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Spank_Disciplinarian

Are Spankers ever Spanked?

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I wonder if other spankers have ever been spanked? When I started with my wife I swore to her that I would never do anything to her that I would not have done to me. She challenged me so I had her spank me. She had a tough time doing it so I went to a pro disciplinarian for a thorough spanking. I came back all bruised and sore but I feel I had more respect from my wife as a her disciplinarian. It definitely also taught me limits.

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I’m purely a submissive that is only into receiving spanking. I don’t get anything out of it the other way around. I have helped a friend with her needs. Glad it helped her but I didn’t get a “spanker high” (gave me a headache).

She got her needs felt, I was left feeling like someone I wasn’t. But at the end of the day it helped her through a rough time and I take happiness knowing it helped her. 

But I’m not sure I could effectively be a switch in an relationship or dynamic if it was for discipline, because it would take off the “he’s always right” and “I obey him always” mindset that I crave. 

There are some couples that seem to do amazingly well switching and are on the board :) 

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I’ll get the occasional spanking, but not enough to make me a switch.  Very rare.  

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I feel as Child does, but from the ER perspective.  This spanker would just spank.  I have no desire to be spanked and it would have zero effect.   I'll do, but I will never be done to.   

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As someone who has been on both the giving and receiving side of spanking I think it just depends on the person because everyone is different.  However, I do feel as if being on the receiving end of a few spankings myself has made me a better spanker and disciplinarian because I have a lot better idea what the spankee is experiencing both physically and emotionally having actually experienced it myself.  It’s one thing to talk or read about someone else’s experiences being spanked and think you understand,  but it’s another to have actually gone through it yourself.  

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I know there are switches and there are spankers that have tried spanking so they can understand what it feels like, but I don't think it is something that is necessary. I know my boyfriend has never been spanked and would never go that route. It definitely doesn't make him less of a spanker and it definitely hasn't lessened his knowledge on limits.

As a submissive, I couldn't handle it if my spanker were spanked. I wouldn't have the kind of respect that I have for him. I need to know that he is in charge at all times. I have to feel the need to obey, to know he is right and to know he holds the control. If he were spanked, it would ruin all of that.

Each relationship holds it's own dynamic, but this is mine.

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12 hours ago, Danny2017 said:

As someone who has been on both the giving and receiving side of spanking I think it just depends on the person because everyone is different.  However, I do feel as if being on the receiving end of a few spankings myself has made me a better spanker and disciplinarian because I have a lot better idea what the spankee is experiencing both physically and emotionally having actually experienced it myself.  It’s one thing to talk or read about someone else’s experiences being spanked and think you understand,  but it’s another to have actually gone through it yourself.  

That is exactly my point. I am not a switch nor do I want to be spanked but it did give me her perspective

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I have a partner ( not my regular EE) who I play spanking games with occasionally  - drawing Easter eggs, rolling the dice, etc.  These are not discipline spankings, they are just for fun and not particularly hard. But it satisfies my curiosity and I do enjoy a challenge.  It's more fun with beer.

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14 hours ago, Danny2017 said:

However, I do feel as if being on the receiving end of a few spankings myself has made me a better spanker and disciplinarian because I have a lot better idea what the spankee is experiencing both physically and emotionally having actually experienced it myself.  It’s one thing to talk or read about someone else’s experiences being spanked and think you understand,  but it’s another to have actually gone through it yourself.  

I've seen this argument made a number of times over the years. In fact, it's my understanding that in the old gay leather community, one was not allowed to top before first spending some time as a bottom. But I'm not convinced that I actually buy the logic. Admittedly, I'm biased as an ER who has never been spanked. Nonetheless, the one thing that I've learned over the years that I'm absolutely certain of is that everybody is different. Different EEs have different pain tolerances, different emotional triggers, different moods, different reactions to implements, etc. For example, for one EE the cane may be beyond the pale in severity, but a wood paddle is fine; yet another EE can't abide a paddle, but "enjoys" a caning--and each can't believe what the other is capable of taking. Or one may find nudity and exposure to be humbling and embarrassing and a valuable part of discipline, while another finds it to be degrading and humiliating and counterproductive. And on and on, regarding just about every aspect of spanking: corner time, counting, clothing levels, implements, language, severity, duration, speed, warmup, etc. Given that, does having one's own experience being spanked really help understand another's experience? Or does it instead cause one to improperly project one's own feelings onto the other? E.g., "knowing" that a paddle doesn't hurt more than a belt from personal experience could lead an ER to disbelieve or at least discount an EE's "overreaction" to that paddle.

I just don't know on this one. I can see the arguments on both sides.

 

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I have primarily been a spankEE, having only spanked one person so far. That said, as I gain more experience as a spankER, I plan to continue getting spanked. For a long time, I've been working to set up a meeting with someone I met on here, and as I know his roommate spanks him, I asked him if once I got to know him and his roommate if his roommate might be willing to spank me on the days I spank him. The first guy and I still haven't met in person yet.

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My wife and I are both switches.  For us, one of the most important elements in spanking, be it erotic or punishment, is reciprocation.  I just don't feel right about dishing it out if I am unable to take it myself.  I'm not saying this from the standpoint that I necessarily understand how she feels when I paddle her just because she has paddled me.  I have a feeling that it really isn't the same experience for her as it is for me.  Actually, I am pretty sure it isn't.  But that's not what reciprocation is about.  It is in the act of submission itself, of each to the other, irrespective of the particular punishment involved, that really matters to us. 

 

 

    

  

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From a personal belief and standpoint, I have to agree with the element of "To understand it, you must be able to endure it."

For a simple phrase, it stands to reason, don't dish out what you can't take. Its a humbling experience, one that, I myself have been finding myself even seeking as of late. As a dominant for over 10 years, its something that, it does draw me to explore the line of being a switch, not just a pure disciplinarian 100% of the time, sometimes for my own accountability.

 

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I used to see a pro domme and went back in the mid 2000s to a few pre bdsm/spanking parties she put on. Whenever she added a new implement to her collection she would have someone use it on her because as she said "If I'm going to use it on someone else's bottom I need to know how it feels on my bottom"

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On 4/15/2019 at 1:47 AM, Rand E said:

My wife and I are both switches.  For us, one of the most important elements in spanking, be it erotic or punishment, is reciprocation.  I just don't feel right about dishing it out if I am unable to take it myself.  I'm not saying this from the standpoint that I necessarily understand how she feels when I paddle her just because she has paddled me.  I have a feeling that it really isn't the same experience for her as it is for me.  Actually, I am pretty sure it isn't.  But that's not what reciprocation is about.  It is in the act of submission itself, of each to the other, irrespective of the particular punishment involved, that really matters to us. 

 

 

    

  

Very well put my wife and I have a very similar situation. It started with me as the sole ER but as our relationship developed I didn't think it was fair to her. I'm far from a perfect person and definitely earn my share of discipline. The experience is definitely different for both of us. She dosen't like being the ER (and to be fair as much as I love spanking I hate having to really discipline her) and I'm not the best EE. However we are getting help from a mentor, which is unbelievably helpful. I think it's helped our relationship and it keeps us both accountable. 

And both of us being switches is more fun for more kinky reasons too :p

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On 4/4/2019 at 5:13 PM, shygurl said:

As a submissive, I couldn't handle it if my spanker were spanked. I wouldn't have the kind of respect that I have for him. I need to know that he is in charge at all times. I have to feel the need to obey, to know he is right and to know he holds the control. If he were spanked, it would ruin all of that.

Each relationship holds it's own dynamic, but this is mine.

I know more than one person who would agree with you that they would lose the respect they have for their e if they knew he/she was spanked. 

You are correct in stating that every relationship has its own dynamic. Some are blind to that reality and feel every one should be like them. Tends to complicate life a lot. 

Davyd

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Many above have addressed the problem corectly better than I can!   I still feel that every spanker should at least once be given the kind of spanking they give to their spankees. It make them understand what the person over their knees is feeling.

For me the first time my girl friend told me that I agreed with her and got over her knees. She gave me exactly what I had just given her. There were then two sore bruised bare butts in the room. It started me on a slide to being a spankee. I still spank but much prefer to be spanked! 

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