Anybody else find being a spanko lonely?

[Somthingrandom]

So I am curious about all you.  Outside of this and one other forum I dont get to talk about spanking with actual spankos.  I find this lonely that one of the things that is on my mind is just that...on my mind.  I can't talk to others about it in person.  Starts to feel lonely.  My wife is patient with me but she does not always get or enthused about it.  

Anybody else out there find this aspect of your life isolating?

[redzonedefense_F]

I have shared my phone number with people I am close to.  I'm certain I am not the only one.

Is that an option for you, to speak to your wife about communicating with others when the need arises?

[Switch E]

 It can be a difficult subject to talk about with people outside of the scene. It's hard to know who is into it or receptive to talking about it other than on a site like this or at a spanking party. But you are not alone. That's one of the great things about this site.  Definitely keep communication open with your wife - not just about spanking but about everything. I have been married for 20 years. My wife isn't into spanking but she spanks me because she knows what it means to me. This was a result of a lot of conversations and both of us wanting to understand each other's feelings on the subject. I will be glad to talk more if you want to send me a PM. 

[Somthingrandom]

@redzonedefense_F

Our current arrangement is not communicating privately about the subject over the internet outside of general courtesy.  During some marriage counseling a while back another woman in the group she was in had issues with her husband on developing online relationships and so I pay the price for now even though that has never been as issue for me.  This forum is an exception she made.  If it was somebody local that we saw face to face it would be differant.

Plus, I like just sitting down and talking to people...internet and phone are ok...but nothing like good face to face contact to talk mutual interests.

[geeky_child]

Are you forbidden to develop online friendships with men?  If you're exclusively heterosexual, perhaps your wife wouldn't mind you having some spanko guy friends. 

[Somthingrandom]

1 hour ago, geeky_child said:

Are you forbidden to develop online friendships with men?  If you're exclusively heterosexual, perhaps your wife wouldn't mind you having some spanko guy friends. 

At this point yes.  Although, if I asked she would likely be ok with it.  Never pursued it much.  It might help some, but I think some of it is just wanting to talk in person.  Have real im person conversation with real people.  I will bring it up with her though.  Thanks.

[Gator]

short answer to your question: yes.

longer answer: seek out munches or create your own (try fetlife, they have calendars of local kink type events)

 

[cowboy]

Contrary to most folks above, my answer is no.  I enjoy 3 chat sites, have several spanko friends, and attend spanking parties in 4 states (always looking for more).   We attend munches and meet folks in the spanking community.  Tomorrow we are leaving for the Southwest and will attend a BDSM/Spanko event in Las Vegas.  Hope to be spanked by friends out there and of course when we return.  I have other hobbies, but the spanking fetish my partner and I are involved with keep us and our social calendar quite busy.

[slammin sam]

I have had an almost lifelong interest in spanking. For my part, I would be classed as a spankee. I have shared this with no one, ever. I am married and have been for many years but I cannot discuss this with her as she would never understand and I’m afraid it would cause issues between us that I do not want. And I would be devastatingly embarrassed if anyone I knew ever became aware of my fascination. 

 

[Bella13]

I think it can be an isolating thing at times. I don't find myself too awful lonely in it, but the people who do know about my needs are very far and few in between these days. It's generally not information I share too readily--and I suppose it can become lonely at times. So I guess in short, sometimes. Lol.

[Rand E]

My wife and I are spankos.  But for us, it's mostly just a sexual preference.  I don't feel the need to have friends with whom to discuss this or anything else I do with my wife in the privacy of our bedroom.  Although, it is kind of nice to chat with people on this forum, but that's not the same as personal relationships.  If I had sought out like minded people to socialize or engage in group spanking activities when I was younger, my sensibilities might have evolved differently.  But, at this point, I don't want anybody to know.  if any of our friends, relatives, or acquaintances found out, it would be really awkward.  

[Davyd]

One solution for you guys is to seek and find a group of folks who get together to chat and spank. There are various ones on the West Coast as others across the country. While some are into more than spanking, some keep to spanking with clear guidelines. 

 

[Spanknutt]

I have been active in my local community for over 10 years and have met 300 or so people in person who share my interest so, no, I do not feel lonely.  Some of these people are close friends, some are not.  I have also discussed spanking with one of my sisters and several "vanilla" friends.  That was a bit of a stretch for me in the beginning because I was afraid of being judged but I came to realize on one else really cares - they all have their own stuff to worry about.  Of course, I didn't start my journey until my wife and I separated so you have a different kind of challenge.

[Bflogirl]

I am not in a committed relationship at this time so I have formed several friendships with fellow spankos from this site and a few others. It's great to have those people to talk about this with. I understand it'd be different if I was still in a committed vanilla relationship. 

I also have committed to not getting into a pure vanilla relationship again so I plan on this being a part of my life in the future because I would definitely feel lonely without being able to discuss the one thing I'm truly passionate about lol. 

[Rand E]

4 hours ago, Bflogirl said:

I am not in a committed relationship at this time so I have formed several friendships with fellow spankos from this site and a few others. It's great to have those people to talk about this with. I understand it'd be different if I was still in a committed vanilla relationship. 

I also have committed to not getting into a pure vanilla relationship again so I plan on this being a part of my life in the future because I would definitely feel lonely without being able to discuss the one thing I'm truly passionate about lol. 

Whatever you do, find the right partner for marriage.  I can't speak to the social scene for spankos - I never participated in it.  But I am so glad I found my wife - who is definitely not vanilla - with whom I share a common interest in the art of spanking, and with whom I continue to explore, discover, and grow.  It's been a mind-blowing journey.

[selfsp12]

Lonely, yes and no. This has been something that I have kept private so long that it is second nature. At times I have been able to share some experiences with a couple of folks from this site. That certainly has been great to share particularly good experiences with them or in some posts. Are there times I would like to have a fuller or in-person conversation -yes. However it will never happen. For me there is a very fine line around how i share my spanking experiences, anything that was not mostly anonymous would feel like cheating, sharing something even my wife does not know about. As important as spanking (self) is to me, I'd drop it in a second versus felling like I was cheating in any way. Spanking is important, and I am not sure what I would do without the stress relief, but my family trumps all. Now I feel lonely. erk.

[Effulgenthappymeal]

I can relate, and yes it is quite lonely.  I am in a similar situation SR.

[Somthingrandom]

I have enjoyed reading the responses and the differant perspectives.  So much to respond to but so little time.

First, thanks for those willing to share contact information.  Once my wife and I have a differant understanding I may reach out.

Second, in order to meet locals it looks like fetlife is the way...and that site is a little too risque for me.  A munch in a nearby city might an option but would require planning.  Part of the problem is I spend a lot of time on the road for work...scheduling anything new is a mightmare.

Overall though very thoughtful responses and I appreciate them.  I am also interested in more responses on ways people deal with this.

[Jenna1220]

Personally, it does make me feel lonely to not be able to share my entire self with someone.  I've found this site to be an outlet and those I've had the opportunity to meet in person to help.  

[dmirk]

I’m a yes and no.  In regular life with a vanilla wife, yes. 

But I’ve made a lot of friends in here and while I haven’t met any personally yet, that changes tomorrow and should meet a couple of others soon. 

Even ones I haven’t exchanged mail with make me feel at home. 

[dmirk]

Post showed up twice.  

[ukspanko]

Sometimes - yes. If I could get rid of it and also other feelings I have I would.

[buffettfan]

Painfully lonely.

[dmirk]

On 1/15/2019 at 8:50 AM, Jenna1220 said:

Personally, it does make me feel lonely to not be able to share my entire self with someone.  I've found this site to be an outlet and those I've had the opportunity to meet in person to help.  

I get what you’re saying all too well.   

I’ve ended up having to be content with sharing most of myself with someone but the spanko has ended up with talking here and since getting more active in here some possibilities of sharing have popped up. Some pop right back down before anything happens - even meeting. 

I did finally one good spanking of a member here this past Wednesday.  

A bit liberating. 

[KentuckyGuy]

Extremely.