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Asexual / do not have sexual needs?


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i am asexual -- I do not have sexual needs. My partner is not asexual, and he has sexual needs. I use D/s to sorta help mentally get myself through sexual acts (i.e telling myself "I'm pleasing my Sir").  Does anyone else have NO SEX DRIVE, but only partake, in that aspect, to please their partner? Is it a rule for you?

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I know we've discussed this on the phone, but I thought I'd go ahead a reply here anyways.

You know that I'm not asexual but at the same time, I don't exactly have that sexual drive anymore.  Maybe it's the age or all the meds.  Either way, it just seems to not exist!  So yes, sometimes I will please him sexually simply because he wants it.  Heck sometimes you'd think he'd die without it lol.  We don't have a rule on it though.  We did for about a week and honestly it wasn't a problem either.  He didn't take advantage of it or anything.  We didn't continue merely because I want to do sexual acts because I want to, not because I'm going to be punished if I choose not to.  

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  • 1 month later...
On 8/10/2018 at 9:55 AM, Poison's said:

I know we've discussed this on the phone, but I thought I'd go ahead a reply here anyways.

You know that I'm not asexual but at the same time, I don't exactly have that sexual drive anymore.  Maybe it's the age or all the meds.  Either way, it just seems to not exist!  So yes, sometimes I will please him sexually simply because he wants it.  Heck sometimes you'd think he'd die without it lol.  We don't have a rule on it though.  We did for about a week and honestly it wasn't a problem either.  He didn't take advantage of it or anything.  We didn't continue merely because I want to do sexual acts because I want to, not because I'm going to be punished if I choose not to.  

P, I hope age isn't it at 34!! :wacko: But certainly, meds can be a big damper.

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2 hours ago, humility said:

P, I hope age isn't it at 34!! :wacko: But certainly, meds can be a big damper.

I completely agree, especially since I'm older than 34 now lol. Quite a few of my meds have a side effect of low sex drive. I've been all checked out so unless the change does it... Nooooo lol I haven't hit that quite yet. 

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I’m very sexual and definitely have strong desires, more than most women. However, there are things we’ve done that I don’t like and I did them to please him. Actually he had learned that one thing I really do not like at all would very commonly be the door to subspace for me. He was very good at putting me there and I really love being there. 

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9 hours ago, Guiltygirl said:

... one thing I really do not like at all would very commonly be the door to subspace for me. He was very good at putting me there and I really love being there. 

That sounds like a bit of a dilemma. I understand how submitting to some unpleasant things, at the requirement of the dominant partner, would bring on subspace--is that enough to sort of make it a love-hate relationship with this one thing? Or are there doors you very much prefer and wouldn't use this one at all if you had your druthers?

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On 9/13/2018 at 8:40 PM, humility said:

That sounds like a bit of a dilemma. I understand how submitting to some unpleasant things, at the requirement of the dominant partner, would bring on subspace--is that enough to sort of make it a love-hate relationship with this one thing? Or are there doors you very much prefer and wouldn't use this one at all if you had your druthers?

There are other avenues that I would prefer! But sadly I sometimes crave that he does do it so that I instantly go in to subspace. I have an “addiction” to that feeling and therefore it is a love-hate relationship. He has become very good at getting me right to the point of subspace before he does go there and therefore I’m able to “fly” right at the start. 

I’d much rather be taken there by being spanked! ?

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On 9/12/2018 at 6:45 PM, Wifey said:

When I turned 50 a friend gave me a gift, a book called Sex After 50. Every page was blank. I swore that wouldn’t be me. After years of not really caring one way or the other (tired, busy) I got my mojo back! 

Well if that's not quite the book lol!  I'm glad you got your mojo back.  I'm hoping I can figure out what's going on with mine!

 

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I'm definitely not asexual, so I can't help there. 

I am one of those with a very high sex drive. I love sex!! Nothing has ever hampered my sex life...not the meds I take...not my age (48)...not even Menopause.  I'm highly sexual and very multi orgasmic. I also tend to prefer things on the non-vanilla side.

We have no rules regarding sex except that I am not allowed to say "No" to having sex and I'm not allowed to say 'No" to any sexual acts. That's the consensual non-consent.

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  • 1 year later...

Another ancient but worthy thread, but what's cool about SN, is ppl don't seem to mind resurrecting these things from the dead. Well, why not. A thread isn't necessarily better because it got 50 replies within two days.

I have not had sex for a long time, and don't miss it. Thinking back to sex, it was always forgettable and regrettable, getting involved with somebody just for the body never worked out. For me the better solution was just taking care of business myself. Technology has come a long way, and porn really suffices these days, or just visualization alone without any tech also works, though porn's the easy way. People look down on porn, but people are hypocrites too. The cool thing is not waking up with someone you really don't like and not feeling guilty about things and not worrying whether you got some disease. Clean, safe and no one really needs to know either, except in our wonderful forum where we divulge all.

The definition of asexual is more austere, but I don't know that it is really possible for a mature and healthy male to abstain totally without experiencing night emissions. Build-up occurs, and depression is the inevitable result of abstinence, in the male. Nature says to men, if you don't play the game, you just won't be the same. The way to trick Nature is pretend to play the game and let the body feel like it is doing what it needs to do. Then the body is happy, and you can go about your business. No need to get involved with low spirits inhabiting desirable bodies.

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You know its funny, when I was younger and still hiding this side of myself sex was all I craved. Now that I'm older and more open about this side - my sex drive is non-existent. 

I wouldn't go so far to say that I'm Asexual but I'm not out there looking for hookups anymore. Interesting how things change the more open we are with ourselves. 

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I am not asexual. But when i think about my self as a spanker for a female or be spanked by a female i see it as possible to do it 2 ways with and without sex getting to be part of experience.

In my judgment it is possible for a spanking to be without sexual component if i can get in to mindset of finding spanking female/be spanked by female rewording enough by it self(I have no problem starting and maintaining that mindset in me).

I'm writing about it from perspective of a male that is not to punishment and discipline spankings that are done for real transgression/s.

I do am in to funishment.

 

 

 

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I could probably write volumes about asexuality, but will try to keep it down to several paragraphs.  Please, if anyone wishes to carry on a conversation about asexuality via private messaging, feel free to contact me. I notice over the past couple of decades it has become more common particularly in young women in their late teens and 20's to declare themselves to be asexual, possibly because it is now much more socially acceptable to be open about such things. 

Over the years I have known several women who were asexual,  and engaged in lengthy conversation with them as well as doing research about the psychology behind asexuality. There are basically two types of asexual people. Those who were born with the genetically programmed predisposition to have no sexual feelings or to get no pleasure from sexual activity, and there are also those who might be capable of sexual feeling and pleasure, but for their own reasons choose not to participate. I'll describe two of the women I've known in a bit more detail as they are good examples. 

One that I knew for many years confided in me that she made the choice when she was in her teens, after considerable time spent in deep thought about what she wanted in life. She had grown up in a large family with 9 kids and never a moment's peace or quiet. She decided that she wasn't suited to being a parent but chose a field that would involve her daily in interaction with young people, which she could then walk away from and spend her time alone. She never dated, and obviously never had sex. She told me that part of the reason she chose to be asexual was that she didn't feel that she would have liked or enjoyed sex, even though she never tried it. She said she had zero romantic or physical attraction to either gender, and that was fine with her. Both her personal physician and a psychologist she talked to while in college assured her that if she felt that was how she wanted to live, there was nothing wrong with it, and not all of us are suited to be married or have long term romantic relationships. She did exceptionally well in her career and seemed happy and fulfilled being single and asexual. So I would describe this woman, who was a wonderful person, as making the choice to be asexual because it suited her and seemed the most appropriate and convenient way to achieve her desired lifestyle.  While she certainly could have dated, had sex, and entered into romantic relationships, and might have found that she liked all those things upon trying, she simply chose not to. 

The second example of an asexual woman I will describe is my wife, we have been together for 35 years. When we first started dating she made it clear to me that she had little interest in sex and was definitely not having any sexual activity before marriage. She told me that while growing up she had zero interest in sex and was never even curious about it. She also never dated until she was in her early 30's. She explained to me that her thoughts on sex were that it was appropriate within a marriage relationship sometimes but that it wouldn't be a regular thing for her. She knew absolutely nothing about sex and was not even aware that it was possible to masturbate, due to having been raised by a strict grandmother whose only reference to sex was that it was inappropriate for a teenager or an older girl outside of marriage, and for those reasons girls didn't need to know about sex, and that their future husbands would properly train them how to pleasure the husband after the wedding. We did explore her sexuality after we were married, and had sex occasionally, as she explained to me that she was willing to allow sex once in a while since married women do usually have sex with their partners. She quickly learned that she didn't like sex very much, specifically she has never liked the feel of anything up inside her and prefers not to do that. She does enjoy the pleasure of orgasm occasionally though, and will masturbate no more than two or three times a year, after being shown how that works, but it's not high on her list of things she likes to do, and I always tell her to make it her special time and for that reason I choose not to be involved when she is masturbating. Unfortunately due to the health issues many males experience when older and my being medically intolerant of the normal meds used to treat that situation, we haven't been able to have intercourse for many years which is fine with her. We do express love and affection in other ways such as showering together and cuddling. She declared herself to be asexual quite some time back, upon learning that she didn't enjoy sexual activity, and both of us are OK with that definition. She does have a minor romantic attraction towards other women, has never acted upon that, and says even if she did have a romantic relationship with a woman it would probably not include any sex. So her asexuality is based upon actual learning experiences that sex doesn't do anything for her. 

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  • 8 months later...

I'm not exactly asexual but more demi-sexual. I don't want sex with people without an emotional connection and it has nothing to do with the person being attractive or not but more how their character is and how they treat me, mental and emotional intimacy brings out my sexual side and it's weird when I do feel that sexual side because it's not my normal and it's like I'm always turned on then lol the first time it happened was last year and it weirded me out. I was like: "what is this? Second puberty?" I felt like I was in heat 😂 just on all the time. It's either on or off for me I guess lol but before my only experience was married and sex was forced, a lot of abuse there, no emotional intimacy and I thought sex was just bad for women and you do it to please your partner and while I would because I wanted to be a good wife, most of the time I had no choice. After leaving that marriage I thought I'd never want sex, it's not like I never had fantasies or things like that but it was different than most people I knew. I'd be out with my friend and we would see an attractive man running without a shirt. She would all but drool and start feeling turned on and I'd just simply say "yeah, he's cute". It's not exactly asexual but I can relate to wanting your partner to he happy but occasionally I am just on lol and it's not related to someone's attractiveness even though that's nice to look at.

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  • 5 months later...

I just don't feel any kind of a need to have a sexual relationship or feeling even though I am emotional and do have empathy to be people enjoying their company with sex coming into my head as it were. I just it was me but obviously not. 

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On 9/16/2018 at 11:58 PM, shygurl said:

I'm definitely not asexual, so I can't help there. 

I am one of those with a very high sex drive. I love sex!! Nothing has ever hampered my sex life...not the meds I take...not my age (48)...not even Menopause.  I'm highly sexual and very multi orgasmic. I also tend to prefer things on the non-vanilla side.

We have no rules regarding sex except that I am not allowed to say "No" to having sex and I'm not allowed to say 'No" to any sexual acts. That's the consensual non-consent.

I think I am more like shy on this...I love sex and will serve  Husband anyway he desires...he calls the shots.  Sex is not a punishment thing at all for us..but he is often forcefull and it is usually done in such a way that does reenforce my submissive orientation to servevand please him...but it also gives me sexual pleasure....lots of orgasms!....He often restrains me....in various ways....and remains insatiable...taking me,often....sometimes several,timesbin the same day.  I honestly think the man has made me a nymphomaniac. If I just see him take his shirt off...or sometimes just hear his voice...I get wet.  I fear one day his drivemmight diminish one day...but no signs now.  I am very aware that my drive might diminish one day too....but I hope if that happens I will still please him on demand as I do now.  I have loved sex ever since I was 15....but even if it no longer gives me personal pleasure one day, I hope I will,still,give Husband great pleasure.  My greatest fear nowbis one day he may no longer want to take me like he does now,

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i don’t know if i meet the definition of asexual, being profoundly impotent and unable to get erect or orgasm in any way. my Husband has a high sex drive and i am grateful to fulfill His needs as desired.

i do feel sexual arousal from that activity. So, i’m in a constant state of arousal but without an outlet for relief. That keeps me eager to serve Him.

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On 3/12/2021 at 8:31 AM, TimidMouse said:

I'm not exactly asexual but more demi-sexual. I don't want sex with people without an emotional connection and it has nothing to do with the person being attractive or not but more how their character is and how they treat me, mental and emotional intimacy brings out my sexual side and it's weird when I do feel that sexual side because it's not my normal and it's like I'm always turned on then lol the first time it happened was last year and it weirded me out. I was like: "what is this? Second puberty?" I felt like I was in heat 😂 just on all the time.

I'm pretty much that way, but I don't consider myself demisexual and certainly not asexual. I identify as sexual. It's just that my desire for sex has some serious boundaries.

In the absence of the level of emotional intimacy that I need in order to want to have sex, I'm still capable of sexual feelings, and I can find people attractive, it just doesn't extend as far as seriously wanting to sleep with them. I need the emotional intimacy piece for it to get that far.

But then, I'm also attracted to spanking, the act of spanking, and while my only actual experience of it has been in the context of a sexual relationship - so, with someone I was definitely sexually attracted to, and beyond that, sexually active with - I think I could also enjoy it with someone I had a platonic relationship with, who didn't necessarily check every box that brings out sexual attraction in me. I expect it would be a close relationship, and maybe profoundly intimate in its own way, but it wouldn't be a sexual one. So, does that perhaps mean I can be a kind of sort of asexual spanko as well?

At the very least, I think that means that if I were otherwise asexual, I'd still be turned on by spanking. 

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On 8/20/2021 at 2:47 PM, Bramblewine said:

At the very least, I think that means that if I were otherwise asexual, I'd still be turned on by spanking. 

It sounds like in your case spanking and sex are two entirely separate realms of activity.   Or you are able to compartmentalize quite well.   It seems like for others spanking and sex are very much intertwined, interconnected, or inseparable from each other.   I could see if it's strictly a discipline spanking how some people might want to keep the two things separate.    

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9 hours ago, AfterGeometry said:

It sounds like in your case spanking and sex are two entirely separate realms of activity.   Or you are able to compartmentalize quite well.   It seems like for others spanking and sex are very much intertwined, interconnected, or inseparable from each other.   I could see if it's strictly a discipline spanking how some people might want to keep the two things separate.    

Actually, they're not. Or maybe I should say not necessarily.

My only actual experience of spanking did go along with sex. We did it as foreplay. It was more intense than the light swat spankos tend to think sex-oriented folks think erotic spanking is, but it was still foreplay. Or, really, for me, a double feature.

Sex after a spanking is WAY more sexy to me. I can also enjoy it without spanking, but adding spanking really revs it up.

But I think if I didn't have "normal" sexual desires, I would probably still be a spanko. In that case, they would be entirely compartmentalized.

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