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RedBottomGirl

Turn-off and Red Flag Phrases

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I found that when I used to talk to potential spankers, there were some common things that I would hear repeatedly that would automatically turn me off personally from wanting to meet them, and even phrases that came off as red flags. What are some common things that are said to you as an ER or EE (I know it must go both ways) when speaking to potential partners that make you question if you want to consider meeting them?

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A personal turn off phrase I've heard a lot is some variation of, "My hand is like a paddle." It just always came off as braggy and arrogant, and it always automatically made me significantly less interested in the idea of meeting them.

A personal red flag I often came across was when a spanker would try to act as if spanking me would be a completely selfless service. It always felt off to me when a spanker wouldn't acknowledge that they also get some form of personal satisfaction from delivering a spanking as well...after all, they wouldn't do it if they didn't get something from it.

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The last part isn't so much a red flag more of an insult for me. I get that when you're requesting it for discipline, that a spanker doesn't want to come right out and say they get something from it. And come across as 'creepy' (a stigma that hopefully can be broken with education). It's a sort of power-exchange that both parties get out of it.

I think my biggest turn off is when a spanker brags how many ee's they have spanked.

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 For me....I am mostly a spanker.... when someone offers to "repay" or "reward" me for spanking them. The other thing that makes me question if I will meet someone is if they tell me very unrealistic things about how, when, and where, they are spanked.... In a park with people watching, got my pants pulled down in Walmart,  they are 40 years old and Dad/Mom still spanks them bare bottomed etc. Just makes me very cautious if they are real or just messing around with me. 

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This is going to sound pretty self absorbed and pretty but a red flag for me is an absorbent amount of spelling and grammar errors while talking through messages or IM.

To me, it just seems more likely to be a scam or possible robbery attempt...something like that anyways.

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17 hours ago, RedBottomGirl said:

I found that when I used to talk to potential spankers, there were some common things that I would hear repeatedly that would automatically turn me off personally from wanting to meet them, and even phrases that came off as red flags. What are some common things that are said to you as an ER or EE (I know it must go both ways) when speaking to potential partners that make you question if you want to consider meeting them?

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A personal turn off phrase I've heard a lot is some variation of, "My hand is like a paddle." It just always came off as braggy and arrogant, and it always automatically made me significantly less interested in the idea of meeting them.

A personal red flag I often came across was when a spanker would try to act as if spanking me would be a completely selfless service. It always felt off to me when a spanker wouldn't acknowledge that they also get some form of personal satisfaction from delivering a spanking as well...after all, they wouldn't do it if they didn't get something from it.

I suppose it's basic salesmanship to emphasize benefits over features. ;) I don't mind telling someone that I would be excited to spank her.  (On the other hand, you don't want to overdo that and sound like it's all about your own pleasure.  So many pitfalls to avoid.)

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4 hours ago, Kce89 said:

This is going to sound pretty self absorbed and pretty but a red flag for me is an absorbent amount of spelling and grammar errors while talking through messages or IM.

To me, it just seems more likely to be a scam or possible robbery attempt...something like that anyways.

I'm going to guess that your phone autocorrected exorbitant. But in context, that error is amusing.

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1 minute ago, gingerlee said:

I'm going to guess that your phone autocorrected exorbitant. But in context, that error is amusing.

Bwahahahaha

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There are different types of "red flags." Those that lead you to believe the person is a cat fisher (fake gender, age, location, etc.), those that lead you to believe the person is dangerous and those are just a turn off - you can tell by the phrase that they don't see spanking the same way you do.

For cat fishers, I'd say the 20 year old girl who still gets spanked by her dad and posts status updates every 20 minutes about all these exciting spanking-related things that seem to happen only to "her."

For potential danger, people that ask identifying information - real name, school/work location, social media information; people that act aggressive; mentors that make it all about them, overly possessive right off the bat or act like they're from an emo boy band.

For turn-offs, that's just personal taste. I'm kind of a spanking/discipline purist and there are a lot of things people talk about that don't fit into that view, but fair enough.

As far as "my hand is like a paddle," I would actually be slightly impressed if someone said that but I've never had a female spankee make such a claim to me ;)

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1 hour ago, gingerlee said:

I'm going to guess that your phone autocorrected exorbitant. But in context, that error is amusing.

No, I meant absorbent like they just soak up spelling errors like it's nobody business. 🤣

In all seriousness though, I dont know why it auto corrected to absorbent. Either way, referee is throwing red flags all over the field now. 

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"My hand is like a paddle"? Never heard that one before but makes me imagine a spanko pirate who lost his hand and attaches different implements instead of just a hook. Okay, I have an overactive imagination ^_^

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7 hours ago, JeansSmacker said:

I suppose it's basic salesmanship to emphasize benefits over features. ;) I don't mind telling someone that I would be excited to spank her.  (On the other hand, you don't want to overdo that and sound like it's all about your own pleasure.  So many pitfalls to avoid.)

Very true. There is a balance. It's really just when a spanker simply refused to acknowledge that they wanted to spank me and acted like being a spanker was a completely selfless thing for them...which I know simply isn't true. They wouldn't choose to be a spanker if they weren't personally drawn to it. If I were considering that kind of a relationship, it's based on trust. And if you can't even be honest enough to say you also get something out of giving the spanking, that just feels off to me.

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1 hour ago, rude_rumps said:

"My hand is like a paddle"? Never heard that one before but makes me imagine a spanko pirate who lost his hand and attaches different implements instead of just a hook. Okay, I have an overactive imagination ^_^

Haha, I never thought of it that way, but I can see that. I heard variations of that line quite a few times...I like harder spankings, so I think they thought that saying that their hand spankings are as hard or harder than paddlings would impress me.

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3 hours ago, FirmHandDisciplineNC said:

There are different types of "red flags." Those that lead you to believe the person is a cat fisher (fake gender, age, location, etc.), those that lead you to believe the person is dangerous and those are just a turn off - you can tell by the phrase that they don't see spanking the same way you do.

Absolutely true. There are different levels, some can just feel a bit off, others can be big signals of potential danger. For me, my red flag about a spanker acting as if spanking is a selfless act that they do not benefit from whatsoever is more a red flag that they aren't being truly honest with me on their end. They may absolutely see it as a service they provide, and that's fine. But they wouldn't choose this route if they didn't feel drawn to spanking to begin with...these relationships require a level of trust and transparency, so it just felt off to me when they wouldn't even acknowledge that much while expecting me to be completely transparent on my end spanking-wise.

But I definitely get what you mean. It was a very different type of red flag when people would try to arrange a meeting after only talking for a few minutes, and then get aggressive and manipulative when I said we needed to get to know each other more first. Those are the experiences that contributed more to me sticking with self-spanking.

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9 hours ago, Kce89 said:

This is going to sound pretty self absorbed and pretty but a red flag for me is an absorbent amount of spelling and grammar errors while talking through messages or IM.

To me, it just seems more likely to be a scam or possible robbery attempt...something like that anyways.

That doesn't sound self-absorbed at all. I'm actually the same exact way. If every message is error after error from start to finish, I definitely start questioning things a bit.

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On 4/7/2019 at 10:36 PM, Child of Light said:

The last part isn't so much a red flag more of an insult for me. I get that when you're requesting it for discipline, that a spanker doesn't want to come right out and say they get something from it. And come across as 'creepy' (a stigma that hopefully can be broken with education). It's a sort of power-exchange that both parties get out of it.

I think my biggest turn off is when a spanker brags how many ee's they have spanked.

I think it's important for both sides to admit they get something from it.  Best if they acknowledge something of what they get from it once you're getting close to actually taking someone on in reality.

I mean, I used to get a ton out of it.  Even in a punishment spanking, I'd try (largely unsuccessfully) to tune out the thrill part of it.  Now I've found as age and health has taken its toll on libido, it hasn't taken at all from liking to spank, even as I now pretty much do discipline/punishment/mentoring.

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10 hours ago, RedBottomGirl said:

Absolutely true. There are different levels, some can just feel a bit off, others can be big signals of potential danger. For me, my red flag about a spanker acting as if spanking is a selfless act that they do not benefit from whatsoever is more a red flag that they aren't being truly honest with me on their end. They may absolutely see it as a service they provide, and that's fine. But they wouldn't choose this route if they didn't feel drawn to spanking to begin with...these relationships require a level of trust and transparency, so it just felt off to me when they wouldn't even acknowledge that much while expecting me to be completely transparent on my end spanking-wise.

But I definitely get what you mean. It was a very different type of red flag when people would try to arrange a meeting after only talking for a few minutes, and then get aggressive and manipulative when I said we needed to get to know each other more first. Those are the experiences that contributed more to me sticking with self-spanking.

Yes!  Yes!  Exactly so!

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19 hours ago, Kce89 said:

This is going to sound pretty self absorbed and pretty but a red flag for me is an absorbent amount of spelling and grammar errors while talking through messages or IM.

To me, it just seems more likely to be a scam or possible robbery attempt...something like that anyways.

Sorry for three quotes in a row, but I get the idea.  Autocorrect is one thing and it happens,  Usually spotted because the word just doesn't fit what was being said.  But things like loose when they mean lose, not knowing the difference of there, they're and their, or two, to and too bother me.  If we're merely in the corresponding stage, maybe.  But if it's a constant, that is a turn-off.

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Oh, and the classic.  One ee online that certainly never got anywhere was the one who amongst the descriptions of herself said she was meticulous.  Except that she spelled meticulous wrong.  Oops!

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So, I will give people that I am unique in that part of my safeguard is that people need to have read my About Me and give me a 'code word' before I will message with them or chat with them. The reason that I did that, though, was that during my first week here I had a TON of PMs asking me to talk about spanking flat out or simply saying 'would you like to chat' and nothing more and then when I would agree the perviness would become increasingly apparent.

There was one girl who seemed very nice as we began talking but then just assumed that I was going to mentor her and asked to call me 'Mama'. Keep in mind we had been talking only, like, a couple of hours -- I told her no and reminded her that we barely knew each other. (If it weren't for my Ageplay background I probably would have ended it there) Later when we talked she stated that I was going to be so angry with her because she had gone to work drunk that morning. And it was at that point where I said that I couldn't mentor her. 

In chat I am leery of screennames but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. However one person (just yesterday) approached me with the initial message along the lines of isn't it a shame that such a big girl like you still needs to be spanked? (Sorry dude, I'm an ER, but nice try.) And then there are other guys whose questions wouldn't really be a red flag, which I am somewhat nice in saying that they would be better suited to discuss the issue with another guy (questions about having a spouse outside the lifestyle). Especially since -- hello! -- they stated that they have read my About Me (which says specifically that spanking is a nonsexual thing for me). So the question becomes, why would people want to discuss with me how to get their spouse into the activity of spanking if that is the case?! 

Then there was the one person in chat who stated that they 'skimmed' it because it was 'too long' and proceeded to cross limits which were outlined in it. 

And then there are those who read my About Me and turn my mentoring style into a sexual fantasy. Nope, bye. 

As i have said to multiple people, if I were to explain everything to each person who wanted to chat with me, that would be all I'd be doing. 

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just a few red flags for me are:     -people who want to meet right away (even same day) without getting to know much about you.   people who ask personal information too soon, before getting to know you.  There are others that are subtle that i just pick up on.    Best to follow your gut instinct if there are any red flags.  

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WOW Many people above have said so many things I agree with I just can't comment on all of them!

A few are the 20 year old girl ( or older) who still lives at home and is still spanked.

The males pretendting to be females. ( I don't mind chatting or playing with a guy but I want to know it)

The ones (usually males pretending to be female) who describe in graphic detail the spanking they got as a kid. These are the ones who have that FANTASY but never got it.

There are more buy your probably bored reading this by now! 

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On 4/10/2019 at 8:12 PM, Sadie said:

So, I will give people that I am unique in that part of my safeguard is that people need to have read my About Me and give me a 'code word' before I will message with them or chat with them. The reason that I did that, though, was that during my first week here I had a TON of PMs asking me to talk about spanking flat out or simply saying 'would you like to chat' and nothing more and then when I would agree the perviness would become increasingly apparent.

There was one girl who seemed very nice as we began talking but then just assumed that I was going to mentor her and asked to call me 'Mama'. Keep in mind we had been talking only, like, a couple of hours -- I told her no and reminded her that we barely knew each other. (If it weren't for my Ageplay background I probably would have ended it there) Later when we talked she stated that I was going to be so angry with her because she had gone to work drunk that morning. And it was at that point where I said that I couldn't mentor her. 

In chat I am leery of screennames but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. However one person (just yesterday) approached me with the initial message along the lines of isn't it a shame that such a big girl like you still needs to be spanked? (Sorry dude, I'm an ER, but nice try.) And then there are other guys whose questions wouldn't really be a red flag, which I am somewhat nice in saying that they would be better suited to discuss the issue with another guy (questions about having a spouse outside the lifestyle). Especially since -- hello! -- they stated that they have read my About Me (which says specifically that spanking is a nonsexual thing for me). So the question becomes, why would people want to discuss with me how to get their spouse into the activity of spanking if that is the case?! 

Then there was the one person in chat who stated that they 'skimmed' it because it was 'too long' and proceeded to cross limits which were outlined in it. 

And then there are those who read my About Me and turn my mentoring style into a sexual fantasy. Nope, bye. 

As i have said to multiple people, if I were to explain everything to each person who wanted to chat with me, that would be all I'd be doing. 

Thanks for the advice Sadie!! I didn't even know about the About Me thing...I filled it out now. I think maybe that'll help with making clear what my interests are.

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The ERs that think they know everything and have some sort of respect owed to them simply because they are a top.  Or if you're talking merely as friends and they end the conversation with "be a good girl" or some crap along those lines.

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14 hours ago, Poison's said:

The ERs that think they know everything and have some sort of respect owed to them simply because they are a top.  Or if you're talking merely as friends and they end the conversation with "be a good girl" or some crap along those lines.

Nicely said. 

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14 hours ago, Poison's said:

Or if you're talking merely as friends and they end the conversation with "be a good girl" or some crap along those lines.

Damnit! I knew I should have gone with "be a bad girl" instead...😂

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