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I've had a nasty day. Usually I'd write in my journal, but I'm not in the mood. Not looking for sympathy, I don't deserve any. Just feel the need to ramble.

I've been sick for a week and I am sick of being sick!! I feel horrible. Head is pounding, ears hurt, throat hurts, chest hurts, my tummy hurts and my ribs and back feel bruised. At the moment I also have a 102 temp and the chills. It's very rare for me to get sick like this. Needless to say it's put me in a lousy mood with a bad attitude. I'm also feeling restless, agitated and depressed.

Today I took my lousy mood out on someone I love. I rebelled, I refused, I fought and I argued. I even called him names. I was an absolute Bitch and I feel horrible. I was so looking forward to our day together and I ruined it.

He tried to warn me and he gave me a few chances because I am sick, but I paid no attention to them. He spanked me and sent me to the corner and he spanked me in the corner. He brought me out and tried to talk to me. I ignored him. Then things got really serious. He paddled and strapped me until I was sobbing. I never cry, but it really hurt and the tone of his voice caused me to break. I went back to the corner in tears. When he brought me out, I cried in his arms. We talked. I calmed down some and then ended up falling apart in tears again. I was a wreck and I still am. I've been crying off and on since he left.

He was happy with my remorse and I am remorseful, but I still feel horrible and guilty. I feel horrible for what I did, but I also feel bad because he actually apologized to me. He apologized for spanking me so hard while I was sick. He didn't owe me that. 

I was punished, but it's one of those times when I don't feel like it was enough...that I deserve more. I'm sore and I have bruises, but I still feel like I got off easy. I can't stop feeling bad and it's causing me to feel depressed. I know I'll feel this way until I see him this weekend and we can talk. I can't shut off my bad feelings and let them go. It'll eat at me and just get worse.

I'm miserable and can't stop crying, but I am really very sorry!!

 

 

 

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Awww! Firstly, you are sick and have the right to be grumpy. He knows that, and didn't want to do that!!! Don't feel guilty. Rest, drink some soup, and let your sore bottom remind you that you need to take care of yourself **hugs** I'm only a text away!!!

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Awe Shy- he dealt with it, it was his to decide how much you needed and apparently it had an affect.  Sounds like you really don't feel well- being cooped up isn't going to help your depression and thought patterns either.  I hope you are able to get going soon and get some fresh air- stop your train of thought.  Take care of yourself & be kind to your body!

 

I will admit- i've had times too where the guilt still out weighted the spanking... not lately, just in case my ER reads this :) 

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Let go of it.  One of the great thin about spankings is that absolves the guilt, Allow it to do that.

Each of us gets out of control sometimes.  It was just your turn.

You got your punishment.  Let it do.

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Thanks for the encouragement you guys.

Guilt is a funny thing. When I do something that makes me feel this bad, it takes awhile to go away. I was up most of the night thinking and crying. I hate hurting someone who is only trying to help.

I'll talk to him and figure it out.

 

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I don’t believe I’m saying this, because I got in an overheated argument in chat last night saying that punishments during illness is wrong.  

I stand corrected. 

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Dmirk, I think it depends on the illness. I'm happy that my boyfriend doesn't coddle and baby me. I didn't feel any worse or get anymore sick because of a spanking.

In some ways, it made me feel better!

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2019 at 4:30 PM, dmirk said:

I don’t believe I’m saying this, because I got in an overheated argument in chat last night saying that punishments during illness is wrong.  

I stand corrected. 

 

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