totally removing boundaries. It also completely opens the root chakra if it's done correctly, making you more vulnerable.

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       Yes. I will censor myself here because I'm afraid of being to graphic and this is like the only site where I can see thoughts and opinions instead of porn. I'm not against that at all but there's enough of that around. Frustrating because a question may cross that line. Funny because there was another site that would post experiences. Sometimes I'm assigned Schoolwork-an essay about what happened and how I felt before during and after. Written out,looked at,then typed and posted. AND people I know read them. They are actually still read and commented on. I'm reminded TOO much about it. 

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On 5/19/2020 at 7:10 PM, Lita said:

Sometimes I'm assigned Schoolwork-an essay about what happened and how I felt before during and after. Written out,looked at,then typed and posted. AND people I know read them. They are actually still read and commented on.

Facebook?

Wherever it is, that's pretty intense.

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