Can participating here at SN constitute cheating?

[AfterGeometry 1640]

I wanted to put this poll in Relationships but it should do the trick here.  

[AfterGeometry 1640]

In my opinion, if you are on this site without the awareness of your spouse or SO, and you are pursuing spanko relationships with people here, that would constitute cheating in my book.  I just wanted to see how others thought about this. 

 

[Accountability 59]

6 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

In my opinion, if you are on this site without the awareness of your spouse or SO, and you are pursuing spanko relationships with people here, that would constitute cheating in my book.  I just wanted to see how others thought about this. 

 

I share your view on this. Very good topic. 

[LateBloomer 158]

Wow. This is a tough one AG. The first is true about our relationship but anything that I were emotionally invested in, such as participating in this forum, would feel wrong if I were intentionally hiding it from him, over the long term. But, I wouldn't want people to not seek advice, company, and understanding of a forum like this, just because they are not out to their significant other. Participating in a forum like this is not the same as getting real life spankings, so I am going to go with the first option.

[shygurl 2107]

I somewhat agree as well.

Spanking, even without sex, is intimate. If someone is looking for a real life spanking without a SO knowing I feel it would be a form of cheating. If someone were just on the site, gaining knowledge and chatting, I don't feel that is cheating. We all use the internet to gain knowledge on different subjects. If you are in a relationship I would hope there would be enough trust that internet usage wouldn't need to be monitored.

I've seen this spanking life break up relationships when the other party finds out about it. It's not an easy thing to hide with redness, marks, bruises, etc. Honesty is the best policy in any relationship.

So, I'd go with option 3.

[secretman 42]

I'd say it's really in the "it depends" category. 

Spanking is intimate, even if it's not "sex", it's still a close personal connection between two people. But simply talking about spanking isn't the same as pursuing a spanking relationship with someone. 

Ideally every relationship should be open and honest, but it's really not reasonable to expect every person to meet that standard 100% of the time, and having an interest in spanking is a deep personal interest that can be hard to share at all, let alone explain every detail about it. If someone isn't entirely sure about their own interest, let alone how their partner would react, it's important for them to be able to at least figure that out without feeling too guilt-ridden and to look for advice on how to explain it and deal with it. 

Of course every relationship is different - so chances are if your partner would feel like it's cheating, then you should probably take that into account. 

 

[AfterGeometry 1640]

There is a corollary to this, and that's for us single folks here.  If we are bantering and carrying on with somebody here who is married, and it's being done behind their spouse's back, how much responsibility do we bear as being the cause of that person to cheat on their spouse?    I have met plenty of EEs who do not even take this into consideration.  They believe they can flirt with impunity, and if the ER they are flirting with is married, so be it!  That's not their problem.  

Again, I don't think that's the right way to look at it.    I think one should be sensitive to the fact that somebody is married or in an LTR, and not actively try to get that person to sneak around behind their SO's back.     But maybe I am just an old fashioned prude.   Lol.   

[INeedDiscipline 121]

46 minutes ago, AfterGeometry said:

There is a corollary to this, and that's for us single folks here.  If we are bantering and carrying on with somebody here who is married, and it's being done behind their spouse's back, how much responsibility do we bear as being the cause of that person to cheat on their spouse?    I have met plenty of EEs who do not even take this into consideration.  They believe they can flirt with impunity, and if the ER they are flirting with is married, so be it!  That's not their problem.  

Again, I don't think that's the right way to look at it.    I think one should be sensitive to the fact that somebody is married or in an LTR, and not actively try to get that person to sneak around behind their SO's back.     But maybe I am just an old fashioned prude.   Lol.   

If you're an old fashioned prude, then so am I. If I start chatting with someone and find out they are married or in a relationship, that does not necessarily preclude my chatting about spanking in a matter-of-fact way, but I will not flirt or engage in role-play with someone I know is taken. I feel it's disrespectful to the other party's SO.

I don't much like role-playing anyway, and I rarely flirt. They tend to make me uncomfortable when I'm doing them online. You just can't be sure who is on the other end (if you haven't already met them in person).

 

[rude_rumps 477]

I think it really depends why you're on here and what you want to get out of it... For me I'm interested in making friends but not romantic relationships (I already have one!) I find spanking fascinating and complicated and it's a big part of who I am... So I want to learn about it and talk about my interests with other people and not be alone with it... For better or for worse almost all my relationships have been with vanillas so it's not something I can talk about in the same way with them... My boyfriend does spank me but for him it's a kind of foreplay...it's not a core part of who he is. And he's not going to be interested in talking about details of which kind of hairbrush smacks the best So I really have to agree with secretman that talking to other people about spanking on here isn't the same thing as pursuing an intimate spanking relationship... That's one of the reasons I like this site unlike others I've seen that seem more like dating sites...though I realize some people use this more like a dating site it's not its only or main purpose I think... Would I ever tell my boyfriend I'm on here? I don't know... It's not that I'd worry he'd think I was cheating...it's more that I don't know if he can ever understand the whole spanking thing as a vanilla and is going to think there's something wrong with me for having this interest in the way I do... I know that's not ideal in a relationship but on the other hand I think I'm being realistic...

[MrBottoms 234]

Activity on a website w/o spouse knowledge isn't cheating. However, and it's a significant however,  the activity will almost always {unless you have super-human willpower} 

lead to the temptation to stray beyond the marriage boundary.

[otkpantsdown 49 172]

IS IT CHEATING? PROBABLY!   But my wife refuses to give me what I need at home she thinks spanking is sick. I understand why she will not take a spanking. Why she refuses to give me the spankings I NEED is beyond me. I have warned her I will get what I need. Thats why Im here!

[Kce89 165]

Haven't been married for a few years now but if I was still married I wouldn't consider it cheating. Plain and simple I define cheating as sexually driven acts. If you are seeking to give or get discipline to help improve yourself then I don't see how that could possibly be a bad thing. 

Granted, some people here are more on the sexual side of this so I guess for them it might be? Different strokes for different folks. 

[selfsp12 223]

I choose option 3. Seeking an intimate relationship (even w/o sex of any type) without your SO's knowledge would be cheating, and I know my SO would feel the same. I am not there to seek a spanking relationship. I am hear to talk to like minded people and gaining understanding and perspective without ANY intimate details or information. Like looking up any information on the internet, in most cases (and this is a prime example) looking even talking to folks is fine, it what, or if you, do from there that can change an innocent exchange into something more and cross the cheating line.

[Vox 94]

Another 3 here. I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage, but I don't think asking/answering questions, getting things off my chest in a safe space with others who really understand my proclivities, or killing time playing forum games could possibly be construed as cheating. If my husband ever runs across this site in his research (he wants to know about what makes me and others like me tick), he'll know who I am. He can follow my posts and know I'm not here to flirt or meet anyone irl (which, in my case as a highly sexual spanko, would definitely be cheating). I've told him I visit forums related to my interests, whether herbalism, fitness and nutrition, voice work, spanking, whatever...he's never asked about specific sites, but if he did, I'd tell him.