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For curiosity’s sake...


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So...this is just a random pondering...

I know of a few here who are in real (meaning day to day) relationships that involve spanking in a healthy and happy way.  But...for most of us, is this just an outlet? What I’m saying is...at the end of the day is it anything more than longing? Is it anything more than a steam-blow for wishful thinking?  Is any of it real? 

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In the nature of things, you aren’t likely to get an honest answer to this.  Those who are fictionalizing rather than reporting aren’t likely to say so.  But if I had to make a guess, it would be that the site contains more of the former than the latter.  Besides the ordinary nature of the internet, my theory is that people who are enjoying TTWD in real life are more likely to be engaging in it rather than writing about it and that writing is often a substitute for a desired reality.  I hasten to add that I am sure there are many members whose postings don’t meet this description; I’m merely offering a statistical hypothesis.

Of course, as Tosmefle points out, even if my hypothesis is correct, a site that is largely fantasy may still be pleasurable and useful.  -Ex.

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agree with the post above.  When I was in a relationship, I stopped engaging here in chat etc.     When the relationship ended, I returned.  Guess I’d agree Leigh, it’s kind of like a longing sometimes.   I miss it, but I won’t die if I don’t give a spanking, as ees wont die without one.  Think the worst case scenario is when it’s on your mind a lot, and it interferes with day to day life.   When I had real life serious situations arise, spanking was on the back burner, and it is once again.  Thought my relationship was real, turned out not to be, and I’m ok with that.   I just am more guarded now.   I’m probably not making sense.  need coffee.  (coffee is a real need lol).    

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That certainly could be. I think it depends on the individual person. If it's not working for you, if it's frustrating to you, then perhaps it's not healthy or beneficial to you. There's definitely a level of fantasy involved where we kind of go through these fantasies in our own mind but that's not the same as our real day to day lives. If it's working for you then, great, continue, otherwise consider dropping it.

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Leigh,

I would tend to think (hope) that anyone who allowed themselves to be spanked (since it has to be consensual) would be in it for the reality of the value it brings to their lives. What that value is, varies probably person to person. If it is just an outlet, as long as that outlet is safe, healthy, consensual, etc. then what's wrong with it. Whether that value is 'real' or 'imagined', if it brings positive value, does it matter.

Selfsp

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For me sites like this have always been an outlet between meeting others to meet the real need occassionally. The thoughts/ideas are always in the back of my mind so finding friends to chat with online is a good thing.  I used to think the want/need would go away at some point, but that doesn;t seem to be the case.  I will probably need an outlet of some type for some time to come.

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My friend, 

I can't help but think that you know the true answer to this. For some, it may be longing or fantasy, it may be an outlet, but for some of us, it is deep in our soul, very real and who we are. You know it's more than wishful thinking.

Yes, the best involves a loving relationship, but it can be satisfying with the right person as well.

This use to be such a big part of you...the question is...are you willing to let it go? Turn it into something it's not?

The answer is different for all of us and only you know the true answer.

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I appreciate the responses. 
 

To be entirely honest, if it was an option, I would have edited, deleted, or locked this post about 3 1/2 minutes after posting it. 
 

And, Shy...

I do know the answer. And I think at this point in the game you know me well enough to know that spanking (and the whole dynamic) is a fundamental part of who I am, too.  My post was truly just random thoughts brought to life.  A moment of weakness, if it’s easier to call it that. I have experienced many wonderful, spanky things within the confines of a relationship.  This is evident in my (now infrequent) time in chat and in the writings I have posted here.  Sadly, that didn’t turn out how either of us wanted or expected, and became a situation that wasn’t healthy for either of us.  
 

What I do know is this:

I seem to have entered some dark phase of my life.  I’m not sure why, or to what end. I can only trust that there are lessons in this vast expanse that I need to learn.  I’m stuck in this place where nothing feels real...(so I wasn’t picking needlessly on SN lol)   Everything seems suspect. A part of me feels like it’s gone missing. It’s absence is felt,  but I can see no (trustable) path for rediscovery.  So...I sit here and type when I likely shouldn’t. I wonder out loud, when perhaps I shouldn’t.  But...at the end of the day I am as I have always been. Curious, honest, more real than suits most, hopelessly flawed, me. Just me. 

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3 hours ago, LeighOTK said:

 

And, Shy...

I do know the answer. And I think at this point in the game you know me well enough to know that spanking (and the whole dynamic) is a fundamental part of who I am, too.  My post was truly just random thoughts brought to life.  A moment of weakness, if it’s easier to call it that. I have experienced many wonderful, spanky things within the confines of a relationship.  This is evident in my (now infrequent) time in chat and in the writings I have posted here.  Sadly, that didn’t turn out how either of us wanted or expected, and became a situation that wasn’t healthy for either of us.  
 

What I do know is this:

I seem to have entered some dark phase of my life.  I’m not sure why, or to what end. I can only trust that there are lessons in this vast expanse that I need to learn.  I’m stuck in this place where nothing feels real...(so I wasn’t picking needlessly on SN lol)   Everything seems suspect. A part of me feels like it’s gone missing. It’s absence is felt,  but I can see no (trustable) path for rediscovery.  So...I sit here and type when I likely shouldn’t. I wonder out loud, when perhaps I shouldn’t.  But...at the end of the day I am as I have always been. Curious, honest, more real than suits most, hopelessly flawed, me. Just me. 

Don't beat yourself up Leigh...I know and I understand. I'm here to talk if you need an ear. I too went through this phase. The 8 years between losing my husband and meeting C were my darkest time. I questioned my chosen lifestyle over and over. I was unhappy and miserable. This lifestyle is such a big part of who I am , but I let it go. I tried it out here and there, but then I would question things and beat myself up for having the need. I too had to rediscover who I was. I finally had to put myself out there, admit it's what I wanted and needed and accept myself for what I was...a submissive.

I tried it out with a few people until C came along and taught me how to accept things and live again. Slowly but surely he has helped me to change. 8 years after meeting him and I know what it takes to be me. When we are hard wired, it doesn't go away. It might lie dormant for a bit, but it will rear it's head once again.

You aren't flawed, my friend, only human.

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9 hours ago, shygurl said:

Don't beat yourself up Leigh...I know and I understand. I'm here to talk if you need an ear. I too went through this phase. The 8 years between losing my husband and meeting C were my darkest time. I questioned my chosen lifestyle over and over. I was unhappy and miserable. This lifestyle is such a big part of who I am , but I let it go. I tried it out here and there, but then I would question things and beat myself up for having the need. I too had to rediscover who I was. I finally had to put myself out there, admit it's what I wanted and needed and accept myself for what I was...a submissive.

I tried it out with a few people until C came along and taught me how to accept things and live again. Slowly but surely he has helped me to change. 8 years after meeting him and I know what it takes to be me. When we are hard wired, it doesn't go away. It might lie dormant for a bit, but it will rear it's head once again.

You aren't flawed, my friend, only human.

Exactly. 

Leigh - don’t beat yourself up.  

I’m not in NC and don’t know where in NC you are, but I travel down through the I-95 corridor at least twice a year and willing to detour and always open to talk even if we never meet in person. 

If you want to talk it out one on one just send a pm. 

Shygurl is absolutely right. We’re wired that way.  You can hold it down, but it won’t go away.  

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To answer the original question, everything I've posted is absolutely real. That's the whole point of sites like this for me. I can be truly authentic within the confines of an anonymous platform. Before I began exploring the internet, I was sure I was a freak. Seeing that there are others like me has made it all easier to process, and eventually to turn some of those repressed fantasies into real life experiences. 

It may be noted that there are times when I seem to be on the site constantly, and other times where I disappear completely. When I'm here, my husband, also my ER, is working, and I'm either at home or in a hotel room alone, killing time with one of my favorite subjects. When I'm absent, I'm with him, giving him my full attention.

So, yeah, at least some of it is real.

As to your follow up post, all I can say is hang in there. Trust is imperative in spanking relationships, and healing your past hurts/disappointments is imperative in developing trust. And, unfortunately, time is imperative in healing. Please take your time, but hold onto a bit of faith. If things can work out for a mess like me, they can work out for anyone. Hugs...

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The site is designed to help people find their needs and ask questions for support with our kink. A non judgmental safe haven. If that means it's just an online support community, for some, that's OK. I believe there are people that have found real, meaningful dynamics though. And have connected in real life. 

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I suppose you could say for me it is a fantasy because, although I have self spanked for years,  I have yet to experience a real punishment type spanking given to me by someone else. However, I think it is real and has been for a very long time. It is something I would like (okay, probably not like) to experience at least once. There are  reasons it has not happened yet, which I won't go into, but it is almost impossible to find someone with whom a trustful, discreet relationship can be developed that would eventually result in a spanking taking place.  

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I’m one of the lucky few in a day to day serious relationship with spanking being a big thing. It’s pretty important for us! But previously when I was giving discipline spankings on infrequent basis’s I still think it did a lot of good for both parties involved 

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