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Can participating here at SN constitute cheating?


Does being active on SN facilitate cheating?   

56 members have voted

  1. 1. Does being active on SN without the full awareness of your husband, wife, or significant other constitute cheating?

    • No, it's not cheating. We don't monitor each others social media usage. We trust each other.
      16
    • Yes, it would be considered cheating if I was active here behind my SO's back. Full disclosure and transparency is a hallmark of our relationship.
      12
    • It depends. It would be cheating if I actually pursued something IRL. But just hanging out here chatting & bantering with other spankos is harmless.
      27


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In my opinion, if you are on this site without the awareness of your spouse or SO, and you are pursuing spanko relationships with people here, that would constitute cheating in my book.  I just wanted to see how others thought about this.  :)

 

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6 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

In my opinion, if you are on this site without the awareness of your spouse or SO, and you are pursuing spanko relationships with people here, that would constitute cheating in my book.  I just wanted to see how others thought about this.  :)

 

I share your view on this. Very good topic. 

  • Like 1
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Wow. This is a tough one AG. The first is true about our relationship but anything that I were emotionally invested in, such as participating in this forum, would feel wrong if I were intentionally hiding it from him, over the long term. But, I wouldn't want people to not seek advice, company, and understanding of a forum like this, just because they are not out to their significant other. Participating in a forum like this is not the same as getting real life spankings, so I am going to go with the first option.

  • Like 1
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I somewhat agree as well.

Spanking, even without sex, is intimate. If someone is looking for a real life spanking without a SO knowing I feel it would be a form of cheating. If someone were just on the site, gaining knowledge and chatting, I don't feel that is cheating. We all use the internet to gain knowledge on different subjects. If you are in a relationship I would hope there would be enough trust that internet usage wouldn't need to be monitored.

I've seen this spanking life break up relationships when the other party finds out about it. It's not an easy thing to hide with redness, marks, bruises, etc. Honesty is the best policy in any relationship.

So, I'd go with option 3.

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I'd say it's really in the "it depends" category. 

Spanking is intimate, even if it's not "sex", it's still a close personal connection between two people. But simply talking about spanking isn't the same as pursuing a spanking relationship with someone. 

Ideally every relationship should be open and honest, but it's really not reasonable to expect every person to meet that standard 100% of the time, and having an interest in spanking is a deep personal interest that can be hard to share at all, let alone explain every detail about it. If someone isn't entirely sure about their own interest, let alone how their partner would react, it's important for them to be able to at least figure that out without feeling too guilt-ridden and to look for advice on how to explain it and deal with it. 

Of course every relationship is different - so chances are if your partner would feel like it's cheating, then you should probably take that into account. 

 

  • Like 1
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There is a corollary to this, and that's for us single folks here.  If we are bantering and carrying on with somebody here who is married, and it's being done behind their spouse's back, how much responsibility do we bear as being the cause of that person to cheat on their spouse?    I have met plenty of EEs who do not even take this into consideration.  They believe they can flirt with impunity, and if the ER they are flirting with is married, so be it!  That's not their problem.  

Again, I don't think that's the right way to look at it.    I think one should be sensitive to the fact that somebody is married or in an LTR, and not actively try to get that person to sneak around behind their SO's back.     But maybe I am just an old fashioned prude.   Lol.   

  • Like 1
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46 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

There is a corollary to this, and that's for us single folks here.  If we are bantering and carrying on with somebody here who is married, and it's being done behind their spouse's back, how much responsibility do we bear as being the cause of that person to cheat on their spouse?    I have met plenty of EEs who do not even take this into consideration.  They believe they can flirt with impunity, and if the ER they are flirting with is married, so be it!  That's not their problem.  

Again, I don't think that's the right way to look at it.    I think one should be sensitive to the fact that somebody is married or in an LTR, and not actively try to get that person to sneak around behind their SO's back.     But maybe I am just an old fashioned prude.   Lol.   

If you're an old fashioned prude, then so am I. If I start chatting with someone and find out they are married or in a relationship, that does not necessarily preclude my chatting about spanking in a matter-of-fact way, but I will not flirt or engage in role-play with someone I know is taken. I feel it's disrespectful to the other party's SO.

I don't much like role-playing anyway, and I rarely flirt. They tend to make me uncomfortable when I'm doing them online. You just can't be sure who is on the other end (if you haven't already met them in person).

 

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I think it really depends why you're on here and what you want to get out of it... For me I'm interested in making friends but not romantic relationships (I already have one!) I find spanking fascinating and complicated and it's a big part of who I am... So I want to learn about it and talk about my interests with other people and not be alone with it... For better or for worse almost all my relationships have been with vanillas so it's not something I can talk about in the same way with them... My boyfriend does spank me but for him it's a kind of foreplay...it's not a core part of who he is. And he's not going to be interested in talking about details of which kind of hairbrush smacks the best :) So I really have to agree with secretman that talking to other people about spanking on here isn't the same thing as pursuing an intimate spanking relationship... That's one of the reasons I like this site unlike others I've seen that seem more like dating sites...though I realize some people use this more like a dating site it's not its only or main purpose I think... Would I ever tell my boyfriend I'm on here? I don't know... It's not that I'd worry he'd think I was cheating...it's more that I don't know if he can ever understand the whole spanking thing as a vanilla and is going to think there's something wrong with me for having this interest in the way I do... I know that's not ideal in a relationship but on the other hand I think I'm being realistic...

  • Like 5
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Activity on a website w/o spouse knowledge isn't cheating. However, and it's a significant however,  the activity will almost always {unless you have super-human willpower} 

lead to the temptation to stray beyond the marriage boundary.

  • Like 2
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IS IT CHEATING? PROBABLY!   But my wife refuses to give me what I need at home she thinks spanking is sick. I understand why she will not take a spanking. Why she refuses to give me the spankings I NEED is beyond me. I have warned her I will get what I need. Thats why Im here!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Haven't been married for a few years now but if I was still married I wouldn't consider it cheating. Plain and simple I define cheating as sexually driven acts. If you are seeking to give or get discipline to help improve yourself then I don't see how that could possibly be a bad thing. 

Granted, some people here are more on the sexual side of this so I guess for them it might be? Different strokes for different folks. 

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I choose option 3. Seeking an intimate relationship (even w/o sex of any type) without your SO's knowledge would be cheating, and I know my SO would feel the same. I am not there to seek a spanking relationship. I am hear to talk to like minded people and gaining understanding and perspective without ANY intimate details or information. Like looking up any information on the internet, in most cases (and this is a prime example) looking even talking to folks is fine, it what, or if you, do from there that can change an innocent exchange into something more and cross the cheating line.

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Another 3 here. I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage, but I don't think asking/answering questions, getting things off my chest in a safe space with others who really understand my proclivities, or killing time playing forum games could possibly be construed as cheating. If my husband ever runs across this site in his research (he wants to know about what makes me and others like me tick), he'll know who I am. He can follow my posts and know I'm not here to flirt or meet anyone irl (which, in my case as a highly sexual spanko, would definitely be cheating). I've told him I visit forums related to my interests, whether herbalism, fitness and nutrition, voice work, spanking, whatever...he's never asked about specific sites, but if he did, I'd tell him.

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  • 1 year later...

I am in  simular situation,  my wife does not understand the whole area of spanking considering her pentecostal background.  I have stated that I just want a spanking partner, pure plotomic no relationship, and want to be spanked to change all my negative behavioral patterns.  I know will help, because right now I only self spank my naked butt so it is cherry 🍒red and on 🔥 fire for days afterwards.  Need  someone that can spank me really hard and make my butt more red than self spanking can.  There is the embarrassment and volunnerability factor which will make the spanking more  effective.  It is not cheating  if your desire is to revieve or give spankings to change behavior patterns and to become a better person.

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I'm single, so the "we" part doesn't apply. If I weren't, I would say that participating here without SO's knowledge would not be cheating as long as I made it clear what my relationship status was and what the parameters of that were, and did not seek out anything outside those parameters. If we were monogamous, no other spanking partners, then I wouldn't seek any here, but just participating in the discussions wouldn't be cheating by any stretch of the imagination. Which is really what I'm doing anyway, since I'm not quite up for actively seeking partners right now. (Eventually, yes, but there's still Covid and still my own working it out to do.)

Looking for partners for an activity we'd agreed would be monogamous, without breaking it to SO that I wasn't really intending to keep it monogamous, would be cheating. If you're in a relationship, any kind of non-monogamy needs to be agreed upon, or it shouldn't happen. If spanking is a sexual activity to you, then you and your partner need to agree on whether and to what extent having other spanking partners is okay.

For those on here who have vanilla spouses/partners who want no part in spanking, it's a tough call. Especially if the vanilla spouse isn't willing to consider you getting that need met elsewhere. Seems to me that's a relationship incompatibility. If your spouse has a need you can't meet, the kind thing to do is let them get it met elsewhere, not force them into your box. Even if that means ending the marriage.

 

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For those of you here who are married, what exactly have you promised your spouse with respect to fidelity?  That your spouse is in charge of all that you read and watch, whom you chat with, what fantasies you indulge in?  Not me.  My participation on this site, even if it were flirtatious or sexy (which for better or worse it isn't) would not be cheating.  If it leads to actual cheating, that's a different story.  But where it leads is up to you.   

  • Like 3
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I voted 3.  I’m no longer married, and neither is my disciplinarian, so we both enjoy the freedom of being single.  I have no interest in any other women here, though I don’t think there’s anything wrong with conversing with them, if I wanted to.  My disciplinarian converses with several SN guys and I’m cool with it.  Then again, we’re not romantically involved.  If we were, I’m not sure how I’d feel.  It’s not that I don’t trust her, because my trust for her is immense.  I just wouldn’t trust them, LOL.

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Of course we all have our own parameters to what constitutes cheating. In an ideal world,  these parameters would be worked out and agreed upon once the marriage has commenced.   But the nature of the spanking relationship, the intimacy and the emotions that can be aroused even from discussing such personal matters with an anonymous person online...can be a potentially volatile situation.

If I had a spouse who felt more at ease discussing such intimate details about their desires and fantasies with a stranger online than to their own husband, I would feel very betrayed.  That's what a spouse is for.. that's what marriage is about!!!   To share your innermost desires and fantasies with each other!

 So call me a prude, if you must, but I think any sort of intimate conversations or fantasies that you enact online that you are not also sharing with your spouse would seem like a sort of deception and anathema to what marriage is supposed to be about.  

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