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sillygirl

How to Cope with this Need...?

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On 8/12/2019 at 9:32 PM, Vox said:

Is that just because there are so many more vanillas than spankos?

I married a vanilla, but he's stepped up to meet my needs so far. He just doesn't share them. Him giving me a spanking is like me giving him a bj, I guess. Wanting to pleasure your partner.

I married a vanilla. She was the right one and one didn't want to talk about spanking before marriage. If I had sought a spanker it probably would be the wrong person as the relationship is far more important. However my vanilla wife has learned to spank and said she likes the feeling of switching me on through it. She is uncomfortable with oral sex though which is fine so long as she can spank. I've tried to do it to her but she is obviously not switched on by being spanked.

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On 7/26/2019 at 1:27 PM, SpankoSanDiego said:

We are about the same age and I used to live in that very reserved culture where you live, so I definitely get where those feelings are coming from... I actually wish I had met you when I was there :) I think you'd be really surprised at the number of women who need the same thing but are too unsure and afraid to say anything... I will also say that this is something you can't just bottle up, because for some reason it only makes you want it more and more until you can't take it anymore. Playfully swat your significant other and see if they eventually return in kind, get a friend to buy you a paddle for your birthday and hope it leads to a birthday spanking lol. Just do Something about it ;)

I disclosed the need to my wife in the third year of marriage. She surprised me by doing it then and there and has never stopped.

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On 7/5/2019 at 4:51 PM, ammon said:

Kippy, spanking doesn't need to be sexual...You could easily spank outside of marriage!! (i encourage it!

Hi, I'm new here and was browsing posts. Especially reading through this forum. What you said struck me. Because since I was a young teen, the thought of being spanked has aroused me. I went through life thinking this was wrong and so I buried it. When people ask me if I've read "50 Shades..." I tell them no. I hadn't until now. When they ask why I lie and say the writing is horrible. But now as I hit 40, and have spent all these years suppressing my thoughts and who I am, I discovered a friend who I thought I could trust enough to talk to about it. Maybe even ask her if she's willing to help me (she is an avid fan of 50 Shades). But, though I have tapped the surface of conversation I have yet to flat out ask. She's a happily married woman. And I'm pretty sure I'm straight. It is not me seeking a sexual relationship. But a mutual respecting frienship that includes spanking when needed. 

For me it's about implicit trust. And unconditional frienship. Knowing someone cares that much to give the attention I need, sometimes I crave. Something I can't find with a stranger. Thank you for reassuring me it is not always sexual. 

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I went to a professional once and had to pay for it. Now I'm married I would never go to a third party for it as that would be sex outside of marriage for me. I steered away from punishment as I felt that it was wrong and masochistic. The spanking is open and part of sex in marriage now and it works beautifully. If my wife was spanking another woman outside of our marriage I would be really disturbed. She should only be spanking me as I am her husband.

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Don't try to 'cope' with it. Accept it as a part of who you are.

Its how you were created, its in your DNA make up. Never stop embracing it because its another element of you as a person.

Its a need that may always be there and think how dull life would be if it wasn't:-)

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Maybe but there are certain perameters. I don't believe the hunger for punishment is healthy and I don't believe sex outside marriage is healthy or right. As it is I am blessed to have a wife who does it and doesn't make me ashamed because of it, but I would never be in a female led marriage as I don't think that is good either. That's what I mean by perameters. To add I don't believe watching pornography about is is healthy either and can be a kind of mental adultery which can harm a marriage.

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3 hours ago, Tony Conrad said:

Maybe but there are certain perameters. I don't believe the hunger for punishment is healthy and I don't believe sex outside marriage is healthy or right. As it is I am blessed to have a wife who does it and doesn't make me ashamed because of it, but I would never be in a female led marriage as I don't think that is good either. That's what I mean by perameters. To add I don't believe watching pornography about is is healthy either and can be a kind of mental adultery which can harm a marriage.

What about a hunger/need for accountability? It's not necessarily a hunger for punishment (though for some it is). For some, it's a need for someone to care enough to hold them accountable for something. Some just need some extra "encouragement" to do something they struggle with. 

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My accountability is freewill. It is right to love my wife and be sensitive to her needs. I don't think I would have good sex if there was something between us that wasn't put right. I think that anyone who is married is accountable to their spouse. It doesn't need to be enforced with a paddle. That is only for sex and nothing to do with control or enforcement.

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4 hours ago, gingerlee said:

What about a hunger/need for accountability? It's not necessarily a hunger for punishment (though for some it is). For some, it's a need for someone to care enough to hold them accountable for something. Some just need some extra "encouragement" to do something they struggle with. 

I believe that is what it is for me. Just a strong desire to be held accountable and knowing I won't get away with something. At the same time, I would know someone cares enough about me to hold me accountable. 

I call myself spoiled and a professional brat. I play a lot. Sarcastic jokes, poking fun. I'm never harmful or hurtful, but I can go to far. It's like I'm always pushing for someone to say it, "one more time and you're going to get it!" 

I don't have a significant other to help me. I'm at a loss sometimes. I often feel I'm strange or weird. I feel shame. Most of all I feel lost, confused and alone. I feel like it's better to keep it buried. 

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PhoenixNC, I have an SO, but not one that will help me with this need. I feel bad that you feel shame or the need to bury your felling on what is a part of you. If you liked hang gliding, many people would think you were crazy, but if it was important to you I assume you would embrace it, learn to do it well and enjoy it. I do get that telling someone that you're limping becuase of a bad landing versus a hard spanking is different. If I'm fidgeting as result of a spanking I try to minimize and would never say why. However Is till embrace the part of me that likes that spanking.  I self-spank for relaxation. I know that is not for everyone, but it can be quite effective and satisfying with some effort to teach yourself to do it right. But even that is not the point here. This part of you is exactly that, a part of who you are, and relatively benign. It might hurt but you can't really Hurt yourself. Try self spanking if you want, try to find a partner to help you, or find some other outlet, stories, etc. but don't deny or suppress a part of yourself (remember this may not be fully understood by all, but it is legal, doesn't harm anyone else or yourself, and with a partner fully consenual). I hope this help in some way.

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