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FLR advice for a beginner


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My husband and I just started an FLR setup. We have been together for years and he has always asked for spankings. It’s slowly increased between the two of us and now he seems to need them regularly, so we switched to my being in charge to see how it goes. 

The spankings work, he immediately regrets what he’s done and I see positive changes in the next day or two. However, for anyone else in this situation I do have a couple questions.

one: how do you stay on top of it all? Being in charge, I now have to think about everything I do, be a good example even more so, make sure he does his stuff, isn’t doing anything bad, etc...how do I stay on top of it all without feeling stressed or starting to feel like I can’t respect him because he needs to be told what to do? Making him lists, checking in with him, scolding him, sometimes it feels like I’m his mom and not his wife. Is there a way around this???

second: His job is very stressful, he is at the bottom of the ladder and works very hard physically all day for 8 or 9 hours. It’s hard sometimes to scold/lecture/spank when he comes home because I know he just had a hard day, but sometimes he pushes boundaries with his attitude or comments..I start feeling like maybe he needs a spanking or a timeout, but once I start the process he will get even more stressed out and even angry. I don’t want it to be a thing where he resents me or I start becoming a nagging, complaining wife and he feels like he can never do anything right. How do I get rid of the bad things, without stressing him out more and without making him feel as though he’s in trouble all the time or always messing up? 

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I was in a FLR many years ago - before the term was even used.  My dominant SO was not into spanking, although she would indulge me on occasion as a fun diversion.   Establishing a FLR is a process that takes time and energy, but you should not feel burdened by it, as you feel today.  If you have not done do, check out Lady Misato’s website Real Women Don’t Do Housework - http://www.rwddh.com/

This site has been around for about 20 years and includes a lot of information that you will find helpful.  She also has a free PDF book that you can download.  I think that you can find this on her blog.  

Your husband needs to participate, but you guide and develop the relationship.  It will take some time, but once you have worked your way through the steps Lady Misato recommends your husband should be performing without you needing to be his “mother” or nagging him about doing what you want him to do. In fact, nagging is counter productive.  

I’m not in a FLR today and can’t tell you that if you follow the steps proposed by Lady Misato that you will be able to develop the relationship you are looking for.  But, understanding the D/s dynamics as I do based on past experience, her method uses a realistic approach.  Good luck in your adventure!

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If your husband wants to be in a FLR, he needs to understand his role.....and that role isn't just to let you make all the decisions and run the household.  He needs to be a grown-up about it, and offer some solutions and help to make your life better.  Yes, he should do as he's told, but he should also be proactive and find ways to be useful for himself and contribute to your relationship without consulting a list you have drawn up.     Otherwise, he will turn you into his personal spanking machine, and you will end up resenting him for it.   

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i’m 23 and my girlfriend is 25 when i first approached her about wanting a FLR she was all for it , it took her some time to get used to the role but she was quick on developing a technique when it came to her spankings. the issue we was dealing with that i wasn’t playing my part i wasn’t doing my best to stay in my place and live my role there was many times where she was displaying her authority and if i didn’t agree with the reason i was being disciplined i would argue and try talk my way out of it or i would get attitude towards her  and that wasn’t fair to her she was only doing what i’ve asked and that was to take  lead. and over time that broke her down to the point she didnt feel comfortable doing it she started to feel like FLR wasn’t working she started feel like it was just a waste of time or sexual excitement. and for a while maybe 2 or 3 months she actually stopped spanking me fast forward to now. i’ve got better at staying in my place i’ve become more submissive when it’s time to be disciplined and there has been progress every since the day i gave her more attitude then she would put up with and  next thing i new she had the rubber paddle, braided leather strap AND a thick leather belt in her hand and i’ve received a very thorough spanking that i felt for days and i mean DAYS AFTERWARDS long story short your husband has to want and commit to FLR as much actually more then you do because it’s takes a lot as man to step down as HOH it take A LOT for a man to put his pride to the side it takes A LOT for a man to willing submit to a woman if he doesn’t have it in his heart to want to. He has to be willing to take accountability for his ways and actually want to change his ways and after he do that after he fully want to change submitting to his wife the woman he love will be easy it’ll be easier to accept the spanking and your authority then once that happen the FLR will be enjoyable and turn it up in the bedroom lol I understand the stress element around the time we first started our FLR my father had just recently passed away on top of the fact my little brother ended up moving in with us on top of the fact i was one of the supervisors for largest Hotel in milwaukee where we live if you want to talk about stress there was plenty of it fast forward to now I’m still working security full time as a lead officer & I just recently started my own security company so there still a lot to work through but we make it happen and To you, your husband and the rest of the FLR  community that may read this comment if your in a FLR relationship the love and bond you’ll have can be forever lasting as long as you promise to always Listen Love & understand your partner 

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I have struggled with the concept of FLR my self. I love to be spanked and it seems that most male/female relationships where the male is spanked is a dominant female relationship.

I am firmly in the camp of wanting to make my own decisions and in charge of my own destiny. My girlfriend is submissive, but not really into getting spanked hard like me. So I make most all decisions in our household and try include her as much as possible even though she is content to let me lead the way. I fact, when it comes to me getting spanked by her, I sometimes have gone too "sub" for her and she has called me out on it. She wants a man to dominate her and she is only willing to spank me because she knows it's a deep seated need of mine. She won't admit it but I think she sometimes likes beating my ass black and blue as payback for other crap she takes from me.

As to your situation, maybe your girlfriend is wanting you to be more dominate as well. If you like to be spanked, like I do, you might explore a more equal and power sharing relationship.

In my opinion someone who wants to have someone else make all the decisions is just lazy.

As far as not being able to keep position while being spanked, try lying down on the bed, with pillows to prop up your butt and a pillow to yell into. This position works for me, I can grab the bed sheets with my hands, grit my teeth and lay right there for her to blister my ass. I can tell you, she can lay it on. I tell her what to spank me with and tell her to make it hurt no matter what reaction I have, she does it and does it good. 

Our relationship is working well like this, both of us are happy.

My best wishes to you!

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5 hours ago, Switchbott said:

In my opinion someone who wants to have someone else make all the decisions is just lazy.

You make a great point here.  And as @Spankmook points out in his own situation it may take time for both the woman and the man to learn this lesson.  Maybe for some couples having the dominant wife make all the decisions and plan her husband’s day....every day....is what works for them.  But that does not seem realistic for most people, at least not to me.  Who wants a lazy partner that needs constant supervision and guidance? 
 
Although I was once in a very happy FLR, my current wife has no interest in leading our marriage.  It comes down to who is the alpha among the two.   What is also probably true is that in every relationship there needs to be leader and a follower.  There may be as many women who would or should be the leader in her relationship as there are men who should lead.  Again, I think that it comes down to the two people who are trying to make it work.  
 
Unfortunately, there are probably a lot of women who are better suited to lead in their relationships than actually do.  Men have traditionally been conditioned by our culture to lead and women conditioned to follow.  That’s changing, not in that women are being conditioned to lead to the exclusion of men, though I see women being promoted and pushed into leadership roles more and more in business and education while at the same time men are asked to step aside.

Just my opinion, but it would not be surprising that if in 20 years we see as many, if not more women in leadership roles than men.  Also, look for more wives to openly lead husbands in their relationships.  And this leadership might be similar to the way men lead in the 50’s as “head of household, father knows best, wives submit to your husbands.”  We shall see.  Personally, if my spouse were the alpha type, I would be happy to follow.

 

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