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taylor80

Just a thought.

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I've seen a lot of new posts recently from people who say they want to experience a really hard spanking/paddling/caning and so on. I'm making an assumption that a number of these people have never been spanked before. Just a thought - why not start when you do find someone safe to play with a simple over the knee hand spanking and see how it goes. There's honestly nothing shameful with dipping your toes in the water rather than jumping in at the deep end. Then you can go in a bit further as you get more experienced. 

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Thanks taylor for bringing this up...!

I am getting more and more uncomfortable with these blatant, almost desperate, requests for hard or sexual spankings.  I am seeing it in the forums and in chat.  These people should be more than aware that this is still the Internet, and freaks, deviants and even dangerous people are lurking about.  I understand they are in need of something, but they can't be letting their defenses down just because they found a spanking community.    I also don't want this forum to become a magnent for abusers looking for easy pickings. 

How do we get this across to the new folks?  Maybe putting a time limit before they can post ?  Like they have to be a member of the community for X amount of days...?     I don't know what the answer is, but it seems to be more and more prevalent.  

 

 

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It seems to an extent that many of the “hard spanker” request types have never received a spanking and the introduction post is like a coming out of sorts. A lot of us spankees want a good hard spanking. That decoration is sounds to be a fake cry of sorts. Then again, maybe it’s the only words someone can come up with to introduce themselves here.  Is there a way when you sign up to include a few mandatory questions making it easier to gauge if it’s an internet troll verses genuine person looking to join? 

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I’m with AG on some of the posts making me uncomfortable I think it’s people who jump right in without fully understanding. The truth is that despite lurking here for a while I was borderline inappropriate in one of my first posts. No one called me out on it. I was guided by some wonderful SN members in a very kind way. 

The other thing is that many of these posts are posted by what I think of as “don’t blink” members. As in don’t blink because they will be gone fast. I think many of these are looking to get their rocks off and when that doesn’t happen right away they leave for more fertile pastures. 

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I can confirm from my personal experience and rushing into a session that the fantasy and reality of getting a hard physical beating on the buttocks is very different. I wasn't psychologically ready for it back then. I'm not saying I wouldn't enjoy or need that again in the future but I didn't do my preparation. Everyones going to make mistakes in life and I don't want to make out that I'm wiser than anyone else but as I get older I just want to share my stories and if they offer some pointers for people coming into the scene well I'm humbly grateful for that. 

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Couldn't agree more with the cautionary notes. My first spanking left me severely bruised for more than a week, and while it may have been what I wanted at the time, I've come to learn that my physical self has limits I need to have respected. Best advice I've heard, for all reasons, is go slow in meeting for real. Another interesting thought is to agree on a calibration spanking for the first go around...proceed slowly and with increasing intensity...take some breaks and see how it goes...if nothing else it sounds like a lot of fun. 

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Those seeking hard spankings right off the bat may not be able to see that one hard spanking, for which you may be unprepared for physically, mentally or emotionally, may overwhelm you or turn you off to spanking entirely.

While going slow and learning yourself will allow you to explore and ultimately have a more fulfilling experience and a more long-term enjoyment.

How many of us have had a first time that was the manifestation of everything you have dreamt of and hoped for?  (insert sound of crickets  ;)  )

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I'll add I think there's also obviously a danger from the other side. People who are new to spanking other adults and don't understand how to do it safely. Still remember reading an article a few years ago from an English pro domme - "In the wrong untrained hands a cane or paddle can seriously injure or even kill".

 

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Unfortunately I don't think a lot can be done. In my experience, the people who make posts like that, don't stick around for long.

Plenty of people tell them in various ways to calm down, be safe, don't jump right in, watch for red flags, build trust, etc but that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to listen to anyone. 

A member made this post a while back. It's a great thread! Should have been pinned long ago.

https://www.spankingneeds.com/board/index.php?/topic/14464-power-and-control/

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15 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

How do we get this across to the new folks?  Maybe putting a time limit before they can post ?  Like they have to be a member of the community for X amount of days...?  

 

6 hours ago, Poison's said:

Unfortunately I don't think a lot can be done. In my experience, the people who make posts like that, don't stick around for long.

Bingo.

It's a fairly common requirement among many Forums: must be a member for X days before posting, or must have posted X number of times, whatever, there are countless ways to do it.

I think it's not the worst idea and would certainly solve the issue.

Maybe the site admins will put this into effect one day.

 

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Sure you could do that. You also risk losing people. I'd also imagine it causing more work for the admins. I also imagine there are other measures that can be taken. There's only so much a forum can do when people (adults at that) aren't willing to read the safety posts and take the proper precautions. 

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12 hours ago, Poison's said:

Unfortunately I don't think a lot can be done. In my experience, the people who make posts like that, don't stick around for long.

Plenty of people tell them in various ways to calm down, be safe, don't jump right in, watch for red flags, build trust, etc but that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to listen to anyone. 

A member made this post a while back. It's a great thread! Should have been pinned long ago.

https://www.spankingneeds.com/board/index.php?/topic/14464-power-and-control/

I second your idea Poision's. So much good advice in that thread anyone new to this no matter where exactly they may be coming at TTWD need to sit down and take in no matter how much you feel at that moment "This is what I need"

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6 hours ago, Gator said:

 

Bingo.

It's a fairly common requirement among many Forums: must be a member for X days before posting, or must have posted X number of times, whatever, there are countless ways to do it.

I think it's not the worst idea and would certainly solve the issue.

Maybe the site admins will put this into effect one day.

 

A restriction before they can place a request for an 'Er to spank them I'd agree with but a restriction on how many days member before being able to post is likely to require admin time as would my preferred option of the first x number  of posts approved.

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I am going to be contrarian here! I believe in people' s rights to freedom of speech and you can' t assume that people who are new to a forum have never been spanked before. If people want to be spanked hard so be it: all down to individual choice. If you make too many rules and limits people will be driven away into even unsafer environments. If someone comes to you and says they have never been spanked and want something severe then you should explore the opportunities with them and kindly point out the pros and cons. At the end of the day people will find a way to get what they want so wouldn' t it be better to guide them so that they can make an informed decision? There are a lot worse places for people to go and they will be in a lot more danger to potential sadists and abusers who will take advantage of them and their naivety. Let' s be supportive of people and try to guide them rather than try to limit people. Just my personal opinion.....

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7 hours ago, JoKitten said:

A restriction before they can place a request for an 'Er to spank them I'd agree with but a restriction on how many days member before being able to post is likely to require admin time as would my preferred option of the first x number  of posts approved.

A restriction before they can make a post looking for an Er, I can get on board with.  I'm just not sure there's any way to do that without the admins having to babysit every new member.

1 hour ago, Spankbadgirl said:

I am going to be contrarian here! I believe in people' s rights to freedom of speech and you can' t assume that people who are new to a forum have never been spanked before. If people want to be spanked hard so be it: all down to individual choice. If you make too many rules and limits people will be driven away into even unsafer environments. If someone comes to you and says they have never been spanked and want something severe then you should explore the opportunities with them and kindly point out the pros and cons. At the end of the day people will find a way to get what they want so wouldn' t it be better to guide them so that they can make an informed decision? There are a lot worse places for people to go and they will be in a lot more danger to potential sadists and abusers who will take advantage of them and their naivety. Let' s be supportive of people and try to guide them rather than try to limit people. Just my personal opinion.....

I think the concern is more the people who are brand new to spanking and are asking for a serious spanking not realizing there could be potential problems.  But, all and all, I agree with you.

This is the internet and there are risks posting anywhere, not just on a spanking forum.  As adults, we should be responsible enough to take precautions on our own.  It is not our responsibility or the admins responsibility to make sure people read the safety section, ask questions, take their time, etc.  It'd be great if we could protect everyone from entering a possibly bad situation but that's not reality.  We have people that are here to grow, to learn, to share their experiences.  We have various relationships that include various types and degrees of punishment.  We have members that everything is all fun and games and those that are here most likely to get off.  

I'm not trying to be cold hearted here.  As far as I'm aware, nobody signed up on this forum to babysit.

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in reference to my suggestion: most of the Forum softwares that I know of have this sort of feature built in. just kinda like there are regular members and admin. it's just a matter of tweaking the settings.

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On 8/16/2018 at 5:33 AM, Spankbadgirl said:

Let' s be supportive of people and try to guide them rather than try to limit people. Just my personal opinion.....

My concern is also geared towards  keeping this place from becoming a cesspool known for desperate people looking for desperate measures.  We don't want this place to become overwhelmed with creeps looking for such types.  So not only is there a safety concern for the naive noobs, but we need to keep this place tidy and free from riff-raff (abusers, pervos, sociopaths) or the whole glorious community could cease to be.   So there are two sides to the coin.  

I would like to hear what the Admins have to say on this issue.  I don't see the issue with limiting a brand new account until some time has passed.  It's a very common practice in forum communities.  

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This post has been up for nearly a week and an admin has yet to reply.  They are either really busy or do not see a reason for change or just haven't figured something out yet.

Most people that find this site are so excited to find a place they can finally be open about their interests.  Let's say you have to be here for X days before you can make a post.  How is that going to make anyone safer?  Let's say you have to be here for X days before you can request an ER or an EE.  How is that going to make anyone safer?

There are posts and posts about red flags and safety in general.  Nobody can force anyone to read those or even to take the advice given on their Introduction thread.  

And sorry to say but the creeps, abusers, pervs, etc., yeah they're already here!

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At the end of the day if people stay within the guidelines they're free to post as they wish. Perhaps I didn't explain my point clearly ( that is a fault of mine in general I know ) - I really wasn't suggesting the admins take any action here. Just pointing out that going into this in little steps may be beneficial. That's all :)

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On 8/20/2018 at 2:08 PM, taylor80 said:

At the end of the day if people stay within the guidelines they're free to post as they wish. Perhaps I didn't explain my point clearly ( that is a fault of mine in general I know ) - I really wasn't suggesting the admins take any action here. Just pointing out that going into this in little steps may be beneficial. That's all :)

I can't agree more. Between spankees who think they can take anything and others who are just trying to please their partners, there is a wide range of motivations, to which one needs to factor in personal limits.

Even if it meant as discipline, there must be a thill for the spankee, a feeling of being desired that subsides to and is not shattered by the spanking.

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On 8/14/2018 at 11:40 PM, taylor80 said:

I've seen a lot of new posts recently from people who say they want to experience a really hard spanking/paddling/caning and so on. I'm making an assumption that a number of these people have never been spanked before. Just a thought - why not start when you do find someone safe to play with a simple over the knee hand spanking and see how it goes. There's honestly nothing shameful with dipping your toes in the water rather than jumping in at the deep end. Then you can go in a bit further as you get more experienced. 

Exactly! I keep getting PMs from men who want hard punishment spankings. They often claim they're experienced in this area, but I can tell when they aren't. My concern is that they have no idea what they're getting into, and this is a safety issue. Go slow and ease into harder spankings (if that's what you want) at a pace that both your body and mind can handle. If you're not ready for a punishment that severe, and it ends up feeling traumatizing, it will be anything but fulfilling. 

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A long time ago I went to go see a lady for a spanking session and related to her about how I want to experience a real no nonsense good old fashioned spanking. Her reply back to me was "be careful what you wish for". 

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May I just echo what others have said here.

I know that there's a fantasy of getting a severe spanking that many have. But, before you charge out asking for this, look at some of the old Ed Lee videos and see what his women do to each other. Even the more mainstream (if you can call them that) videos like Real sSankings have canings and serious paddling where the skin gets abraded if not broken.

This is what many people mean by a punishment spanking. You really have to be ready for it..

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If we’re honest with ourselves...

... unless we’re getting to know a person, and what their needs and desires regarding discipline/spanking are, and where the come from— then we’re really just talking in code.

Over the years I’ve chatted with people on line who either asked for what amounted to brutality— or offered it. Yes, some people play hard, and some people want and need that, but it’s not even about severity. You can tell because the language is all about pain. Nothing about the social or psychological aspects of discipline. They are talking around those aspects. It’s really about release, guilt, control, submission/dominance, atonement. If people can’t talk about those things directly, I want nothing to do with them.

The spanker part of this switch finds severity for the sake of severity actually pretty boring. We’re not getting at the interesting bits by just playing with pain. That’s the release, vulnerability, atonement, accountability, all that. And if we’re starting at 8-10, where do you go? Are we just addicted to endorphins?

As a spankee, I’ve jumped into the deep end too soon. It’s very different than building up to it. Especially since every spanker is calibrated differently. It’s like asking for food “hot” at a Thai or Indian place. It might take you out. Get medium, then get hot. I suspect a lot of spanking friendships are cut short by people insisting on severe, hard. It did for me.

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