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A Question For Spankers - Is It Ever a Need For You?


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As a spankee, I find myself curious about how the inclination to spank works for spankers... 

This site is spanking needs...and it is generally understood that spankees will feel a need and/or desire to be spanked, for whatever reason - discipline, stress relief, fun, sexual gratification, etc.

So my question for you spankers is, do you feel the need or desire to physically give spankings? Do you see it as something you do to not only satisfy a spankees' needs/wants, but your own as well? Do you feel that your need/desire/decision to be a spanker is the natural progression of a hardwired spanko need?

Or do you honestly see it as something you do 100% selflessly - not enjoying the physical act of spanking someone, but being fulfilled by helping someone else. Spanking is a means to an end for you, rather than being the end-all itself.

Of course, everyone is different, so I'm sure there will be several different answers on the basis of individuality and primary reason behind the spankings you give. But I am simply curious if it is the physical act of spanking someone's bottom, the fact that you are helping someone fulfill their needs/desires, or something else entirely that has brought you to being a spanker.

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I do see this as a need, yes. Because I enjoy spanking bottoms just as I enjoy several other cherished passions in my life. I'm at a stage where I don't even need to pursue it through some pretense. If a woman wants a spanking "just because," then I'm fine with that. And I'm also at a stage where I know many spankees want and need a certain headspace to accompany a spanking. And I'm fine with that too. 

Having a lady over my lap for a bottom warming just makes me happy. It's a part of me; it's who I am. I don't need a "reason," I just want the recipient to be as happy with the spanking she received as I was giving it. 

I wish I could explain it better than that, but I can't. 

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I would say that the inability of my ex-wife to embrace my interest in spanking was one of the primary factors that led to the deterioration of the marriage.  So, yes, in that respect it is a need for me. Could I survive without it? Of course. Would I be complete with out it?  Nope.

The reasons for giving spankings are many and they vary depending on the partner. And it's all good.

 

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I have spanked for discipline and fun virtually every woman I have had a sexual relationship. I like the feeling of dominance and control when a woman submits herself to me. I like intelligent, educated confident women and am not attracted to openly submissive females. I love the visual and feel of a woman's butt, back and legs when she is OTK. 

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To myself it’s more of a passion than need. My need comes more on the side of helping or mentoring. I work in an environment where I teach or educate individuals in a blue collar job. I yearn to see people exceed in life.

Of course I can’t show my spanking side to them but I learned to incorporate in my personal life. I know I have helped by giving a disciplinary spankings when needed by relieving stress or to correct an action or a tool to conquer one’s negativity.

I gave my first spanking 34 years ago my hand probably felt like a cold fish. I did not know how to give that proper spanking. What I’ve learned over time I would love to share with other individuals.

I do like spanking without any future commitments or expectations because I am a spanko at heart. My longest and strongest friendships seem to happen. 

I still do get anxious to spank when the right chemistry happens where both the ee  and er are on the same wave length and I don’t mean sexually. Good topic! 

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It's changed over time for me. In my teens, 20s, and 30s, I would say it qualified as a need. I didn't actually have the opportunity to spank a woman until I was 29--this was prior to consumer access to the Internet, and it was much more difficult then to meet fellow spankos than it is today. But although I was unable to satisfy that need, it was definitely there, and at times seemed to consume me. At the time, I thought my interest was totally sexual, although honestly the distinction between sex, discipline, and other types of spankings really wasn't very clear, especially for somebody just starting to find others who shared the interest. Fast forward a few decades, and I'm not quite sure I'd call it a "need" any more. I certainly feel more complete when I'm able to regularly spank, and especially have felt more complete when in a successful disciplinary arrangement. But due to other aspects of my life and marriage, I'm no longer able to regularly spank. I certainly miss it, but my life overall is quite good, and I can live without it. Perhaps it's because of age; in general, things that were all-consuming when I was younger are no longer in the end-of-the-world category. Or perhaps it's because I was able to meet my needs for a couple of decades. In any case, I survive now with minimal spanking. I wish it were otherwise--heck, why else would I frequent this site, but I'm also at a place where I can live without.

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On 11/5/2019 at 7:16 PM, RedBottomGirl said:

 Do you feel that your need/desire/decision to be a spanker is the natural progression of a hardwired spanko need?

 being fulfilled by helping someone else. Spanking is a means to an end for you, rather than being the end-all itself.

 the physical act of spanking someone's bottom, the fact that you are helping someone fulfill their needs/desires

The unpleasant part of the task for me is having to inflict the painful temporary discomfort when it so easily, with reasonable effort, could've been avoided.

However, it's "the End" result  [the modified & corrected behavior] which matters. Yes, it is the means to the end. {my means + your end = problem solved}

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A good thread.... It's one that is not easy to define for most of us... I do enjoy spanking. Yes its fun to color cheeks.. but for me helping someone either with stress release or discipline spankings that take away a lot of the guilty feelings they carry is very rewarding. Let alone helping some to change bad habits.  

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Is it a need for me? It is in the sense of being hard-wired toward spanking proclivities since youth but in the truer sense of needing to smack a bottom or I'll go stark raving mad, errr ... not so much. It's been a very long while since I've given a good spanking, either as foreplay or as punishment. Do I miss it? To a degree yes. But this site has a wealth of you fine folks and I catch up on reading when I get behind. There's a need for ERs and EEs in the end. Puns totally intended. 

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It is a need for me.  Like many, I will find myself thinking about it more.   In situations where I don’t have a partner to spank, or life is keeping me busy, I will visit this site more often. I’ll read about spanking.  Live vicariously through others I guess lol.  It can make me irritable/restless when the need is there  but it’s not possible to pursue.  My personality tends to be dominant, and I like the mentoring aspect.  I studied psychology /behavior in college.   I always enjoyed finding solutions to make things work.  If an ee has a goal or behavior they want to change, I enjoy the challenge of finding a way to help them get there.  I’m better at helping others than helping myself.  When I’m not active in the lifestyle, it feels like something is missing. Plus the whole dynamic and trust involved is a rewarding experience 

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On 11/5/2019 at 8:16 PM, RedBottomGirl said:

 

1. Do you feel the need or desire to physically give spankings?

A need, no. A desire? yes, to an extent. I could go my whole life without anything spanking related and be perfect fine. This spanking piece of me is a very little part of my overall being. It does not define me.

2. Do you see it as something you do to not only satisfy a spankees' needs/wants, but your own as well?

Yes. Without going to much into my personal business. I am exploring this topic to better understand myself. If I can help someone else with their non-sexual desire/needs along the way, then it is a win/win. 

3. Do you feel that your need/desire/decision to be a spanker is the natural progression of a hardwired spanko need?

No. I prefer not to go into detail about how or why I came to this conclusion publicly. But if you want to talk about it in private feel free to message me.

4. Do you honestly see it as something you do 100% selflessly - not enjoying the physical act of spanking someone, but being fulfilled by helping someone else. Spanking is a means to an end for you, rather than being the end-all itself.

As stated in question 2 it is not all selfless. I really dont think any spanker here is doing this out of the kindness of there hearts. While it is possible someone could be 100% selfless, it's not at all probable. Everyone has there reason, whether good or bad. Nobody is spending possibly large amounts of time and money to find, potentially travel to, and spank someone for selfless charity. But as I stated before. If I can help someone else while working on myself, I defiantly will. Both parties leaving getting what they want, sounds like an optimal situation to me.

 

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1. It's a need. I wouldn't even approach a relationship where I couldn't spank. I would be very unhappy, and I don't see a reason to do that to myself or the person I would be dating.

2. It's a combination of both. I never have denied that I enjoy spanking. But, I also enjoy helping others. I have spanked both spankos and non spankos and it works out equally well from the perspective of helping them. 

3. I have known since I was a child I had the "spanking bug." I won't say more since it's not an appropriate conversation for an adult site.

4. No. And I wouldn't be nearly as good at if it I did. I do know that I am able to fully focus on helping out mentees, yes through spankings, but also through other methods. And that in the moment that I am handing out discipline, my only focus is on that discipline. 

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Once upon a time giving a spanking was a very serious NEED for me. Over the years I have spanked and been spanked by both males and females. I do prefer females but that is SO hard to arrange. Now that I am older I will spank or be spanked by anyone who has the NEED. My only requirement is they are over 21.

I still very much enjoy giving a long hard bare bottom spanking! However in recent years it has become a means to obtain what I really NEED! That NEED is for someone to give ME a long hard serious bare bottom spanking! When I have met the people I have met from here we talk about it before hand. As part of the deal we must agree that after I have spanked them they must spank ME as long or harder than I have spanked them.  This has resulted in my having the red sore butt I really NEED.

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  • 2 weeks later...

In my (limited) experience, I have found the act of spanking someone, particularly my husband, to be mostly driven by his need/desire for it. At the same time, it is very fulfilling for me to be able to do this for him. It's the fascination in seeing him becoming so nervous as he's anticipating what's about to happen to him, then the outpouring of emotions as his pants are down and I'm lashing his bottom with a belt or paddle. It's never that I'm hurting him physically (that much) but his embarrassment and guilt will cause him to cry in most cases. Even still, he will become deeply aroused in the process. 

I've grown to feel a sense of empowerment and fulfillment in seeing him brought to such an emotionally aroused state. It's like I've become a vital part of the most sexual and emotional part of him...

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  • 3 months later...
On 12/2/2019 at 4:56 PM, christyspanks said:

In my (limited) experience, I have found the act of spanking someone, particularly my husband, to be mostly driven by his need/desire for it. At the same time, it is very fulfilling for me to be able to do this for him. It's the fascination in seeing him becoming so nervous as he's anticipating what's about to happen to him, then the outpouring of emotions as his pants are down and I'm lashing his bottom with a belt or paddle. It's never that I'm hurting him physically (that much) but his embarrassment and guilt will cause him to cry in most cases. Even still, he will become deeply aroused in the process. 

I've grown to feel a sense of empowerment and fulfillment in seeing him brought to such an emotionally aroused state. It's like I've become a vital part of the most sexual and emotional part of him...

Wow, what a great dynamic the two of you share. I have to admit I'm envious of your husband and it isn't too often that I come across a description where that's the case. Thanks for sharing this with us. Frankly I just like knowing this is going on somewhere. Love that last line in particular.

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A thought from the other side of the paddle...i definitely have a serious need for paddling, and have wondered if any Spankers ever feel similar. So, i appreciated this thread.

If i weren't a spankeeee, i probably wouldn't have much interest in being an easy target for spankers, but i'd probably consider it, to learn about it and maybe to let the spanker have some fun. However, as a spankeeeee, i'd prefer Spankers that enjoy what they are doing. i'd like the Spanker to enjoy spanking, enjoy the results, enjoy the control, and kind of relish the dominance and submission. As a spankeeeee, i really need the paddling, but i hope for Spankers who love to dish it out, and enjoy the whole experience. Based on comments in these forums, though, some persons (rare?) accept a spanking just to gratify a spanker, and a few spank to gratify spankees. Some few may learn to accept a role, even if that isn't a particular passion.

Thoughts?

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