Spanking My Husband

[christyspanks]

Hello group,

I just discovered this site and thought it would be nice to join, as I've begun to have more and more experience with spanking and disciplining my husband. My name is Christy and my husband and I have been married for 11 years now. Over the years I have learned more about my husband's deep obsession with spanking and punishments, which likely are rooted in his childhood. I've begun to explore this with him more lately and it's become very powerful for him. His longing for punishment and embarrassment is directly connected with his masturbation, so there is a part of me that's concerned I might be doing further damage to him, as he is always masturbating fervently as I'm spanking or administering his punishments. Do you think I should stop or limit this because of his emotional/sexual response? I don't want to ruin him sexually, but I will admit that it's sort of fascinating to see his reactions as I'm doing things to him or even just describing things happening to him. 

-Christy

[Venkman]

<deleted>

[fullofquarks]

There is a difference between having the need for a spanking because of a myriad of reasons. For many of us, there can also be a sexual component to getting spanked. Despite our reasoning of why we need to be spanked, or to spank/discipline others, 

With respect to causing damage, the concern shouldn’t be causing any more damage. If there was damage that was to be had, he would have experienced this already. Perhaps that is why he is the way he is. A cyclical redundancy, sure, but his needs for punishment go beyond the simple act. Groups of people have exploited the fact that for many, this pain helps him that other ways simply cannot. The true punishment would be after the immediate sexual desire fades. 

In short, I don’t think it will cause any further damage if damage existed. As you said, it’s a powerful thing, and it’s amazing that you two are exploring this unique dynamic. Also, welcome to the site!

[too cheeky]

I agree with the above.  There is nothing inherently wrong or 'sick' with spanking.  There is nothing wrong with consensual sex.  Hiding  needs is where things get complicated.  You’re upfront with needs and desires.

 

[dmirk]

Good points. If you had sex or he masturbated before the spankings, you’d at least know if he’s just getting off on being spanked or if it’s a piece of sex. 

If you’re both good with the way things are there’s no real issue.  

[Gator]

this sounds like a relationship in need of a "forced chastity" component, or at the very least you taking control of his masturbation habits. of course everything depends on your dynamics and what you both want/need out of it, but I have a hunch that if you were to limit and/or control his masturbation habits you'll both benefit. simple ideas include controlling the frequency of his orgasms, making him "earn" them in various ways, putting him on a strict schedule of planned "releases", of course you could start by making him masturbate to orgasm before any spanking sessions. best of luck, and have fun!

[christyspanks]

Thank you all for your thoughts on this! I'm glad I found this site and am enjoying the stories and feedback etc. I do agree that most of the damage that's been done to my poor husband is there and now we have made something more intensely sexual out of it. We both get a lot out of it and it's fulfilling for me to know that it has such a powerfully emotional effect on him. He's told me that his ultimate (and scary) fantasy would be for me to arrange a meeting with his mother, where he would confess all of his wrong doing to her and then have her either spank him or watch as he is spanked/punished in front of her. He says he knows this is unrealistic, yet a part of me feels he truly longs for this.

He loves his mom so much and he loves the thought of confessing his heart to her, yet he knows it would be difficult for her to watch her son being spanked as he masturbates and ejaculates. I will admit that it's powerful to imagine this emotional experience for him and I'm tempted to arrange it! 

[too cheeky]

He may still feel need for punishment.  That's OK providing he's doing no harm to himself.  

[dmirk]

I definitely advise against his mother as a witness, unless you have a real vibe for her that makes you think she'd like that.

The potential for creeping her out to  the point where yo alienate her is too high.

 

[StrictGent]

Yeah, I was on board until the spanking and masturbating in front of his mother. Even as a fantasy this makes me uncomfortable but I'm not condemning it for that, no, it's bringing his mother into a clearly sexual act. One that she (probably!) does not want. Even if she does... I don't think this has any therapeutic value.

[ticlaude]

why stop if you both love it ?

I get it about once , and sometimes twice a week , and it only hadd to our sexual plasure .

 

[lust4spanking]

Surprise him one day, and give him an intimate spanking. Yes, I mean a cock spanking. Make it firm and vigorous, and above all patient, and he will kneel at your feet and worship you afterwards.

[Tannerhyde75]

Hello christy. I think it’s great that you are exploring this with your husband. The need to be spanked can be very powerful and it’s not always easy to tell ones spoise about it so it sounds like you two have a very trusting relationship. As long as you both enjoy it I see no reason to stop. 

[otkpantsdown 49]

If real punishment is what he needs make him watch a few spanking videos as he jerks off. As soon as he finishes put him over your knee and blister his bare butt with a wood bath brush! It has been done to ME. OWWWWW IT HURTS FOR REAL

[too cheeky]

Christy. clearly the love you two have together is guiding you.  Keep following that.  What about your need with reference to his getting off while you lay it on?  Which would you prefer?  Him masturbating before spanking, during, or after?  Or would you prefer to do both--before, during or after?  He clearly wants you in charge, so, take charge!

ASs to his mother, I'm really squeamish about that.  You should take charge of that as well and I'd start with a conversation WITH HIS MOM to better understand his emotional need.  Or find a female counselor to discuss this with.  If she became like a surrogate mom, that might fulfill his need.  

Either way it seems like love is guiding your marriage.  Keep following.  

[Rand E]

Your husband clearly enjoys it, so what you are doing is not really punishment, it's a sexual activity, and there is no end to the variety of ways people enjoy sex. 

I can't tell from your post what it is that's bothering you about what your husband enjoys.  You mention being fascinated by it.  Do you enjoy spanking him?  Is it arousing to you or not sexually stimulating at all?  Or perhaps outside your comfort zone?  What is it that you need him to do for you in the sex department?   

Bottom line is, don't treat your husband's desires like a pathology.  There's no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sexual preferences.  

 

[Longtimespanking]

On 12/1/2018 at 6:24 PM, christyspanks said:

Thank you all for your thoughts on this! I'm glad I found this site and am enjoying the stories and feedback etc. I do agree that most of the damage that's been done to my poor husband is there and now we have made something more intensely sexual out of it. We both get a lot out of it and it's fulfilling for me to know that it has such a powerfully emotional effect on him. He's told me that his ultimate (and scary) fantasy would be for me to arrange a meeting with his mother, where he would confess all of his wrong doing to her and then have her either spank him or watch as he is spanked/punished in front of her. He says he knows this is unrealistic, yet a part of me feels he truly longs for this.

He loves his mom so much and he loves the thought of confessing his heart to her, yet he knows it would be difficult for her to watch her son being spanked as he masturbates and ejaculates. I will admit that it's powerful to imagine this emotional experience for him and I'm tempted to arrange it! 

This is something that needs to be very cautiously approached, if you ever do really think of arranging anything along those lines to actually happen. I think that some mothers would think the whole idea was weird if not totally disgusting, but maybe there's a chance that his mom is not one of those and would be accepting of this part of your lives. If she's extremely conservative and comes across as easily offended, then you shouldn't try to have the discussion, but if that's not the case, then just go for it. 

If there is history of her having spanked him growing up, then she might be open to spanking him again or watch as you or someone else spanks him.  As far as him masturbating during that spanking, I don't think that should be allowed to happen, but he could do it privately either before or afterward if the feelings were so intense that he had to have that release.  There's only one chance in a million that she would want or encourage him to masturbate while she watched or spanked him, and I don't think you should even ask her to allow that, but she should definitely be informed that he does masturbate during the spankings you give him. Ideally, he should be the one telling her that, but if he can't or won't then you must bring it up. 

What I think is very likely to be acceptable to his mom, is you arranging a private time and place where he can confess to her what he's done and the three of you can openly discuss the manner in which you have been punishing him. I sincerely believe you should do this if you have reason to believe that she wouldn't be offended by the discussion and if you would be able to maintain control of the discussion as a concerned wife and fill in all the gaps and things that he might leave out or be too ashamed to bring up. In this day and age, many moms would be open to learning such details, and I believe she would want to know such details if things are bothering him and he feels the need to confess. I think at that point a caring, loving mom would actually be very compassionate about you being able to fulfill his needs and wants in being punished/spanked and she would want what is best for him under the circumstances. 

During the course of the discussion, you will be able to get a feel for whether or not you should ask her to spank him then or at a later date, or to witness a spanking that you would give him. I agree that either way this would be an extremely emotional experience for him, and there's no reason to deny him that if it can be done without offending his mom. He should be able to talk openly with her about such things in the future (and that would be a very desirable result of all of this), once you have broken ground by having the first discussion. 

[Switchbott]

First of all, he needs to consider his good fortune for having you to beat his butt. As far as the masturbation, I personally think that it robs the relationship of sexual energy that should be spent on pleasing both parties sexually.  It might be hot though to order him to relieve himself  while you watch right before a really hard spanking!

Best of luck.

[mttcf]

I can offer my perspective as a husband who does NOT have the good fortune that yours does Christy.  For our entire 30 year marriage, I have been cursed with the problem of phonographs and masturbation. (In truth, it’s been a curse since I was 12.)  For the first 18 years in our relationship, she would occasionally either catch me at the porn problem or confront me about it.  If she caught me, it always caused tears and cut into her self esteem thinking she “wasn’t enough.”  I never corrected her and told her that it was primarily a spanking fetish that fed it.  I was mainly watching or looking at spanking material but she didn’t know that.  Still, it was “less” embarrassing for me to let her think it was regular porn.  Bottom line, her self esteem suffered while I protected my dignity.  I feel VERY bad that I did that.

Finally, about 18 years in, I left a screen open by mistake containing spanking material. When she confronted me angrily, she said I was sick for wanting to “see young girls suffer.”  After many tears, I finally blurted out “I don’t want to DO that to girls! I want to BE in their position. I WANT TO BE PUNISHED.”  It was awkward and difficult. She never ever could grasp that I wanted true punishment AND that it was also a turn on. And she never fully believed it.  I asked her to “please just get angry with me when I do something wrong and spank me for it. HARD.”  But she resisted saying it made no sense as a spanking would be a “reward” for bad behavior. Not punishment.  Anyway, we tried a few times.  She always approached it as play and never ever could spank me hard enough. She said she wouldn’t because it wasn’t in her to hurt me or other people. And she also said she refused to “be my mother.”  She called that sick.

30+ years and counting. My wife has stopped asking and NEVER mentions that conversation. It is as though the talk never happened. Once or twice she has asked about watching porn.  I lie and say “I’m over it. Just not interested anymore.”  She says “ok. Good” but I KNOW she doesn’t believe me.

and I am now still lost in a world where I am lonely and frustrated and STILL in need of discipline and someone to make me accountable for everyday bad behavior and porn consumption that I know has ruined our intimacy.

So... if I had the fortune of being in your husbands situation right now, here is what I would want to happen. Please take this as advice from a man who still needs what your husband needs... but will never have:

1. Acknowledge that you know now what he needs and as him once a for all if he is willing to let you guide the situation.  Ask him for the controls and if he accepts... take them.

2.  Discuss his porn addiction and masturbation habits eye to eye. Make him tell you everything and don’t let up.  Ask for information about this even back to his childhood.  Make him get it out once and for all.  He needs someone to know all that he has been hiding shamefully for years.  This includes everything and anything.  Magazines? Books? Movies?  Where did he get them? How old? When and who else? Mutual activity with others at an early age? Ask him. Very likely there are things he wants so badly to let go of and tell to someone he can trust. 

3. Ask him if he feels guilt about these things.  Other things too.  Stealing? Cheating in school? Lying to parents? Things he did but never got punished for?  Then ask if he feels the need to be finally punished for them.  If he does, then you discuss how and when and for which issues.  There could be a list a mile long that could take many months to address.  Make him write them down.  Make him tell you what HE thinks he deserves.  If he doesn’t think he needs to be punished for them (doubtful) then you take control and tell him otherwise. Everyone needs to feel clean inside.  Holding lifelong guilt certainly makes you feel otherwise.

4. If he truly has a porn addiction and if it is harming his ability to get things done (both in everyday life AND in intimacy) then I strongly suggest that it’s time to modify that behavior. Remember, he has already given you the reins.  Be clear that it is GOING TO CHANGE. Starting NOW.

5. If at any point you think he is getting arousal (mental or physical) from being punished.  STOP and make him masturbate to completion. Once he has finished, start the punishment from the very beginning all over again. Be very clear that he is being punished.

6. Monitor his behavior.  Look him in the eye every day and ask for an accounting. Remind him that he has agreed to be honest no matter the consequences. ANY time you suspect he’s been dishonest or is lying to you, punish him until he admits what he has done. Then punish him again for dishonesty. Break him of THAT habit too. Because lying and evasion go hand in glove with sexual addictions.  Don’t let him fool you into believing anything.

7. Lastly, control his sexual activity until you are absolutely convinced that he is in control himself. Make sure he is satisfied sexually- meaning, if your mutual relationship in that area falters, he WILL fall back on porn. And, if you and he are having regular sex and you know he is satisfied... and you nevertheless STILL find he has used pornography or us masturbating without your knowledge... Set a date (give him time to really fathom why) and spank him SEVERELY. MORE SEVERELY THAN MOST TIMES. Make him regret it.

 

Christy, obviously you and he will do what is right for him and for the both of you. And please take my advice as it is offered. These are the things I would tell MY wife if I could have a “do over.”  Please just don’t let him continue down this lonely path without at least trying to repair the damage.

 

 

 

[momma_s_boy]

On 11/30/2018 at 2:21 PM, christyspanks said:

Hello group,

I just discovered this site and thought it would be nice to join, as I've begun to have more and more experience with spanking and disciplining my husband. My name is Christy and my husband and I have been married for 11 years now. Over the years I have learned more about my husband's deep obsession with spanking and punishments, which likely are rooted in his childhood. I've begun to explore this with him more lately and it's become very powerful for him. His longing for punishment and embarrassment is directly connected with his masturbation, so there is a part of me that's concerned I might be doing further damage to him, as he is always masturbating fervently as I'm spanking or administering his punishments. Do you think I should stop or limit this because of his emotional/sexual response? I don't want to ruin him sexually, but I will admit that it's sort of fascinating to see his reactions as I'm doing things to him or even just describing things happening to him. 

-Christy

Ma'm, your husband is a lucky man.

[Chawsee]

On 5/9/2019 at 8:56 AM, Rand E said:

Your husband clearly enjoys it, so what you are doing is not really punishment, it's a sexual activity, and there is no end to the variety of ways people enjoy sex. 

I can't tell from your post what it is that's bothering you about what your husband enjoys.  You mention being fascinated by it.  Do you enjoy spanking him?  Is it arousing to you or not sexually stimulating at all?  Or perhaps outside your comfort zone?  What is it that you need him to do for you in the sex department?   

Bottom line is, don't treat your husband's desires like a pathology.  There's no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sexual preferences.  

Rand E said it perfectly.

Welcome to the erotic/sensual side of spanking! Your husband is capable of uniting both aspects-- pain and pleasure. Don't take this from him. It's a gift-- trust me!! If you have any interest in joining him, and he's willing to be spanked without the masturbation, you have likely just discovered the greatest foreplay EVER.

[LikeSpank]

On 12/1/2018 at 3:24 PM, christyspanks said:

Thank you all for your thoughts on this! I'm glad I found this site and am enjoying the stories and feedback etc. I do agree that most of the damage that's been done to my poor husband is there and now we have made something more intensely sexual out of it. We both get a lot out of it and it's fulfilling for me to know that it has such a powerfully emotional effect on him. He's told me that his ultimate (and scary) fantasy would be for me to arrange a meeting with his mother, where he would confess all of his wrong doing to her and then have her either spank him or watch as he is spanked/punished in front of her. He says he knows this is unrealistic, yet a part of me feels he truly longs for this.

He loves his mom so much and he loves the thought of confessing his heart to her, yet he knows it would be difficult for her to watch her son being spanked as he masturbates and ejaculates. I will admit that it's powerful to imagine this emotional experience for him and I'm tempted to arrange it! 

Jeez Christy, that was just about the hottest thing I've read in a long time. Your husband is so lucky. I'm totally jealous. 

[ianl]

Wow so you were not aware of all this when you first married him ?? how did you discover this if I may ask ?, I would guess in terms of the spanking if it is purely as punishment and discipline, then he probably shouldn't have any control of the masturbation, although the spanking will most definitely hurt him more once he has emptied, but that would be bringing him reward for doing something he is punished for, that isn't really the essence of what you are trying to get across, but if it is purely for play then there is absolutely no harm in that. ps, sorry for posting so late on your posts, I havnt been so active here :).

[SpankorBSpanked]

About 30 years ago, when my wife first started spanking me, she noticed I found the idea of being spanked erotic.  She didn't think it was a good idea for me to be "enjoying" being spanked by her, so she started having me bring myself to orgasm right before puting me over her knee.  She would get out her chair and a little towel and place it on her lap.  Then she would tell me to "get busy" . . . and do absolutely nothing to help me in that regard.  She would just sit there, arms folded and wait.  If she thought I was stalling she might eventually say something like, "Hurry up, I know you can do better than that." 

As soon as I orgasmed (onto her little towel) she would fold it up, set it aside, and immediately put me over her knee.  Needless to say, being spanked right after an orgasm is DREADFUL.  Hated every second of it, in fact.  She only had to do this for about about 5 or 6 weeks before she had basically "conditioned" me to NOT find the idea of a spanking erotic in any way.  Holds true to this day . . . 

[DisobedientHuby]

On 8/26/2019 at 8:53 AM, mttcf said:

I can offer my perspective as a husband who does NOT have the good fortune that yours does Christy.  For our entire 30 year marriage, I have been cursed with the problem of phonographs and masturbation. (In truth, it’s been a curse since I was 12.)  For the first 18 years in our relationship, she would occasionally either catch me at the porn problem or confront me about it.  If she caught me, it always caused tears and cut into her self esteem thinking she “wasn’t enough.”  I never corrected her and told her that it was primarily a spanking fetish that fed it.  I was mainly watching or looking at spanking material but she didn’t know that.  Still, it was “less” embarrassing for me to let her think it was regular porn.  Bottom line, her self esteem suffered while I protected my dignity.  I feel VERY bad that I did that.

Finally, about 18 years in, I left a screen open by mistake containing spanking material. When she confronted me angrily, she said I was sick for wanting to “see young girls suffer.”  After many tears, I finally blurted out “I don’t want to DO that to girls! I want to BE in their position. I WANT TO BE PUNISHED.”  It was awkward and difficult. She never ever could grasp that I wanted true punishment AND that it was also a turn on. And she never fully believed it.  I asked her to “please just get angry with me when I do something wrong and spank me for it. HARD.”  But she resisted saying it made no sense as a spanking would be a “reward” for bad behavior. Not punishment.  Anyway, we tried a few times.  She always approached it as play and never ever could spank me hard enough. She said she wouldn’t because it wasn’t in her to hurt me or other people. And she also said she refused to “be my mother.”  She called that sick.

30+ years and counting. My wife has stopped asking and NEVER mentions that conversation. It is as though the talk never happened. Once or twice she has asked about watching porn.  I lie and say “I’m over it. Just not interested anymore.”  She says “ok. Good” but I KNOW she doesn’t believe me.

and I am now still lost in a world where I am lonely and frustrated and STILL in need of discipline and someone to make me accountable for everyday bad behavior and porn consumption that I know has ruined our intimacy.

So... if I had the fortune of being in your husbands situation right now, here is what I would want to happen. Please take this as advice from a man who still needs what your husband needs... but will never have:

1. Acknowledge that you know now what he needs and as him once a for all if he is willing to let you guide the situation.  Ask him for the controls and if he accepts... take them.

2.  Discuss his porn addiction and masturbation habits eye to eye. Make him tell you everything and don’t let up.  Ask for information about this even back to his childhood.  Make him get it out once and for all.  He needs someone to know all that he has been hiding shamefully for years.  This includes everything and anything.  Magazines? Books? Movies?  Where did he get them? How old? When and who else? Mutual activity with others at an early age? Ask him. Very likely there are things he wants so badly to let go of and tell to someone he can trust. 

3. Ask him if he feels guilt about these things.  Other things too.  Stealing? Cheating in school? Lying to parents? Things he did but never got punished for?  Then ask if he feels the need to be finally punished for them.  If he does, then you discuss how and when and for which issues.  There could be a list a mile long that could take many months to address.  Make him write them down.  Make him tell you what HE thinks he deserves.  If he doesn’t think he needs to be punished for them (doubtful) then you take control and tell him otherwise. Everyone needs to feel clean inside.  Holding lifelong guilt certainly makes you feel otherwise.

4. If he truly has a porn addiction and if it is harming his ability to get things done (both in everyday life AND in intimacy) then I strongly suggest that it’s time to modify that behavior. Remember, he has already given you the reins.  Be clear that it is GOING TO CHANGE. Starting NOW.

5. If at any point you think he is getting arousal (mental or physical) from being punished.  STOP and make him masturbate to completion. Once he has finished, start the punishment from the very beginning all over again. Be very clear that he is being punished.

6. Monitor his behavior.  Look him in the eye every day and ask for an accounting. Remind him that he has agreed to be honest no matter the consequences. ANY time you suspect he’s been dishonest or is lying to you, punish him until he admits what he has done. Then punish him again for dishonesty. Break him of THAT habit too. Because lying and evasion go hand in glove with sexual addictions.  Don’t let him fool you into believing anything.

7. Lastly, control his sexual activity until you are absolutely convinced that he is in control himself. Make sure he is satisfied sexually- meaning, if your mutual relationship in that area falters, he WILL fall back on porn. And, if you and he are having regular sex and you know he is satisfied... and you nevertheless STILL find he has used pornography or us masturbating without your knowledge... Set a date (give him time to really fathom why) and spank him SEVERELY. MORE SEVERELY THAN MOST TIMES. Make him regret it.

 

Christy, obviously you and he will do what is right for him and for the both of you. And please take my advice as it is offered. These are the things I would tell MY wife if I could have a “do over.”  Please just don’t let him continue down this lonely path without at least trying to repair the damage.

 

 

 

Very well written. I have asked my wife for an FLR it took awhile but she is now fully in charge as far as masterbating goes it was a big issue for her because I did it in secret. She no longer allowes it and if I am caught it's an hour in the corner followed by a hard spanking over the ottoman. We were just on vacation and I did confess to her that it happened more than once. I am still waiting to be punished for it. She may let it slide or the punishment may not be has harsh it's up to her but I hope she blisters me for it. It definitely disappoints her and I hate myself for doing that to her. Usually when she is this upset it takes some time for her to calm down before she punishes me. If she spanks me when she is this upset she does not like the way it makes her feel. She wants to correct my behavior without anger. I get that but sometimes wish she would be angry enough to make me feel as hurt as she does by my bad behavior.