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Spanked by a parent as an adult?


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I know at least a couple of people who were, and on an ongoing basis.  They said it worked out well for them. I expect it totally depends upon the family dynamic and don't think it would work in 99% of families. But in those families where kids were spanked as one of the main forms of punishment until they graduated from high school, which was really common when I was growing up, there's a possibility that it could continue successfully if everyone was in agreement why it was being done. I also think that very few adults would be willing to ask a parent to spank them but the ones who would go there are obviously reasonably certain that the parent would agree and think it was a good idea. 

This would absolutely have to be for punishment or motivation, there's no way any adult with an erotic spanking fetish should ever ask one of their parents to spank them. 

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I don’t know if this is regional or not, but as someone only a few years younger than you I found spankings that lasted through the teens very much the exception.  At best I knew maybe half a dozen.  

Of those, three got spanked at least until 19.  

Online, I’ve run into more that were spanked well into their twenties and even thirties.  These tended to be ones that either stayed or returned to their parents and got the “my house, my rules” treatment.  

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1 hour ago, dmirk said:

I don’t know if this is regional or not, but as someone only a few years younger than you I found spankings that lasted through the teens very much the exception.  At best I knew maybe half a dozen.  

Of those, three got spanked at least until 19.  

Online, I’ve run into more that were spanked well into their twenties and even thirties.  These tended to be ones that either stayed or returned to their parents and got the “my house, my rules” treatment.  

My house, my rules was very common back then in my area and from what I read online, still not uncommon today in families that spank. I've had discussions with young adults over the years who stated it was a reasonable trade off for a safe, secure place to live and they felt they owed their parents the respect of allowing them to be in charge.  They didn't like being spanked, but apparently getting spanked a few times a year wasn't enough to make them want to move out either. You'd expect that most kids after college would want to be on their own, but not all can survive financially.  I would imagine those spankings were pretty few and far between compared to when they were younger, since by that age it should be easy to behave appropriately enough to avoid most of them. 

I have often wondered if disciplinary attitudes and punishments were regional, local, or perhaps cultural and even ethnically influenced?  I knew very few kids who weren't spanked growing up.  Seemed like nearly all parents in my neighborhood spanked. It also seemed like kids from families that were very involved with church and attended church regularly were far more likely to be spanked through their teen years than those who were less religious. It didn't seem related to which denomination they were associated with though from what I could tell.

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Not exactly on topic, but a true story none the less.

When I was in high school, I was helping my dad with some ceiling repairs in my parents closet. Drywall got wet from a roof leak. I never had a reason to go into their closet so I only did cause we were doing some repairs. I noticed sitting on one of the shelves was a paddle. While we were working, I asked what the paddle was for. He told me that they had bought it to use on us (myself and siblings) when we misbehaved. In high school, I frequently got reminded that spanking were still an option for punishment. Although, I never received one, even amidst all the threats.

Later down the road, after I had established myself and was on my own, I found out that that paddle I saw that day was what my parents used in their private relationship. My sister was telling me about this as well as the time she asked my mom to use the paddle on her instead of grounding. She said afterwords my mom told her that if she ever felt she needed a "conversation" to just asked. I of course did not find out about this until my sisters and I went our own way.

So I still to this day wish I would have asked for that paddle. That's irony!

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As a parent (my children are all adults), I believe that my job is to help my kids become independent. For a variety of reasons, if this is what they needed, they would have to go elsewhere.

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19 minutes ago, OrangeSun said:

In high school, I frequently got reminded that spanking were still an option for punishment. Although, I never received one, even amidst all the threats.

This is exactly what I experienced, even as close as being sent to my room for a spanking once but they changed their mind at the last minute. It's fascinating to me that such late age spankings are more common to hear about than I would have ever imagined, even into adulthood in rare occassions. At the time, I would've sworn that my parents were the only ones that still did that but it's interesting to hear that there were others out there.

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Not a spanking as such but I remember when I was 18 and going out with a girl of 20. We were watching a tv show at her house and she was lying in front of the fire. Her mum who was a charming but but very fierce little Scottish lady told her to stop playing with some pine cones stacked near the fire. When she didn’t listen her mother reached down and gave her two sharp slaps. One on the legs, one on the bottom and said “my home and you’ll do as you’re told” than looked at me and said “you too young man..”. The funny thing is both Rachel and I automatically said “yes mum !”

The relationship ended but I remember that family fondly.

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, ukspanko said:

Not a spanking as such but I remember when I was 18 and going out with a girl of 20. We were watching a tv show at her house and she was lying in front of the fire. Her mum who was a charming but but very fierce little Scottish lady told her to stop playing with some pine cones stacked near the fire. When she didn’t listen her mother reached down and gave her two sharp slaps. One on the legs, one on the bottom and said “my home and you’ll do as you’re told” than looked at me and said “you too young man..”. The funny thing is both Rachel and I automatically said “yes mum !”

The relationship ended but I remember that family fondly.

 

 

 

and no doubt to this day you wish you had made some comment to the Mom, right? How many times have you played in your head that at some point when you found yourself alone w/ her you innocently asked something along the lines of....."did you really mean it when you told me that i need to do as I'm told by you? it's not like you'd ever spank ME would you????'....

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6 hours ago, Longtimespanking said:

My house, my rules was very common back then in my area and from what I read online, still not uncommon today in families that spank. I've had discussions with young adults over the years who stated it was a reasonable trade off for a safe, secure place to live and they felt they owed their parents the respect of allowing them to be in charge.  They didn't like being spanked, but apparently getting spanked a few times a year wasn't enough to make them want to move out either. You'd expect that most kids after college would want to be on their own, but not all can survive financially.  I would imagine those spankings were pretty few and far between compared to when they were younger, since by that age it should be easy to behave appropriately enough to avoid most of them. 

I have often wondered if disciplinary attitudes and punishments were regional, local, or perhaps cultural and even ethnically influenced?  I knew very few kids who weren't spanked growing up.  Seemed like nearly all parents in my neighborhood spanked. It also seemed like kids from families that were very involved with church and attended church regularly were far more likely to be spanked through their teen years than those who were less religious. It didn't seem related to which denomination they were associated with though from what I could tell.

Spanking attitudes and punishments are ABSOLUTELY regional! The major metros, most specifically the northeast and California were the first to become overly PC and all of a sudden spanking a child became "abusive". Today spanking is still more prevalent in the south, areas of the midwest and back down through texas. and as a result parents will do what they know, remembering how beneficial the spankings were for them as a kid and will do for their kids out of love and wanting them to be happy...and hell, just look at the comment earlier in this thread that the sister would rather get the paddle and have it over with. I'm not basing this on anything but the comment abut "religious" people spanking more does kinda make sense. They clearly believe in rules, right and wrong as well as consequences. 

the closet story made me grin. there's a paddle in my closet in a tie box that my kids have never seen...LOL

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7 hours ago, Darren_reddened said:

and no doubt to this day you wish you had made some comment to the Mom, right? How many times have you played in your head that at some point when you found yourself alone w/ her you innocently asked something along the lines of....."did you really mean it when you told me that i need to do as I'm told by you? it's not like you'd ever spank ME would you????'....

I might not have made a direct comment but I would have accepted any discipline she’d given including spankings. I could have used a few at that age 😂

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Sounds weird. Also, for this to be any effective, it would require tremendous power. I mean, parents getting older, kids growing up to be adults.

Also, does it even work, when it is asked? The whole point of punishment is that it is against your will, or it is just therapy massage. :)))) And if it is done forcefully on an adult - tada! assault and battery combined. Not pretty.

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27 minutes ago, Flogiston said:

Also, does it even work, when it is asked? The whole point of punishment is that it is against your will, or it is just therapy massage. :)))) And if it is done forcefully on an adult - tada! assault and battery combined. Not pretty.

The whole point of punishment is NOT that it's against your will. Some people give a general blanket consent. Others give permission in specific circumstances. This doesn't mean the punishment is not effective. There is the "pain" component, that even if you specifically asked for the particular spanking, it will be an unpleasant situation that pushes your limits. It is not something you are enjoying. Also, the biggest deterrent of a punishment, for many, is the emotional component. Many people don't want to disappoint their ER (no matter the specific relationship). There should never be a situation where a spanking is FORCED into anyone. It has to be consensual, even in LTR and D/s relationships, once again, this consent may be arranged ahead of time, but it is always able to be withdrawn (there may be consequences for the relationship to withdrawing but it has to be available). Forcing someone to do something they have not consented to is abuse. 

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Aaaand? You just supported my points. If it is consent, than of course it is just 'painful therapy' of sorts. If you can tolerate it, or even ask for it, it is not really a punishment, more like a parody of it. Don't think it is possible with an adult. Seems like just a very cunning excuse to experiment with a fetish a bit more.

But it's okay to fantasize, after all, that's all consensual spankers do. It is never real in the real 'real' sense. Yes, you're still enjoying it, as in enjoying a horror movie, roller coaster, or brutally spicy food - which disturbs you. but you still know you're perfectly safe to stop it whenever you want to. Genuine spanking is always horrifying with sense of powerlessness and fear, and that's why it is considered damaging to psyche. Noone really wants them, and they always feel 'undeserved' and as a tool of forcing compliance.

As for avoiding disappointing partner with agreeing to take a 'punishment' - um, yeah, sounds like coercion to me: "Oh you avoid your deserved spanking - maybe you're not a 'real' submissive - should we just stop all this jazz and drift away?" But what do I know, many D/s people are expert manipulators, that's their whole bread and butter thing. But whatever rocks you boat.

And drive the final nail in - if you feel you're doing something objectionable - than stop doing it. Do something to alleviate the damage done. Make amends. That type of stuff. Spanking won't help it. A serious calm talk can help. I know, not always possible in some argue-and-scream-happy families.

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45 minutes ago, Flogiston said:

Aaaand? You just supported my points. If it is consent, than of course it is just 'painful therapy' of sorts. If you can tolerate it, or even ask for it, it is not really a punishment, more like a parody of it. Don't think it is possible with an adult. Seems like just a very cunning excuse to experiment with a fetish a bit more.

But it's okay to fantasize, after all, that's all consensual spankers do. It is never real in the real 'real' sense. Yes, you're still enjoying it, as in enjoying a horror movie, roller coaster, or brutally spicy food - which disturbs you. but you still know you're perfectly safe to stop it whenever you want to. Genuine spanking is always horrifying with sense of powerlessness and fear, and that's why it is considered damaging to psyche. Noone really wants them, and they always feel 'undeserved' and as a tool of forcing compliance.

As for avoiding disappointing partner with agreeing to take a 'punishment' - um, yeah, sounds like coercion to me: "Oh you avoid your deserved spanking - maybe you're not a 'real' submissive - should we just stop all this jazz and drift away?" But what do I know, many D/s people are expert manipulators, that's their whole bread and butter thing. But whatever rocks you boat.

And drive the final nail in - if you feel you're doing something objectionable - than stop doing it. Do something to alleviate the damage done. Make amends. That type of stuff. Spanking won't help it. A serious calm talk can help. I know, not always possible in some argue-and-scream-happy families.

Okay, maybe it is "painful therapy" as well but I've not found any definition of punishment that says punishment is exclusively forced upon unwilling individuals. That does however describe abuse. Punishment is essentially a negative consequence in response to an undesirable behavior. Whether it is an adult or a child, what you are describing is abuse. 

I believe you misunderstood what I'm saying about disappointing the ER. I am not saying disappointing by refusing the spanking (your coercion statement), I mean that the disappointment the ER feels towards the re for breaking whatever rule is often even more powerful of a deterrent than the spanking itself. The spanking is a way to address the issue, and then forgiveness can get achieved because the consequences are over. 

Spanking itself is just the act of striking the bottom. There are many variations on this. There can be playful ones, erotic ones, and yes, even punishment ones. There is no such thing as only one type of "genuine spanking" as you suggest. 

To address your last paragraph, "And drive the final nail in - if you feel you're doing something objectionable - than stop doing it. Do something to alleviate the damage done. Make amends. That type of stuff. Spanking won't help it. A serious calm talk can help. I know, not always possible in some argue-and-scream-happy families." I agree that spanking does not solve these problems. It does help provide incentive though. What I'm struggling with the most right now, what I've asked to be held accountable for and punished for, is a bad habit that really, for the most part, doesn't affect anyone but me. It has the potential to affect others, but in my situation, usually does not. When I'm struggling, trying to decide whether to give in or not, knowing there is a painful consequence (and the disappointment of those holding me accountable) is helpful. The thought of it isn't always enough of a deterrent and sometimes, I screw up, and then have to deal with the reality of the punishment that yes, I did ask for. That reminds me how much I don't want it to happen again, which serves as further deterrent. 

I agree that if someone is affected, making amends should be expected as well. A punishment does not absolve responsibility for real life consequences.

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Okey-dokey. I agree with almost all you said.

The only this is about practiced corporal punishments at homes, schools or courts in some places of the world. (Yeah, western people mostly left that stuff behind long ago). I can hardly imagine anyone willing to accept it, and hardly can imagine anyone getting out of it. So, in all those cases, it is abuse? Both private, scholarly, judicial, what have you? Maybe it is.

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Thank you, everyone, for your comments.  I am new here, so I thought I would first observe for a while.  I am by no means new to spanking.  My question was one of curiosity.  I was tempted, several times, over the years, to ask my mom to spank me for very real and very serious transgressions.  I never had the courage to do it.  She was the one who primarily spanked me as a child and through age twelve.  Whether you call spanking a punishment  or therapy,  it means the same to me.  They are both in the business of modifying behavior.
 

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55 minutes ago, Flogiston said:

Okey-dokey. I agree with almost all you said.

The only this is about practiced corporal punishments at homes, schools or courts in some places of the world. (Yeah, western people mostly left that stuff behind long ago). I can hardly imagine anyone willing to accept it, and hardly can imagine anyone getting out of it. So, in all those cases, it is abuse? Both private, scholarly, judicial, what have you? Maybe it is.

Flog- agreed it's a pretty complex dynamic when it comes to adults...in that case it is and does need to be a "consensual" agreement......what i don't think you're appreciating is even when that is the case, don't kid yourself it can still be COMPLETELY "real"....think of a genuine DD (domestic discipline) relationship where the one realized that they are just wired in such a way that spanking and discipline works for them (the spankee), so once the agreement is reached between them that they both want and feel it should be incorporated into their relationship and they then go live there regular day to day life but then when they do something that truly merits it, and hey we're adults so sure it's not an overly regular occurrence that you do something bad enough to merit getting spanked but we ALL screw up at times...but when it happens and they are held accountable don't kid yourself those spankings can be REAL. I know a guy that had a huge issue w texting and even emailing when driving. they're just a regular suburban couple, he's a professional (hence always texting) and she's the proverbial "Soccer Mom"....well no great shock he eventually had a pretty bad accident responding to a mail while driving.  thank god no-one was seriously injured. wellllll he had to get his wife to pick him up as his car got towed. that saturday his wife made sure the kids were all farmed out that morning so she knew they would have completely safe "alone time"...trust me he knew what was coming and was scared as hell....as she "reminded" him during he could have killed someone or himself, so she was the appropriate mix of concerned and pissed off...omg she TANNED HIS ASS!!!!!! after the fact....even he said he knew he would not be texting and driving again any time soon.....

and the "asking for it" was something i struggled w personally.  i felt the exact same way you did...a real spanking is spontaneous and out of your control.....but i'm one of those husbands that had this need hit me like a ton of bricks later in life,  married a vanilla wife that had zero familiarity let alone interest in spanking.  at first so she wasn't comfortable initiating spankings but probably it was more that spanking just wasn't something that popped in her head, so to make things easier for her (taking the burden of her having to initiate it) to get things started we agreed that it might be easier, not walk up and say "gee would you spank me" but more acknowledge that i knew that what i had done did deserve a spanking, which then made it easier for her to agree and then the spankings became a little more natural...but as the paddle lands, your butt doesn't know the difference that you had to help initiate it .....

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an adult family member spanking an adult is going to be really rare but it is out there.....and it's no secret that there are parents out there that even though they spanked kids as discipline w no lascivious motives were still spankos and enjoyed it....you could see how they'd be open to it ESPECIALLY if the adult child is ASKING for it

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I was 16 my middle sister who was 23 got into a ton of debt and dad took a strap to her bum after helping her out I think after giving her advice and a budget and she got her self into more debt that was enough she howled for ages after that 

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I have and am still spanked at home. I would agree that, yeah, it is a little different,  but it works for the family dynamic. I feel blessed that I can still live at home and study what I would like in college without burdening myself or my mom with a huge debt, school is already putting me into some debt. It also helps they live close to a very good school that I got into. 

I think the discussions above are correct in that it is a consensual action between my mom and me. I think I like the way it was described as above by a few, that at times we will all mess up, and it is incumbent upon the person to make amends and deal with it. I think the addition of a spanking helps, me at least, to remember my transgression, reminds me that I don't want a repeat (not always successful), and to relieve some of the guilt I felt. Like being a kid, when all is said and done, and I am in the corner having cried it out, I feel a sense of catharsis and a clean slate.

I don't think it is coercive either, my mom has said her house her rules, but have also said she will help me look for my own place just that I will have to help pay for more as she really can't afford the additional costs. She told me we will find a way, we all just may have to sacrifice a little. I did live in the dorms for a year,  my freshman year, and that was fun, but living at home has been just as fun, plus it helped keep my grades a little better (fewer distractions) so I can keep my scholarship.

Just my thoughts on it.

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