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Are you a Submissive?


Child of Light

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Well, I think that I am submissive because I do everything that my er asks for. I dont mind having my hait pulled back when he spanks and whips me. HE is always touching my body whenever he spanks or whips me. I even have him tie me up in the air in his dungeon so that he could freely spank and, whip my butt with both of his hands.

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This type of question often tickles me because it can start quite a debate. Not everyone understands what a submissive truly is. Many tend to see us as a doormat, a quiet little mouse with no backbone

But of course!  I would never expect anything less from you!  lol Personally, I hate the way most online sources define submission whether the person be male or female.  Submission doesn't look

I’ve been slowly showing my “vanilla” partner that he has a desire to be a Dom

Submissive, no. I'm in control all the time, and make all the decisions in our relationship.  When my husband spanks me, I get a few minutes off.  It's a nice respite.

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i

2 hours ago, ax013 said:

Submissive, no. I'm in control all the time, and make all the decisions in our relationship.  When my husband spanks me, I get a few minutes off.  It's a nice respite.

Interesting dynamic. Have you ever spanked your husband or considered it?

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3 hours ago, countspankulot said:

i

Interesting dynamic. Have you ever spanked your husband or considered it?

Fortunately, I have zero interest in topping, and he has -zero interest in being spanked.  He is vanilla, and is only accommodating me because I love being spanked, and spanked hard. He is getting better at it (and has said he even enjoyed it a little) but if we called it off tomorrow it would not be missed.  He likes what it does for me, and that's enough for him to make the effort.  He's a good sport!

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For most of my life I would have thought myself a Dominant.  I have been very adventuresome sexually, MMF, FFM, couples, male stripper, married women, and I loved everything.  As my second marriage was going badly I met a woman who was different than all others.  Very successful, opinionated, strong willed, self-centered.  I was surprised how attracted I was.  I left my then wife and kids and went into business with this new, interesting woman.  We did very well together but argued like crazy.  One day, somehow, the argument turned into me getting spanked.  Over the years our arguments tapered off as the spanking increased.  Our lives kept changing until I no longer work with her but stayed at home as a househusband.  She is very particular about the sort of work I do around the house.  She has said, "I could never do what you do."  Meaning she could never be as submissive as I've become.  It's been over twenty years since I met her but I'm as hot for her as that first day.  So I don't know if I'm submissive or just really dig the role I'm in now.

P.S. By the way I am very close to my two children..

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Always glad to hear of a relationship that is strong enough to last over 20 years! Congrats! I would not worry about labels! Some folks put way too much in trying to define roles. For all I know you may be submissive in accepting to be disciplined, and yet in other ways in your life most could consider you to have a dominant personality! There is a little of both in most people. 

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  • 1 year later...
  • 2 weeks later...

For me, it took some time to understand and connect my desire to be spanked with my desire to submit on other levels.  Although I’m not in a D/s relationship with my wife, I do enjoy pleasing her in sexual and non-sexual ways.  

Submission eventually evolved for me to center on domestic service that includes discipline.  I expected that there would be more dominants that would appreciate the experience of having domestic help whom they could use in this way.  But, I’ve found only a few over the years where the right synergies existed.  

So, yes. For me, receiving a spanking is an act of submission. But the submissive component is not isolated to just spanking.

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  • 9 months later...

I like to give and receive discipline but like receiving it much more. 

As far as "submissive" goes, I become compliant and want to suffer at her hands and under her control during a session but don't have that role outside of our sessions.

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No interest in taking a submissive role outside of a relationship with a lot of spanking, but once physical discipline is introduced, something changes. I haven't been in one (yet) but there's something about the combination of calm and friendly and bossy that does a job on me. And those character traits in the context of someone wanting to provide a lot of firm guidance for the sake of my own welfare and the welfare of the relationship will be pretty effective in making me submissive. The heavier end of the spectrum, e.g. financial domination, her control of all my time, not handling big decisions (like where to live) as equals, cuckoldry, imposing fetishes, etc. is not only unacceptable, I question how healthy some of that is even for those attracted to it. After all, attraction alone doesn't make it healthy. But on a daily life level (chores, attitude, etc.) she could get to a place where it's her call to make.

There's a lot of ways to bungle the recipe though. The first that comes to mind is selfishness, which I see in some writing about and even from some dominant women. It's a non-starter. There's a big difference between wanting to lead and believing that your leadership will result in your subordinate flourishing vs. wanting things your way and being indifferent to your subordinate's well-being.

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Probably not by most people's standards. To a certain type of person yes. Very. I'll cry by being talked to. Yelling or commands don't really work. Heavy condecendance and a certain look I guess. I end up agreeing to everything. I can be grabbed by surprise but it doesn't end there. 

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I am never sure I can be submissive when being spanked must be I suppose otherwise would not want to be spanked? But like to disipline others? Out of interest is there test or quiz I could do to find out  re personality ect interested that’s all

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I have been obsessed with spankings to an extent that it actually started to interfere with my day to day life. But I think I have found a balance now anyway. I *love* to view myself as a submissve, fantasize myself being submissive to my dominant, but I will never know if I am a submissive until I submit to a woman for real. I know that fantasy and reality are two entirely different things, so even though I love the idea of being submissive to a dominant woman, I cannot say for sure until I have had a chance to experience it for myself.

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  • 1 month later...

I am just ridiculously submissive.  I can be put in a submissive space so easily that I really have to watch out for it.  It’s a little like falling in love, but not necessarily with a sexual component.  When I want to submit to someone, I want to be around them, I want to serve them, I want to just sit there and adore them.  I will want to do just about anything they tell me to do.  I’ve been like this as long as I can remember.  
 

You can imagine how dangerous it can be for a child or teenager to be like this, especially if they don’t understand their feelings or perhaps aren’t even totally aware of them.  I could have been in real trouble when I got a “submissive crush” on one of my high school teachers.  This was in a time and place where it was acceptable for teachers to hug students and even do things with them outside of school.  The sky would fall if a teacher did anything like that now.  Anyway, if he was even aware that I was trotting after him like a puppy dog (probably was) he conducted himself excellently.  Never touched me in a weird way, always had a group of kids around when we did things together.  I didn’t particularly long to be alone with him, because it wasn’t that kind of crush, but I was so young and confused I probably could have been convinced I did.  
 

For context—I am transgender and was expected to live as a girl at the time.  I was not good at it.  I wasn’t very good at “boy” either.  If I were in high school now, I might receive some level of acceptance as an “enby” (nb for “non-binary,” neither boy nor girl), but at the time most people probably looked at me and assumed I had something very wrong going on.  (They weren’t wrong, really.). Anyway—I certainly had female body parts, and there were lots of older men who looked at my boobs and my weirdness and figured they’d found tasty wounded prey.  (They had not.  I was crazy all right, but not like they thought.). The teacher I worshipped never, ever looked at me like I was a thing he wanted to devour, thank God.  He was and is a very decent man.

The first time I almost got taken advantage of I was in my 20’s, still desperately trying to live like I thought women probably lived, and still not good at it.  I still had boobs though, and I was still a ****ing creep magnet.  Usually I could spot the creeps and avoid them, but I failed to identify the senior sensei at a dojo I was training at.  I wanted to submit to him soo desperately.  I didn’t want him sexually, didn’t want a romance with him, I just wanted to show him extreme deference in the prescribed traditional Japanese manner and do anything he told me to do.  Yeah, that didn’t end well.  
 

He took to touching me and going places with me, but not in an innocent manner.  It never occurred to me he was in seduction mode, because I assumed he was an honorable man and he had a wife and young child in Japan.  His wife was there to be close to her family while she died of cancer, by the way.  
 

I finally figured out he wanted sex from me while I was alone with him in his house.  Thank God that shattered the submissive spell.  Apparently philandering ****heads do not look like Daddy Doms to me.  If he had chosen to force himself on me, there would have been absolutely nothing I could have done.  He was like a 100th degree black belt in about 8 things.  He did not physically hurt me, but he continued to harass me.  I spoke to his second-in-command sensei and she basically told me I was imagining it.  So I left the dojo, which really sucked, because training-wise it was excellent.

Why did I write all that?  Because I am bored.  My God I’m bored.  I never leave the house anymore.  But anyway, instinctive submissiveness is a real thing, and I wish it were considered acceptable to educate kids about it.  Some of these poor children are the “natural victims” predators look for and groom until they think it’s safe to abuse them.  They are not really “natural born victims.”   That makes them sound like they’re defective candies that scavengers can snatch out of the trash and gobble up.  The way these kids are wired does make them vulnerable, though.

If people understood this was a problem, they could better protect kids with submissive tendencies while they’re too young to consent.  Caregivers could then lay out the various options that are available to young adults who lean toward submissiveness.  Some may never explore that side of themselves.  Some may like a little power exchange in the bedroom, but nothing more.  Others may seek out a sane, loving Dom/me with whom they will have a long-term D/s relationship of some kind.  

But all of that is “deviant” and kids shouldn’t know about it.  Kind of like cars shouldn’t have seat belts because we don’t want to think about our kids getting into wrecks.  Or whatever.  
 

Why are some people submissive?  Shouldn’t we like, try to cure that or something?  Don’t care, and no.  It is, in fact, possible to both protect children and let adults live their lives.   It will involve having conversations with kids that make some people uncomfortable, however.  Not going to happen in a world where some folks think certain others’ mere existence violates their rights somehow, but there it is.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk that literally no one asked for, and which I wrote because there’s a pandemic on and I am so bored and I can’t see my Dom and I am getting so ****ing sick of it.

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On 2/16/2018 at 9:26 AM, Child of Light said:

I know that not every ee’ is a submissive and that’s a different role. 

This Thread is for Submissive ee’s.

I went from just wanting discipline to DD, to now I want more of the lines of Submissive and serving (but *not* in a slave way). 

Anyway else desires evolved to this (esp if you thought you’d never want that level). 

 

"I am a  spanked spanked wife.

 

 

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On 4/3/2018 at 1:13 PM, ax013 said:

Submissive, no. I'm in control all the time, and make all the decisions in our relationship.  When my husband spanks me, I get a few minutes off.  It's a nice respite.

I fully agree with the "few minutes off" statement. My girlfriend and I were equals in decisions in our relationship, and at work I run the place so I make decisions all day. It's really nice to be able to turn it off for a few minutes and give all control to someone else. I don't consider myself submissive but rather, I'm appreciative of her taking complete control for those few minutes.

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I definitely am a submissive as well, not a slave though. For me it also started with interest in discipline/spanking only, then I grew into that more and found out I really love the DD (domestic discipline) life style, in which the ee is of course also submissive. Not like a robot with no mind of her own though... But submitting to rules etc. you both agree on before the relationship starts.

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  • 2 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

For me I’ve found my desire and level of submission depends on my relationship with my Dom. I’m naturally submissive and prefer to be so, but have also always had certain limits. I wanted to keep certain things to my own independence. However with the relationship my Master/Dom and I have built, I have no limits. I am completely submissive to him, his needs, desires, and expectations. I want him to have 100% control of anything he wants. This is an evolution that I never expected, but love that I have found. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On Saturday, May 09, 2020 at 11:25 PM, geeky_child said:

I am just ridiculously submissive.  I can be put in a submissive space so easily that I really have to watch out for it.  It’s a little like falling in love, but not necessarily with a sexual component.  When I want to submit to someone, I want to be around them, I want to serve them, I want to just sit there and adore them.  I will want to do just about anything they tell me to do.  I’ve been like this as long as I can remember.  
 

You can imagine how dangerous it can be for a child or teenager to be like this, especially if they don’t understand their feelings or perhaps aren’t even totally aware of them.  I could have been in real trouble when I got a “submissive crush” on one of my high school teachers.  This was in a time and place where it was acceptable for teachers to hug students and even do things with them outside of school.  The sky would fall if a teacher did anything like that now.  Anyway, if he was even aware that I was trotting after him like a puppy dog (probably was) he conducted himself excellently.  Never touched me in a weird way, always had a group of kids around when we did things together.  I didn’t particularly long to be alone with him, because it wasn’t that kind of crush, but I was so young and confused I probably could have been convinced I did.  
 

For context—I am transgender and was expected to live as a girl at the time.  I was not good at it.  I wasn’t very good at “boy” either.  If I were in high school now, I might receive some level of acceptance as an “enby” (nb for “non-binary,” neither boy nor girl), but at the time most people probably looked at me and assumed I had something very wrong going on.  (They weren’t wrong, really.). Anyway—I certainly had female body parts, and there were lots of older men who looked at my boobs and my weirdness and figured they’d found tasty wounded prey.  (They had not.  I was crazy all right, but not like they thought.). The teacher I worshipped never, ever looked at me like I was a thing he wanted to devour, thank God.  He was and is a very decent man.

The first time I almost got taken advantage of I was in my 20’s, still desperately trying to live like I thought women probably lived, and still not good at it.  I still had boobs though, and I was still a ****ing creep magnet.  Usually I could spot the creeps and avoid them, but I failed to identify the senior sensei at a dojo I was training at.  I wanted to submit to him soo desperately.  I didn’t want him sexually, didn’t want a romance with him, I just wanted to show him extreme deference in the prescribed traditional Japanese manner and do anything he told me to do.  Yeah, that didn’t end well.  
 

He took to touching me and going places with me, but not in an innocent manner.  It never occurred to me he was in seduction mode, because I assumed he was an honorable man and he had a wife and young child in Japan.  His wife was there to be close to her family while she died of cancer, by the way.  
 

I finally figured out he wanted sex from me while I was alone with him in his house.  Thank God that shattered the submissive spell.  Apparently philandering ****heads do not look like Daddy Doms to me.  If he had chosen to force himself on me, there would have been absolutely nothing I could have done.  He was like a 100th degree black belt in about 8 things.  He did not physically hurt me, but he continued to harass me.  I spoke to his second-in-command sensei and she basically told me I was imagining it.  So I left the dojo, which really sucked, because training-wise it was excellent.

Why did I write all that?  Because I am bored.  My God I’m bored.  I never leave the house anymore.  But anyway, instinctive submissiveness is a real thing, and I wish it were considered acceptable to educate kids about it.  Some of these poor children are the “natural victims” predators look for and groom until they think it’s safe to abuse them.  They are not really “natural born victims.”   That makes them sound like they’re defective candies that scavengers can snatch out of the trash and gobble up.  The way these kids are wired does make them vulnerable, though.

If people understood this was a problem, they could better protect kids with submissive tendencies while they’re too young to consent.  Caregivers could then lay out the various options that are available to young adults who lean toward submissiveness.  Some may never explore that side of themselves.  Some may like a little power exchange in the bedroom, but nothing more.  Others may seek out a sane, loving Dom/me with whom they will have a long-term D/s relationship of some kind.  

But all of that is “deviant” and kids shouldn’t know about it.  Kind of like cars shouldn’t have seat belts because we don’t want to think about our kids getting into wrecks.  Or whatever.  
 

Why are some people submissive?  Shouldn’t we like, try to cure that or something?  Don’t care, and no.  It is, in fact, possible to both protect children and let adults live their lives.   It will involve having conversations with kids that make some people uncomfortable, however.  Not going to happen in a world where some folks think certain others’ mere existence violates their rights somehow, but there it is.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk that literally no one asked for, and which I wrote because there’s a pandemic on and I am so bored and I can’t see my Dom and I am getting so ****ing sick of it.

That is such a powerful insite. 

Being submissive is a necessity for some but it is no excuse or reason for abuse.  Thank you for thoughts. 

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Ah that's a really interesting take on dom/sub reality...yes there are predetory types out there always will be.. some are excellent at hiding that trait but it emerges eventually that's why caution is uppermost when starting out with someone.

I know a person who turned out to be bipolar and the good side was saintly OMG the bad side was freddy krueger on steroids so yes be very careful with meets let people know where your going if you can or if your starting out meet a pro dom it might cost you but it's their livelihood so their not going to scare you off!....and don't meet people who play without safe words 😉

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I'm exploring my submissiveness with my therapist at the moment. It's an important part of me but something I've denied for many years. I think some of my childhood/adolescent experiences of being bullied have made me wary of looking and being vulnerable especially as a male. I had some experience in the 2000s of serving a Mistress which was very liberating for me. There was some crossover with my spanko side but quite often all she would need to do is just softly give me a command and I'd obey. It felt liberating. 

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