Jump to content
Create New...

Dear Sir or Madam


Recommended Posts

This was prompted by someone here who wanted to know whether I wanted to be addressed as Sir.  My answer was along the lines of 'not yet' but if you like it I am happy enough.

That got me round to thinking about 'Madam'   When I was about  8, my mum used to whisk me off to the best department store in the area.  She would view the merchandise with a trained eye and charm the staff and unfortunately would bump into another lad friend and the discussion would not be a short one.  It bored me rigid.  But, in that store and in most others of that ilk, my mother would be referred to as 'madam.'

Sometimes it was done with a sort of curl of the tongue showing the disdain that a well-practised retailer could effect tin that era.  This was not lost on my mother who, on th way home, would imitate the staff member who had crossed a line.  "Oh, that suits Modom, oh so well." Modom' , always said in an unctuous and snooty was,  was the family term for that sort of thing and we all laughed so it and I was not wholly negative. 

I once met a royal briefly and I used the 'ma'am to rhyme with spam' line without introducing any visible irony ( I hope).  Most people did not bother and she was totally relaxed with that.

On another occasion when I volunteered in a hospital, supplying newspapers, drink and snacks from a trolley in the ward, using 'madam' seemed respectful and nice.  'There you are, madam' seemed good, for some older people.  I would ever dream of using it for someone who might be 35 or under.  I used 'Sir' in similar vein. 

Oddly enough after I had logged off from SN one chap 'Sirred' me in the vanilla world of my hairdresser.  Nice young guy. I liked it.   

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

Link to comment

As spanking transcends age, I think such titles are appropriate if it makes the EE feel more submissive/respectful, which it can.  My EE calls me Sir when I am being direct with her about something.  I don't think it should ever be demanded - that's kind of like  a Dom wannabe thing to me.  In the southern U.S. it would be probably Ma'am in the case of a female spanker.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I’m not supposed to use my ER’s name outside a narrow set of circumstances.  To me, he’s always Sir.  It took some getting used to, particularly in public.  I’ve since learned how little strangers and passers by pay attention to the things I say.  It’s a little deflating, really.  ?

  • Like 1
Link to comment

I'm kind of funny about this one. Being from the Southern US the use of 'ma'am' or 'sir' is commonplace (but not as common as it should be, or once was).

Stepping into the world of spanking and all that it entails, I have come across people who are uncomfortable using those terms because to them the association is with D/s versus manners (and I do not interact with anyone in a D/s sense). 

Personally, I dislike the use of 'ma'am' in place of my name (ex "How are you, Ma'am?") but depending on who I am interacting with (because my goal is to never cross limits) I expect questions to be answered or understanding to be expressed with a 'ma'am' tacked onto it. (Example yes/no ma'am I have/have not finished my homework or yes/no ma'am I do/do not understand why I am in trouble are the only cases I expect ma'am to be used.) However, in the case of those who have the D/s association I will accept my name in place of 'ma'am' because, again, I don't interact with anyone in a D/s context.  

Link to comment

Sir and Ma'am aren't exactly big in NYC...occasionally in snotty restaurants or stores but usually it's "hey you!" or "you gonna buy that or not lady?" :) I agree with Sadie I associate these terms more with the BDSM community, which has never been my thing. But I do have friends from the South, and I know it's very common there and has no such associations...I remember visiting New Orleans in my early 20s and having little kids call me "ma'am" which I found hilarious.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

I tend to address male customers as Sir in the library I work in although probably a bit more with older customers. I usually say it in a friendly neutral way if that makes sense. One of my colleagues ( a young man with autism who I mentor ) whose very polite to everyone addresses female customers as "Miss" which is generally ( or at least was ) the term of respect given to female school teachers in the UK ( Married or unmarried ) - I'll sometimes use Mrs/Miss - Insert name if it's an older lady who I have a friendly professional relationship with. I've also without thinking about it used Miss or Ma'am when I've been scolded by older female colleagues. 

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Sadie said:

 However, in the case of those who have the D/s association I will accept my name in place of 'ma'am' because, again, I don't interact with anyone in a D/s context.  

   You dont have anything against folks who might be engaged in such a dynamic in their private lives, I assume.  You're just saying you're not in a D/s dynamic yourself...am I right?  

Link to comment
3 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

   You dont have anything against folks who might be engaged in such a dynamic in their private lives, I assume.  You're just saying you're not in a D/s dynamic yourself...am I right?  

Totally right :) I have a friend who was in an abusive D/s dynamic and so interacting with her in an Ageplay capacity she asked for her inners not to be made to say 'sir' or 'ma'am' and I have another friend who requested the same thing of their little because as an adult they were involved in a healthy D/s dynamic but still the association was there and it was deemed inappropriate while in little space. I have nothing personally against a D/s dynamic or judgment toward anyone who practices it. And if they're comfortable saying 'ma'am' even though I don't interact in a D/s capacity I won't say no. I was trying to say it's up to the individual ee/little/innerkid's comfort level as long as it's never used in place of my name. 

That said, I tend to assume that they're okay with it and call them on not saying it if I am in an ER/ee relationship (as my ee's will freely tell you) but if someone respectfully explains to me why it makes them uncomfortable and it's a legit reason like the example I provided I don't press the issue. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
On 4/24/2019 at 6:41 PM, MrIntensity said:

This was prompted by someone here who wanted to know whether I wanted to be addressed as Sir.  My answer was along the lines of 'not yet' but if you like it I am happy enough.

That got me round to thinking about 'Madam'   When I was about  8, my mum used to whisk me off to the best department store in the area.  She would view the merchandise with a trained eye and charm the staff and unfortunately would bump into another lad friend and the discussion would not be a short one.  It bored me rigid.  But, in that store and in most others of that ilk, my mother would be referred to as 'madam.'

Sometimes it was done with a sort of curl of the tongue showing the disdain that a well-practised retailer could effect tin that era.  This was not lost on my mother who, on th way home, would imitate the staff member who had crossed a line.  "Oh, that suits Modom, oh so well." Modom' , always said in an unctuous and snooty was,  was the family term for that sort of thing and we all laughed so it and I was not wholly negative. 

I once met a royal briefly and I used the 'ma'am to rhyme with spam' line without introducing any visible irony ( I hope).  Most people did not bother and she was totally relaxed with that.

On another occasion when I volunteered in a hospital, supplying newspapers, drink and snacks from a trolley in the ward, using 'madam' seemed respectful and nice.  'There you are, madam' seemed good, for some older people.  I would ever dream of using it for someone who might be 35 or under.  I used 'Sir' in similar vein. 

Oddly enough after I had logged off from SN one chap 'Sirred' me in the vanilla world of my hairdresser.  Nice young guy. I liked it.   

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

Of course, where I am, the phrase 'a right little madam' equates to a brat.  How could I have overlooked that?

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Personally I like "miss."  It can work for either a top or bottom as in...

"Yes miss" or "are you ready for this miss?"

This also works in vanilla settings, at least for me.  Especially when I can't remember the name of the person I'm talking to.  

 

There is a cultural context but Madam sounds more like it belongs in a B&W film.  And ma'am can be a little insulting to some (sound like you are calling them old and frumpy)

Sir, though...thats a hard one.  We don't spend a lot of time as a culture on forms of address for men.  I guess we could try "squire" but I don't think it will catch on.

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Needsitbad said:

Personally I like "miss."  It can work for either a top or bottom as in...

"Yes miss" or "are you ready for this miss?"

This also works in vanilla settings, at least for me.  Especially when I can't remember the name of the person I'm talking to.  

 

There is a cultural context but Madam sounds more like it belongs in a B&W film.  And ma'am can be a little insulting to some (sound like you are calling them old and frumpy)

Sir, though...thats a hard one.  We don't spend a lot of time as a culture on forms of address for men.  I guess we could try "squire" but I don't think it will catch on.

Miss offends more people I know than ma'am would. I have heard mentioned by more than one person that there are people that get offended by being called sir or ma'am. They move to the south and have to adjust to it because it is offensive to them. I would misstate reasons, so not going to try. The South, I use sir and mam all the time. But I am less likely to use it with someone on here even when it naturally is on the tip of my tongue because I don't know what extra meaning the person from here attaches to it.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, gingerlee said:

Miss offends more people I know than ma'am would. I have heard mentioned by more than one person that there are people that get offended by being called sir or ma'am. They move to the south and have to adjust to it because it is offensive to them. I would misstate reasons, so not going to try. The South, I use sir and mam all the time. But I am less likely to use it with someone on here even when it naturally is on the tip of my tongue because I don't know what extra meaning the person from here attaches to it.

So much depends on the tone and the context - key thing is to be sincere and polite?  Well, I think  that is a good start.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...

Write what you are looking for and press enter or click the search icon to begin your search