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Sexual spanking discussion in main...

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I was watching a conversation, in main, yesterday morning which got shut down by admin and wanted to comment. It was on sexual spanking but nothing explicit and saw no real need for it to be stopped considering we are all adults here. Main chat died after that which I thought was a real shame as a few people were participating in the subject. Everyone has different needs for spanking... some just want it for discipline, some purely sexual and people, like me, where it is a mix of both. Surely, whatever the reason,  we should be able to discuss it as the adults we are? We are now allowed to mention alcohol and have got rid of the swear filter... was just wondering if we could move further and discuss adult issues? We all have our spanking reasons and needs and should be able to discuss them reasonably. Was wondering what others thought...

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Read the rules:
"

This is a site focused on spanking as a therapy. 

This is not a BDSM site. We concentrate on spanking for discipline, motivation, accountability. and stress on this site. We offer a limited Erotic Spanking forum for those with both therapeutic and erotic interests, but if you are ONLY interested in fetish-spanking, this is not the right site for you.

Everyone is welcome to discuss and contribute, but please stay within the boundaries of spanking as motivation or discipline."

 

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Nice copy and paste but at the same time there is a forum category dedicated to just such discussion.  We are all grown adults here and the way I see it as long as the conversation isn't vulgar or explicit and kept PG-13 or less then at least it's on topic chat and not a lot of greetings, discussion of the weather, and talk about who's the naughtiness housewife of the bunch.  When chat is limited to a narrow interpretation of what spanking is or should be then we loose the diversity that makes this site feel welcoming to all and promote open and honest discussion about spankings.  How can someone contribute if they can't be honest about what spanking is to them?

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Sex isn' t BDSM and not everyone is just interested in erotic spanking but it can be a part of people' s spanking needs and surely as a result has a right to be discussed. As Mr FF said as long as it isn' t vulgar or explicit it shouldn' t be a problem and the discussion I witnessed in main, yesterday, was far from either...

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It's a fine line.  This thread would be better suited to the Spank Me category.

There is a fine line here.  SN discourages plain od spanking as sex.  Ask a moderator.

"Nice copy and paste"  Beats typing it out myself.

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Sorry if I put it in the wrong category. Wasn' t sure where to put it. Kinda thought seeming as I was talking about a discussion, in main, general seemed the best. I am only human!

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I don't really have a dog in this fight since I'm no longer involved in spanking and very rarely chat in main outside of a hello these days and maybe that means I shouldn't even be allowed an opinion on the matter.  All I'm saying is that when the discussion is limited to a narrow view then we shouldn't be surprised when people feel alienated and left out of the discussion.  Anyone who has regularly spent time in chat can see it's not the same as it was in the past.  It's dramatically quieter than it used to be even as recently as two years ago.  Why is the big question but I know one thing, it's not because of the discussion of topics outside of the rule you posted above.

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Thank you for the feedback.

I don't know much about what happened yesterday. However, I'll look through chat logs. The outline for sexual talk as it stands in the current version of the rules is only allowed in the subforum of Spank Me, Oh Yes! (erotic) and so moderators are enforcing as it's currently written/interpreted.

This is a thread that should be in the "Feedback" section and I'll move it there (as your overall feedback is to change the fundamental rule that is being enforced).

The site niche was founded on motivational/ therapeutical non-sexual desires of spanking, and we still want to keep that the main focus of the site. However, we recognize the site is growing and that not everyone falls in the category (and that everyone's needs are different). :)

This feedback is helpful and I encourage you to discuss further either publically in here (or privately if you wish) on what topics on spanking in regards to sexual nature that are being limited (but you feel should be appropriate to talk about) due to the guidelines that are in place.  There have been plans of updating the forum guidelines, and after staff review, presenting it to the community. So I want to thank you for raising this.

We want this to be a welcoming community for everyone. Keeping in mind, we still desire this site to still focus on the unique niche -- I look forward to replies and comments of ideas from our community how to make everyone needs met! :grouphug: We welcome constructive criticism and proposed compromises or proposed guideline re-writes if it's in the best interest of the community.

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Thanks for that response.  Spankbadgirl, take Chil of Light up on this.  Administrators/moderators have been very responsive and positive when I've contacted them, and COL is nothing if not a good communicator.  

The site's focus has broadened from its original focus, and, as she said, is under review as the site changed ownership and the new owner, along with administrators, have been, and will continue to be discussing these issues.  That has popped up several times in various threads.  That's why I know this much.  I don't have inside information, but that's the general idea.

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@Spankbadgirl I wanted to quote you on this -- so that you can easily find your thread in this section (i.e so you don't think it was removed) :)

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I agree that we should be able to discuss adult subjects in the chatroom. Sex is one of those and spanking and sex is another.

BUT, this site has always been based on the disciplinary, therapeutic, and accountability side of spanking and I hope it stays that way.

I don't feel that a discussion based on sex in the chatroom is going to change that focus. I think if the discussion is taken to the boards it should stay in a small place under the erotic section. I don't think we need to branch out further. There are places like Fetlife for that. An open discussion in chat between adults shouldn't be a problem. Just because it's discussed in chat doesn't mean it's going to change the focus of the entire site.

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I agree with you 100%, shy and I don't think anyone wants to see this site turn into another version of one of the other sites.  This is the only spanking site that I've been to that has substance and that's what makes it so great. What I would like to see is that people here feel like they can be open and honest about there desires, even those outside the discipline, not to have explicit conversation about sex acts.

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3 hours ago, Child of Light said:

Thank you for the feedback.

I don't know much about what happened yesterday. However, I'll look through chat logs. The outline for sexual talk as it stands in the current version of the rules is only allowed in the subforum of Spank Me, Oh Yes! (erotic) and so moderators are enforcing as it's currently written/interpreted.

This is a thread that should be in the "Feedback" section and I'll move it there (as your overall feedback is to change the fundamental rule that is being enforced).

The site niche was founded on motivational/ therapeutical non-sexual desires of spanking, and we still want to keep that the main focus of the site. However, we recognize the site is growing and that not everyone falls in the category (and that everyone's needs are different). :)

This feedback is helpful and I encourage you to discuss further either publically in here (or privately if you wish) on what topics on spanking in regards to sexual nature that are being limited (but you feel should be appropriate to talk about) due to the guidelines that are in place.  There have been plans of updating the forum guidelines, and after staff review, presenting it to the community. So I want to thank you for raising this.

We want this to be a welcoming community for everyone. Keeping in mind, we still desire this site to still focus on the unique niche -- I look forward to replies and comments of ideas from our community how to make everyone needs met! :grouphug: We welcome constructive criticism and proposed compromises or proposed guideline re-writes if it's in the best interest of the community.

COL asked Finally Free and myself to come up with a proposal that allows main chat to become inclusive of everyone' s needs. As a community we need to be accepting of each other' s needs- we are all here because we have some interest in spanking! For some of us spanking is for discipline or motivation and for others there is a sexual component or a mixture of needs. I am sure there are other reason too so if we haven' t mentioned yours it' s not intentional...

We have therefore proposed some ideas, for main discussion, which allows everyone to openly discuss their views and needs but without turning the site into a sex site or distracting from the original purpose of this site.

We purpose that sexual interests, as they pertain to spanking, should be allowed to be openly discussed but without discussing the actual sex acts themselves. The same should apply to other topics such as fantasy, roleplay, age play, DDlg etc...

We need to be able to " police" ourselves as a community so if the majority of the people in the chatroom, at a given time, are unhappy or uncomfortable with the topic being discussed we need to respect that and change it. We are thinking, therefore, if over 50% are unhappy it gets immediately changed...

Please feel free to discuss this and let' s make our community the best one we can and inclusive of everyone.

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I started participating in this site only because my wife and I are working on our disciplinary spanking methodology.  This is after 25 years of some heavy kink.  We're not finding it all that easy, so it's nice to have experienced folks here to chat with about it.  If I mention anything sexual, it is purely to give context. 

To the folks that operate this site:  I appreciate your efforts, you are filling a real need.  Thanks.

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4 hours ago, shygurl said:

I agree that we should be able to discuss adult subjects in the chatroom. Sex is one of those and spanking and sex is another.

BUT, this site has always been based on the disciplinary, therapeutic, and accountability side of spanking and I hope it stays that way.

I don't feel that a discussion based on sex in the chatroom is going to change that focus. I think if the discussion is taken to the boards it should stay in a small place under the erotic section. I don't think we need to branch out further. There are places like Fetlife for that. An open discussion in chat between adults shouldn't be a problem. Just because it's discussed in chat doesn't mean it's going to change the focus of the entire site.

I stand by this. I think, as adults, that we can discuss adult subjects like grown ups. There is very little conversation in main chat these days unless a few of us come in the room and start something. Maybe this will draw some other out into the open.

I agree, discussion should be kept at a more PG-13 level. We don't need to know what sex acts are being performed, what types of sex you are into, etc....but sex is a grown up thing that most of us participate in and should be able to discuss at a mature level.

2 hours ago, Spankbadgirl said:

 

We purpose that sexual interests, as they pertain to spanking, should be allowed to be openly discussed but without discussing the actual sex acts themselves. The same should apply to other topics such as fantasy, roleplay, age play, DDlg etc...

Yes, all these things should be up for discussion. Some of us may not be into them, but everyone should be able to discuss their interests with others keeping an open mind. I do feel that if actual role play, games (glitter throwing), etc are going to happen then it should be taken to another room and not go on in open chat. Main chat should be for what it says...CHAT.

We are adults and should be able to police ourselves. There will be those without the ability and they should be given a warning, but the rest of us should be able to chat like the adults we are.

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15 minutes ago, shygurl said:

I stand by this. I think, as adults, that we can discuss adult subjects like grown ups. There is very little conversation in main chat these days unless a few of us come in the room and start something. Maybe this will draw some other out into the open.

I agree, discussion should be kept at a more PG-13 level. We don't need to know what sex acts are being performed, what types of sex you are into, etc....but sex is a grown up thing that most of us participate in and should be able to discuss at a mature level.

Yes, all these things should be up for discussion. Some of us may not be into them, but everyone should be able to discuss their interests with others keeping an open mind. I do feel that if actual role play, games (glitter throwing), etc are going to happen then it should be taken to another room and not go on in open chat. Main chat should be for what it says...CHAT.

We are adults and should be able to police ourselves. There will be those without the ability and they should be given a warning, but the rest of us should be able to chat like the adults we are.

Yes I agree with shygurl... no actual roleplaying or glitter etc in main but real open discussion. We don' t have to be into things but should be respectful and open to people who are into different things than us.

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18 hours ago, shygurl said:

Main chat should be for what it says...CHAT.

maybe we've been over-thinking this, and all we need is a LURKERS room for folks who want to only PM? @AfterGeometry @Child of Light

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7 hours ago, Gator said:

maybe we've been over-thinking this, and all we need is a LURKERS room for folks who want to only PM? @AfterGeometry @Child of Light

What about the people that want to listen to active chat but are too nervous to join in? 

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I don't have much to add to this, other than my general agreement that yes, the site should be able to encompass other perspectives on spanking besides the scope it has narrowed itself to in the past, and that, yeah - this may not be an "adult" site, but it IS an adult site.  And we should be able to discuss grown-up stuff in a grown-up manner.  And when I say "we should" I mean that "we" should be allowed to AND that "we" should be capable of doing so in a mature way.

And can we please stop beating up lurkers?  As I write this, I'm lurking in the main and talking to my friend in PM.

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I wanted to circle back around to this to say it hasn't been forgotten and that we will get back to everyone soon about this matter. Thanks!

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Also, just a reminder that you were also going to rethink the spanking of children issue.  It does seem to me that if someone is talking about something they experienced/witnessed that was a formative experience this should be well within bounds.  As I understand the policy, the original idea was to exclude discussions about the appropriateness of corporal punishment and to make sure that there were no graphic descriptions of child abuse.  That is similar to where I hope we are trending on the sex topic, i.e. that people should be able in a restrained way to discuss their own perceptions, subject as ever to moderator intervention.   H.

 

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On 4/2/2019 at 11:41 AM, Gator said:

maybe we've been over-thinking this, and all we need is a LURKERS room for folks who want to only PM? @AfterGeometry @Child of Light

The so called " lurkers" aren' t doing any harm... as long as they are getting something out of this site who are we to judge them or deny them? 

No one is overthinking, anything, either... we just want the site to be the best it can be and to encourage new members etc. We want the site to be welcoming too so called people " lurkers" doesn' t help.

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5 hours ago, Handily said:

Also, just a reminder that you were also going to rethink the spanking of children issue.  It does seem to me that if someone is talking about something they experienced/witnessed that was a formative experience this should be well within bounds.  As I understand the policy, the original idea was to exclude discussions about the appropriateness of corporal punishment and to make sure that there were no graphic descriptions of child abuse.  That is similar to where I hope we are trending on the sex topic, i.e. that people should be able in a restrained way to discuss their own perceptions, subject as ever to moderator intervention.   H.

 

This one's a hot-button issue, but I would be content if there were, for example, chats for ageplay and or memories discussion.  As you say, within bounds.

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It's of relevance as an "adult little" who is regressed although as COL understands what gets my ire and I think I could say hers is when we are not talking about actual memories and personal experiences but rather more into disguised discussion of actual child discipline as applying to actual children (aka anyone today under 18 according to ones birth certificate) which as a "adult" site we cannot be into and to whom any of us who were parents AND looking for discussion in connexion with one own children would go to parenting sites for.

For some of us we do have "ages" some who are more into "Age Play" may have one specific one, some may vary others of us who do regression are in that age centred frame of mind but part of this can cover the role in which the one who is the "ER" may be cast ie Parent type figure and your own role "child in relationship"  who is an "EE" the extent to which you may dress more in tune with it so we may refer to it in places like here making it plain we're NOT talking about an actual child. I don't personally feel anything under CG/l or CGLre  (Caregiver/little) should be off limits.

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