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On 9/23/2018 at 6:20 PM, Spankbadgirl said:

I feel like just getting straight to the point and writing the truth as some of us see it ( sorry if it offends anyone)

When some of us chat in main we get complaints ie the sis etc so we stop then the people complaining just go quiet.... chat goes dead and then they have the cheek to complain that no one chats. Roses comments mirror my own too and she has articulated it well.

We can' t be expected to say hi to everyone in the chatroom if they don' t put any effort in themselves. If you want people to say hello make the effort to say hello too.... it' s as simple as that. It takes a community to make a community and everyone has to play their part. If you don' t want to put in the effort don' t expect others to. A lot us make the effort to welcome new members.

To be honest, I've gone in chat and it is difficult to join a conversation without observing for a while. You know, to sort of figure out what they're talking about, that sort of thing. I've never been able to see an actual discussion. It may be something isn't working well with the browser on my tablet, but just like in f2f I don't join an on going conversation without knowing what they're talking about. I am still trying to figure out etiquette for all of this!

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1 hour ago, GypsyDrifter said:

To be honest, I've gone in chat and it is difficult to join a conversation without observing for a while. You know, to sort of figure out what they're talking about, that sort of thing. I've never been able to see an actual discussion. It may be something isn't working well with the browser on my tablet, but just like in f2f I don't join an on going conversation without knowing what they're talking about. I am still trying to figure out etiquette for all of this!

I can understand that because I am the same. If there is an active conversation and I haven' t been involved I usually just stay out of it. Just say Hi and most people here will try and include you?

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Great topic, P, thanks for bringing it up, and great replies. I have a couple of thoughts, being reasonably new to the site.

When I found SN, on a google search after more searches on this topic then I can count, it felt like a breath of fresh air. I go into chat rarely and have nothing to add to that conversation that has not already been said. Generally no conversation is going on.

A few weeks ago I updated my intro after seeing a post about that from awhile ago. The first time I posted something I was pleased that I received any replies. That made me feel more welcome. Each reply to a post I get makes me feel better overall. Over time I have become comfortable sharing things that only you folks know.

I have made one friend though the Self Spanking Club , but we converse more by email. I've also made an acquaintance that way and hopefully that will grow.  

This site is the only site I have found that deals with spanking in an adult, real, fashion. No hype, no junk, etc. After years of searching on every combination related to spanking that I could think of all but one site, SN, is porn or junk (maybe I am being a bit harsh there). I generally do not join sites, privacy and all. After a few weeks I did join here because I felt I could contribute and I could air my questions, I have tons, and maybe learn more about why I am how I am or at least feel more comfortable with who I am in this regard.

Spanking is very important to me, and this site, and you folks, have helped me feel more at home and accepting of that part of myself. I've learned a lot, and hopefully helped others through my experiences, etc. In many ways I am looking to learn, but also just feel comfortable and not embarrassed about myself for being as I am. I think self spankers are  a minority.

After reading this I will make a more concerted effort to great new folks and contribute more. I tend to frequent here because reading, old posts, about other people experiences has helped me feel good about me.

Thank you each an all, and if I can help re-invigorate SN I will try.

S.

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I think members are taking this thread as blaming themselves -- rather than a thread; where it's pleading for administration input.  For example, scheduled chat-group times, incentives to posting, administration involving members in decisions makings of the website -- all boost up moral of the forum and it's member base.

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8 hours ago, Child of Light said:

I think members are taking this thread as blaming themselves -- rather than a thread; where it's pleading for administration input.  For example, scheduled chat-group times, incentives to posting, administration involving members in decisions makings of the website -- all boost up moral of the forum and it's member base.

Correct and wrong at the same time. 

I in no way put this up to point fingers at anyone specific. 

There are several things that can be done on members' parts and administration possibly even more so. 

If nothing else, this thread touched on some problems that most likely do impact the activity of this place. 

1. You can't tell when someone is entering chat.  We used to be able to. Is there a way to go back to that? 

2. The family names make some uncomfortable. There is a place for that. Maybe it's not well known or confuses some. 

3. Some don't care if chat is about whatever. Others expect it to pertain to spanking in one way or another. 

4. Interrupting convos (whenever there actually is one). ..I think that'd be less of an issue if we could tell people we're coming in. Then we could greet and welcome them into the discussion. 

5. Why can we not discuss alcohol?  We are all adults are we not? I would assume most of us have a rule pertaining to drinking even. But, we're not allowed to talk about drinking. That seems ludicrous to me.  

Might as well throw drugs into this. I would assume it's meant to be illegal drugs, but it doesn't specify. Regardless, why can't it be discussed? It's legal several states and once again, are we not all adults? 

6. Introduction posts sounding like an ad. Maybe something needs to be included somewhere that the section is not to advertise yourself? It's fine to say you want a spanking or want to give a spanking but not just that.

 

Some great ideas btw Child! 

 

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A lot of this discussion has to do with chat, and I'll toss in my two cents: I couldn't care less about chat. Or to the extent that I do, I think chat can be detrimental to a group. That's not specifically a reference to this site, but to others I've been on in the past. The problem is that chat discussions are evanescent, and viewed only by those that happen to be in chat at the moment. So a great topic may be started, but instead of getting the views of the wider community, only the few present contribute--and the wider community also doesn't get a chance to see what views were presented. And it's easy to lose track of what was said in chat vs. in the forums, so one person thinks "this has all been discussed and made clear before" and another has never heard of it. And it gets very confusing when discussions started in chat move to the forums, or vice versa, or worse yet, when they get intermixed. So you have situations where there's a post responding to something, but it's impossible to see what that something was. As a result, when I ran my own now-defunct DD group (first on MSN Groups, then Yahoo), one of my first decisions was to deliberate *not* include a chat function.

Now obviously, not everybody agrees with me about chat. Heck, perhaps nobody agrees with me. That's fine, and I won't hold anybody's participation in chat against them. But I'd appreciate the same in reverse; lack of participation in chat shouldn't be considered as a black mark either.

Nor do I think one should look at views vs. replies as a meaningful statistic. I would *hope* that views are far, far greater than replies. Most people can read far more quickly than they write, and I hope they try to think through what they're saying before they type. Just composing this post is probably going to take me at least half an hour. I think it's far more useful to participate with a few thought-out posts than simply chiming in everywhere for the sake of chiming in. I read far more threads than I respond to, and that's especially true for Introductions--I take a quick read to see if anything's relevant to me, and it's rare that it is. Personally, I don't see a lot of value in threads that consist of an original post of "Hi, I'm interested in spanking" followed by numerous replies of "Welcome, you've come to the right place." Yes, I'm a curmudgeon, but I also think it makes more sense for both the original posters and responders to say something meaningful, even if it means far fewer posts. So I read many threads, across multiple forums, but respond to only a few, and only when I have significant time to do so.

I do think there could be better site organization or description of what exactly Introductions is supposed to be, and where personal ads are supposed to go if it's not Introductions. My best guess is that ads are supposed to be in "Regional Directory" but that's far from clear, and somewhat counter-intuitive. I think that's a big reason that Introductions is used a lot for ads or ad-like posts. (Not to mention a lot of people throw ad-like posts in any forum that strikes their fancy, even when they clearly don't belong.)

Of course, my views on all of this are colored by my personal circumstances. Although I haven't been active on this site, in some ways I'm one of those "old timers," because I've been around various forms of the spanking community for almost 30 years now. Spanking is still very important to me, but due to personal circumstances, it's unlikely to play any significant part in my real life for the foreseeable future. So I'm not really looking to make friends; I drop in here to be reminded that there are others who care about spanking. And to occasionally pass on my thoughts/experiences/information to those who are newer to the concept. I'd like to think that's a useful contribution, but it doesn't mesh up particularly well with Poison's view of an "interactive" site.

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I don't believe I'm just seeing this. Thank you Poison for being you as always ?.

Well, I'm also guilty of a lot of things you've mentioned. I wish i could be a little more interactive on here than i currently am but real life matters won't let me sometimes. Yes, SN is totally different from what it used to be and it sucks but i'm grateful for the  few friends i have here and my mentor.

I miss hardhanded (HH) alot too because i always had a friend in him.

On my own part i can promise to be a little more welcoming and open to meeting more people because you all are amazing.

I hope we all can do better. ❤️

 

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The no alcohol or drug references rule is due to internet and other laws. And since we can only read typed words, not see expressions or hear tone i try to not take anything wrong. If someone reminds me of a rule I dont assume they're policing the room. I just think oh oops thats right or oh wow I did not know that thank you for letting me know. I've been a member since 09 and a lot has changed. Its a great site with a lot to offer, and its free. I'll gladly abide by a few rules for the benefits I get.

Chat- please say hello if you come in. It can be darn hard to see someone has come in. Say hi. I am in both chat rooms, sometimes its crazy, sometimes dead. They are open chat rooms so I dont feel someone is interrupting if they pop in. My opinion tho. Some may feel different.

 

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Really old timer checking in here. I came to this site at a time in my life when I thought I was going crazy and I managed to find a group of people I could connect with. I felt trapped by both my relationship and my need for spankings in my life  

Things changed a bit in my life and I was able to explore my spanking fetish more fully and I became more of an occasional lurker at the site. Once in a while I come back and log in just to see if my account still works. I joined in 2007 and it’s still working. 

My advice is don’t give up on the site. It will never be everything you want it to be, but it can be better than nothing.  I’ve seen Wars happen on this forum between users and probably missed a few since then. Yet the site is still around. We are united by spanking and little else sometimes.  There are going to be disagreements and the occasional bad actor. 

But spankingneeds has still managed to make it when other sites have come and gone. That says something about our community.  Let’s continue to stick it out for the next new person that comes on the site feeling lonely and isolated by their fetish and needs a supportive group to talk with 

you guys are awesome, continue to share your stories. 

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Some of us just don't do chat. I can't log in very often, and usually not for very long, so I read what's posted and, when interested, respond if I have time... or post a response next time I'm on. But I'd agree there's been a dry spell lately for new topics that I find interesting. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Chat is very up and down. Some times I'm in a more reactive mood and wait to judge the mood of the room or people in it. Some times I just jump in all talkative trying hard to get a discussion going. But I've been turned off many times by Argumentative people and negativity.

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  • 2 months later...

I'm new to this site.  I guess my observation would be that there is such a wide variety of people with different interests and needs that I see posting here.  As for me, my wife and I have been spankos for our entire 25 year marriage, and old monogamous married couples who spank are going to have very different reasons for being on a forum like this than young single people of varying degrees of promiscuity looking for partners.  Then there are those who are interested in participating in spanking groups and gatherings - my wife would refer to as "swingers" - she's a bit old fashioned.  Then there's the sexual and erotic vs. discipline variations, light and playful or heavy handed, and those interested in spanking coupled with light bondage (i.e. gentle passive restraints).  So it's possible to have quite a few participants at any one time with little in common to talk about, except the simple fact that they like the idea of spanking or engage in spanking in some form. 

I will say one thing, though.  I had to fumble my way along with all of this in the dark ages before the internet existed, and I have to say that the internet and the very existence of forums such as this can be a boon to people with these sorts of "special" interests.  Just make sure this forum stays easy to find on Google, and they will all find their way here eventually at some time or other. 

I just realized I started posting on this forum without posting an introduction.  How rude of me.  I must get to that.  

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